witsend

Oh Surrey just read your post and what your son said brought a tear to my eye. I wish him the best of luck at his school .I hope it works out for both of you. Just today my son told me how lonely he feels at school and how his "friends" don't let him play with them because he is too bossy! How wonderful that your son has found a place where he feels he can 'fit in'. Best of luck to you both - Luv Witsend.

They all sound pretty familiar to me, have to add: "well my kids do that ", "he's probably just a late developer", "but he's such a lovely little boy", "but he seems so intelligent", "but he's got a fantastic imagination" and "your over protective of him" oh and "you worry too much" Wonderful to read all the other posts nice to know yor not alone!

Hi thanks for the replies - elainem - grammer school not fee paying but despite son being v bright this is not apparent in SATS etc due to his difficulties (dyslexia/dyspraxia - handwriting illegible) also I don't think he would cope with the academic pressure and none of his teachers have ever forwarded it as a possibility. Re the church school it's a funny one! The school he is at presently is church school and actually a feeder school for the secondary church school (C/E) and he is baptised I did take him to church when he was younger but his behaviour was so bad I stopped going - again thay are very academic and I'm unsure how well he'd cope. Lots of kids from his class will be going there but again don't know if this is a good thing or not even the ones he conts as 'freinds' are pretty fairwether and think he's weird so I was thinking it may be better for him to make a fresh start anyway. But is is interesting what you and Suze have said about this, this school is massively oversubscribed to so I thought we had no chance really, how would having a statement help him get in? Elanor the rural school have already had there open evening and I missed it but am sure they would let me look round in Sept, the other school will be having open eve in Sept anyway, i am not really sure now what I should be looking for or what questions I should be asking - don't think I'm very good at gut reactions as I chose his present school in part due to that method and have at times regretted it.Just feel like emigrating - all education folk keep telling me what an important descision it is but I have to make it! I'm so scared of getting it wrong for him Luv Witsend.

I love hearing good news. Well done to Auriel and to you.

Hi - as lots of you know my son was dx with AS recently amongst others one of my most pressing worries now is choosing the right secondary school for him ( he will go next year). There is a grammar school where I live (not appropriate) and a very good (academically) church school (he won't get in 'cos we don't go to church). So that has left me with only 2 options the first is the local secondary school which used have a poor reputation but over recent years has apparently improved greatly and is locally regarded as a 'good school'. I read the OFSTED report and it seemed pretty good on the SEN front and I had pretty much concluded this would be best place for son. However there is another rural school about 15 miles away which is much smaller and has a high ratio of SEN kids (5o%). The educational professionals are not allowed to recommend a school as such but they have hinted at the rural school being best (I think). The OFSTED for this school is v. good re SEN but poorer re things like wider curriculum, also if son went to this school it would mean long bus journeys and I worry that would be stressfull for him (not to mention the cost which would be quite a lot too I think). I have a freind (I don't see her very often though) who is a teacher at the rural school and I remember her saying years ago most of the kids in the class couldn't get on with learning 'cos of the severly disruptive behaviour of a few of the other kids. I know of a couple of people whose kids have SEN aho attend the local school and they are v positive about it. My head is now in a real spin about it all. I rang local school a while back to ask for a look round etc but was told can't so this 'til Sept, I didn't ring the rural school and am now panicking I've left it too late 'cos I beleive I have to make the choice very early on in Sept. I know if I don't put local school down as first choice then he won't get in, but freind told me son would still get in to rural school if it wasn't put down as first choice 'cos there are always places available. My son isn't keen to go to either school, says he will be bullied at local school (some older kids he knows of go there) and has decided he wants to go to grammar Nearly all the kids on his current school will be going to the church school so keeping him with kids he knows isn't really an option, but that may be no bad thing, he could prob do with a 'new start'. Sorry if this has turmed out to be a bit of a ramble, like I said my heads spinning with it all at the mo. Any advice anyone can give would be appreciated - thanks Witsend.

Hi Surry- I'm really pleased you found a school that feels so right for your child. It must be a great relief knowing you've found the right place. I was sat here composing a post back with more details about the schools dilemma, but have decided to start a new post re this - so if you have any more advice please look out for it cheers. Luv Witsend. PS does your child not mind being away from home during the week? I have to admit residential school has never crossed my mind.

I realised only a couple of weeks ago that we're supposed to log out! Doh! Prior to that I was nicely logged in 24/7 since I joined the forum back in April. Had to laugh myself when I realised presume averyone just thought I was totally obssessed. Witsend.

Thanks everyone for your replies. It does seem that us parents do have to find out most stuff for ourselves, in one way that's ok 'cos we are the parents but I can't think of any other 'medical diagnosis' that is relayed with so little back up/support info etc (I'm a nurse) and that makes me a bit naffed off. This forum is brill for information and support I am so glad I found it. I have got the number of a local support group and yes I think I will give them a ring. Surrey my son is 10 and I will soon have to make the crucial decision re which secondary school will be best, it's interesting what you said about your sons school, I am basically stuck between choosing the local secondary mainstream school (word of mouth tells me they are 'good' with special needs kids) or another school much further away but with a really good reputation for SEN and 50% of the kids attending have SEN, this school also has much smaller classes but would mean quite a long journey there and back each day! Anyway I'm going off at a tangent a bit there and will prob be best to post about the school dilemma seperately because it would be helpful to hear others opinions too. Anyway thanks again just being able to come here for help and to let off steam is great. Luv Witsend.

Hi - posted at begining of this month (seems ages ago now) to say son has finally been diagnosed with AS, since then I've just been letting the news sink in, have got a book from the library and told the relevant people (including of course this forum). I've been through the 'thank God at last' stage and the 'maybe they got it wrong stage' and now have realised I'm at the 'Oh what should I do now?' stage! Thinking about it now I've realised in my relief I just walked out of the cons appt without asking very much about what next. Or is there a what next? The cons was very pushed for time and that didn't help but maybe I should have asked for more info? My own little plan is to read up more on AS (thoughy am starting to feel 'overloaded' and to contact parent partnership re next statement review meeting but that'a about it. Should I be doing something more? Haven't had any advice about how to handle sons difficult behaviours or about things I should or shoudn't do - feel a bit useless really. I mean it's ok that I'm relieved I've been 'proved right' but that in itself isn't helping son is it? It's almost like the battle for diagnosis overtook the cause for diagnosis if you kow what I mean? Did anyone else get constructive advice at the point of diagnosis or have most of you been left feeling what next? Worried now I don't know what I should be worrying about!! Witsend.

Hi Jools - my son was 'diagnosed' with DAMP about 18 months ago. But was diagnosed last week with Aspergers! Yes I think it is a bit of a 'cop out' on the diagnosis front. Apparently some cons will use this as a diagnosis and some won't. I think it just describes the some of the problems our kids have rather than being a definitive dx, but it did initially help my son get a statement. My son also has dyspraxia. I don't think DAMP is recognised as an ASD, but I reckon lots of kids getting this dx may well be on the spectrum and maybe this hasn't been recognised as yet. Hope that's abit of help am pushed for time at mo - so will leave it at that - but happy to post again if I can answer any other queries - Luv Witsend.

Hi Hev - am I right in thinking Steve is talking rude as in sexual rude? Don't know if I've got much advice but I do feel for you. All matters sexy can be embarrassing enough but for our kids who don't always understand what they're saying or how they are saying it 'wrong' I reckon it's a minefield. My son has recently become fond of saying sexual things but he says them to me ! I'm not embarrassed but I find it hard to deal with because I worry he will say something at school which could be misenterpreted. I have told him the 'facts' about sex to stop the riduculous ideas he comes up with himself and have also told him it's not wrong to talk about such things but it is a private thing and not to be discussed with other kids as it's up their parents to tell them about it. Has your son been having sex education at school or something which may have made him focus on this? I suppose the other thing to say is that he is at 'that age' and from the things I've heard it's pretty normal for all kids at this sort of age to be quite rude and talk about sexy stuff. I know that probably doesn't help with your concerns in this particular instance I can only suggest keeping the lines of communication open with his swimming teacher about it and maybe asking her how she could help to manage the situation (it is her class). Sorry if all that's no help or if I've got it wrong and Steve isn't saying the sort of things I imagine. I hope it all gets sorted out soon for you - take care - luv witsend.

Thks Elainem - I've just paid �16.99 for mine (well it's not mine )! in Woolworths - wish I'd read your post earlier. Not to worry will be worth it when I see son in it later . Witsend.

My sons current obssession is Star Wars too. He has just got a really good school report so I told him I'd get him a treat and asked him what he'd like. He said a Darth Vader costume. Must admit I was trying to discourage him a bit and said "well when would you wear it?" He replied "All the time"!! Well ask a silly question eh!

Take care of yourself Flutter -thinking of you - luv Witsend. <'>

That's Fab Annie - lovely to share good news - makes me feel more optimistic about the future Witsend.

Good for you and Matthew Carole. I felt exactly the same when my son went away for weekend with school recently. They are going away with school again next year for a week! Don't know how I'll cope with that one never mind son. But your absolutely right it is hard to let go but you do have to let them try. I know it's almost imposssible but hope you can enjoy the 'space' whilst he's away.Have heard Forbidden corner is great for kids keep meaning to take mine - I'm sure he'll love it . Take care - witsend.

Thanks Tizz - I'll give it a go. Wow think it worked! And who said I'm not a computer genius eh?

Hi Paul welcome to the site. I've found it really useful and supportive - hope you do to. Luv Witsend.

Thanks all for your replies - am 'coming down' a bit now but still feeling very relieved. Wine and friends tonight I think! Thanks again - Witsend. P.S still can't figure out how to use these clickable smilies - any tips?

Nice to hear good news Hev. 2 good days can make up for a week of bad ones can't they? Take care -luv witsend.

Hi everyone - bursting to share the news - went to cons appt this morning and can't believe it but he has diagnosed son with Aspergers!! Didn't have to do battle or even get my list out! What a relief! Thought I would feel a bit down when we finally got diagnosis but actually at the moment am just feeling very relieved and slightly euphoric (I trust this will wear off shortly) it was just so unexpected to get diagnosis today - I had thought we would have to have a full day of assessments or something. Cons going to write to school and hopefully attend next statement review meeting! Thanks to all of you who have given me help and support through this site - you're fab! Am starting to ramble now - will turn into an oscar like acceptance speech if I go on much longer! LOL. Witsend.

Hi Tizz - I can identify with this one or rather my son can. He also rips up work he doesn't think is good enough, I agree about the setting himself high standards thing. I guess it must be very frustrating to know in your mind what work you want to produce and then to see that it turns out so differantly once it is on paper. (I can draw great pictures in my head but if I try to draw even the simplest thing on paper it is laughably bad.) I agree too that this behaviour gets worse under stress (SATS for example). My son hasn't actually eaten his work but he has chewed it up and spat it out a few times, I presumed it's just another manifestation of his frustration. I don't really have a lot of advice about how to stop it happening -just the usual kind of thing like making sure he's not rushed and is in a quiet environment - but I'm sure you do that already. In the past when my son has done this kind of thing I've tried to persuade him not to do the work if it's so upsetting but have to say that usually upsets him further cos he feels he's failed altogether - Doh! I'm sure your doing nothing wrong and that it's your sons perceptions of his 'failure' that cause the upset. I always think this type of behaviour is symptomatic of low self-esteem (stating the obvious I know) so anything you can do to bolster that (but away from the homework situation) will be good, find something he's genuinely good at and can do and let him do it while you (genuinely) admire him for it. (Does that make sense?) Best of Luck -Witsend.

Thanks Zemanski - I'm going to write my list etc tonight and have spoken to NAS adviser today who has been helpful so am feeling fairly well prepared. Just have to wait and see what happens next.

Got an appointment with sons consultant on Friday, this is to discuss the SALT assessment re semantic pragmatic disorder also recent OT/physio assessment. Last time we saw cons I raised subject of ASD and now having done my research as advised have to give my opinion as to wether son has is AS. Don't really know why but I am sooo nervous. Most of the time I'm sure son is somewhere 'on the spectrum' but typically this last week he has been quite NT!! I'm just dreading the cons not taking me seriously also from what I've read SPD and ASD are pretty inseperable but I get the idea cons doesn't take that view, so feel like I'm really going to have to argue my case (again!) not feeling particularly strong at mo (divorce stuff etc) and am scared I will not be able to present a 'good enough' case. Just wish you lot could come with me for moral support - so if anyones not busy friday??!! Anyway won't rant on just wanted to get it off my chest - wish me luck - Witsend.

Hurrah - you're back!! Thought I'd lost you all for good -what a relief!!