witsend

Thank you so much for your replies, I think I'm so stressed because there are two issues here. First I'm not sure this school son wants is the right one for him, it is very high achieving and competative (I know I went there as a child) and very large (1200 pupils), but he is totally fixated on it and is convinced he would be happy there despite all the potential pitfalls I have pointed out to him. Thing is he is of an age where I have to listen to and take into account his views and if he's sure this is the best school for him then maybe thats reason enough to fight for it? It does worry me though that I have heard of kids with ASD being excluded from this school before and the fact that it is going to be a 6th former from the school showing us round and not staff rings alarm bells to me, the LEA guy said we would have to set up a further meeting with Senco from this school if we liked it when we look round but all this is delaying matters further and I can't help feeling the school just wont want son there really. Of course trying to explain all this to son without totally destroying any self esteem he has left is impossible. Also if I'm totally honest (and I feel terrible admitting this) I don't know if I can face another battle I am so worn down with it all, it takes over our lives. I feel it would be easier to just not even look at this school and go round the other one instead. The other school does seem more SEN freindly and it is half the size and I'm sure they would offer him a place. I just wish he would be happy with that. Of course we wont know until he starts either school wether he will like them anyway, and I still feel like most of the world thinks I'm mad for taking him out of a special school when he has so many needs, but he just hates it so much I am very worried about him, some mornings he just lays in bed with silent tears rolling down his face knowing he has to face the ordeal of the taxi journey (an hour long) and the school. The special school he is at are openly quite cross with us for considering moving him and have just stopped communicating with us full stop, I no longer trust a word they say anyway. I know DS will prob refuse to go anymore after Easter and then what an earth am I gonna do about work etc? Even if he doesn't refuse I don't know if I have the heart to force him to go anymore he is so unhappy and it's just not ###### fair!! I have told the LEA all this but they don't seem to realise or care how dreadful it is. Sorry am off ranting again now. Thank you for listening. Luv Witsend.

Hi - forgive me if this post is s bit disjointed have just come off the phone to LEA family liaison officer and am feeling bit stressed out . Basically the situation is this: son hates special school he is has been attending since last Sept (in yr 7) and wants to move after lots of angst and meeting, we (ourselves and LEA) have agreed this would be for the best, sooo.....we are in the processs of looking at other (mainstream) schools. There are two schools really to choose from and we have visits set up0 for both. Both are local church schools, the first has an ok reputation and has places and will prob take him no probs, the second has a marvellous reputation but is always very oversubscribed to and has strict entry criteria (mostly to do with church attendance). The thing is son is totally fixated on the second school and really doesn't want to go anywhere else!! We wouldn't actually meet entry criteria for this school despite son having attended primary school which is associate with it. The vast majority of children from his primary school now go this high school (which is why he wants to go there I think). Anyway the LEA guy I've just spoken to on the phone has just told me this school have no places available in yr 7 and so if we want son to go there we will have to go to appeal. Now I don't know what to do, I know son will immediately say he wants this school not the other when we go to look round, I also know he will refuse to go back to his present school after Easter (it's already a daily battle to get him there, and a couple of times he has refused point blank to go!). I'm presuming appeals are lengthy affairs and just don't know what to do, also even if we won appeal (and I have no idea how likely that is) would there still be no place for him? And is we lost appeal would he still have the chance to go to the first school? Sorry feel I'm rambling now - just feel desperate with Easter being so close and all this was supposed to be sorted by then and now it looks like it will drag on forever and son won't be going to school anywhere!! Any thoughts advice?? Thanks Luv Witsend.

Thanks for the replies - Karen you have raised some points I've already thought about and some I hadn't, certainly food for thought and really interesting to hear your experiences. Isn't it crazy how nursing is such a female profession and yet still so un family freindly? Am now curious to know what you did next and are you working at the moment? I think I can cope with being told what to do even by others without as much experience because it's a bit like that where I work now TBH . The drop in pay does obviously bother me but am thinking I will prob re train (either teacher training/or social work maybe) after a while so would have to take a drop in pay somewhere along the line unless I stay where I am forever. David thanks for letting me know your experiences too, from your recent posts here it's obvious you're committed to and caring about your job and the kids you teach, so the profession is lucky to have you! I think you're right about interviewing better when you don't feel pressured, so if I do go for interview I'm gonna keep this in mind and try not to make it into a big deal. Both your posts have made me wonder wether I should cut out the middle man and just apply for teacher training but I'm impatient and want to change jobs NOW and am guessing they would want me to have experience I haven't got of working in schools, so maybe not then . Will keep you posted, still got a week before the application has to be in. Luv Witsend.

Aw Hev, I tend to agree with what a lot of the others have said, why don't you try the residential first and then look at other options if it doesn't work out. I totally understand how nerve racking it must be for you and I think it's totally normal to be having cold feet, but it if it does work out it could be great for all of you and relieve a lot of the stress you have to live with. In all your posts I have read however down you are the love you have for your son is always evident, so I hope it's not a guilt thing giving you cold feet. I think I'd be reacting much the same in your shoes. When we were looking at poss residential for eldest I kept finding reasons why he shouldn't go and basically they all boiled down to 'even though he's ###### hard work I can't bear to let him go because I love him so much'. Other people realised that this was not really the best of reasons to stop him going but I didn't! It's impossible to be objective when you are 'Mum' so maybe you do need to listen to those who really do know and care about you (and Steve) and trust their opinion. Good luck, take care, keep us posted. Luv Witsend.

Hi all - have posted recently about being fed up and have realised one if the main things getting me down is my job. I work as a Staff nurse in palliative care have worked in the same place for 10 years now and am really fed up and ready for a change. Think I've only stayed as long as I have because the moneys pretty good and they have let me work 'child friendly' hours, however there is really no room for promotion and if I took any other nursing jobs shifts would be involved which are impossible now for me. So....have decided to apply for a job that has come up locally as a TA at a school for children with disabilities, will have to work more hours for probably less money but think this will be worth it to be doing something I actually want to do and the school holidays would be a bonus too. I know from being on the forum there are quite a lot of you TA's out there and just wondered if you enjoy your jobs? Also the job I'm applying for is a level 2 post, now I have my nursing quals (adult and childrens nursing) and have had a couple of placements in the past in schools, but it is over 10 years since I worked with children and I don't have the NVQ level 2. Do you think my other quals and home experiance will make up for this? Do you think they will think I'm overqualified or not qualified enough? I've got the application form sat in front of me and can feel a bit of dither coming on actually having to fill it in because I'm really starting to get my hopes set on the job and I don't want to mess it up. Any advice, thoughts appreciated, Thanks Luv Witsend.

Hi JR, I was just thinking about your school tribunal post - how's that going? Guess your hubs is doing the right thing bout work if he's feeling so down, I do hope the new plans work out for you all as a family. I think we'd all just drive each other madder if we didn't escape to work . Having said that though I too am really miserable in my job and find it stressfull having to ask for hours arranging around kids appointments etc, they are pretty good about it but i know lots of the others at work must say stuff behind my back like it's not fair and I get special privileges!! Suppose that should be funny but actually it's not it gets me down. Anyway sorry ranting on about me now eh? I will read others posts with interest though as now it's becoming apparent little one is going to need more and more attention I don't know how much longer I can juggle the work family thing myself. Sorry don't know too much about benefits etc involved in all of this. Take Care Luv Witsend.

Just wanted to say thanks for the kind posts, not feeling much better to be honest - but at least I can be honest here. And it always helps to know you're not the only one, cos it so often feel like it. I guess we (partner and I) don't get much (any) breathing space but not much we can do about it , am presently enjoying an hours peace though (big son at youth club, younger one in bed, partner at work!) hence am able to catch up with posts. Hev you could always use the 'SSDD 'abbreviation as username, I'm sure we'll all know what you mean anyway!! Cheers - Luv Witsend.

Hi Kate - we had a similar situation a few years ago when my son was in Beavers, it really upset me and in the end I just took him out of the group. Looking back I probably should have been braver and tackled them like you are - so good luck with it. <'> Have to add my son eventually joined a different scout group when he was older and they have been great and he really enjoys it. Makes me think it isn't necessarily the organisation to blame but the various individuals running these groups and their personalities that can make it go wrong for our kids. A little bit of power does seem to go to some peoples heads! Maybe when you've tackled them and done what needs to be done you could find another group have a good talk with them first and suss out if it's suitable for your boy, it would be such a shame for him to miss out because of the ignorance or others. Take care Luv Witsend.

Hi - well from reading some posts tonight I know I'm not the only one down in the dumps! Am really living up to my username here and feel at my witsend. Eldest son still attending and hating his special school and taking all this stress out on us all at home! this is causing mega tensions and started me and partner rowing which is just horrible. Youngest son is now on verge of official ADHD diagnosis and school are having a hard time coping with him (like we're not!! ) Both boys wind each other up fight and say horrible things to each other, this aggravates partner and I have to be the diplomat when I actually just want to walk out and keep going! Feel awful for saying that because I love them all but it's all such hard work! I'm also really fed up with my job but because of hours am trapped there, and partner has started a new business so he's never around much (think he's prob avoiding us ). Would just be nice to have an uneventful 'normal' life wouldn't it? Keep trying to stay positive, eldest son is going to look round a couple of other (mainstream) schools - but that could end in disaster, and I know youngest sons school have been quick off the mark to ask for extra funding with him etc, but despite this i still feel fed up, our lives are ruled by appointments and paperwork and I'm ###### worn out with it all. Sorry am being a real moan. When people at work ask how things are I always smile and say OK and relate some little 'funny'story about our life, don't know why I don't just say '###### awful actually! ' Oh well at least I can say it here eh? Luv Witsend.

Hiya - we're going through major school probs too, I know how you feel. <'> I tend to agree with what Oxgirl has said about there probably being a place (created place) at the school you want following tribunal. It's a shame the school are coming across as so negative when you need reassurance right now, but sounds like you do have a good case from what Ipsea have said and they deal with this stuff all the time. From the sounds of the situation you're already in I don't think you have anything to lose by going to tribunal. Do you have a date for it yet? I wish you all the luck in the world with it, Take Care. Luv Witsend.

Ooh, what a relief to read these posts! Thought my son was the only one doing this! Think we've stopped it for now, because as others have said viruses are a big problem and now we've explained that (and he knows we know what he's been looking at!) he seems to have stopped it. It's funny because in one way I do smile to myself thinking he's acting like a "normal" boy of that age but also I worry about what he may see /stumble across on the internet that is not within "the norm"! I must admit at first I was a bit shocked thinking he was a bit young (12) to be interested in this sort of thing, but then when I cast my mind back to when I was that age I realized he isn't! I suppose it's nothing new just a newer more accessible format? Still all a bit scary though knowing they are growing up eh? Luv Witsend.

Hi - could you ring the LEA and have a pre meeting chat and sort out meeting dates rather than waiting for a letter? Have you already mentioned the school you want to them, because if not it might be an idea to do so verbally and in writing prior to the meeting so that they know where you're coming from so to speak. From my experiance make sure you have all your reasons why this school will meet your childs needs where others wont and then if you're sure about it stick to your guns at the meeting and repeat it like a stuck record! Canvas as much support and opinion from all the relevant professionals involved prior to the meeting so you don't get any nasty surprises and so you know who will be sypmathetic in the meeting. If you're pretty sure your gonna have a fight on your hands be prepared for it, at our meeting in a similar situation it wasn't actually until we started talking about MP and press involvement that their (LEA) attitude changed and I think they realised then we meant business. Sorry if this all sounds a bit hard headed and aggressive, it would be lovely to think they will help you achieve what is best for your child without a fight, but sadly this doesn't often seem to be the case and the old thing of "who shouts loudest" does seem to be true. Best of luck Luv Witsend. Oh and yes if you're prepared to go to tribunal certainly make sure they know that too.

Hi jomica - no I don't think you're expecting too much at all. It's the so called 'little things' that can often be great big things for our kid, and the school should realise this! I would definately go to the head and/or if it's possible go into the classroom every day and ask the teacher wether the TA is going to be in today so that you may tell your son as it's very important to him to know this! I'm sure if you say this same thing every day for a week (or less! ) they may beging to realise it would be a good idea for them to tell your son first and actually remember to do so. Good Luck Luv Witsend.

Oh and Mel - forgot to add my lad also doing the clicking dolphin sounds at the moment!! He's pretty good, but what's that all about? Luv Witsend.

So Glad you found it funny too! I keep sniggering whenever I think about it but to be honest I don't think they found it as funny! But wha,ts done is done. Quite a relief to confess all here where we're not judged! (we don't routinely say the C word here honest!) Have to add the words were made worse by the actions ( a kind of spraying action in front of the whole body (like body spray)- except focused on the corresponding 'private' C word body parts!! ) you really had to be there but I'm sure you can imagine!! Luv Witsend.

Hi all - have just about survived Xmas, but have to tell you about this one - still not sure wether to laugh cry!! So we had (newish) partners mum and dad round for civilised buffet Boxing Day, my nerves were on edge all day but all seemed to be going well until..... we reitired to the lounge for coffee and D said "Shall we show everyone what S got for Xmas?" At this point I have to say the "game" he was reffering to was an art set which said on it "Spray Kunst Set"! - must be some cheaper foreign thing! Anyway - as I'm sure you can guess D continued to telll our guests that it was a "Spray your C**t Set"!! To make it worse and to my eternal shame my sister, partner and myself disolved into giggles and were totally unable to say a word! Hence it was all even worse than it could have been!! Since the event I have laughed and cried about it in equal measures! Keep thinking I should ring (soon to be) in laws and apologise but I actually can't bring myself to! :Bl***y h**l wish I could stop laughing!! Because rea;lly it's not funny!! Luv Witsend.

Hi loulou, <'> . Not surprised you're feeling wobbly. Don't have loads of advice about what descision you should make, but give yourself time to mull it over you don't have to decide anything like now! It must have been a bit of a shock to hear about what the school think 2nd hand and I can understand you're feeling pressured (and big and round and hormonal? ). So take the pressure off yourself for a few days at least while you let it sink in. Whatever you do decide will be decided because you are trying to do what's right for Kai. Take care Luv Witsend.

Hi Nic, I think it sounds like you're doing a great job. All the fighting does wear you down I know but when you have to keep reminding yourself you know your daughter best and all you want is the best for her. I have no idea why schools and ed psychs so often think they are infallible and that their word counts above everyone elses but it's an attitude I've certainly met over the years! Stand your ground and if you don't agree with ed psychs 'findings' I think you are entitled to ask for a 2nd opinion so to speak. If the school are harping on about 'how you're coping' etc in a way that makes you uncomfortable then I would quickly pull the conversation back to the matter at hand, ie whats happening with your daughter and her education! Sometimes I have to pretend I am talking about another child who isn't mine in order to get through various meetings so that I can appear detached enough to avoid being viewed as hysterical, neurotic, over protective, paranoid etc etc. Obviously once I'm safe at home I'm often in bits but like you say that is normal considering the stress we go through and the education system just don't seem to get that, do they? Good luck with the next round! Luv Witsend.

Good luck Hev, I looked at a residential school for my lad and although I decided it wasn't right for him at this time it did look fantastic. I felt really awful at the time for even considering it and a few people around me made some comments which made me feel worse . But it's not their lives is it? Now I think if it's right for your son, you and your family you should go for it. Having read your posts in the past I know you have had (and are having) some tough times. Maybe this will be a way forward, best of luck with it. Luv Witsend..

Thanks - I've rung LEA and told them I need to think some things over re the statement so I will need longer than 15 days and have rung parent partnership and am getting someone to come and look over the statement with me. Luv Witsend.

Yeah, good for you PSA. The LEA prob will be upset (when are they not?) but personally the way I feel at the moment that's a bonus! Luv Witsend.

How to get through Xmas relatively stress free?? Wine Sherry Gin (no tonic) cigarettes hard drugs? Sorry the previous suggestions are probably better! Love Witsend.

How to get through Xmas relatively stress free?? Wine Sherry Gin (no tonic) cigarettes hard drugs? Sorry the previous suggestions are probably better! Love Witsend.

Hi - as some of you will know am going through tricky situation at the moment with my son not liking his special school and have requested the LEA change him to mainstream. Whilst this is ongoing (meetings being set up etc) the LEA have just sent me sons most recent proposed statement from the last reassesment / review meeting we had in the summer. The thing is the statement is vafgue in parts andf I'm not happy with that, but also now my son is wanting to change schools the bit of the statement that says a special school is recommended I obviously now don't know if i want it to say that! Do I have to get this part altered in order to have a chance of getting him transffered to mainstream? And what will happen next when I write and tell them I'm not agreeing with the proposed statement? I did ring Ipsea about it and they said to get the statement finalised as it is then go straight to appeal! But I'm still hopeful of getting LEA to change their minds about the special school placement without having to resort to that, having said that thought the meeting which was supposed to be before Xmas to discuss the school transfer thing has now been put back to end of January! Also don't know if there's any point having this meeting as it going to be at the school my son is at now where he is unhappy and I'm sure it's going to take the line of "how can we make it better for him" not "OK lets move him" and to be honest I rally don't think son is going to change his mind about wnating to move schools no way no how! Maybe we should just be having a meeting without the school or maybe with the next potential school?? Sorry this is really rambly and probably unclear am rushing at the moment and my head is now really in bits with it all. Any ideas? Luv Witsend.

Hi Claire - yeah have to say I agree with Mel, over the years my sons tried many differant clubs and stuff, I've always been filled with trepidation when he starts somethiong new and some things haven't worked out for him but some have . So I'd listen to what this womans got to say then if it sounds OK give it a go. Good Luck Luv Witsend.