Looking back?

[moira199]

What were the early signs that things were not right? Looking back, I can see that DS had some odd quirks that I did not pick up on although equally in other respects he seemed okay, he did point for shared interest ( and still does though not to the same extent), smiled, made eye contact and did play quite well - not spinning or obsessing. He had phases of not liking noisy toys and not liking new shoes or haircuts but he has outgrown those phases now. I'd like to think he would outgrow some more phases as he seems to have a pattern of developing even if not in NT manner!

 

I was just wondering if others can think back to when a worry started to develop.

 

MOira

[baileyj]

I think when DS was about 20 months, he was content to be alone all the time, had no need to interact with us, and didn't understand anything we said, when others the same age could understand their parents.

 

I remember my cousin-in-law came round to ours one Summer day with her son who was 6 weeks younger than mine, and she asked him "did he want lunch", and he knew what she meant and nodded. I was shocked as I knew my DS couldn't understand anything at all.

 

Then noticed more and more in the next 6 months. by the time he was 30 months, we were referred to CDC.

 

But hey....3 years on, the boy doing good, different world, but a happy one.

 

Jo

[TheNeil]

I can approach this from a different perspective and I can explain what my mum 'observed' when I was very small (we're going back a fair few years now mind - mid 70's)

 

I was the firstborn so my parents had no yardstick to compare me against but as a baby I cried, screamed and just couldn't be placated no matter what anybody did - I had to be left on a blanket in the middle of the floor otherwise my mother says that she would have, literally, killed me (some days I think she wishes she had ). I believe that this went on for about 18 months. At the time the midwife just assured my mother that she wasn't 'doing it [parenting] right' (and she never did offer any advice, or so I'm led to believe)

 

As a school child (about 5) the teachers would often comment on how quiet and shy I was but my parents, knowing no better, just assumed that this is how I was and didn't pay any attention - I was happy and I was academically bright so why be concerned? Same for not having any friends or wanting to play outside - I was happy enough so...

[moira199]

As a school child (about 5) the teachers would often comment on how quiet and shy I was but my parents, knowing no better, just assumed that this is how I was and didn't pay any attention - I was happy and I was academically bright so why be concerned? Same for not having any friends or wanting to play outside - I was happy enough so...

 

 

Was your speech delayed ? That seems to be DS' biggest problem right now . Receptive language not bad but no words ! I am mild ASD myself so I know the feeling.

 

 

Moira

[TheNeil]

Was your speech delayed ? That seems to be DS' biggest problem right now . Receptive language not bad but no words ! I am mild ASD myself so I know the feeling.

Moira

 

As far as I know, it wasn't but I'm relying on my mother's flaky memory (and we are going back nearly 30 years). I seem to remember that when she was asked (by the psyhcologist who dx'd me) she'd just accepted that I was 'normal' because no-one had ever said that I wasn't (which swings back round to not having a yardstick to compare me against). I'll go with the safe option and just say 'pass'

[jlp]

I remember speaking to the health visitor when my son was very young (under 1) about his head banging and mentioning it on several subsequent visits - she always said cheerily 'he'll not do it hard enough to hurt himself' but he'd bang on hard surfaces.

 

I had another one out to visit when he was 18 month or so with regard to head banging. At about the same time G developed an acute interest in fans and this lasted a few years - he had a little portable one that he'd carry around and hold in his buggy. We used to cut pictures of fans out of the Argos catalogue and if we saw a fan anywhere he'd be entranced. Everyone used to buy him fans! Never thought it was odd though until looking back!

 

There was also a similar but shorter lampshade phase and heaven help us if we missed the lampshade isle in Wilkinsons!

 

We also had repetitive speech - mainly from Thomas, he'd call people 'bossy boilers' etc and tantrums, explosive tantrums. Very clingy and generally unhappy when people came to the house / toddlers / other peoples house. Huge vocabulary (used to say 'ossilating (sp?) fans') and knew his letters etc very early at 2. Behaviour was awful but we thought extreme 'terrible 2s / 3s' .

 

But there was nothing glaring, just 'quirks'. I never noticed anything about play at the time but ds#2 plays totally differently. G would play with trains and could tell you every obscure train from Thomas while L's play is imaginative and his people chat to each other.

 

Edited to add - he always asked loads of questions about how things worked and was very interested in the plumbing system. Even when he knew the answer he'd ask the same question again and again.

Edited November 9, 2006 by jlp

[butterfingersbimbo]

well when el was a baby she hardly ever slept, had feeding problems, didnt want to be cuddled...when it came to trying foods she wouldnt eat anything new, or would only eat a particular food for a few days, then would refuse it altogether!

 

she was walking at nine months, and climbing out of her cot by twelve months, nightmare she wouldnt wear clothes, especially things like underwear and she hated nappies.....she used to take them off and she also was a poo smearer, this went on for months and months and months

 

she was a late talker and would get instructions all mixed up....and take things literally. she became obsessive and would have the biggest tantrums i had ever seen, i didnt know what i was in for at all when i was pregnant

 

she started nursery when she was about three and they found her very difficult to cope with......

 

it was horrendous trying to take her shopping, she would totally freak out, she hated her buggy and car seat and would constantly try to escape, and the number of times she did a runner in the middle of northampton....we lost her in woolies one year just before crimbo....i was hysterical, they found her in a clothes rack playin with some teletubbies....

 

she's never been a dull child to have around

[moira199]

Thanks for all the replies. I think I am just feeling a bit mixed up tonight - the emotions rollercoaster. I was just wondering how others came to realise life was going to be a lot different. How late is late for talking ! A big question I know

 

Moira

[butterfingersbimbo]

oo its hard to think but i am sure she was about two before she said more than a couple of words....so not late compared to some but late compared to others......the talking was the least of it tbh!

[Bullet]

With hindsight there were signs very early with Ds1 that may or may not have been relevant but certainly made me think. One was a day after he was born and when one baby cried in the ward all the others would join in, apart from Ds1. Might be nothing to think about and I certainly didn't think so at the time. Other signs were that he never cried if he was wet or dirty or showed any excitement or interest in his food, often seemed very solemn and studious. Very placid. He did (and still does) laugh a lot when he's being swung around though.

The first thing that make me think, not that there was anything wrong but that he was maybe a tad unusual was one day when he spent between half an hour to fortyfive minutes stacking three blocks up over and over again. Nowt unusual in that, except he was 13 months. Then when he started speaking and it was disordered and he could recite whole passages from the Three Little Pigs at two and a half (for his own amusement) but not say "want juice" that's when I started to get really concerned.

[hedders]

my dd is nearly six even though she displayed odd behaviour she displayed more dyslexic triats when younger over the past year i believe the asd is taking over and the dyslexia traits are showing in some academic work.

I never thought about it when she was lining toys up when a toddler and being very sensative to sounds, speech, not interacting, its only in the past 5 months from my own research and advice i understand her better now than ever.

I picked up on my younger dd who i believe is the same at 12months referred to salt at 2yrs and recently assessed by paed who said she is displaying autistic traits she started by wanting to watch the same film at 1.5-2yrs always been sensative to food and clothes and recently started covering her ears to noises. Recently started lining coins onlong top of fridge, she is very rigid and routined she is nearly 3 and her speech is till repetetive and delayed. Can mimic short words well and understands nouns well but cant do the inbetween chat.

The questions the paed asked me regarding ydd does she say goodbye and hello on her own, when pointing does she look to see you are watching, does she take you to something or beakon you is what my older dd still doesnt do. I look up this and children should be doing this from 24months

[smiley]

Yes, loads of indications. From around one year, i was asking for help. M was a gorgeously, happy, smiley baby. But i recognised some early warning signs.

 

M didn't point to anything, didn't play as his peers did (just turned things over in his hands), didn't react to familiar noises (ie; bath being run), was terrified of the dog barking and the hoover (his first word was 'hoover', because i used to sing 'hoover, hoover' to distract him whilst i was hovering ), and couldn't sleep unless there was silence and darkness - Into his second year, his play was very repetitive, he was very hyper in crowded/noisy places , his speech was said to be 'perfect' by HV - but was utterly inappropriate, he appeared to be able to talk very well - but, it was mostly echolic in nature................... spent most of his pre-school years either being a nightmare - or hiding under the tables..........and the list goes on!

 

Should have stopped at yes Sorry, rambling!

Edited November 10, 2006 by smiley

[Eva]

Hi,

 

I noticed my son behaving differently when he was 9 months - all of sudden he started crying if other babies touched him whereas before that he didn't mind.

 

When he was 2 I asked the Maternal Child Health Nurse if he was autistic because for example, he didn't copy other children, he spent a lot of time alone lying on the ground (and hiding under tables too) and he didn't say much. She looked him over and said of course not.

 

Then at 3 I asked a different nurse who said no, but his poor social skills, ability to recite The Goodies episodes and other books but found it hard to express himself otherwise, his fear of going to different places, his love of routine and the way he used toys, led me to a speech therapist and I got him into EI.

 

From there I had him assessed this year and he's been diagnosed with AS. His expressive speech has really improved this year - he's 5 - although he has odd ways of expressing himself sometimes, such as 'my feelings are broken'!

 

Cheers,

Eva

[Lynden]

I first mentioned my worries to my PND support health visitor when Logan was around 8 months. He did hold toys or mouth toys and wasn't really interested in playing. Around 10 months he started obviously rocking and flapping but it wasn't till he was around 13/14 months that anyone listened to me and didn't regard me as a paranoid Mum. As soon as he was assessed though we got a lot of help.

 

Lynne x

[phoebe]

"I remember speaking to the health visitor when my son was very young (under 1) about his head banging and mentioning it on several subsequent visits - she always said cheerily 'he'll not do it hard enough to hurt himself' but he'd bang on hard surfaces."

 

My health visitor added that if I was really worried that he would hurt himself, I should put a cycle helmet on him. He used to graze his head frequently even if he had been banging on the carpet

Also, he never interacted well with other children. He was my first born and I had no bench mark. I had stopped working (was just permanently exhausted) adn tried and tried mother and baby groups, NCT meetings. It was demoralising, he was always the most active, most disruptive and unruly child there. He was unaware of his or others personal space. I cant remember how many times I told him about sharing, about not snatching, about taking turns, considering others feelings..................., it was just such hard work, I stopped going. I could never get a conversation with anyone anyway!!! Looking back there were signs, some of them, I have even forgotten, until I read something on here on in a book and remember.

 

He is HF and Aspergers, he doesn't really obsess about one thing, but has passing obsessions. He will hear a message from school about healthy eating and will make up his own ideas about what that means and will stop eating certain foods or recently at school, they had a "banana man" visit who came with some samples and told all the kids how helathy they were etc. G took the message on board and reported when he came home that he had eaten 9 bananas! I try to explain to him that all foods are ok for you and the trick is to eat a varied diet, but if he has got something into his head, sometimes, he will eat none of his packed lunch because he thinks it is not the right food.

 

I think the answer to your question will vary enormously, depending on the degree to which each respondents child/ren is/are affected. Like your child, G hated haircuts and having new shoes. He still does. He always needs to be coaxed to have a haircut and will only go to the same place every time(hope it never closes)! but at least we are past the screaming, kicking and crying stage. Tried bribery, tried everything, but just had to get through it and keep going until he accepted it was a necessary thing to do which finally happened about age 6. He's 8 now.

 

It seems to be the language delay that you are most worried about, and I dont have any personal experience of that. Hope you get some answers soon.

Love and hugs

Phoebe

[Jill]

At the time I didn't spot anything, he's our first and only & had nothing to compare to really.

 

Looking back:

 

* He was always really happy with his own company. Even mum commented he was "no trouble" cos he'd play on his own for hours - this from being about 1yr old.

* He liked toy cars but wasn't interested in "brumming" them, he always turned them upside down and wanted to watch the wheels spin.

* Anything that spun fascinated him really - yes, we had the fan interest too

* He didn't respond to his name (still doesn't really) in fact failure to response to such an extent I had his hearing tested (fine)

* His first word was "more" meaning more drink or more food, entirely related to his needs, he still doesn't say mummy (recently has said daddy a coupla times tho, so I live in hope)

* He never wanted our shared interest in something & still doesn't point

* His speech is delayed (still) - his language skills are very limited and nowhere near what you would usually expect for a 4 / nearly 5 year old & this is both the understanding and speaking of words.

 

Really I guess there were many little "clues" that I just didn't see at the time, because I didn't spend any significant time with other children of a similar age. Also, the little things just weren't so noticeable when he was younger, but as he gets older the differences between him and his peer age group is becoming more obvious.

[moira199]

It all sounds very similar to my experience. Looking back, Thomas was too 'easy' but with nothing to compare it with, I just thought I was lucky that he would play on his own and did not get separation anxiety! I am still obsessing over speech - I think I would faint with shock if T spoke now , still you never know, he is only 2 1/2 but it's nice to hear that it can happen.

 

I am having no. 2 imminently so I will have a lot to look out for !

 

Moira

[moira199]

I don't want to tie up all your time but I was interested to see that your DX is 'mild' - what does that mean really ?

[fiorelli]

I don't like to look back - too many things that in hindsight I would change or do differently.

 

But it is inevitable that I do.

 

Some of the first things I remember are him refusing to go in the pushchair. Major fallout if we tried. Major meltdowns if we went into town. He would happily sit for hours (if I let him) in his highchair. although he made a wonderful Houdini if he wanted to get out.

 

One of the main ones. The Health Visitor asked if his behaviour was 'like this all the time' when she came to do a 6 month check on my 3rd son (would have made Louis about 3 1/2 yrs), as he was climbing all over the place, wouldn't sit still, tv was going on, off, up, down, while his 2 year old was quietly playing, and the baby was contented.

 

I lied.

[Jericho]

With my eldest the first real difference I noticed was that he didn't sleep. Everyone told me how newborns are apparently pretty boring because all they ever do is sleep. Mine managed about 6hrs of sleep in 24hrs and most of that was in 20mins naps. I can also remember telling my HV that I thought he was deaf as he didn't react to noise.

[UltraMum]

I ... (was just permanently exhausted) adn tried and tried mother and baby groups, NCT meetings. It was demoralising, he was always the most active, most disruptive and unruly child there. He was unaware of his or others personal space. I cant remember how many times I told him about sharing, about not snatching, about taking turns, considering others feelings..................., it was just such hard work, I stopped going. I could never get a conversation with anyone anyway!!!

 

I'd forgotten all that ... exact description of our playgroup days - and J didn't like the singing at the end and used to scream and cry to leave so I never even managed to chat at the end.

 

With my eldest the first real difference I noticed was that he didn't sleep. Everyone told me how newborns are apparently pretty boring because all they ever do is sleep. Mine managed about 6hrs of sleep in 24hrs and most of that was in 20mins naps. I can also remember telling my HV that I thought he was deaf as he didn't react to noise.

 

J was similar - never slept but he was super-sensitive to noise

 

Still - I wouldn't swop him for the world