Let down - AGAIN!

[oxgirl]

So sick of the school letting us down.

 

We've had meetings and emails recently where we've tried to get them to actually DO something to help our lad with social skills and making friends, all they do at the moment is escort him into lessons and out again. At the meetings they made all sorts of promises of new ideas they'd put into place and they were going to talk to the year group about his problems and try and encourage them to befriend him.

 

That talk has already been put off twice and now has been put off again to the last day of term. Great, the kids will go off for a week and totally forget about it! Promises of someone to help him integrate in his drama lesson were made and now they've gone down the pan as well. Thing is, they didn't even bother telling me until I specifically emailed to ask about what was going on.

 

Feel so disappointed and let down by them, it's like J's problems are always at the back of the queue and low priority for them, like they don't give a damn.

 

~ Mel ~

[curra]

Mel <'> <'> <'>

 

So sorry that the school is letting you down again. Sounds a lot like my son's previous school where they never did anything apart from talk about support. They also tried to encourage him to make friends with no success because he was left to make friends on his own. It's obvious that if teachers keep telling a child to make friends and improve social skills without helping him , he will become less confident as he sees that he is not meeting their expectations. Does J like playing games such as Scrabble, etc? M's new tutor (at the new school) sits him with a friendly boy during tutorials to play for 15 minutes. M is saying that he's happy that he has a "friend" and is gaining confidence. It's not a big idea but would something like that be helpful for J?

 

Curra

[oxgirl]

Thanks Curra, I feel so miserable, I've been crying buckets since I got their email an hour ago. It's just the last straw that broke me, I think.

 

He's been at this Unit attached to a mainstream secondary school for a year and five months now and he STILL doesn't know the names of the kids in his form or the names of the kids sitting with him in lessons, and NOTHING has been done to help him. Promises were made of bringing kids in to the Unit to play at lunchtimes, but STILL nothing is done. Time is ticking away, before we know it it'll be the end of the term and then the end of another year, and still nothing will have changed.

 

Glad your lad is enjoying having a friend though. <'>

Cheers.

 

~ Mel ~

[curra]

I know how you feel when you ve been trying so hard and it's just like hitting against a brick wall. Does J have a statement? Is there any mention in it of improving social skills and making friends ? If yes, then the school HAS to put something in place, not just words. Don't let them bring you down, stick to your guns!

 

My son hasn't really made friends but being able to play a little game with another boy (without being teased like it used to happen) it's wonderful for him. He doesn't have much contact with the other kids in the unit because he responds better to NTs (don't know why really perhaps NTs are more talkative). Other kids don't usually go to his unit because most children in the unit want to be quiet. M will not go out at breaks or join a club so the only option so far was the tutorial.

 

I hope your lad's school does something and soon!

 

Curra <'>

[Canopus]

At the meetings they made all sorts of promises of new ideas they'd put into place and they were going to talk to the year group about his problems and try and encourage them to befriend him.

 

False promises. My SEN residential school was like that. The head made several promises but none of them ever materialised. He also failed to implement measures that were written into my statement but promised to implement them some unspecified time in the future.

 

It looks like the school wants to keep your son there just for the money.

[Bagpuss]

Mel, I'm so so sorry

 

Wish I was closer, feel so far away, in cyber space, offering hugs and nothing more

 

Have you tried Parent Partnership? Sorry if I've suggested this before......I know you've already done HE, and they'd be no point suggesting that

 

I was really hoping the talk would be a positive step forward and you must feel completely frustrated that it keeps being rescheduled.....please know I'm thinking of you x

[oxgirl]

Cheers, Curra,

 

Yep, he has a statement, written way back when. No mention of social skills really, I guess they don't think him knowing the names of kids in his class is that important. I dunno, maybe it's just me, maybe I'm being unreasonable (sarcasm alert!!).

 

It's difficult, isn't it, when they don't really fit in with the Unit kids and they don't fit in with the mainstream ones either, they're in a kind of no-man's land!

 

Take care. <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[oxgirl]

Yep, false promises, they're just words to them to shut us up and then they send us away and hope we forget about them.

 

I bet you're glad your school days are over, are you?

 

~ Mel ~

[oxgirl]

Thanks a lot, Bagpuss, your kind words and support do mean a lot. <'> <'>

 

I did try the PP when I was forced into HEing because of no suitable placement, but I didn't really get much joy from them really.

 

Yes, I thought they were putting some thought into the talk, but seems like it's just not that important in their eyes. Today I find out that Jay went to a lesson and was expecting to be met there by a TA and nobody bothered to turn up! He waited the whole lesson, fretting, then went back to the Unit only to be told by the supposed teacher in charge, 'oh, sorry, we forgot'. Also, another child was being very aggressive towards him and he was terrified all afternoon that he's out to get him and I don't even want to send him back there tomorrow, don't feel they can guarantee his safety.

 

It just gets worse and worse, when will it end.

 

~ Mel ~ <'>

[curra]

It sounds terrible, Mel, I really feel for you and Jay. I wish I had more ideas. M's statement says very clearly that provision must be given to help him form and maintain friends and improve his social skills.

 

Perhaps you could ask for a revision of the statement but I realise that you need a solution now and not in a year. PP was also not much use in my case. I would take the issue to the GP as Jay is suffering stress with this, and it could help as a back up in case you decide to leave him at home for some time.

 

Curra <'>

[pumpkinpie]

If your son has a statement cant you ask for an early review date because of these difficulties?

[oxgirl]

I don't think I can take him back there tomorrow, I just don't think I can do it.

 

~ Mel ~

[JsMum]

I don't think I can take him back there tomorrow, I just don't think I can do it.

 

~ Mel ~

Have you thought about getting intouch with the Educational Welfare department and asking for an officer to come and see your son and yourself, this way you dont have to send him tomorrow and you can try and get things sorted out properly with a school contract, so if they dont keep to their promises you have proof.

 

get them to sign the aggreements that they have promised with dates and clear key sentences to what the school are going to do.

 

At home keep a diary of all the lessons they are breaking the set times LSAs are suppose to be their/

 

J had some difficulties with school last week and he just refused to go to school, the Educational Officer came and they both sat together and discussed all the issues that J was having and he then has passed it over to the headteacher, All the things that where on the paper that J had difficulties with has been addressed and in resolutions.

 

It is not acceptable how things are for your son, there is also the Disability Discrimination Act to look into as well, so do talk to IPSEA about the position they are placing your child in when he is suppose to be supported/

 

Also write a letter of complaint of the disattifaction to the chair of govenors and also try and arrange a meeting with your MP and explain the situation your son is in on a daily basis, they are very supportive and they do want to sort things out.

 

Have you thought about the Nas educational helpline as well as they can support you with the more practical tasks, and a parent here recieved a support worker to help sort out the actual statement and made sure things where been actually followed.

 

JsMum

[oxgirl]

Thanks a lot for that JsMum.

I just feel like crawling into bed at the moment and pulling the covers over my head, feel like I can't go on another day.

Why does it have to be so hard!

 

~ Mel ~

[Deedee]

It's difficult, isn't it, when they don't really fit in with the Unit kids and they don't fit in with the mainstream ones either, they're in a kind of no-man's land!

 

 

This really struck a chord with me its exactly what I said today at a meeting..so sorry to hear you are going through it too.

One suggestion we had today was for our boy to be reassessed by the EP etc,basically to see where we are now since the statement was issued,would it be an idea for you to request this also?? Best of luck D <'>

[oxgirl]

This really struck a chord with me its exactly what I said today at a meeting..so sorry to hear you are going through it too.

One suggestion we had today was for our boy to be reassessed by the EP etc,basically to see where we are now since the statement was issued,would it be an idea for you to request this also?? Best of luck D <'>

 

 

Sorry to hear you're in the same boat as well.

It could well be a good idea, yep, it's so many years since he was assessed by anyone. Thanks for that. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[brooke]

Hi Mel

Im so sorry for you. I know from you posts you have been having problems with this school. I mean why is it so much to ask that our children can be safe looked after and educated what is so hard about this? I really hope you can work something out soon. <'>

Brooke

[oxgirl]

Hi Mel

Im so sorry for you. I know from you posts you have been having problems with this school. I mean why is it so much to ask that our children can be safe looked after and educated what is so hard about this? I really hope you can work something out soon. <'>

Brooke

 

 

Thanks Brooke. <'>

You know, we were so relieved when he got a place at this Unit, we thought we'd finally be able to sit back and relax, that he was in good hands. We could not have been more wrong.

Take care. <'>

~ Mel ~

[JsMum]

Thanks Brooke. <'>

You know, we were so relieved when he got a place at this Unit, we thought we'd finally be able to sit back and relax, that he was in good hands. We could not have been more wrong.

Take care. <'>

~ Mel ~

 

I know you really do want to pull the bedcovers over your head and sleep it all off but it wont go away and the next night it will repeat its slef so a process that goes in circles.

 

I strongly recommend you show this unit that you are not going to do what they are doing which is ignore the problems and try and pretend its ticking along.

 

Its hard to fight when we are phsically drained and in some ways this is how some schools can get away with not providing the rescources they have promised because basically we are too tired to fight.

 

Try from some source of energy and fight back, we will send our vibes and good luck as much as we can here, but if they know they can get away with not providing they will do it all the more.

 

get some zeds tonight and then wake up with that fighting spirit, and go get them girl.

 

JsMum

[elun1]

<'> Mel <'>

My ds attends an autistic unit attached to mainstream and I can really relate to what you're saying. I honestly believed that when he was there he'd be safe and they'd meet his needs. I was wrong and at the moment it's a big battle to even get them to admit they don't meet his needs, let alone get it put right.

I really feel for you. Try and take care

Love, Elun <'> <'>

[oxgirl]

get some zeds tonight and then wake up with that fighting spirit, and go get them girl.

 

Cheers JsMum, my hub is fuming and has got his boxing gloves out. He is all set to write steaming emails to all concerned and demand meetings, so think I'll sit back with a cuppa and some bics (I mean apples) and enjoy the show for a while. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[oxgirl]

<'> Mel <'>

My ds attends an autistic unit attached to mainstream and I can really relate to what you're saying. I honestly believed that when he was there he'd be safe and they'd meet his needs. I was wrong and at the moment it's a big battle to even get them to admit they don't meet his needs, let alone get it put right.

I really feel for you. Try and take care

Love, Elun <'> <'>

 

 

So sorry you're in the same position Elun. On paper an ASD unit attached to mainstream school sounds so ideal, but the reality is often quite different with incompetent people who lack insight and understanding running the show.

Hope things improve for you and your lad soon. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[bikergal]

No advice to give . Sorry you're having such awful problems, sounds very much how things were for dd1 (13) at her last high school. She has no support in place at her new school, and gets verbally abused daily, she goes on the bus with her sister but finds that almost impossible to cope with coz of all the people. She's undergoing stat assessment and it should be complete by the end of Feb so should know one way or another soon. My head is spinning as I've got to submit my views, it seems such a daunting task. She is getting on much better there but the almost constant verbal abuse, for both of them, actually, really erodes their confidence.

 

Just don't give up, recharge your batteries, get ready for the next battle. I know it's hard, I want to bury my head in the sand, but I can't. My daughter's future depends on it and no one else is going to fight for her. Stay strong, take care.

 

<'>

[oxgirl]

No advice to give . Sorry you're having such awful problems, sounds very much how things were for dd1 (13) at her last high school. She has no support in place at her new school, and gets verbally abused daily, she goes on the bus with her sister but finds that almost impossible to cope with coz of all the people. She's undergoing stat assessment and it should be complete by the end of Feb so should know one way or another soon. My head is spinning as I've got to submit my views, it seems such a daunting task. She is getting on much better there but the almost constant verbal abuse, for both of them, actually, really erodes their confidence.

 

Just don't give up, recharge your batteries, get ready for the next battle. I know it's hard, I want to bury my head in the sand, but I can't. My daughter's future depends on it and no one else is going to fight for her. Stay strong, take care.

 

<'>

 

 

Hi Bikergal, thanks so much for your support. So sorry to hear about your girls' trouble, it's awful that they should have to put up with abuse like that, it must be so waring and depressing for them and you.

 

I feel so desperate and I think it's because my lad is 13 and time is ticking away and I'm so worried about what will happen to him. I keep asking myself what is it all for, all these school years of stress and strain, if he comes out of the end of it with an A* in science and nothing else, no friends and not able to go to college or get a job, what will happen to him. You probably feel the same, with your daughter a teen, the future seems so close now, not way off in the distance like it used to be, it's more imminent and more urgent.

 

Take care of yourself and hope the assessment brings some positive changes really soon. <'> <'>

~ Mel ~