I cant take it anymore........

[Bambi]

I cant cope and i dont know what to do T is very violent i suffer so many punches to my face, kicks, hair pulling & bites on a daily basis and its just wearing me down now.

 

He is also self harming alot, he bites his arms and legs along with punching himself not forgetting throwimg himself about and i have to stop him hurting himself and he would draw blood if i didnt stop him. He is also trying to bite his fingers both hands go in and he is chomping down hard! i have to pull them out or he could easily bite fingers off with how sharp his teeth are.

 

All the Paed can do is put him in hospital so what do i do? i feel i have failed coz look i cant even keep him from behaving like this, i cant imagine life being like this or worse and i dont see a quick fix solution to his severe probs.

 

Bambi x

[Cat]

I know someone whose son did go into hospital when there was no where left to go and was there for 10 weeks - but the turn around during that time was unbelievable in a very positive sense. No one can tell you what to do but one thing is clear you do need help urgently.

 

<'> <'> <'>

 

Cat

[Cat]

I know someone whose son did go into hospital when there was no where left to go and was there for 10 weeks - but the turn around during that time was unbelievable in a very positive sense. No one can tell you what to do but one thing is clear you and your son do need help urgently. You are not to blame for his behaviour he has a problem and it requires some serious help.

 

<'> <'> <'>

 

Cat

[Bambi]

Thanx for ur reply and the hugs

 

Bambi x

[baddad]

Hi bambi -

 

 

 

Don't have an awful lot to offer on this one apart from <'>

 

One thing I can say is that your son's behaviour is far too complex for you to unravel, so don't feel that 'you' have failed in anyway. You've said yourself - all the professionals can offer is hospitalisation...

 

Self harm is an incredibly difficult issue. If the only way your son has of expressing/dealing with his fear and anger and confusion is to hurt himself it's going to be really hard to find something to replace that, and even harder for him to understand and trust in that process. Chances are, as with most transitions (and particularly where behaviour modification or any kind of 'extinction' is the goal) things will escalate before they get better, but they will get better once he has found the things he 'gets' (security, reassurance, control) from other aspects of his life.

 

From what you've described it's far too early for reward systems to make a difference, so the only things you've really got to work with are consistency of response and redirection/distraction. They may not sound like much, but are, in fact, hugely powerful - the former for offering exactly the kind of security and reassurance he needs (but hopefully in a positive rather than negative way) and the others for helping to break the cycle of behaviour and offering alternatives to the destructive urges.

 

The one 'Behaviour modification' that worked with my son in the early days (before he could understand the concept of reward systems) was a very simplified '1,2,3, Magic'. Basically, the 'rules' were simple enough for him to grasp, and the very brief periods of isolation actaully worked as distraction AND time out for him to calm down. It's more difficult if self-harm is an issue, but if you have a hallway that's 'safe' the one thing you CAN be certain of is that all the time he's kicking the door (while you hold it closed on him) he's not hurting himself... As soon as the door kicking stops, you know the 'time out' is over.

 

Hope that's helpful, and keep badgering those professionals. Meantime, stop beating yourself up over something you have no control over. <'>

 

 

 

L&P

 

 

 

BD

[Mother in Need]

Oh Bambi, I. like so many others on this forum, can so sympathise with how you feel. I have been feeling like throwing the towel in this week, and I don't get it as bad as you do!

I personally think that hospitalisation might not be a bad option. You get a much needed break, and will therefore be much better able to care for him after, but also, his problems will be hopefully looked at so much more, and the roots of them maybe discovered, so something can really be done to actually help him. You should also receive more help and support afterwards, when he comes back home. I hope!

Meanwhile you'll also be able to spend some quality time with your other little boy, which right now will be nigh on impossible.

 

Saying that, I have the feeling that that is where my own son would end up if I really couldn't cope anymore, and there is no way I would leave him by himself in our local hospital as I know the care there is sooo bad (last time he had an operation I actually took him home overnight, as I couldn't stay with him and they had no clue as to his medical care (I am unfortunately very serious...) let alone the austism.... So do make sure he ends up where they can actually provide for his needs!

[dolly]

hI Bambi

I really feel for you . Please dont think you have failed. <'> > Do you get any respite? If not why not try the hospital if nothing else it would give you a little time to recharge your batteries.

[Kathrynh]

<'> <'> <'> You haven't failed. Take any help you can get. You need a break.

[hev]

bambi <'> <'> <'> take any help which is offered,you in now way have failed,wish i could say more but ive got to pick my daughter up,wish i could help you

[bikergal]

I really feel for you, take care <'> <'> <'>

[Kathryn]

Bambi,

 

<'> <'>

 

Don't feel you've failed - none of this is your fault. The professionals have failed to support you.

 

Have you discussed the possibility of medication to help your son's anxiety?

 

K x

[Bambi]

I thank you all so much for ur words of advice and support here, i am trying to call Ts Paed now its engaged but i will let u know what he suggests when i tell him i cant cope like this anymore.

 

Bambi x

[marshmallow]

<'> <'> <'> You have not failed, you have fought for along time to get T's needs recognised, and hopefully now met. If you were failing as a mum you wouldn't have cared. Listen to the T's Paed and decide what you want to do, you want the best for T,you know him best, but you need to look after yourself too....if that makes any sense! Take care. <'>

[forbsay]

Thinking of you and sending you lots of hugs

 

Forbsay

xxxx

[oxgirl]

Oh Bambi, this is really hard on you. <'> <'>

 

Could you maybe try and introduce some sort of stress-relieving alternative to biting himself? What I mean is, something specific for the purpose, a soft toy or cushion or other item that's good to chew and bite and make that the thing that 'gets it' when your lad is stressed. When he's in a situation where you can see that he will start to bite himself, you could quickly offer the 'stress bunny' or whatever it is and he can let the bunny have it instead. This may then become a habit and when he feels frustrated and wants to bite and punch and gouge something he might reach for that instead of taking out the frustratin on himself. This is something we did with a little girl who was doing a home programme, whenever she got wound up we'd shove this in her arms and encourage her to punch and bite and squeeze it as hard as she could to get all the pent-up aggression out of herself.

 

Good luck and try not to be too hard on yourself, this is not your fault. <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[Bagpuss]

Bambi <'> <'>

[bid]

Oh Bambi, please don't blame yourself <'>

 

We have had similar problems over the years (my son is 17 now).

 

I know it's not for everyone, but things really turned around for him when he went to a residential special school for AS. He now goes to a residential special FE college run by the same people.

 

Have you had a look at any of the (mostly independent) specialist schools just for AS?

 

Good luck, and I do know how it makes you feel as a parent...been there many times myself <'> <'>

 

Bidx

[Clare63]

<'> <'> <'> <'>

Sorry I missed this post before I replied to your one about SS and the Police. Please don't blame yourself you both need help and from what I can see from todays' post its still not coming. My DS used to bite and scratch himself and would say things like I want to put my eye on this barb wire and I can't stop myself. I think a lot of it is due to total frustration and confusion of the world they are in. As a Mother it's terrible seeing and hearing your child doing harmful things to themselves not to mention the aggression towards other family members, in my case its always me he goes for. We are all here to support and listen to you, don't forget we are on your side and we have to keep fighting these dam people in authority who think they know best but don't live it day to day.

Take care

<'> <'> <'> Clare <'> <'>

[Bambi]

Hi guys not been around much feeling pretty low but i do have an appointment with Ts Paed 2moro at 2pm, if he suggests he needs admitting to hospital then thats the route we have to take for the sake of T. I went in his room the other morn and said 'morning T ' while opening his blinds and he hid under his duvet scared of me saying 'i know u want to kill me' i can see my baby is a right mess and im worried sick about what could happen if he doesnt get help asap.

 

Thanx for being there and i will update as soon as poss.

 

Bambi x

[dolly]

All the best for 2moro <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

[Clare63]

Yes ... all the best for tomorrow.

Clare x <'> <'> <'>

[witsend]

Take care Bambi - good luck for tomorrow.

Luv Witsend.

[elun1]

<'> <'> Bambi <'> <'> Really hope tomorrow is helpful

love Elun xxxxx

[marshmallow]

<'> Hope it goes well tomorrow, and you both get the help you need. Take Care <'> .

[hev]

hope tomorrow goes ok <'> <'> <'> thinking of you

[Bambi]

aww thanx guys really appreciate it and will let u know how things go when im back from the appointment, will be late on as we have to go to the next town (thats where Ts Paed is based).

 

Bambi x

[OPooh]

Glad today went well even if it didn't feel like it hun <'>

[Noetic]

Hi guys not been around much feeling pretty low but i do have an appointment with Ts Paed 2moro at 2pm, if he suggests he needs admitting to hospital then thats the route we have to take for the sake of T. I went in his room the other morn and said 'morning T ' while opening his blinds and he hid under his duvet scared of me saying 'i know u want to kill me' i can see my baby is a right mess and im worried sick about what could happen if he doesnt get help asap.

That's awkful, it does sound like there is something going on aside from an ASD though, something that is stressing him to the point where he is experiencing something akin to delusions. Could be stress in school or something else, has he been assessed for Bipolar?

 

40% of people with ASDs apparently have some degree of this, so it's a possibility. The rages and self-injury sound a lot like what Donna Williams describes of herself and her experiences with childhood bipolar.

 

PDA doesn't usually involve that kind of level of self-injury, AFAIK, and while anxiety plays a role I am not sure the belief that you want to kill him really fits that picture. Does he have a lot of strong cravings (esp. carbohydrates I think are something a lot of Bipolar kids develop unnatural cravings for, especially sugar etc.) or any other sudden and irrational behaviour that is not really explained by AS? (Such as paranoia, very extreme anxieties that seem to be linked with mild hallucinations etc. rather than just OCD-type or sensory anxieties)

 

http://www.healthieryou.com/bipolarch.html

http://www.bpkids.org/site/PageServer?pagename=lrn_about

Edited March 12, 2007 by Noetic

[Bambi]

U know what i have been thinking the same thing, i knew T had more than just typical autism/AS and the PDA does fit in many ways (his role playing takes over his life day in & out). I want to learn more and to be honest i know T baffles the pro's i mean Autism isnt researched enough to know all there is to know BUT they do know its genetic (i believe this as i know my dad has undiagnosed mental health problems). I have posted in my other post the outcome of the Paed appointment, it was hell.

 

Thanx for all ur replies and i appreciate it.

 

Bambi x

Edited March 13, 2007 by Bambi

[Noetic]

U know what i have been thinking the same thing, i knew T had more than just typical autism/AS and the PDA does fit in many ways (his role playing takes over his life day in & out). I want to learn more and to be honest i know T baffles the pro's i mean Autism isnt researched enough to know all there is to know BUT they do know its genetic (i believe this as i know my dad has undiagnosed mental health problems). I have posted in my other post the outcome of the Paed appointment, it was hell.

Good luck, childhood-onset bipolar is not something widely acknowledged in the UK but I've read a fair amount on this and since the NAS backs the suggestion that ca. 40% of children on the Spectrum have such problems, it might stand a chance if you bring it up with a doctor. It also seems to fit with roughly the percentage of kids and adults with ASDs who have certain types of behavioural issues like violence and self-injury which do NOT get better no matter how much you structure their environment or how much sensory stuff you try.