Push ups as Punishment Part 2

[madme]

Well it has gone from bad to worse. We were advised that Head was going to be told. He wasn't which appears to be due to unforeseen circumstances. Fine they are not to blame. But tonight son phones in a state - he forgot his coat as did a number of children- and so they were told to do 20 push ups each by the boarding staff. I am at this point so tempted to name and shame. My son had been told only yesterday by medical staff to refuse. I had also told him to refuse. When he did he was told that he would he written in the conduct book as non-co-operation and refusal- this is what sent him over the edge. He begged me to pick him up -drive nearly three hours to get him. I calmed him and said that I wanted to speak to the boarding. He was too frightened. So I call the Head of pastoral Care. He tells me that I have to put it in writing but that he has spoken to a number of children from that boarding house and that they have confirmed that this was a punishment. He tells me that the Head will call. I tell him that husband wants to call SS and Im thinking of calling all parents in Sons house to see if they feel its ok to give such a punishment. I'm given flannel that we are the first complaint. He accepts that not acceptable but has to speak to Head. Head calls and offers a meeting to resolve - ie we have to take personal time out and drive to school to discuss- what is there to discuss- Am I being too black and white? We feel that if we put it in writing it will come back on our son unless they are dismissed-Is our only choice to remove him from a school that has so much to offer.

[pingu]

Well it has gone from bad to worse. We were advised that Head was going to be told. He wasn't which appears to be due to unforeseen circumstances. Fine they are not to blame. But tonight son phones in a state - he forgot his coat as did a number of children- and so they were told to do 20 push ups each by the boarding staff. I am at this point so tempted to name and shame. My son had been told only yesterday by medical staff to refuse. I had also told him to refuse. When he did he was told that he would he written in the conduct book as non-co-operation and refusal- this is what sent him over the edge. He begged me to pick him up -drive nearly three hours to get him. I calmed him and said that I wanted to speak to the boarding. He was too frightened. So I call the Head of pastoral Care. He tells me that I have to put it in writing but that he has spoken to a number of children from that boarding house and that they have confirmed that this was a punishment. He tells me that the Head will call. I tell him that husband wants to call SS and Im thinking of calling all parents in Sons house to see if they feel its ok to give such a punishment. I'm given flannel that we are the first complaint. He accepts that not acceptable but has to speak to Head. Head calls and offers a meeting to resolve - ie we have to take personal time out and drive to school to discuss- what is there to discuss- Am I being too black and white? We feel that if we put it in writing it will come back on our son unless they are dismissed-Is our only choice to remove him from a school that has so much to offer.

 

 

 

Hi Madme.

I managed to keep quiet during the first topic. Now im afraid i must say whats on my mind. This sounds like some sort of REGIMENTED ABUSE that would have been perfectly acceptable 40 years ago in a boarding school for naughty children. But NOT in a Special Needs School, where children are supposed to FEEL SAFE and have their needs met in the way of UNDERSTANDING.

 

Sorry to shout here, but i think its appalling and i strongly advise you to go straight to the top with this. This needs to stop, all those poor kids in your sons house are suffering the same mental and emotional cruelty which if were to happen in our own homes the SS would be the first to take away the children.

 

Do get in touch with other parents, i am sure you will find them just as appauled as everyone else and together you will be able to fight for what is the right care your children should be recieving.

 

I do hope you can sort this out. but i feel so sorry for your son and the other kids, because this IS abuse. !

 

Take care Madme. I am thinking about you <'>

 

Shaz

[madme]

Have tried to speak to someone at Oftsed and awaiting a call back. I dont want to go official but may have no choice. What a mess. If my son feels ill at the weekend I may keep him at home next week as nearly half term. How can a meeting with the Head resolve this? Surely there should be some disciplinary action asap against these people. If they have it confirmed by other kids now why do they still need us to make the complaint which singles out our child.

[Deedee]

I'm so sorry Madme <'> Sounds like you are going through hell at the moment I'm sorry I have no advice I can offer you but wanted to say I truly hope it all works out for you and your boy D XX

[Bagpuss]

Disgusting....absolutely appalled. I would try SS, surely this is way beyond what could be seen as acceptable punishment. I feel choked up for your son I couldn't bare the thought of any of my children enduring this.......thinking of you, and hope that you find someone who will listen, take action and your son can go to school feeling safe <'> <'> <'>

[barefoot wend]

madme

 

I agree with all that's been said. This behaviour is horrific. I think I would ring both the local authority that maintains your son's statement and the local authority in which the special school is located. I'd also be sorely tempted to contact the press. This is not an acceptable state of affairs in any care scenario.

 

I really hope you get this sorted for your son and all the other children who are under such a regime.

 

Good luck.

[Flora]

I agree with what pingu said. This is regimented abuse.

 

It's humiliating and cruel and the people who are doing it should not be working with special needs children.

 

I would drive up to the school and ask to see the head today, you could bring your son home at the same time for the weekend. Most special schools operate an open door policy to parents so it will be a good opportunity to test that policy too!!!

 

Hope you get it sorted madme, and thank goodness your son was able to tell you about it.

 

Flora

[LittleRae]

Push ups today, cold showers tomorrow? This needs to be stopped now. I feel for your son. It's good that he can let you know these things.

 

School should not need to hold a lengthy investigation:

 

Staff member 1 to staff member 2: 'did you give push ups as punishment?'

Staff member 2: 'yes'

Staff member 1: 'stop it. it isn't allowed'.

 

Solved!

[madme]

I agree Flora - they shouldn't be working with children with special needs. Their mindset is wrong. But all that will happen is that they are told to stop and they get away with what has probably going on for years- And my son is left to take the flack. Already I suspect that he wont tell me again as he is frightened of how they will react and just wants a quiet life- he has another year of these people before he moves to another boarding house. It is against the Minimum standards - that at much I now know. If we complain formally to Ofsted they get a slapped wrist?

[hev]

oh how awful for you both <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

agree with what others have said,i would drive to school and get him out until its sorted and stopped,get together with other parents,ring up everyone official you can think of to tell them whats going on,they are bullies and its horrible,i really feel for you going through this <'>

[madme]

We spoke to Ofsted who will take it up as a compliant if we wish. It is against the guidelines. We wrote a lengthy email to the Head who has responded that : " The Head of pastoral Care regularly visits each of our boarding houses and each term writes a report on the visit. This includes talking to the pupils about their experience in the boarding houses. As yet there has been no indication of a problem as you have described it. I will make further investigations over the weekend and I will then let you have my findings. ". This appears to ignore the fact that that person spoke to several pupils last night and they confirmed that is the practice. What else do they need? His tutor is not happy as she had not been told by anyone of what was happening- she agrees that this is bullying and is speaking to the Head. Son has said that he will come home tomorrow as usual. Whether he goes back next week remains to be seen. Cant speak to other parents as have lost the sheet with the numbers- son has some numbers so will try over the weekend. He seemed happier but subdued.

[Kazzen161]

At my son's residential school, they had a new carer in the house, and he was telling the kids when to go to the toilet (like you do with toddlers). Several of the children went to the Head and complained, she agreed with them, had a word with him and it was sorted.

 

There are two options.

 

All residential schools should have advertised around the school contact details for an "independent person". Children can call this person with these sort of issues, and they will make sure it is sorted. I think parents can also call them - details should be in prospectus or brochure.

 

All residential schools have an annual "Ofsted" equivalent of the care side.

 

see www.csci.org.uk/ . They look at exactly these sorts of things, and you may be able to get them to intervene (it always pays to ask residential schools for a copy of their last csic report).

 

Good luck.

 

Karen

[Cat]

Have you ever read a book called Asparagus Dreams? It is written by a young woman with AS who attended a school where they dished out punishments similar to your sons school. No one did anything about this for years and that meant that many children had to suffer continued abuse. When this did come to light the school almost closed and it is still suffering the back lash of what happened there.

 

Question - Would you ever punish your son by making him do push ups when he was ill?

 

If the answer to this question is no then no matter how many cages you have to rattle or how many people you upset it is up to you to stop this from happening. Yes speak to other parents and see if they will help you but this is regimented abuse and you know that it is taking place. It has to be someones responsibilty to stop this from happening?

 

Cat

Edited May 19, 2007 by Cat

[madme]

Cat I agree- but why should it be mine. Ive been here before with my son's first primary school- we took him out - I know other families since whose kids had to leave and a Health Visitor wrote to the LEA. Despite many complaints that schools still exists and our complaints got nowhere. I spoke tonight to a mum of an apsie kid who had probs with this individual last year - the HT wouldn't act. This year he is ok. I have spoken to a couple of parents who are shocked but will they take action? My son is happy apart from this - I'm in complete turmoil. He wants me to drop it. Nothing will happen - just my son will get picked on more and they will find a way to get rid of him. Tonight he is back there and in truth I wont sleep until July and when he is home for the summer full time. He knows now to say no and refuse. He knows that it isnt acceptable. If he cant cope I will pick up.

Edited May 20, 2007 by madme

[pumpkinpie]

How is it going? <'>

[madme]

Thanks for asking. Ht has confirmed that it has been stopped.

He reported "there was a request for the pupils to do press ups and some pupils chose to do them whilst others did not. I am sure that there was no intention to deliberately humiliate the pupils although this could have been a perception of xxxxx.Most of the children who have been asked to do press ups see it as a bit of fun rather than as a punishment. The use of push ups as a method of reinforcing memory training will not now happen as it is accepted that it could be misinterpreted by the pupils. xxxxxx have been Houseparents for the last three years and in that time we have had three CSCI inspections, a full ISI inspection as well as other visits by LEA inspectors. All of these inspections require the inspectors to sample what the pupil?s experience of boarding is like by questionnaire or by face to face interviews. There has never been a comment of any kind about the use of humiliating or degrading punishments.I hope that xxxxxx continues to make progress with us and we will endeavour to ensure that our care of the children in the boarding situation continues to meet the highest standards."

 

My son is ok at the moment. Im worried that he won't tell me if something happens. His tutor has moved the complaints box to the building where he and his fellow pupils most frequent.

 

The HTs comments are inappropriate and suggest that it is my son who has misinterpreted this but in fact it was his tutor who used these words as did the medical staff.

[Bagpuss]

Lost for words again Madme.....good grief, how can the HT think asking pupils to do press ups is ok, because most of them find it funny, and that none of them have complained to inspectors, so therefore it's all fine.......we are talking about children with special needs here.....

[madme]

Yes Bagpuss its ridiculous that my son is being made out to be a complainer when two other staff complained about this treatment to the HT. I suspect that those staff have been told to keep their mouths shut. His tutor is now regularly asking the kids if everything is ok so at least she is on the ball. Other kids also refused to do it. "memory training"- these people apparently took my son aside when it all blew up and had a go at him for telling me and said that this method of memory training had worked for another child. I remain of the opinion that they have no place in a school but hopefully they have at least been told to back off my son.

[Bagpuss]

Memory training my bottom.......it's degrading and humiliating....do the staff practice what they preach....if so, would love to see their staff meetings Glad your son was able to confide in you <'> <'> His courage will of helped other children <'>