IM sick of ignorant comments about my son

[Lolly]

HIYA ALL OF YA:) xxxx

FELT I HAD to post,well ok,NEEDED TO POST as Im just sick of certain *comments*

 

SORRY if u've read my posts about the stress Im having with my 8 year old son,if so, I'm sorry for wittering on,

my Ds was assessed at home& the report came back he needs to be screened for ADHD/ASD and also obsessive&eccentric traits..I'm waiting on CAMHS now..

forgive me if I speak out of turn ,

Ive spoken to close friends about his behaviours/him being on school action plus special needs and an IEP since he was 5.

I've also tried to explain*he doesnt understand/mean it in malice(when hes kicking off&swearing etc)(NOT THAT ITS AN EXCUSE FOR RUDENESS ETC)

 

Im sick to death of getting the *roll eyes,look up&down,the 'AWWWW' & then suggesting he doesnt have juice/sugar/sweets*

YET when I explain these things have been stopped,I get looked at AGAIN as if "OH,you've got a naughty child"

I feel bad having to *explain* myself (which I shouldnt have to)

Ive had comments like"OH NO,HE'S NOT LIKE THAT he's a GOOD BOY,(to me that meant all children with ASD are naughty,not good..GRRRR!!!!)because everytime hes's been with me he's been so good and polite,he's never a problem"... ALSO

comments from school "OHH he was such a good boy when he started this school,whats got into him,he was never like this

(swearing, sniffing,cant sit still,pen tapping,walking out of class)

but We dont know whats got into him,his concentration is terrible and his behaviour & rudeness is getting out of hand(BAD PARENT feeling there)

also Ive been *advised* that the *naughty* children in the school(who have a seperate room) could be 'rubbing off* on my son & he's behaving *bad* so he can go in this *special room*

 

ALL this just P****s me off totallly, cos Im made to feel that Im a nagging mum& that Children with 'ADHD,ASD/LEARNING DIFFICULTIES,are being somewhat accused of*rubbing off on others &'behave badly* for their benefit,

WHY WOULD THEY?? then if thats the case why isnt Jay *rubbing* off on his 6yr old brother?

they are SO MUCH ALIKE as brothers(friends cant tell them apart wen in bath/sleeping..I CAN lol)but as People they are SO DIFFERENT!

my little boy is struggling,cant sit still,swears&doesnt go to sleep till 11pm,

YEAH ive been a single mum since my jay was 2yrs and his brother 3 mths

BUT DO I BLAME A *NAUGHTY KID IN SCHOOL FOR HIS BEHAVIOUR??????

sorry for ranting,but I HAD TO SAY IT..does anyone else get the"naughty child/bad parent" feeling that I do?

I'd love to hear form ANYONE....advice/opinion/chat/cry/stomp/I LISTEN TOO:)

[Pippin]

I really do feel for you, why is it that other people get all "superior" about our so-called "parenting skills". I mostly ignore those who say stupid stuff but I have a couple of stock answers for the most common comments.

1. Well, it's just as well for us that the professionals disagree with you. (hopefully you can use that one soon).

2. Isn't it amazing that I managed to bring up 2 children so differently in the same house at the same time!!! Sometimes I just astound myself!!! (simpler for me as mine are twins!!!).

 

As P has got older I've watched most of them eat their words, and any that didnt...well, I just dont have anything to do with them any more.

And don't forget, all of us here know what you're going through and are always here.

[Bard]

Well, I'm a primary teacher, B was in the same school and we didn't work out what was going on until he was 8 and had diverged significantly from the norm.

So I didn't get comments to my face, just the playground Mafia muttering amongst themselves that my son was naughty, evil, spoilt and allowed to have free reign because his mum was a teacher and parents were powerless because I would take it out on their children if anyone complained.

On one occasion, when he was in isolation in the Head's office, the Head of Governors asked ' Oh, in trouble again, what's his home life like?' Imagine her surprise when the answer didn't fit the stereotype!

After dx they moved onto 'What a shame,he looks normal' and suggestions that weren't helpful or useful, but at least no longer telling each other that he was possessed by the devil.

Some people will always be a pain in the *rs*, some will be ignorant and puzzled, some will be supportive.

And that's just how it is.

You are not a bad parent, he is just as naughty as any other 8 year old, and all of us here know, understand and have had comments like this over and over again. Come on here and rant as often as you want to!

We can swap stories, and I can always add a few about spoilt, over-indulged NT children whose parents are raising teenagers they are not going to enjoy!

[Lolly]

thanks so much for the replies..its good to know im not alone!

Its just difficult at the mo cos as of yet my son hasnt been seen by CAMHS so he is just seen as a naughty boy who doesnt listen/take notice..even the head dinner lady is after getting him excluded on a lunch time for..wait for it....tying his jumper on the climbing frame!!(everyone says shes real hard� many kids/parents like her lol)

Had a real tough day yesterday,went on a school trip to a large church where my son's class had work displayed there along with many other schools as a project thingy

 

well,we'd not been there 10 mins when he announced "I dont do churches and god squad bible bashing s**t,this is as boring as f*****g s*** and I want to go home Then started to run around all the artwork displays,I asked him to hold my hand and behave like the rest of the group,he refused,so i took his hand(trying to remain calm,the fact i was in this church place,with other children&teachers!)

thats when it kicked off,he nipped,peeled my fingers off him,making me bleed, called me a b***,went to bite me,stamped on my foot&threw himself on the floor, all without any emotion on his face..just a blank nothing.I walked away as i was close to tears

10 mins later after a teacher had spoke to to him about upsetting mummy,he came to apologise&said he would behave from then on...

NOT EVEN 5 MINS LATER was he running up&down the church,climbing on the pews pretending to pray&asking"whats that smell..I bet jesus has farted"

ARRGHHH,I really cud tear my hair out,I just hope my dear son get the help he needs

[rach04]

im not talking to my sister because of this. She told me that she had read up on asd and js problems were down to me and not asd (if only it was text book) she sees him once a year and because grand dad is there he sort of behaves (apart from the figgiting) id rather not talk to her than put my child through her ignorance and rudeness. stupid mooo

 

 

oh and she has 2 spoilt nt kids that are horrible little brats that get away with murder

Edited June 30, 2007 by rach04

[hev]

ome days i can let peoples comments go over my head other days they really upset me,the next person who talks cr!p to me about steve im gonna say oh i didnt realise you had studied autism when they say they havent im gonna walk away shaking my head!!

[Clare63]

ome days i can let peoples comments go over my head other days they really upset me,the next person who talks cr!p to me about steve im gonna say oh i didnt realise you had studied autism when they say they havent im gonna walk away shaking my head!!

 

 

Like it Hev, I am going to try that one.

 

Clare x

[hev]

actually i might shake my head and punch them in the head,they might get the message then

[Eva]

My family 'blame' AS when my son is doing something he shouldn't, and they put it down to AS when he's doing well at something, (and they blame my parenting skills too - not 'intellectual' enough).

 

Eva

 

PS: good idea Hev!

[Bard]

My family 'blame' AS when my son is doing something he shouldn't, and they put it down to AS when he's doing well at something, (and they blame my parenting skills too - not 'intellectual' enough).

 

Eva

 

PS: good idea Hev!

 

Oh well, if they're so good at handing out advice, they can help me. Your parenting skills are 'not intellectual enough?'

Between the pair of us, we have 2 first class degrees, several postgrad qualifications and a Masters.

We speak numerous languages, play several instruments and have given papers at conferences. Our conversations are frequently so clever as to leave lesser mortals breathless. We still struggle with all the usual parenting stuff, no matter how many books we read or lectures we attend. B still has meltdowns and school is a daily minefield.

It makes no difference. Not 'intellectual' enough? they're talking utter cr*p.

They should be supportive and admire you for the parenting you are doing, there are enough strangers out there to point fingers and hiss. You shouldn't be getting the same nonsense from people who should care more about you.

I think I'm in a bit of a bolshie mood this weekend! Need more sunshine.

[mandyque]

No doubt if you did have an 'intellectual' approach to parenting, that would also be blamed in some way

 

I've had it up to my neck with 'awww and she looks so normal' and 'awww what a shame, she's so pretty too'. So ermmmm do you have to be ugly or 'abnormal' to have ASD? I DON'T THINK SO! It's such a wonderful thing when somebody gives you an understanding look or comment, shame it's such a rare thing

 

I don't buy all that 'God only gives special kids to special parents' stuff either, with my history, both personal and healthwise, I'm certainly not an ideal mum for any child, let alone one with special needs! I do my best, same as everyone else, I'm not a supermum or an angel or whatever, I'm just a mum who has more challenges than most!

[allsetuk]

no one even beleives me, the amount of people that have said "oh all children do that, he is only young " only his teacher truly recognises every aspect of his behaviour and sees it for what it really is. my grandmother when i told them of my sons diagnosis asked me "Is this something you have done ..have you not been hard enough on him and let him get away with too much"????????? even my best friend didnt like the diagnosis ...i feel totally alone ..except when i read this board

[shortcake]

no one even beleives me, the amount of people that have said "oh all children do that, he is only young " only his teacher truly recognises every aspect of his behaviour and sees it for what it really is. my grandmother when i told them of my sons diagnosis asked me "Is this something you have done ..have you not been hard enough on him and let him get away with too much"????????? even my best friend didnt like the diagnosis ...i feel totally alone ..except when i read this board

 

 

Ohhhh i so know what you mean!!! I cant stand it when people (including my ex husband R' dad) tell me that he is normal and that he doesnt do that when he is with me NO OF COURSE NOT MORON YOU NEVER SEE HIM AHHH!!

 

sorry had to get that off my chest

 

People assume that as our children dont look different that they cant possibly have anything who with them the worse one are people who say "we never had things like that around when we were younger" urr yes you did it was just never diagnosed!

[Stella63]

Hi

 

Thought i'd join in and have a bit of a moan!.

 

When OJ had his breakdown, all of a sudden the whole multi professional team arrived for a network meeting. I was lucky I guess cos the school Dr specialises in ASD and did an assessment there and then. I was also told to tel my own Dr to write a referrel to St Georges Hospital for possible Tourettes which he did. Great for OJ as had the dx's he needed but the Dr then said what about your older son. She knew he had been 'naughty' all through primary school and in secondary. Even though AJ was not her responsibility she wanted to assess him. He was dx'd aspergers. She then bumped into his old SENCO and asked her what she thought about AJ and his behaviour. She said that they had got it completely wrong and if she had realised he was aspergers the school would have dealt with him in a much different way! So his whole primary education was stuffed up and to get a dx at 14 is almost too late. He perceives himself to be the 'naughty boy' and it is proving very difficult to break that, not that we're giving up!

 

And, Lolly, I hope you get a decent person at CAMHS cos some of them are worse than useless, apologies to the good ones out there!. also have you considered Tourettes with the sniffing etc?

[Lolly]

Hi

 

Thought i'd join in and have a bit of a moan!.

 

When OJ had his breakdown, all of a sudden the whole multi professional team arrived for a network meeting. I was lucky I guess cos the school Dr specialises in ASD and did an assessment there and then. I was also told to tel my own Dr to write a referrel to St Georges Hospital for possible Tourettes which he did. Great for OJ as had the dx's he needed but the Dr then said what about your older son. She knew he had been 'naughty' all through primary school and in secondary. Even though AJ was not her responsibility she wanted to assess him. He was dx'd aspergers. She then bumped into his old SENCO and asked her what she thought about AJ and his behaviour. She said that they had got it completely wrong and if she had realised he was aspergers the school would have dealt with him in a much different way! So his whole primary education was stuffed up and to get a dx at 14 is almost too late. He perceives himself to be the 'naughty boy' and it is proving very difficult to break that, not that we're giving up!

 

And, Lolly, I hope you get a decent person at CAMHS cos some of them are worse than useless, apologies to the good ones out there!. also have you considered Tourettes with the sniffing etc?

aww bless ya hunni,yeah J is being assessed for ADHD(so at school he is THE NAUGHTY BOY!)he only sniffs when he's 'winding down' in bed and trying to go to sleep(round about 10:30-11pm) ..when he says"the key is winding down&he gets the 'bugging feeling' which makes him 'BUSY& WANTING TO RUN AROUND'

He only swears when he is in a stressed situation,like today he had to be peeled off the bookcase AGAIN as he wouldnt go into class with *that fu***** mean fat b****

Who is a TA who often stands in for his normal teacher,I really hope he gets sorted because,every day now is harder&im sick of the tears,Im not imagining it...am I?

j's 6 yr old brother is TOTALLY different.always good,getting awards&praise from staff etc,any advice is welcomed alll my best to you xxxx