Advice regarding school reports

[Bagpuss]

Our youngest dd came home with her school report yesterday. Full of lots of positive remarks in all areas. It was lovely to read, and DH and I said afterwards if we didn't know dd we would assume she had no difficulties whatsoever, as none we mentioned, due to the MD or ASD. After thinking about it, I felt it wasn't balanced, as there were no areas of difficulites mentioned at all. I decided to put in her home/school diary that we had felt that although her report was lovely, for us as parents to read, we were surprised that no areas of difficulty were mentioned. We listed a few areas we felt should of been raised, ie dd falling alot due to MD, struggling with certain aspects of PE, becoming more tired,....things along those lines. DD had also come home from school upset, saying she couldn't take her bottle to school now, as they weren't allowed fizzy drinks and she had to have a carton, and the LSA had told her this. DD never takes fizzy drinks to school, she has fresh orange in a bottle. I tried to reassure her, that her bottle of fresh orange was ok, but it was very hard. I also put this in her diary, and queried what had actually taken place, and said I was unsure.

 

This morning her teacher rang me. She said the LSA had not told dd she couldn't bring her bottle, or even had a conversation with her. They had told another pupil, who had been off sick, that for the school trip next week, he had to bring a carton and not a fizzy drinks. She also said that the annual school report to was celebrate dd success, not highlight her difficulites, and these were addressed throughout the year via the home/school diary and the panel meetings and reports which take place every term. She said she would re-write the report, but I told her that was not our intention, we had just felt the report could of been more balanced, and yes it was lovely to celebrate dd's achievements, but alongside that we felt her difficulties should of been acknowledged, she said again she would rewrite, and went. I felt really awful, as I have alot of respect for dd's teacher, as does DH and I wondered if I'd of been better to have said nothing.

 

About 10 mins later the HT rang. She said dd's teacher was upset. I explained again what I had just said to dd's teacher, and the HT said she felt dd's report should not be rewritten. I explained I had told dd's teacher not to rewrite the report. She said dd's teacher was having some probs with some of the parents, finding fault etc and she was worried she may lose her as a teacher. I said I hoped that we were not viewed as nit picky parents, and it was very difficult as a parent of a child with ASD to understand fully what has taken place at school. We never made assumptions, and that is why we always put any concerns or questions in the home/school diary, to get a full picture, rather than just assume our dd's take on things is accurate. The HT assured me that we were not viewed in this way, and she was pleased that we were not requesting the report be rewritten. She felt it was important to celebrate the child's success during that year, and parents would be given an appointment, with their child, to discuss the report, which again, is why they felt it was important for it to be positive.

 

I feel terrible....... I think dd's teacher is marvellous.....My question is this.........should I have kept quiet and viewed it as a wonderfully positive achievement on dd's part, or was it valid for me to question a report with no difficulties mentioned at all?

 

 

Very guilty Baggy

Edited July 3, 2007 by Bagpuss

[Mumble]

Baggy,

 

I do not think you have done anything wrong at all. I am not saying that because I think it is what you want to hear (believe me I'm useless as working out what people want me to write); I am saying it because it is what I believe to be true.

 

Of course it is wonderful to have a positive report, but, as you say, this does not reflect reality and isn't helpful. I'm sure you're quite capable of seeing the positives in your daughter - what you need is a professional's opinion on where the difficulties may lie and possibilities for addressing these. This is not being negative; it is showing an awareness of the individual's strengths and weaknesses.

 

Now, speaking from a teacher perspective; I don't know what pressures were on this teacher to produce a positive report - tha fact that she was upset suggests to me that there is something more underlying this than is immediately obvious. When I wrote my first set of reports for my first class, I had two-thirds returned to me by the head teacher for re-writing because I had not emphasised the positive strongly enough. This resulted in several arguments with me questionning exactly what the purpose of a school report was if I was supposed to lie and say everything was fine when it wasn't (this was an independent school btw). In the end, my reports went out with some changes and the head saying I would have to deal with the attacks from parents. Now without wanting to gloat, this didn't happen - instead I had parents who thanked me for giving an honest and accurate assessment of their child. This is, in my opinion, what parents want to hear. Parents are not stupid - they know when stock phrases are used and the report is essentially 'false'.

 

I would suggest that the only person who has any reason to be guilty here is the HT. Any problems she is having with staff retention should not be passed over to you. Of course she wants her school to look positive with positive reports, but at one level schools need to be realistic. Maybe that's my problem though, so you're best listening to other people - I do believe in 'telling it like it is'.

 

On the juice bottle - you were absolutely right to question this and, I think, very asstute in realising that it is very difficult for an ASD individual to explain a situation like this, which has caused distress, acurately. I could easily see myself doing something like this and getting quite upset by it - difficult for others to understand but entirely logical to me. Surely such, whether you want to call it misunderstanding or literal use of language, is exactly the sort of thing that should be included in a school report. It has caused your daughter distress (be this outward or not) and as such will have made is harder for her to concentrate in class and to learn. This is an issue to be addressed.

 

You may need these school reports at some time in the future as part of further assessments or access to services. If they are not accurate (which they are not if they are not giving a very balanced picture), they are going to be little use to anyone. My primary school reports in particular were used at my assessment. Now they are quite horrendous to read, but they are accurate in how I presented at school. Alongside noting my academic strengths they note, in some detail, my social difficulties. These were essential in my diagnosis and although I might not like them very much, they help me to make sense of who I am.

 

Please don't feel guilty. You have nothing to feel guity about. If it helps, why not go and speak to the teacher - explain why you felt as you did etc. - I think that sort of thing is easier face to face.

 

Mumble

[brooke]

Hi

I think i would have felt the same if O had come home with a glowing report, as i know what he can be like. Its difficult though because we know the difficulties they face and want to make sure the schools arent just brushing them off and making out their fine.

I think in general reports they are supposed to have positives, with maybe a few "could do better in this area". It sounds as though her teacher has maybe just been too sensitive when you have called up. Id try not to feel bad as you havnt done anything wrong <'> <'>

Brooke

[cmuir]

Hi

 

I think it's very wrong for you to be made to feel guilty by the HT about your comments regarding the report. If the teacher chooses to leave that her choice (sounds oversensitive maybe?). Your comments aren't fault finding, your're simply just saying that 'yes, it's great she's doing so well, but please identify her difficulties'. Simple as that!

 

Caroline.

[pumpkinpie]

I do think it is important to get accurate reports. When submitting evidence either to be statemented or at the annual review the annual report is always included.

There is a danger that this could affect provision. So I think you are right!

[elun1]

<'> <'> <'>

Hi don't feel guilty - you'vedone absolutely nothing wrong. When I write my reports yes they highlight the many positives but will also include some areas for development and targets for the future. They should be a true and accurate reflection of your dd's progress and development. The teacher in question sounds stressed and oversensitive (I can understand this and she has my sympathy) but it isn't down to you she feels that way and you've done NOTHING wrong at all. I agree with Mumble that there's probably more to this than meets the eye and the reaction you got from teacher is actually to with pressures coming at her from other areas.

With regard to the drink you're just being a good mum by clarifying what went on as there was some confusion. You're just looking out for your daughter

Dont worry <'> <'>

Elun xxx

[Bagpuss]

Thankyou for your replies <'>

 

It's been playing on my mind all morning...still feeling low about it. Also now feeling that I will feel uncomfortable questioning anything in the home/school diary.

 

The HT's point of view is that the annual report is all about celebrating the child's success. The reports done termly for panel meetings are the ones which are used for evidence, used to highlight difficulties, and because we have these, and discuss all probs in home/school diary, the annual report isn't the appropriate time to comment on them, and it is a report for us alone.

 

I'm still feeling that it is not an accurate report of dd. I'm also concerned that it could be kept on file, be used to withdraw dd's Statement in the future, affect other things like physio.......maybe it's just unreasonable paranoia on my part? Just feel very uneasy about signing it and returning it, as if I'm ok'ing it and felt I had to make it known I didn't agree with it entirely.

 

My ds brought his report home last week, and it too was very positive, but it was fair, and some teachers had commented on areas for improvement, and things my ds finds difficulty with, like speaking out in class.

 

I find I often have to question what dd has said about her school day in her home/school diary, more so if she is distressed about something, because we only ever get a snippet of what has taken place, so I need to ask for clarification from her teacher. I had never thought her teacher may view this as cricitism. Feeling terrible that she may well leave Unfortunately dd gets transport, so I don't see the other parents, so have no knowledge of their opinion and experiences, although HT says it's issues with some other parents, not DH or I....hmmm.......

 

 

Feeling like a right moaning ole so and so

[Tally]

I think that teachers are encouraged to write only positive comments in school reports. Maybe it's something that parents need to pressure schools to change, but for the report that has already been written, I imagine the teacher would have been under pressure to not mention your daughter's difficulties.

 

I think you were right to ask the teacher about the report (and the juice bottle question) if you had concerns that you wanted clarifying, and it seems that the teacher did clarify things for you, and that your daughter's difficulties are not being ignored.

 

It sounds like the teacher overreacted to your questions. Maybe she'd had a bad day and other parents had commented on the same thing and demanded she re-write the reports. This is not your fault, of course, but everyone's human.

 

Perhaps you could write a note to the teacher to explain why you contacted her about the report. You could even send a card to thank her for being such a good teacher to your daughter and explaining any queries you raised in the home-school diary, and mention that you hope she wasn't upset by your questions about the report.

Edited July 3, 2007 by Tally

[oxgirl]

Aw, Bagpuss, sorry you've been made to feel so bad about this. <'> <'>

 

The thing is, as parents of children with problems, we don't want to be fobbed off with lots of polite smiles and wishy washy efforts to highlight the positives all the time. Sometimes, we just want people to be straight with us and tell us exactly how it is. I used to hate meetings where all the people would sit around with fake smiles on their faces saying ever such nice things about Jay and how well he was doing, when I patently felt the exact opposite. I wanted them to be honest and frank with me.

 

Now he's at secondary school, I give very little attention to anything it says in his yearly report, because it is just, to my thinking, so many words... words, words, words and most of it is meaningless waffle. I've even had reports from the history teacher telling me what a pleasant boy he is and how well he behaves in her lesson, and HELLOOOOOOOOOO, he has NEVER been to a history lesson, not one, nor has the history teacher ever set eyes on him!

 

It is lovely if the school has said lots of nice things about your little girl, but when we are sitting at home worrying ourselves sick about our children, we don't always want to read only these things because it somehow belittles and trivializes all the problems, well, that's how I feel anyway.

 

Don't feel bad, you've done nothing wrong at all. <'> <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

Edited July 3, 2007 by oxgirl

[Bagpuss]

Thanks <'> I was going to write something in her home/school diary tonight along the lines of Tally's suggestion but the diary is missing out of her bookbag

 

Got a standard letter, saying all parents are requested at a Parent's Consultation next week, to discuss reports and progress etc, so will have a chance to have a chat then.

 

I hope it's not a frosty atmosphere.......

 

[PinkSapphire]

You have NO reason to feel guilty, YOU know your child best and no matter how many lovely, positive things they write in these reports you know what your own child is struggling with and that SHOULD be acknowledged in these reports, they are meant to be a report of their school education for the year and so that MUST include any difficulties or special needs no matter how uncomfortable the teachers might be writing about it.

 

I used to refuse to sign my sons reports unless there was SOME mention of SEN.

 

I am waiting to see L's first ever secondary school report on the 20th of this month as it will also be his first since being statemented.

[David Matthew Baker]

I think it is important that any contact home be balanced. After all if there are problems been faced at school the parents might be able to help with them in some way. Be that suggestions about how they tackle the same problem at home or just having a chat with the child about that issue. One thing I often wish for in my present role is more information about the children I support and what difficulties they have (and haven't told me about) both at school and home. That way you feel fully informed and can try and work on those issues. To that end both sides need to be realistic and give a true picture of the child. Hopefully you can get the issues solved quickly. The thank you letter will probably help. I know I always feel pleased when someone has noticed the hard work I have put in. Sometimes it can feel like people are always requesting from you and not appreciating what you are doing. <'> <'> <'>

[Bagpuss]

Thankyou David and PS, appreciate your advice and perspective <'>

[BusyLizzie100]

I'm with you on this, Bagpuss. At the end of every year I get a hugely glossy view of how both boys have done and it really p---es me off! It just rubs salt in the wound. To me, it makes the school look idiotic because they really are just glossing over everything. Don't get me wrong, I do love to hear positive things about my boys, but when it's presented in such an unbalanced way it comes across as incredibly insincere.

 

This year could turn out a little different for DS2, however - his behaviour has deteriorated steadily throughout Year 2 so if that is also glossed over, the report will be a total whitewash.

 

Well done you for doing something about it, and don't take any grief about 'upset teachers' etc. I once had a phone call from the head after I wrote a letter to DS1's class teacher constructively criticising his IEP and actually thanking her for all the good work she was doing - and got roundly told off for 'upsetting her staff and reducing them to tears, so much that she couldn't teach for the rest of the morning!' Eh?! The phone call deteriorated rapidly, the head had me in tears and I gave her short shrift. That was a year ago. We got back on speaking terms fairly rapidly - had to, really, because having two children with SEN at her school meant we had to be able to communicate - and I don't think so badly of her now. Sometimes it just helps to clear the air!

 

So, try not to beat yourself up about it and thanks for sharing - it makes all the rest of us who feel guilty about complaining a lot better knowing we are not alone!

 

Lizzie x <'>

[UltraMum]

I do think it is important to get accurate reports. When submitting evidence either to be statemented or at the annual review the annual report is always included.

There is a danger that this could affect provision. So I think you are right!

 

I'm still feeling that it is not an accurate report of dd. I'm also concerned that it could be kept on file, be used to withdraw dd's Statement in the future, affect other things like physio.......maybe it's just unreasonable paranoia on my part? Just feel very uneasy about signing it and returning it, as if I'm ok'ing it and felt I had to make it known I didn't agree with it entirely.

 

I think you need to be aware that "any evidence" etc etc "may be used against you" at a future date ....

 

Why not drop a line to be enclosed with your signed report along the lines ...

 

Dear HT,

 

Thank you and Mrs Classteacher for your helpful discussions regarding 'X's report and your explanation that the end of year reports are to be seen as a celebration of X's success during that year.

 

We appreciate the clarification that the report will not therefore highlight X's difficulites and the confirmation that these will continue to be addressed throughout the year via the home/school diary and the panel meetings and reports which take place every term.

 

It is with pleasure that we therefore return the signed report and celebrate X's achievements this year.

 

Yours etc etc

 

That way you've got written evidence that the report is not a true representation of the whole situation at school - should you need it ...

[Bagpuss]

Thanks Lizzie <'>

 

UM, thankyou so much for the letter...it is fantastic and will definately use it

[phoebe]

ooooh Ultra mum!!! can I use that too?!?!?!

Having just recieved a glowing report of our sons successes and how he is performing in most subjects at two years above his peers - I was faced with exactly the same dilemma as Baggy. Further, since we happen to have our review meeting tomorrow, I was highly suspicious and fully expect them to blow their own trumpet about how well he has progressed????!!!!!

If they do I shall of course point out that between his "internal exclusions" and his exteranl exclusions - and the amount of work he brings home that he hasn't done during the school day - WHAT COULD HE HAVE ACHIEVED WITH THE RIGHT SUPPORT???!!

 

Baggy - it doesn't sound like you have done any long term damage and after all, we all know that our kids interpretation of events/things said can be totally different. Why not question them? Communication is a two way thing.

[Bagpuss]

Thanks Phoebe <'>

[UltraMum]

ooooh Ultra mum!!! can I use that too?!?!?!

 

Feel free :-) no charge!!!

[Bagpuss]

Looks like DH and I will be going into school on Monday afternoon to discuss the report....just waiting to hear what time. It's a standard appointment, open to other parents, not made especially for us due to what has happened. Will keep you posted, and thanks again to everyone who replied

[Bagpuss]

Have also returned signed report with a copy of UM's letter enclosed this morning Thanks again UM, I wish I could put my point of view across as wonderfully as you do

[Bagpuss]

Unfortunately dd is poorly, so this meeting isn't going to take place, will keep you posted

[darky]

Hi there, I do agree with you about the positive report thing, however, this year I have recieved so far school reports for both my boys and I was annoyed at the content. Just a couple of snippets:

 

One teacher wrote about my son 10yrs Asperger's, "C needs to think about how his ideas and suggestions affect other people's feelings" duh he cant!

 

"C has difficulties expressing his opinions in an appropiate manner" duh!

 

My eldest son who is Dyspraxic, and has never been an artist, and never will be "drowned in a flood of c's and c-'s G needs to turn over a new leaf with a new teacher and begin to succeed with art" duh stick men is about his limit, you can't MAKE someone succeed in art. unhelpful and pointless comment!

 

Eldest son again, "organisation poor, we have to endure endless excuses for missing equipment, we all have to realise we our our own judges in learning (blah blah) wake up G and realise you are in Grammar" *edited version* It was a very noble but not helpful comment in his report!! Talk about state the obvious!! No suggestions of how they can help or how he can help himself!

 

So I guess the point Im trying to make is, I guess it is really hard to get a balanced view on school reports. Most school reports are done on a standard computer program and dont leave room to be accurate as they should be. Maybe the teacher was trying to be kind rather than write a stack load of negative comments. The emphasis on reports is supposed to be positive, but there seems to be a real problem with teachers being "balanced" I guess they don't have the time to sit and think about what they are writing. This should change really.

 

I do think you are right to challenge the report, and although you dont want them to change the report, I would just put in writing your concerns, so when it comes to annual review, your opinion on the report is there and their response. I totally understand why you are cynical about the report, its such hard work getting them the help, and I think we are all petrified of it being taken away!!

[Bagpuss]

Thanks Darky <'>