really bad meltdown today

[loulou]

Hi everyone,

 

Today has been awful. Kai has been very "odd" the last few days, which i've put down to anxiety about going back to school next week.

 

He's developed an obsession with the McDonalds glasses they're giving away, and he wants 1 in every colour. Today he got a lime green one.

 

I was tidying up in the kitchen and i dropped it and it smashed. He came running in from the dining room and i told him i'd get him another one. He went into a huge rage and started screaming, "But it's Sunday, they'll change the colour tomorrow!", he was totally hysterical. He then picked up my vegetable knife off the side and said, "I'm going to kill you". He waved the knife at me and his face was really frightening. I've never seen him look so enraged before. I really thought he was going to stab me, but then he threw the knife at me instead. Luckily it missed and even more luckily the baby was upstairs.

 

He then went wailing and screaming up to his room. It woke the baby up, so he started crying. Kai was shouting "shut up shut up" to the baby. I ran upstairs and got the baby and Kai went in his room and started throwing things about. I told him i'd replace the glass, but he was in full meltdown mode by then. He was screaming and trashing his room.

 

It really frightened me. I didn't know whether to call the police (he is only 9) or just leave him to wreck his bedroom. I called my Dad as my partner was at work and he came over.

 

He clamed down after about an hour, but has caused some major damage to his room. He then sat on his bed and wrote down a list of things to do when he gets cross. I've just read it and it's heartbreaking as he knows he shouldn't bahave like that, but he can't control himself. When he flips, he just flips and there's nothing you can do to stop him.

 

I'm so worried that he is going to get worse as he gets bigger and stronger.

 

CAMHS have been totally useless. All they could offer me was a "star chart" . Like i haven't tried that one before! I think i'll ring them tomorrow, to let them know what's happened. I'm sure they'll just say their usual "oh dear".

 

 

Loulou xx

[llisa32]

Hi Lou lou, sorry you had a bad time today, it must have been pretty scary to see your son acting that way - even worse I guess cos you need to look out for the baby at the same time.

 

Is it worth having a chat with your GP? - explain that Cahms have so far not been much help and you're worried how things might progress without some intervention?

 

Maybe your GP can get something moving in terms of anger mgmt, or other suggestion's that he think might help?

 

I don't know what else to suggest at this point, but I do know the unpredictability of our childrens behaviour can sometimes be pretty scary and upsetting to watch.

 

Try not to worry, but do camp in the GP's office tomorrow until they see you - I think it's well worth making yourself heard at the GP's and Cahms asap rather than have to resort to the police for your own peace of mind. But I do think you should tell both the GP and Cahms that you nearly did call the police today so they understand how upsetting and frightening it was.

Hope your evening is more peaceful - take care for tonight <'>

Lisa

[hev]

hello loulou,sorry youve had such a bad today,when steve gets like this it can go on for hours and its horrendous for all concerned isent it,nothing calms steven down until hes ready

 

in regard to calling police it solves things for that night but the next day things go back to normal with the meltdowns,when they took steve to cells it was worst feeling ever and it wasent a solution,i understand why you would do it,ive done it,there just seems nothing else left to do does there

 

as for cahms cahms are useless where i live,wish i had some good suggestions for you love but i struggle all time,hopefully someone will give you some suggestions <'> <'>

 

hang on in there

[taggingalong]

hi lou lou. i know how you must feel ive had my 8 year old run rampage with a knife before a few times. i still dont know how to deal with his major meltdowns. i went to the gp and was promised all sorts of support but still nothing and as you say will they get worse as they grow bigger and stronger. what do we do then. scary situation. as for a star chart well i think i know what he would do if i said ill give you a start for being good. these things would work on things that arent as phyiscal and frightening. my 5 year old daughter has also had the wrong end of ds a few times. she has been left with marks and scrabs all over her. i just hope for all our sakes these meltdowns dont get worse.

 

hope your ok though. stay strong.

[elun1]

<'> <'> Lou lou <'> <'> Sorry I really don't have any good advice but just to say I know how you feel. O is only 6 but he's VERY strong particularly mid-tantrum. Was brave and took both boys alone to an adventure type park on Friday and when we had to leave he had tantrum and punched my arm which went numb so I couldn't drive us home for ages. I too feel so anxious about the future - don't know how much longer can physically restrain him. Sending you <'> <'>

Elun xxx

[cmuir]

Hi

 

Must have been really frightening, particularly if Kai hasn't done that before. My son's 5 and has been making threats, wrapping shoelaces around his neck, threatening to stab me with a knife, put a fork in my face, etc for about a year now. I phoned my son's consultant first time he started behaving in this way. Thankfully she took things seriously and referred us to CAMHS (took CAMHS 1.5 years to see him!). When we first saw a clinical psych I was totally unimpressed by what she had to say (she witnessed R threatening to run on road, laughing his head off hysterically, me on my knees clinging onto him, then distracting him by turning situation into a game to see who could press button for green man first, she said she felt uneasy, then had cheek to say my anxiety caused situation!). Things seem to be starting to happen now in that R has been referred to a special unit. He'll attend 2 days per week where he'll be observed by two adults whole time. He's being assessed for a mood disorder (he was dx as having AS, question over ADHD as well). Only 18 kids per year a fortunate enough to get a placement. Our screening appointment was interesting - straight away R made bee-line for open windows in room, ignored 5 staff present, and tried to climb out of the window, when I instructed him to come back from window, he was in my face threatening to punch and stab me! Fantastic - it was witnessed there and then. We were then told we had a place there and then instead of having to wait a week so he must have been a bit of an eye opener for them (guess I'm used to things now and his behaviour no longer has the same shock value to me anymore). R starts unit on 10 of this month, so not sure what to expect but so far have been impressed by staff there. My long-winded response is to get onto consultant in the first instance and see what comes of it. Don't let this go as there's the possibility that Kai could try this again (I've had to lock all sharp objects in a filing cabinet - might be an idea for you to do the same). Would be worth speaking to Kai about this once he's calm enough and if you feel he's up to it. He needs to know that had he completely lost control, you could have been really hurt (or worse!). When my son does this, I know he cannot possibly comprehend the enormity, reality or consequences of his actions and that makes it really scary. Whilst at the time I know he's very angry, I know he's lost control and finds it hard to stop. When he's calm I've broached subject with him and he's always apologetic and has even cried. Nevertheless, you need help with this. Personally, I don't think police as the right agency to be involved at this stage since they deal with situations in a rather black and white way (AS doesn't come into the equation).

 

Best of luck with this. Hang in there - hopefully he'll have scared himself into not repeating this.

 

Caroline.

[Paula]

<'> <'> <'>

 

My son is 13 hes five foot 11 and weighs 10 stone with great big size 9 feet if and when he goes of into a rage i am powerless to do anything with him hes just too big and too strong im on five foot 6 and weigh less than nine stone i havent a chance.

 

 

Years ago when he was just a small tot and i realised how strong he could be then when in a rage i read in a book that as these kids get older the only way youll controll them if at all would be verbally so it was important to gaine some sort of verbal controll whilst they were small so it could be implemented when they got too big to handle.But thats not easy specialy when they dont appear to listen let alone hear you when there in full force.

 

Luckily my sons rages are few and far between thankgod,he will listen if i tell him to calm down and think this i put down to the fact that has hes got older hes beginning to understand the nature of the "beast" more plus like ive said before ive radically altered his diet to cut out all aditives ect as best you can and this has helped a lot.

 

 

If though he ever took it into his head to come at me i wouldnt stand a chance.

 

For mums especially lucking after large teenage boys its scarey stuff.I make sure i dont trip his switch and after 13 years i know what triggers him.

[JsMum]

Its a real issue when children can display such rage and use objects that potentially harm, I would look into some self defence course and if you can get to one a course that helps to look at tehneques to disarm and protect yourself, the full course is destraction and resolusion tactics, I have wanted to go on a restraining course and now have information on more self defence stratagies, there is specerfic courses for women and held with creches, this might just give you the confidence to deal with your child when he is using objects to harm.

 

I would share this situation with your gp and cahms, and I would keep a dairy of this kind of behaviour so that you can use it to show that this behaviour needs addressing.

 

Its really hard to deal with situations like this but number one priority is the safety of yourself and your children.

 

JsMum

[hev]

hope things ok today loulou <'> <'>

[loulou]

Hi all,

 

Thanks for your replies. I managed to get Kai off to school with no hiccups Wednesday morning. Tueday night was awful and he tried to push me down the stairs , he was in such a state about going to school. I think it's the fear of change rather than him hating school though.

 

I phoned CAMHS and spoke to a dopey sectretary, who said she'd get the Psychologist to ring me back, which as yet she hasn't (no surprise there).

 

He'll be home this afternoon, so hopefully he'll be ok ,

 

Loulou xx

[stressedmumto2]

Hi lou,

 

Sorry you've had this awful experience. I bet in many ways it really scared Kai too. My son frequently has rages like this too and it's scary.

 

I feel there is nothing to suggest when this happens except for make yourself and the baby safe, at least tyhat is what I've ben told when I have to go through similar situations.

 

I think with our children when they get more stressed and anxious their obsessions are much worse, certainly the case with my son.

 

At present I have aksed for my son to be seen by a psycotherapist, he needs help and he needs it now before he does serious damage and really hurts someone. I will find out tomoorw if somebody else will be seeing him, maybe this is something you could enquire about or maybe letthe schoolknow what has happened and see if they could support you.

 

Take care Lou and family <'>

[loulou]

Hi,

 

Thanks for that SMT2,

 

I have contacted Kai's clinical psychologist to ask for help. Still waiting for her to call me back though . I've tried talking to Kai and he knows it's not acceptable to be violent, but he really can't control himself when he gets into a rage. All he says is that he should die because then he can't hurt anyone ,

 

Loulou x

[lynyona]

Kieran usually takes his frustrations out on things rather than people punches the wall doors etc even been know to strangle the poor dog.He did once chase his younger brother around the garden with a carving knife and since then i tend not to leave them lying about.He used to get him round the throat as well but he is a bit older and taller now and can fight back but if kieran did attack any of us we d be hard pressed to restrain him as he s 6ft 2 skinny but when he s angry he can t half muster up some strength.