Worried about M..

[baddad]

You've set me off again!

 

<'>

 

Donna Williams couldn't have come at a better time.......... (went to see her last night..).

 

Anyhow - feeling a little embarrased by my reaction to M - i know i shouldn't be getting cross with him too . He said 'I've been silly at school - can you ground me please - i promise to play in my room' I've never 'grounded' him - so i was a bit baffled. He kept saying please mum, so i said ok and told him i loved him lots . He said 'Yippppeeeee!' and skuttled off to his room, and played very very happily (spinning bits of thread, stacking puzzle pieces etc) for a couple of hours. My kooky kid

 

Ah - but you should be getting cross with him too! That's why he asked about grounding .

Thing is, everything's topsy-turvy right now - if you don't get annoyed at things that you usually get annoyed about it's even more topsy-turvy! Hard, I know, but force yourself if you can to separate the 'usual' stuff from the 'unusual' stuff and deal with each bit accordingly...

spinning bits of thread? stacking puzzles?? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

 

L&P

 

BD

[smiley]

See, i think the key is to do all that whilst standing on a ball and balancing a fish bowl on an umbrella - ala Cat in the Hat........ Clear as mud - thanks for that Mr B!

 

 

I know, i know - he did get a very long and boring lecture... He stoped spinning for just long enough to look suitably guilty...even stuck out his bottom lip a bit . And was positively sheepish when i spoke (again! mums do go on...) to him this morning....

 

spinning bits of thread? stacking puzzles?? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

 

Erm confused.... Don't get it.. ??

 

 

Off to get him now - everything crossed.

[smiley]

Mwa hahahahahahaha!

 

Autism outreach worker (who's known monkey since first year of infants...) came into school this morning - and is due back tommorrow.....

 

Home school book is......

 

M's had a good day .

AOW spent time with M and 121, figured out some new strategies. Settled him within minutes with new strategies .

'AOW has met and had a long chat with Head - Head spent the latter part of the afternoon constructing lego figures with M. M was very enthusiastic about sharing his reward time with Mr Head........ '

 

Etc - etc - etc -

 

LEA are aware - AOW is talking to them, early review looking like it may be either after half-term, or at beginning of Jan. LEA person coming into school to chat with AOW/121/teacher soon.

 

*Aaaaaaand - breathe smiley*

Edited September 12, 2007 by smiley

[smiley]

Another good day

[Mumble]

:clap:

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

soo pleased

<'>

[Bagpuss]

[smiley]

Thank you

 

Things are still a bit bumpy at home - but big improvement from the weekend.

And school/AOW are organising all the early review stuff - i'm so relieved. Going through the statementing process alone last year was too much for me.

[smiley]

Oh - OH - And Head apologized.

[Bagpuss]

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

Oh - OH - And Head apologized.

 

 

even better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ta for support, btw

xxx

[smiley]

It was great to see him squirm, lol!

 

(Always here <'> )

[LizK]

Just read this thread with shock and sadness for what you've both been put through but glad to hear the last few days ahve been a big improvement and you have professionals working to help <'>

 

Lx

[Clare63]

Oh Smiley, just caught back up with this thread, nasty piece of work that Head, how an earth did he get to where he is today !!!!

M sounds such a sweetie , I doubt you'd ever be cross with him for long.

Hope things improve soon.

Take care <'> <'> <'>

 

Clare x x x

[wishingwell]

Glad the Head is making an effort to put right his ignorance!

 

Hope M has had another good day.

[UltraMum]

:dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance:

[smiley]

 

Very bad day

 

Home/School book. "We're having a meeting this evening to discuss further strategies to help M. Can you please contact the office tommorro morning and arrange an appointment to see me so i can feedback to you. Mr Head"

 

I have had enough, want to find a dark corner and stay there.

 

[oxgirl]

So sorry your lad has had a bad day, Smiley. It does sound positive that the Head is having a meeting with the staff to find ways to help him, though. Hope they can come up with some helpful strategies and that things settle down quickly. <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[Bagpuss]

Smiley <'>

[Wardie]

You've set me off again!

 

<'>

 

Donna Williams couldn't have come at a better time.......... (went to see her last night..).

 

Anyhow - feeling a little embarrased by my reaction to M - i know i shouldn't be getting cross with him too . Only human eh.. Wanted to share this with you.... After 40 mins or so after school M had chilled out a little. He wandered over to me, picked up my hand and put it on his head. He said 'I've been silly at school - can you ground me please - i promise to play in my room' I've never 'grounded' him - so i was a bit baffled. He kept saying please mum, so i said ok and told him i loved him lots . He said 'Yippppeeeee!' and skuttled off to his room, and played very very happily (spinning bits of thread, stacking puzzle pieces etc) for a couple of hours. My kooky kid

 

Right - letter to Head (cc'd to Govs') is drafted, will hand it over when i collect M later.

 

<'> Thank you <'>

 

Smiley <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

I find it so hard to believe anyone can be so appalingly insensitive and unprofessional. Also difficult to understand how a head this awful gets to be a head. Definitely copy your letter to chair of governors (possibly not to the rest of the governors because it gets really complicated if you end up actually complaining about the head (or fighting suspension) and all the governors know the story - means there's no-one impartial for a tribunal). Do you have copies of the school's SEN policy? You can ask for it at the school office. If you find you have to write more letters, it's always good to quote the school's own policy at them, means the governors also have to take note.

 

I know what you mean about getting cross with M - it's so hard because we are supposed to support the school and I have always done this, regardless of whether I agreed with them - but in this case your son is reacting to the way he is being treated. He can't help it, is even able to understand his actions are incorrect later. In this case I'm inclined to think a cuddle is probably the right reaction. I really hope you can resolve the problems with the head - maybe he just needs educating (no pun intended!). Is there another member of staff you can have a chat with who might intervene?

[Kathryn]

Smiley,

 

<'> <'>

 

Hope it's a productive meeting tomorrow, will be thinking of you.

 

K x

[baddad]

Very best for tomorrow, for both of you <'>

 

L&P

 

BD

[UltraMum]

Hope it went well

[smiley]

M is to be given four warnings - and then sent home

If he does anything they consider dangerous - he will be excluded

If he runs from the school - if he's still within grounds - they will try to talk his round. If he's within 20 metres of grounds - they will try to talk him round. If he runs down the road - they will go back to the school, call the police and then me. Out of school, he's not the responsibility of school, apparently.

He will have the chance each day to earn five points for acceptable behaviour - if he does this he will get free time at the end of the day.

Head seems to have slightly better understanding of autism - but not M. Lots more visual support to be put in place (when??).

 

I'm struggling - very horrid thoughts at the mo.

So, sorry if i haven't returned any PMs/emails. They are helping though, i don't feel so alone - so thank you.

[Flora]

smiley <'> Been reading through this thread then just saw your new post. what a farce eh?

 

I'm sure you'll know about the legalities of all of this far better than I do, but surely they are playing with words when they say 'out of school' he's not their responsibility. When you drop your son off there in the morning you are entrusting his safety in the hands of the school until you collect him at 3.30 or whatever time they finish, surely they can't then say that if he leaves the grounds (because they are incapable of preventing him) while he is STILL under their care they can't be held responsible for him! It's up to them to keep him safe the lilly livered unmentionables!! Why can't anyone stand up and take responsibility anymore??

 

You and little M are having a horrid time, wish there was something I could help with, (unfortunately having battles royal here too!).

 

It just made me so mad reading that, it's as if they feel imposed upon, surely the safety of a child is paramount, and it seems that they are passing the buck... if anything goes wrong then it's not their fault... what a pile of poo!

 

Not sure what the next thing is you could do. Wait and see? Ring the LEA and play holy hell? Bang on their door and play holy hell? run up and down the street in just your underwear and scream blue murder?

 

Sorry not much help hun but with you in spirit <'> <'> <'>

 

Flozza X

[smiley]

Flozza <'> <'>

 

it's as if they feel imposed upon

That's exactly how i felt.

 

Knowledge is power and all that (Nellie would be proud of me!) - i now have all the info i need to throw at them (IPSEA ).

 

Some of the strategies sound ok - in principle - and for a completely different child. But, without the understanding of M and why/how he reacts to situations at's all pretty much trying to stop a landslide with a fork. Four warnings and then home? - perfect way to teach him if he can't cope - scream and shout until he can get to his calmer home. Five points for the whole day?? M struggles with understanding any length of time more than 30 mins. Turning your back on any child (especially one who is know to have absolutely no road safety awareness) and leaving him alone outside of school - so you can make a call???

 

It's just so very difficult - feels like i'm on an emotional rollercoaster - and i can't get off.

[UltraMum]

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Wish I could do more than just a virtual hug - will be for you both

[brooke]

sorry smiley ive only just read this thread <'> what an alful head teacher i really hope you get things sorted out and both feel better soon <'>

[jlp]

We've been in a similar situation with G last year when he repeatedly ran from the classroom / building and sometimes the school grounds.

 

I am absolutely ###### shocked and appalled to hear that they are going to leave him and ring the police if he runs from school - don't they realise how vulnerable he is? Are they taking full responsibility if he runs on the road or gets hurt in any other way? 8 years old! If you let him out unsupervised I bet you'd have all manner of professionals telling you what risks you were taking! And how tramatic will calling the police be for him?

 

I think if that had been said about G then I would have been unable to leave him in their care since they had indicated that they were not prepared to take full responsibility for him.

 

In our case they tried to talk G back into the building and if he really was about to do a runner away from the gates, then a male teacher was called to physically stop him (bless him he was scratched and kicked). I know it sounds horrible letting someone restrain your child but I'd rather that than he went under a bus while in a mad panic. Also if they're running chances are they are upset and functioning even less well than usual so even less able to keep themselves safe.

 

I hope some other people are able to give you some good legal advice as this is a terrible situation to be in.

 

PS At G's first school he was sent home for hitting / aggressive talk (from age 3) and it does reinforce that they behave this way and they get to go home. Luckily this school do not send him home at the slightest thing - only once or twice for major incidents (and more because he was so upset he needed to be home).

[jlp]

PS as for leaving him to make a call - in G's case usually when it's likely he's about to run (and it's not hard to tell) then other staff are made aware and will there will be 2 or 3 members of staff with him - so there can be staff with him and staff to make a call / go and ask the office to ring us if that was needed.

 

I'm fuming on your behalf due to the potential safety issues!

Edited September 20, 2007 by jlp

[Clare63]

<'> <'> <'>

Smiley, thinking of you and M.

 

Clare x x x

[pearl]

<'> smiley <'>

[Kathryn]

Smiley,

 

More hugs for you and M,

 

<'> <'>

 

K x

[annie]

<'> Smiley <'>

 

Annie

xx

[Frangipani]

Hi Smiley <'>

 

You have been through the mill. just caught up with our thread.

 

Just want to reassure you they used the exact same strategies with B. except for the being sent home bit. They would send him to the Principals office after the 4 warnings to do time out. That worked better because, he never wanted to go there, but in the end if he did go to the principal, - the principal actually gave him things that were achievable and a lolly for good behaviour, so it turned out to be a positive experience. As they know he couldn't help what he was doing.

 

The rewards were the biggy. They became more the focus rather than the 4 warnings - positive reinforcement. Praise the good gives them positive attention. Try and focus on getting the five stars to get a good behaviour reward - talk with M about this, and ask what the reward is, and then talk with the teacher, they may like to discuss this with you. It actually works. It really helped B.

 

Between that and the 1 2 1 things will settle down. Deep breath.......

 

We just eneed to look after Mum now <'> <'> <'> sending you lots of these <'> <'>

 

Love Frang xx

[smiley]

Thank you all <'> <'>

 

You lot are what keeps me going <'>

 

After frightening the life out of them (they had calls from IPSEA, AOW etc.. yeaterday ) - the new strategies have been re-done.

Now make much more sense to M - always a good idea if the child understands what's asked of them! - it's not rocket science!

121 now has a walkie-talkie, and if M runs, she will let the school know immediately, and if needed, someone will come out to support her. M will not be left alone.

I've been through their phycial handling policy.......... so they now know how to keep a child safe if the child is putting themselves/others in danger........ (i am friends with a lovely lady who goes into schools to teach physical handling.. She has their number ).

More visual bits have been introduced. That are relevant to him, and in a way he can understand. (Why are things like this always the last to be thought of? Surely, if these things were in place - the behaviour would be less volitile in the first place...???? )

He still has the four warnings - but this has been explained to him, both verbally and visually. We've explained to him exactly what these behaviours are - poor child thought if he put his hand up in class - that was bad, and was frightened of getting a warning. He now understands.

He still has the rewards - but in a way that he will understand. (shouting/clapping and telling anyone who'll listen 'M's such a good boy' is uttely pointless - he would hate the attention. And do all he could to avoid it...) He has a little list on his workstation with 'Clever Boy' things - each time he does one of them - he gets to put a sticker onto the page. He can look at it whenever he wants to. The 'Clever Boy' things will be changed as he regularily achieves them.

 

Phew! The parent really shouldn't be the one to be telling the school all this though.......

 

Excellent day yesterday -

 

<'>

[oxgirl]

121 now has a walkie-talkie, and if M runs, she will let the school know immediately, and if needed, someone will come out to support her. M will not be left alone.

 

Should jolly well think so!!

 

Phew! The parent really shouldn't be the one to be telling the school all this though.......

 

I totally agree, you're absolutely right, it shouldn't be up to the parent to make sure that safe and effective policies are put in place! Your M is very lucky in that you have fantastic insight and are able to advise and tell them what he needs, but not all children are so lucky. How on earth do schools cope when they haven't got such capable parents advising them, it makes me shudder!

 

So glad you managed to get things sorted in the end and hope things start to settle down very soon. Oh, and WELL DONE! <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[Bagpuss]

Well done Smiley <'>

[Kathryn]

Phew! The parent really shouldn't be the one to be telling the school all this though.......

 

Absolutely.

 

At least we should be able to demand a salary for all the work we do in mediating and advocating for our children!

 

Well done, and I hope you start to see a difference in the school's attitude and M's happiness and confidence.

 

<'>

 

K x