hev Report post Posted September 10, 2007 just got a call from steve saying he hates the school,i dont love him cos im shipping him off and he needs me to send him ataxi down there i feel really awful now,i dont know what to do,i know hes going to find it hard but i cant bear it,if anyones kids go to residential have they had calls like this?i feel like im ignoring his unhappiness but i also know its gonna take time for him to settle in,what would you do,i cant think rational cos im in the situation if you get what i mean ive phoned the school and they going to phone me back Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oxgirl Report post Posted September 10, 2007 Try not to panic, hev. I know it's easy for me to say, I haven't been in this position, but if you could just try to calmly reassure him that it will get better and you can't wait to see him at the weekend so he can tell you all about what he's been doing and show him that you're totally confident that he'll be fine then it could help to calm him. Of course, when you get off the phone, then is your time to go to pieces yourself and cry some tears for your lad, but if you can show him that YOU know he'll cope then maybe he'll feel a bit more confident. Perhaps you could write him a nice letter and get Kate to draw him a nice picture or send him a card and some photos to remind him that you're all still thinking of him. So sorry and best of luck. <'> <'> ~ Mel ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted September 10, 2007 thanks mel <'> do you know what,i didnt even think to ask them if i could write letters,i think he would like that,just waiting for school to phone me steve normally talks to me on msn at this time but i dont think hes talking to me i must saw i find this parenting stuff very challenging,very different from playing with tiny tears when i was younger im hoping it gets easier Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wishingwell Report post Posted September 10, 2007 What a difficult time for all of you. Wait and hear what the school have to say before rushing over there. This is a massive change in his routine and its only natural that he is finding it difficult. God I would hate to be in your situation but unless something is seriously wrong try to stay calm when talking to him and offer him support. Send him text messages with the things you would normally say to reassure him that you still care. I hope in a few weeks you are able to write and tell us he is doing well and has made friends. Your going to have to be really strong sending you lots of these <'> <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Lya of the Nox Report post Posted September 10, 2007 he is going through separation issues when my bruv was away they told us not to contact him for a bit, so he could settle at school more time is needed i know how hard this must be, and god you are both soo brave take care xxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted September 10, 2007 Just hang in there and listen to the school...they are the experts on settling ASD kids into residesi. You need to trust the school and not let Steve dictate things, however upset he's making you. Not being harsh, hun, but it's more of the same that he's been doing over the last few months at home: manipulating the adults around him to get his own way and set you all against each other. The school will understand this and know the best way to respond, so listen to them <'> Take care, I do know how it feels as you know Auriel was in residesi for 3 years. Bid <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bagpuss Report post Posted September 10, 2007 Hope Steve settles in soon Hev <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted September 10, 2007 well i spoke to teacher and she said this is normal behaviour for children in this situation,i told her how i was feeling and she was lovely and said dont panic what i think is,steven has had his own way for years and obviously hes going to react badly when hes told what to do so im gonna stay strong and reassure him,the abuse he just said to me on the phone was diabolical,sorry if that sounds bad but i was relieved he wasent doing it to my face Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bard Report post Posted September 10, 2007 Just hang in there and listen to the school...they are the experts on settling ASD kids into residesi. You need to trust the school and not let Steve dictate things, however upset he's making you. Not being harsh, hun, but it's more of the same that he's been doing over the last few months at home: manipulating the adults around him to get his own way and set you all against each other. The school will understand this and know the best way to respond, so listen to them <'> Take care, I do know how it feels as you know Auriel was in residesi for 3 years. Bid <'> I think that this is very wise and sensible advice. Steve needs time to settle down and get used to some structure and consistent rules that he might not like. He's spent a long time initiating exciting events that other people have had to cope with, and it must be a little disconcerting when he's not feeling in control of what happens. You do love him, that's why you are doing what is best for him and enabling him to develop some control. How's littl'un enjoying the peace and quiet? Is she liking school? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted September 10, 2007 katie loves school do you know what im feeling guilty about bard,im loving the peace and quiet,then i feel bad for thinking it Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted September 10, 2007 Hmmmm... thought i read a report over the w/e saying he'd said he LOVES it there! Fact is, hev, he's gonna 'hate' it every time they challenge him (or - more accurately - every time he feels they're challenging him by not bending over backwards to accommodate him on his terms). Ultimately, those firm but clear boundaries are gonna be a godsend for him and you: you just have to ride the bumps along the way Don't feel guilty for enjoying the space - feel guilty if you don't make the most of it... it's been a long time coming. L&P BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bard Report post Posted September 10, 2007 katie loves school do you know what im feeling guilty about bard,im loving the peace and quiet,then i feel bad for thinking it <'> <'> It's amazing isn't it? We always find something to feel guilty about! Of course you like not having a fight or megastress as part of every day. If you didn't feel relieved, you wouldn't be human. It's something many feel, but few are honest and truthful enough to own up to. It doesn't mean you don't love him, or that you wouldn't welcome him back at weekends. He's still your Steve, you just no longer have to manage so much as a family on your own. He'll get an education with specialists who know how to handle him, without the emotions of a mother getting in the way and making you feel bad and confused and guilty. Enjoy the calm, and your daughter for a while. <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted September 10, 2007 you just have to ride the bumps along the way i got my seatbelt on bighead,i reckon its gonna be a bumpy old ride school phoned earlier,steve made an escape bid to brighton railway station well thats where he was aiming for,he got as far as the gate to the entra,thees no wayhe can get out of that place,its like fort knox,the staff got him back in a car,hes settled now roll on tomorrow......wonder what hes got in store then Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pearl Report post Posted September 10, 2007 Some good advice on here Hev, you KNOW it makes sense! Wont add to it, just wanted to give you a <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BusyLizzie100 Report post Posted September 10, 2007 just wanted to give you a <'> Me too. <'> Lizzie x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clare63 Report post Posted September 10, 2007 Me too. <'> Lizzie x ...and me too <'> <'> <'> Clare x x x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted September 11, 2007 school phoned again,they want me to go and have a meeting with them tomorrow,they said they want to get it right from the start with steve and not rush things so they want to intergrate him into the school slowly,monday to wednesday i think,they still definately want him there but dont want to rush things Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bagpuss Report post Posted September 11, 2007 Good luck with the meeting Hev. Hang on in there. It'll all work out in the end <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
soraya Report post Posted September 11, 2007 so sorry to hear of your troubles Hev, hang on in there,Nick is also being awfull at the moment so you are not alone <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
wishingwell Report post Posted September 11, 2007 Hev <'> Good luck with your meeting tomorrow everything will be fine, they are very open and this is very encouraging. It will take Steve time to adjust to the changes but they will do everything they can to reassure you and help Steve to settle in at a pace he can cope with. Hope Katie is enjoying school. Thinking about you, be strong. Things will get easier. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
