Robot Report post Posted October 16, 2007 Hi. My name is Ian and i am 36. The funny thing is, i am growing certain that i have BAS. I shan't go into detail why, suffice to say that mostly i have always felt like an alien, am compelled to collect stuff, live in a fantasy world and am very sensitive to texture. I also have diagnosed Dyspraxia. The problem as i see it, is that i work for the NHS in mental health. I know that to be referred for an Asperger assessment i need to be taken on by my local mental health team and that's where i work. They would never take on the person that they see at work every day, but they don't see the stress i feel in social situations and the learnt interactions that i fake. They don't see the sick days i have had for 'flu' etc that are really about about the fact that i can't bear to be with people sometimes. Plus, i know a bit about the assessment process and it seems very long and requires family interaction and i can't do that. So what do i want? I don't know. Maybe it would be good to know that i am not alone in feeling this way. In always being called 'weird'. i have been waiting 36 years to 'grow out of it' and am realising that this isn't just childhood shyness. I do have a girlfriend, funnily enough she is a social worker for adults with learning disabilities (i reckon thats why she can deal with my oddness) and she agrees that i have the traits, my best friend too (my only true friend i might add, who is a lovely primary school teacher and amazing social crutch for me) agrees too. Still not sure why i am writing this, but i found the forum and joined so i shall follow my nose. Maybe some tips on handling busy social situations without resorting to alcohol?! Best wishes, Ian. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bagpuss Report post Posted October 16, 2007 (edited) Hi Ian, welcome to the forum. I know very little about the process an adult has to go through to be diagnosed, as I have two kiddies on the spectrum. I'm sure you will be given some superb advice though. Edited October 16, 2007 by Bagpuss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted October 16, 2007 (edited) Hi Ian, and welcome to the forum I am 41 and got my dx of AS in August. I was diagnosed at CLASS, which did require input from my mother. I don't know if a private assessment would need family input? I'm married to a special school teacher, which is probably why he is able to put up with me! Bid Edited October 16, 2007 by bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pearl Report post Posted October 16, 2007 (edited) Hi Ian & welcome. You've found a good place here. My sister in law self dx'd herself with Aspergers after my son's dx & has never felt the need to get an official dx - unless its for a specific reason, could you live without official confirmation if the process is going to be difficult for you? Can't advise about alcohol though - forum lush, me. Edited October 16, 2007 by pearl Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted October 16, 2007 One coping strategy that I have used for years in social situations: I have one or two people who I think are very good socially, and very popular. When I am in a social situation and I don't know what to do I think about how they would act, and then do that. Or I go completely silent (not good!) Or I talk far too loudly and dominate the situation (even worse!!). Bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mel Report post Posted October 16, 2007 Hi Ian, My lovely partner has AS but he didnt want to go for the 'official' diagnosis. He felt that it was enough that he knew he had it. he copes quite well but is very introvert. (He lets me do all the social chat etc) I dont know how you would go about getting the correct diagnosis but welcome and im sure someone will be able to give you excellent advice. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tally Report post Posted October 16, 2007 (edited) Hi Ian, and welcome to the forum. There must be a way to refer you to a mental health team out of area, being as you work for the local one. Speak to your GP about it. Your colleagues wouldn't need to know if you only spoke to the GP. I first heard about Asperger's about 4 years ago and realised that I had a lot of traits. I initially thought I might be borderline Asperger, but the more I learn about it, the more I realise there is not a lot of borderline about it. I got my diagnosis earlier this year. I went private because I simply could not get assessed on the NHS. My mum attended the assessment with me. Some people are not willing to diagnose without input from someone who can discuss your early childhood, but others are. You would have to discuss it before the appointment. Some people choose not to seek an official diagnosis anyway. Simply knowing about AS was very affirming to me, helped me to understand the things I found hard, and to learn to cope with things. Suggestions for handling busy social situations without resorting to alcohol? No legal ones I'm afraid If you don't get stupidly drunk or drink too regularly, there's probably no harm in it though. Edited October 16, 2007 by Tally Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Robot Report post Posted October 16, 2007 Thank you all very much. I don't see the need for a diagnosis really, other than to forgive myself for years of feeling like a social idiot. re: social situations, it's funny that i do think "what would Matt do?" (he is my close friend) and before that it was The Dude from the film 'The Big Labowski' Ian Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clare63 Report post Posted October 16, 2007 Hi Robot, Welcome to the forum, I am sure you'll find lots of useful help and advice here. Clare x x x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
clintess Report post Posted October 16, 2007 Hi and welcome. Its good to hear from adults whom have this and hear how well they do in their lifes and how asd affects them everyday as adults. My friends husband is 41 with asd and i see how very similar his condition is with my ds2 and other members of my family with asd. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Report post Posted October 16, 2007 Hi Rob, I'm new here too today. I was diagnosed by CLASS, I didn't want my Ma to know so I got my favourite uncle to talk to them. There is also a diagnostic service at Milton Park Hospital (Brookdalecare.co.uk). I believe both can be accessed via your GP without cmht involvement. A note of caution, if you do get a dx, dont assume work will be sympathetic and supportive. (I too have been a m.h. worker). It could affect promotion prospects and how your co-workers relate to you. I would discuss it with an appropriately experienced person. Try NAS Helpline 0845 070 4004. Keep in touch & let us know how you get on. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Suze Report post Posted October 16, 2007 Hello.........you know sometimes you need the confirmation , I saw my local "team"..........but got scared off when I saw the "munchausens book" on her shelf.If you feel it would help go for it, I bet your colleagues will be really supportive, Aspergers can be a gift , at least I think so .I,d rather live by rules , routine , any day .Glad you found the forum , hugs suzex Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
keepingmesane Report post Posted October 17, 2007 hi and welcome i feel very much like you do ever since finding out about Autistic Spectrum Disorders when one of my twins was diagnosed, now his twin sister is also strongly suspected asd and i have not so good feelings about my second son. i have started the ball rolling by seeing my docs but the local mental health team have pretty much dismissed me from and unexpected 10 min phonecall they made to my house (if only they had seen the gibbering wreck that i was after the call then maybe they would have understood me more), im now on the waiting list to see a psychologist as really i just want to know one way or the other as i have always wondered why i am so different to others and why i find things so difficult. i have lived a life of pretence which is now affecting my marriage. i am sure that my dh is AS as he has so many traits which he agrees to some of it but is happy to tootle along in his own way. good luck in what you decide to do, just wanted you to know you are not alone but its a hard process for an adult as im finding out Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lucas Report post Posted October 17, 2007 Maybe some tips on handling busy social situations without resorting to alcohol?! Well first of all, stop drinking alcohol! That's really dangerous. Try a drink *containing* alcohol instead, like beer or wine. Second, there isn't a 'borderline Asperger's Syndrome', you either have it or you don't and even then there's plenty of contention over wether Autism and Asperger's should be seperate diagnoses as the way needs are assessed are(or at least should be) the same. 'Mild' too is an often infuriatingly misleading term often prefixed on a diagnosis. A woman 2 months isn't 'slightly pregnant' in comparison to those further along. A diagnosis is usually reassuring and puts an entire life in context. I would have thought working in mental health though would make it easier, though I understand that feeling of awkwardness. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Robot Report post Posted October 17, 2007 Well first of all, stop drinking alcohol! That's really dangerous. Try a drink *containing* alcohol instead, like beer or wine. Second, there isn't a 'borderline Asperger's Syndrome', you either have it or you don't and even then there's plenty of contention over wether Autism and Asperger's should be seperate diagnoses as the way needs are assessed are(or at least should be) the same. 'Mild' too is an often infuriatingly misleading term often prefixed on a diagnosis. A woman 2 months isn't 'slightly pregnant' in comparison to those further along. A diagnosis is usually reassuring and puts an entire life in context. I would have thought working in mental health though would make it easier, though I understand that feeling of awkwardness. Thanks for all the replies. Just to respond to Lucas: Are you joking about the alcohol? I think you are, pedant! I read the term, 'Borderline Asperger Syndrome' recently and agree with you about it's uselessness really, it's a about the degree to which one sit's upon the 'spectrum', isn't it. Most mental health workers are emotionally hard as nails and totally desensetised, their attitude tends to be, " If you aren't psychotic or suicidal stop moaning". Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Report post Posted October 17, 2007 The last sentence of your last post, rang so true. You'd need to have been on the inside of a c.m.h.t. to understand... I'm glad to know you aren't on pure ethanol... Might be worth investigating beta-blockers for anxiety - not addictive like benzodiazapenes. Unfortunately high anxiety is a fact of life in ASD's. Have you had anymore thoughts on going for an assessment? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SarahSH Report post Posted October 18, 2007 Hi Ian, for what it's worth, in our family, we think the loveliest people are what you describe as borderline or undiagnosed aspergers - including us! It's kind of an accolade in our book, even though or maybe because it's pretty tough sometimes. Not sure what positives a diagnosis would bring, there may be some practical ones, but it's a fair bet it would bring a certain amount of anxiety and tension. In a way, the fact that you recognise these traits in yourself might be all the diagnosis you need to be kind to yourself when you're in difficulties - and to push yourself a little bit when you suspect it's necessary. High anxiety is horrible. Just knowing other people are in the same boat might help - is there any kind of adult AS group near you? Perhaps your girlfriend could ring them if there is and confirm whether you needed a diagnosis to join them. It's unlikely they'd insist on people being card-carrying AS. Or a group with a common interest, which may well have its share of people with undiagnosed asperger's syndrome. A lovely nature, a lovely girlfriend and a true friend to stand by you - sounds to me like you've already got things other people struggle for all their lives. all the best Sarah Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Robot Report post Posted October 20, 2007 Again, thank you all so much. Suffice to say, I know that I have AS now. This is an excellent forum and long may it continue. I don't think I shall go through with an assessment at this time. It's not really what I need but an understanding of my behavior is and I am finding that here. Ian BTW don't worry, MH services are, in my experience very good, I wouldn't be a part of it otherwise. And as far as how AS affects my ability to do my job, I think it actually helps me retain healthy professional bounderies with clients and remain objective. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jim Report post Posted October 20, 2007 My male best friends have always been nice blokes who are never fazed by anything (like the big Lebrowski) and I always see them as big brithers (even now at 43 !). I aso try and learn from them. It is aslo good when they are there ! On Friday, mine werent and suffered without them ! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Corcaigh Report post Posted October 21, 2007 Hi Ian I agree with you, I don't see much the need of a diagnosis. I consider myself borderline but I would not qualify for a diagnosis because I am considered a "sociable" person. And yet, what is "sociable"? I believe I developed good coping strategies when I was a teenager. I didn't feel right in a lot of situations but I knew I had to "get on with it" (=peer pressure) and I did it. All my traits didn't make sense until my son was diagnosed in 2005. Then, the penny dropped. I decided to study psychology, ASD and AS in a rather obsessive way ;-) and I'm glad I did it as I don't want anybody to tell me anymore what is right or wrong for myself and my son. I would like him to develop his own "way of life", the way I developed mine. The good thing is that now that I am aware, when my son drives me up the wall I finally stop and think "hey, I'm the same!", which make life much easier :-) Do not resort to alcohol, find instead a "positive" obsession and focus on it. Try also to avoid situations that cause distress and anxiety. For instance, I get very anxious anytime there is a change in routine (typical example: summer holidays). This anxiety has been, in the past, quite impairing (for the whole family, you can imagine). Therefore I decided to structure holidays in a way that resembles "normal" periods, creating a sort of fake routine (babysitters usually help a lot). So on so forth. Writing in a forum like this usually help too. Take care and keep posting Martina Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Robot Report post Posted October 21, 2007 Thanks. Don't worry about the booze i'm not an alcoholic or anything. That statement was really me reflecting on a wedding I went to a couple of week sback - lots of strangers and too much attention my way, plus being surrounded by free champers...who wouldn't have a few?! As you say, coping strategies have been formed throughout early development and I am a rather good actor Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Corcaigh Report post Posted October 22, 2007 As you say, coping strategies have been formed throughout early development and I am a rather good actor Perfect Actually, alcohol in social situation is a coping strategy more common than you think. Just step in a pub on a busy Friday night ;-) I also agree with Lucas, when he writes there's not such a thing as BAS. However, the DSM requirements for the diagnosis of AS are getting quite blurred and, if you reject the medical model (as I do), you see that the definition of Aspie traits is often a matter of intepretation. A practical example: my son has a full diagnosis but never had problems with things like eye contact and he's quite sociable if given a chance. He might have some oddities when he's in a busy social contest (like in a crowded party), but with one or two people he's actually quite a friendly and funny guy. Definitely not a loner. There you are. Is he borderline? Is he fully Aspie? The psychiatrist went for the latter option. Sometimes, I think I'm more difficult than he is. Very complicated. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TuX Report post Posted October 22, 2007 also agree with Lucas,people who do not meet enough aspergers criteria,but are definitely on the spectrum would be classed under pddnos not 'borderline aspergers' as minimum criteria is required at least for an official label diagnosis. question is,would want to apply an asd label to self officially anyway,if do not have support needs or impairments beyond social difficulty [as help can be gained for that without specific diagnosis]-the labels automatically stereotype the person with disability and has the association with autism [which is always seen as the most severe lf with mr case]-this can affect everything in the persons' daily life, and can result in the ss threatening to take away an asd parents child,and discrimination. the benefit of a diagnosis,should be bigger than the risk,write down or think of all the benefits that will have,and see if they are more important than the risks. diagnosis.. general mental health pyschs are probably the worst to go to because they are not specialised in ASDs,their expertise is in mental and pyschiatric illness,the best are pyschs who are experienced with ASDs in adults [and not paed. specialists who might sometimes work with adults but are experienced with children] as they will understand that auties and aspies can and do improve over the years however minimal,whereas the least experienced or paed. pyschs often use child criteria to diagnose. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites