Feeling like an intruder

[ScienceGeek]

I shall start this with the fact that I know this to be irrational but still it is a feeling that is there. Sometimes I feel like an intruder here, that not having a dx means that I'm not entitled to be here. I had the same feeling on a dyspraxia forum that I go on until I got my dx, like I had no right and that I was invading their space. I saw about an AS pub group in Bristol that I would like to go to but would have the same feeling with that as well. I dunno someone tell me I'm being daft or something, it has just been bugging me that's all. It isn't anything anyone has said or done.

[barefoot wend]

You're 'being daft or something'.

 

You most definitely have every right to be here.

 

Barefoot

[Kathryn]

ScienceGeek - sorry you feel like this. Don't be daft!

 

There are loads of people here who are just like you - no formal dx either for themselves or their children. There are also a few members who are here because they have a professional interest in ASD. Nobody is making comparisons and there are no hierarchies.

 

Please don't think of going, you've already contributed a lot to the forum in the short time you've been here.

 

K x

[Nic m]

This is something i was unsure about before my daughter was diagnosed, sciencegeek. So i think i know kind of how you feel.

I think if you are comfortable posting here keep on keeping on.You will eventually get your answers.

I think many people have found this forum when they have been searching for answers so you are not alone.

nic

[Tally]

You are being daft, but I do understand. I feel like that a lot myself. Even now I do have the diagnosis, I often feel like I am "not autistic enough" to deserve any support. I see people posting about serious struggles and difficulties, and it makes mine feel insignificant. And ultimately, I do find a way to cope with things. I feel like I can't relate to other people's issues enough to have anything helpful to say, and that if I do say something, they will laugh that I replied and ignore it. I know, rationally, that this is all rubbish, and that it's just a feeling and not the truth.

 

It is not easy to get the diagnosis, especially as an adult. Most people who get assessed do get diagnosed with ASD. So there is acceptance that if you feel you are on the spectrum, you probably are. Additionally, if strategies that often help autistic people are helpful to you, then you have every right to be here and to use them.

 

I know someone kind of a bit who goes to the Bristol Pub Group. Would you like me to ask if she'd be happy to tell you a little bit about it? It might put your mind at ease, and she might know of other people who go who don't have a formal DX. She might say no, but I can ask if you like. If you did go, and your discomfort outweighed the benefits, you could always not go again until you have been assessed.

[pearl]

What everyone else says, SG.

You bring a lot to this forum <'>

[ScienceGeek]

Please don't think of going, you've already contributed a lot to the forum in the short time you've been here.

 

K x

 

 

Don't worry I'm not going anywhere, I just needed to get something out that had been bugging me. I really like this place so no chance of me leaving anytime soon.

[Kinda]

ScienceGeek

 

My son hasn't been labelled with AS and I don't think the label is important in itself, except when you are dealing with the "establishment". The label helps when having to obtain additional help with education, health, government etc. The DX has a "Heineken" affect, reaching people and establishments that wouldn't normally be available to the individual.

 

On a personal level were I've found it helps as a parent is that I can make allowances and plans for the traits so I can help compensate when dealing with him. The label allows me to understand him more and for that I'm very grateful.

 

When he used to pick me up from the station I would have to ring when I got on the train, then again later just before my train arrived and then when I arrived as I knew he would forget. He would even forget just going up the stairs to get something.

 

When he was at University it did cause some problems because as a means of explaining his problem areas we mentioned AS and that threw them into a spin as it wasn't on his DX. It was almost like we as parents were adding to their problems when dealing with our son, like they had to stop and change their dealings with him when in fact they did very little to help him until we complained.

 

More recently on a trip out to a football match he "disappeared" from the pub and I eventually found him hiding around the corner and it was only then I realised the affect of the noisy and bright pub had had on him and this is after all these years. Again the label helped me understand.

Edited February 4, 2008 by Kinda

[CarolJ]

ScienceGeek

 

My son hasn't been labelled with AS and I don't think the label is important in itself, except when you are dealing with the "establishment". The label helps when having to obtain additional help with education, health, government etc. The DX has a "Heineken" affect, reaching people and establishments that wouldn't normally be available to the individual.

 

On a personal level were I've found it helps as a parent is that I can make allowances and plans for the traits so I can help compensate when dealing with him. The label allows me to understand him more and for that I'm very grateful.

 

When he used to pick me up from the station I would have to ring when I got on the train, then again later just before my train arrived and then when I arrived as I knew he would forget. He would even forget just going up the stairs to get something.

 

When he was at University it did cause some problems because as a means of explaining his problem areas we mentioned AS and that threw them into a spin as it wasn't on his DX. It was almost like we as parents were adding to their problems when dealing with our son, like they had to stop and change their dealings with him when in fact they did very little to help him until we complained.

 

More recently on a trip out to a football match he "disappeared" from the pub and I eventually found him hiding around the corner and it was only then I realised the affect of the noisy and bright pub had had on him and this is after all these years. Again the label helped me understand.

 

 

Science you have basically got it in a nutshell the label or even the possibility of a label helps you to understand the actions of someone it brings more awareness which is a good thing. I know what you mean about labels and dealing with the establishment (which has AS in its own way). I pushed for labels for my kids because I needed the help that would benefit them and needed the labels in order to get that help. It also helps when you are trying to explain to others about your child'sbehaviour. Telling them they have autism normally is enough.

 

I think you have as much right as anyone else to be here we all have our reasons. just because its not officially recognised doesnt make a blind bit of difference.

[loobylou2]

<'> Hi SG I feel the same way about my daughter, I know she has problems but I know she is not nearly as affected as alot of the kids on here. However I couldn't manage without the peeps on here! please stay as you help more than you realise! <'>

[hev]

Don't worry I'm not going anywhere, I just needed to get something out that had been bugging me. I really like this place so no chance of me leaving anytime soon.

good cos we wouldnt let you go anywhere anyway,we would hunt you down in cyberspace <'> <'>

[Clare63]

Your one of the gang now....so its too late to have any doubts !!!!

 

Clare x x x

[Bagpuss]

OOOoooh, don't be wandering off SG.......your here now, and there is no escape

[Karen A]

I shall start this with the fact that I know this to be irrational but still it is a feeling that is there. Sometimes I feel like an intruder here, that not having a dx means that I'm not entitled to be here. I had the same feeling on a dyspraxia forum that I go on until I got my dx, like I had no right and that I was invading their space. I saw about an AS pub group in Bristol that I would like to go to but would have the same feeling with that as well. I dunno someone tell me I'm being daft or something, it has just been bugging me that's all. It isn't anything anyone has said or done.

 

 

ScienceGeek.Ben my DS also has a Dyspraxia diagnosis but not an a clear AS diagnosis.I posted a very similar post to yours a year or so ago.

I have been allowed to stay....and am even a mod now.If they will keep me then you have nothing to worry about. <'> <'> Karen.

[ScienceGeek]

Thanks a lot folks! Feel much better about it all now