dealing with smoking

[hev]

steves school phoned to say hes ben caught smoking isort of had inklinghetried smoking a while back but had no proof

 

how should i deal with it?if i lay the law down is he going to smoke behind my back anyway,i think he will. under no circumstances will i give him money for fags or encourage smoking but on the othe hand if i dont lay the law down will he think i agree with him smoking

 

have any of you had this proble and how did you approach it,steve is 14

[Bagpuss]

I'm trying to think what would of stopped me smoking at 14, and I'm not sure what would of done the trick. Peer pressure/fitting in/wanting to be cool far outweighed any associated health risks, and at 14 I didn't give a monkeys, and thought I was invincible.

 

Hopefully the school will be able to keep a close eye on him Hev, and reduce his opportunities to smoke. Ditto at home. At least now you know, and are able to deal with it.

 

Good luck and hope someone else can offer some better advice.

[Clare63]

Sorry Hev, but don' have any expereince on this, my DS hates smoking.

 

I have read lately that Steve has been going to the gym and playing rugby, perhaps you could go along the health & fitness line, as smoking does not really go with this kind of life style, Oh God just hope he does not choose smoking over keeping fit !

 

Sorry not much help.

 

Clare x x x x

[hev]

the school said they think he trying to fit in with the smokers who he thinks are cool!!

[Stella63]

Hi Hev,

 

We have had the same with AJ. He was very honest when he first tried it - came home from his friends house saying guess what i did today!!

 

I actually always thought he would smoke as he has put things in his mouth since he was a baby and they say that smoking is a substitute for the breast!! Also, both me and my dh smoke so it is very difficult to come down hard when its something we do (and there is no way I could give up with my stress levels up where they are!!).

 

But we have adopted a hard aproach - no smoking in the house and he has to find the money for it - we only smoke rolling tobacco which we buy in Belgium very cheap - he and his 'mates' want to smoke the really expensive cigarettes so its up to them to support the habit.

 

Our problem is that he is now open about smoking cannabis when he can and although we have smoked in the past, there are huge dangers with the strong skunk that seems to be taking over and the possibility of mental health issues especially when he is already dx'd with various things.

 

I don't know what th answer is but I was smoking much younger than him and I feel guilty constantly lecturing him about it.

 

A very tired and defeated (at the moment) stella xx

[Kinda]

Our approach with our son was to talk to him about the health issues which at the time didn't have too much of an affect but over time he accepted these. He has smoked off and on for a number of years but never for long and while it initially started due to peer pressure it ran into stress due to exams.

 

Anyway having finished his exams he has stopped smoking and tells everyone else that it is a health problem. They seem to get there in the end and we didn't make too much of a fuss about it but let him know we weren't happy. For me there were bigger issues to sort out but I accept it was a shock when we first found out.

[justamum]

I would go down the discussion about the health issues, I am sure your GP surgery has leaflets, BUT if you happen to smoke yourself is that not like calling the pot calling the kettle black?

[Flora]

this is a really difficult one hev.

 

I can only speak from my own experience as an (un dx) AS teenager! Despite having an absolute horror and fear of smoking and what it did to you, I started smoking aged about 14/15 because it was a relatively easy way of indentifying with a group of peers and was quite literally and metaphorically a smoke screen to hide behind. IMO given the opportunity AS teenagers are particularly drawn for lots of reasons; fitting in, something to do with their hands and mouth and comfort which probably stems from the first two reasons.

 

The best thing you can do is not to mention smoking in relation to what you've just found out, but talk about it generally as a way that would prevent someone from playing rugby, making fitness progress at the gym etc.

 

Also make sure that there are no cigarettes available in the home (if you or Nick smoke then pretend you've stopped, or do stop, and don't let him see you doing it).

 

I think laying down the law, while tempting and obvious, will not do anything to make/help him quit. In fact it would very likely have the reverse affect. Also, if he's craving nicotine and you've laid down the law, can you imagine the fall out from that???

 

You could pick up a load of leaflets from chemists and health centre on smoking and it's effects, and how to stop etc. Leave them lying around the house for him to see. Talk generally about the horrible diseases, the health and fitness implications, financial implications (make sure he doesn't have money to buy them).

 

I know this sounds a bit wishy washy as a way of dealing with it, but I am speaking from experience, and I think chipping away sureptitiously rather than tackling it head on will be far more likely to achieve the result you want than confrontation, ESPECIALLY taking into account steve's personality.

 

Flora XXX

[hev]

I would go down the discussion about the health issues, I am sure your GP surgery has leaflets, BUT if you happen to smoke yourself is that not like calling the pot calling the kettle black?

i have never touched a fag in my life im a good girl me,i have no vices

[mossgrove]

Hev

 

I think there is enough stress going on already with getting him settled in school, a strained relationship between Steve and Nick and all the stuff circling around that.. It's certainly worth letting him know you would rather he didn't smoke and explaining why, by laying down the law to him could backfire dramatically and may well not achieve wht you want anyway. Because of the other stuff going on I think unconditional support is what is needed now, the smoking battle may be one for another day.

 

Simon

[lorryw]

I agree with the others. Let him know you think its a daft thing to do and leave it at that. If you push too hard it will become a big issue and yet another battleground.

Loraine

[bid]

If it was my DS, I'd follow Mossgrove and the others advice about keeping this low-key.

 

I think you have to look at this as relatively minor compared to other stuff that's been going on for you all.

 

But I would have a no smoking rule for my house (obviously a bit difficult if you or N smoke in the house )...garden OK, but not inside, and would explain that's because it's very unhealthy for Katie to be around any cig. smoke, etc.

 

HTH

 

Bid <'>

Edited February 7, 2008 by bid

[hev]

Hev

 

I think there is enough stress going on already with getting him settled in school, a strained relationship between Steve and Nick and all the stuff circling around that.. It's certainly worth letting him know you would rather he didn't smoke and explaining why, by laying down the law to him could backfire dramatically and may well not achieve wht you want anyway. Because of the other stuff going on I think unconditional support is what is needed now, the smoking battle may be one for another day.

 

Simon

thanks simon thats the conclusion i have come to as well

[hev]

But I would have a no smoking rule for my house (obviously a bit difficult if you or N smoke in the house )...garden OK, but not inside, and would explain that's because it's very unhealthy for Katie to be around any cig. smoke, etc.

 

HTH

 

Bid <'>

thanks bid,luckily enough me,nick or my mum and dad dont smoke and we are the main ones he sees when hes home from school