soraya Report post Posted June 5, 2008 Well things are not going so well with the new school, they are starting him gradually but things have gone wrong every day.On the first day he walked out as one of the other kids annoyed him, on the second day he punched another child because he says he hit him first, and today he was going to go swimming but one of the boys said he would drown Nick at the pool, so he walked out and phoned me to collect him!! Nick says he didnt do anything to make this boy say this, but one one the teachers said Nick had been making comments all morning to the other kids. The thing is this school is a PRU and l dont know if they really understand Aspergers, they say they do but l am not so sure, Nick just cant seem to ignore the other kids, he just reacts badley when others say hurtfull things, although Nick is the master of saying hurtfull things!!! Feeling really down today, cant stop crying, was hoping this school would sort him out, but l dont think its going to work out.Nick is 15 in Sept and l think time has run out for him Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted June 5, 2008 A pru is not specialised enough to support a child with special needs, a pru is an alternative education if they can no longer attend a mainstream or a special school, when they do take children with special needs it is really difficult because of the complex issues as you describe, the other children will have diverse issues and require a very different aproach to what your child will, its a case of your son is in the wrong setting, his needs will almost certainly not be met in a pru because there not suited to children with special needs who require a specialist provision, I would strongly recommend that you request a more suitable placement that can meet all his needs including socailly, emotionally. good luck, it must be really frustrating on you because he will no daught bring all his difficulties home and that we all know what happens there. JsMum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted June 5, 2008 soraya the lea really wanted me to send steve to a pru but in no way would it have been suitable for steve. i really feel for you cos like you we pin so much hopes on the new schools working out,sorry if youve already said but is it a residential school nicks at now? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
soraya Report post Posted June 5, 2008 soraya the lea really wanted me to send steve to a pru but in no way would it have been suitable for steve. i really feel for you cos like you we pin so much hopes on the new schools working out,sorry if youve already said but is it a residential school nicks at now? Hi Hev, No its not a residential school, the trouble would be getting him there, he used to jump out of the minibus taking him to his special school, which is why he has to go locally and this school is just round the corner from home. He really needs a residential school which meets his needs but he has said no way would he sleep away from home and he would just run away!! The LEA have said they will only send a child to a residential school if he is willing to go, and also that no school will take a child who dosent want to be there. We have no other option but the PRU round the corner, Nick has been at home for 18 months and we both need time away from each other, if he stays at home he just does his on line lessons for 2 hours, and then just lazes around the house, he has put on loads of weight and now has big issues about the way he looks. When is life going to get easier? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
soraya Report post Posted June 5, 2008 A pru is not specialised enough to support a child with special needs, a pru is an alternative education if they can no longer attend a mainstream or a special school, when they do take children with special needs it is really difficult because of the complex issues as you describe, the other children will have diverse issues and require a very different aproach to what your child will, its a case of your son is in the wrong setting, his needs will almost certainly not be met in a pru because there not suited to children with special needs who require a specialist provision, I would strongly recommend that you request a more suitable placement that can meet all his needs including socailly, emotionally. good luck, it must be really frustrating on you because he will no daught bring all his difficulties home and that we all know what happens there. JsMum Hi JS mun, as l have said in my reply to Hev, there is no local school which can take Nick, he cannot attend mainstream and the only special school is 1 1/2 hours each way on a mini bus which Nick did for 2 years and then just jumped off, causing a risk to himself and the other children, the LEA tried a taxi and he jumped out of that!! This is an independant PRU and the staff are lovely, we have had a chat tonight and Nick says he is going to try to be more tolerant of the other kids, he knows he cant stay at home for ever and he wants to go to college so l am hoping he will be better tommorow Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted June 5, 2008 (edited) Hi JS mun, as l have said in my reply to Hev, there is no local school which can take Nick, he cannot attend mainstream and the only special school is 1 1/2 hours each way on a mini bus which Nick did for 2 years and then just jumped off, causing a risk to himself and the other children, the LEA tried a taxi and he jumped out of that!! This is an independant PRU and the staff are lovely, we have had a chat tonight and Nick says he is going to try to be more tolerant of the other kids, he knows he cant stay at home for ever and he wants to go to college so l am hoping he will be better tommorow I just know that PRUs are not at all suitable for ASD/AS or other special needs including ADHD/PDA/ODD because they need specialist support, I know the rule says that children have to also agree to attend a special residential school which I think is good for coperation and obeying the rules so everyone is safe, if your son really hates the RSS then I can see he has to attend a more local school but PRUs are not the alternative for children with special needs, the kind of children in PRUs will purposly wind your son up, bully and other behaviours, placing children who do fit the criteria for PRUs will have loads of different issues that will probably place your son into situations he has no control, thats why I was saying PRUs dont suit children with SENs. I cant really advice you only that I dont think the PRU will work on a long term basis and may not bridge the gap so he can attend college. I would maybe look at ringing NAS helpline. Sorry i cant help, JsMum Edited June 5, 2008 by JsMum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oxgirl Report post Posted June 5, 2008 Really hope that things get easier for Nick and that he can make good progress and get the support he needs. It's good that you're happy with the staff at the PRU, I'm sure they'll be trying their very best for him. <'> <'> ~ Mel ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted June 5, 2008 it is very early days though soraya,things will probably improve for nick once he gets used to it and the other boys gets used to him,took steve about a good 6 weeks to be accepted by the other boys but i can see some good friendships growing for him at mo,i hope this happens for your nick <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Enid Report post Posted June 5, 2008 Poor you <'> <'> There ought to be a school they are made to go to! a residential, I am sure all the boys at the residential school I worked at didnt want to be there! I have told my son that if he gets kicked out of the school he is at he will have to go to residential as the LEA will make him, he said I will run away and hide, I said well you had better get your act together at school then, he is stomping about his room at the mo. Its mad that they cant be made to stay in a school, I have no answers or help just sympathy. <'> <'> Enid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted June 5, 2008 Poor you <'> <'> There ought to be a school they are made to go to! a residential, I am sure all the boys at the residential school I worked at didnt want to be there! I have told my son that if he gets kicked out of the school he is at he will have to go to residential as the LEA will make him, he said I will run away and hide, I said well you had better get your act together at school then, he is stomping about his room at the mo. Its mad that they cant be made to stay in a school, I have no answers or help just sympathy. <'> <'> Enid Was it a EBD school that the boys where made to attend the residential special school? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kazzen161 Report post Posted June 5, 2008 Some PRUs do quite well with children on the spectrum - it depends on the number of children and staff, etc. However, PRUs are not meant to be a long term solution - their aim is to work with the child to get him back into mainstream schooling. Has Nick actually visited any residential schools? T was not keen to start with, but they do have a lot of fun there - more than they do at home. He had people who were also interested in the same things, people who enabled him to do things I could not have taught him, trips out several times a week, friends to play with, etc. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
soraya Report post Posted June 6, 2008 Some PRUs do quite well with children on the spectrum - it depends on the number of children and staff, etc. However, PRUs are not meant to be a long term solution - their aim is to work with the child to get him back into mainstream schooling. Has Nick actually visited any residential schools? T was not keen to start with, but they do have a lot of fun there - more than they do at home. He had people who were also interested in the same things, people who enabled him to do things I could not have taught him, trips out several times a week, friends to play with, etc. Hi Kazzen, I wish Nick could visit some residential schools but most of the ones l have contacted will only let the child visit once the LEA have asked them too. My LEA is one of the worst for funding a residential placement, and when they asked Nick if he would stay away from home he said no and l will run away if you make me!!! The LEA said they wont even consider it if Nick dosent want to go!!! EA Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted June 6, 2008 Hi Kazzen, I wish Nick could visit some residential schools but most of the ones l have contacted will only let the child visit once the LEA have asked them too. My LEA is one of the worst for funding a residential placement, and when they asked Nick if he would stay away from home he said no and l will run away if you make me!!! The LEA said they wont even consider it if Nick dosent want to go!!! EA it may be the residential schools where LEA ones, these do generally want you to go throw the proceedures, but if your son has a statement and diagnosed as ASD/ADHD and independant or non maintained then generally they welcome visitors, we visited our residential school with no contact at all made to our lea and they where very accomadating, showing us round, introducing J to other children, Ive visited over 5 schools and all of them where without LEAs permission, if your son has a statement you could request that part 4 is changed which states the school you would like your son to attend, as long as it is suitable for your sons SEN then you have that right, if the LEA refuse you then go throw the SENDIST Appeals, which is what I am going throw with my son, the reason your LEA wont be funding Special schools is because they want to fund inclusion and units, there overall aim I am sure is that they want to close as many specail schools. If you can I would ring OASIS who can advice you further on residentail spersific schools and hopefully one that may interest your son to want to stay. NAS Educational Helpline can also give you a list of independant/private ASD schools. I think it is defenitaly much more easier when our children understand the whole reasons of why we would even contemplate a residentail school, from the start of the visit me and J discussed the real issues of why we where thinking of a residentail school and number one J does understand he needs a spersific kind of education and he knows we need to look at his social issues too, for J its a positive conversation, because he knows that if its not residentail then the alternatives will have a much more impact throw lack of support. You can also look further away too, ovbously that may be a bit harder but if its got all the support required I feel for us it doesnt matter, as long as they are in the right place, with the right support with key workers who care and will look after them and our children are happy then thats what really matters. JsMum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
soraya Report post Posted June 6, 2008 I have contacted a couple of schools and although they have said l could visit they wont let Nick untill they get the go ahead from the LEA, these are both independant schools. Nick is so determined that he wont sleep away from home it wil be very difficult to get him to look at a school. I had a call from the head of Nicks PRU and he was lovely, he said that Nick is doing well under the circumstances and they are going to do lots of work on social skills and anger management with him, also they are going to work on his tolerence levels. This is an independant school and the levels of staff to children is very good so we are going to give it a go. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Enid Report post Posted June 6, 2008 J`smum, yes it was an EBD school. Enid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted June 6, 2008 soraya that sounds good that the teacher phone you and said nicks doing well and they are going to help him sounds a supportive school so things will work out hopefully Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Enid Report post Posted June 7, 2008 (edited) Read some of your posts last night as couldnt sleep, lovely bedtime reading, Hev has often said our 3 boys are like triplets, I couldnt believe some of the similarities, such as ringing the police to complain about you!!!! thought that was just my lad, they used to come at first! this is a small town it was soo embarassing, then they started ringing me back, I too had to phone then for help when he started attacking me and received NO help from ss when desparate, He also opens doors of school transport and gets out and I have to pick him up from country lanes etc, he also goes off on his scooter (CANT RIDE A BIKE) and only comes back when he wants and hides when I look for him, he has broken 3 mobile phones in his recent rages, but wont answer them unless he wants anyway I could go on an on, as your two boys are 2 yrs older than mine, I`ve seen the future Keep strong, soroya and Hev. <'> <'> <'> Enid Edited June 7, 2008 by Enid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kazzen161 Report post Posted June 7, 2008 A lot of the residential schools have excellent web-sites that could give Nick a flavour of what they are all about. I will PM you a couple of links. If you do go for residential, make sure it has 16-19 provision, as it sounds likely he will need continuing support (do PRUs do 16+?). Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
soraya Report post Posted June 7, 2008 Hi Enid, yes our boys are very alike, scary isnt it!! I must admit Nick is much better now that he is coming through puberty, he was at his worse about 18months ago, so maybe this has a lot to do with what you are going through. On the mobile phone front, Nick has broken and lost so many, l now buy one from vodafone as it is very basic and only �20.00, everytime he destroys one l buy another and deduct it from his pocket money, mind you quite a few have gone through the washing machine!!! I also sign up for their friends and family deal, this is where you can have up to 4 mobile nos and each can ring one another for free, this saves putting credit on Nicks phone as it is usually gone before the day is out!! Hope things improve for you soon, us three girls need to get together with a few bottles of vino!! Are you going to greenwich? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
soraya Report post Posted June 7, 2008 Thanks kazzen that would be great Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted June 7, 2008 I also sign up for their friends and family deal, this is where you can have up to 4 mobile nos and each can ring one another for free, this saves putting credit on Nicks phone as it is usually gone before the day is out!! me and steve have got that deal too Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Enid Report post Posted June 7, 2008 (edited) Am really going to try to go to Greenwich, depends how he is nearer the time. He stayed with my friend for a fw hours today and I took the 2 youngest out, it was soo nice not to worry about him, the little ones could chat and play without him taking over, what weather tho!!!!!! we set off in red hot sunshine, then terrific storm with thunder and lightening right on top of us, they were just at top of a climbing frame Then hailstones, yes hailstones, inches deep it was unbeleivable. Enid Edited June 7, 2008 by Enid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted June 8, 2008 oh yeah enid try to come to greenwich,i want to meet you!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Enid Report post Posted June 8, 2008 (edited) do we have to wear badges or what how will we know who people are!!!! I`m not really called Enid Enid!!! Edited June 8, 2008 by Enid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted June 8, 2008 im not really called hev,im actually called kate moss Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Enid Report post Posted June 8, 2008 very funny kate, bet you look like her too, well I`ll have no trouble recognising you then Enid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted June 8, 2008 Just think soraya with a post that starts not a good start, I think this post ends with but a fantastic result, I sure do hope you three gals can meet at greenwich, I think you three alone would have a lot to talk about, but Im tempted to come just to watch the concluding part of what is amazing results of a forum, I can see you three, hev, enid, soraya on the picic table sharing that veno, I sure have enjoyed how the post has bloomed into a inspirational heart warming result. Friendship. JsMum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
soraya Report post Posted June 9, 2008 Thanks Js mum, its so nice to share things with people who know just what you are going through, many of my friends say "l dont know how you cope " but l think this forum has a lot to to with it, to be able to share the good and bad times is great It would be lovely if you could come to greenwich, but l know it is a long way for you, maybe you could organise a meet up for those of you in the North? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
soraya Report post Posted June 9, 2008 You will all recognise me im the one clutching the vino with grey hair and wrinkles Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted June 9, 2008 You will all recognise me im the one clutching the vino with grey hair and wrinkles youve just described smiley Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bard Report post Posted June 9, 2008 youve just described smiley No, that's me. Smiley was blonde as I recall, with a lovely voice Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pearl Report post Posted June 9, 2008 Sorry Bard & Soraya, the position of forum crone is already filled. *polishes badge* Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
