Self-imposed isolation

[oxgirl]

I'm very lonely and spend every day on my own, usually not exchanging a word with a single other person. I'm so used to being on my own that it's like I've forgotten how to communicate with people.

 

A few months ago I attended a CBT group and at the end people exchanged numbers. Well today, out of the blue, one of the people on the course called me and said her and another woman were meeting for coffee next week and would I like to come! So, what did I do, I instantly wracked my brain for an excuse not to go and politely turned her down. I feel like such a failure.

 

I'm not very good at coping with sudden changes in plan like that and I just couldn't handle the pressure and so I opted out. Somehow it's just easier to stay on my own all the time then I won't have to feel weird or worry about what people think of me, I've lost every single ounce of confidence that I ever had, and that wasn't much to start with. I feel so pathetic.

 

~ Mel ~

[bid]

Oh Oxgirl <'>

 

I know exactly how you feel

 

Now that you've had a chance to think about it, would it be possible to phone her back and say a change of plans means you can make coffee after all? If these were people you met at a CBT group, I bet they would actually understand how you feel too.

 

You're not a failure at all, you're just someone who has been living under acute, chronic stress for years, and that would take it's toll on anyone's confidence.

 

If you could make that call, think how pleased you'll feel with yourself if you do manage to go for coffee, even if you're terrified at the same time <'>

 

And if you can't quite get there this time, you could leave it a couple of weeks and then phone her back and suggest coffee yourself.

 

The first steps are always the hardest, but I bet everyone here is rooting for you <'>

 

Do you think you might manage Greenwich, although I can see how off-putting it might be to meet us all en masse!

 

Please don't feel so bad about yourself, hun <'> <'> I have a a pretty consistent internal battle against self-imposed isolation myself, but I am usually really glad when I do manage to go out (which isn't that often TBH, and I'm trying to work on this myself ). Someone at work asked me what I do 'for fun', and I had to say I nothing! But I'm working on going to The Booglies regularly, even though I had to hide in a side room while I waited my turn on Saturday because there were too many people

 

Bidx

 

(Just worried in case I've come across as patronising here...really sorry if I have, wasn't meant that way )

Edited June 25, 2008 by bid

[Flora]

Mel,

 

You are certainly not pathetic. <'>

 

If I had a quid for every time I'd made excuses, even over something like just meeting for coffee, I could buy a coffee shop!

 

Like bid, I'm aware I need to work on this because it isn't a particularly healthy attitude; but it's a very real fear isn't it?

 

Please mel don't feel bad or be hard on yourself. It takes a lot of courage to talk about these fears etc.

 

Flora <'> xx

[oxgirl]

Oh Oxgirl <'>

 

I know exactly how you feel

 

Now that you've had a chance to think about it, would it be possible to phone her back and say a change of plans means you can make coffee after all? If these were people you met at a CBT group, I bet they would actually understand how you feel too.

 

You're not a failure at all, you're just someone who has been living under acute, chronic stress for years, and that would take it's toll on anyone's confidence.

 

If you could make that call, think how pleased you'll feel with yourself if you do manage to go for coffee, even if you're terrified at the same time <'>

 

And if you can't quite get there this time, you could leave it a couple of weeks and then phone her back and suggest coffee yourself.

 

The first steps are always the hardest, but I bet everyone here is rooting for you <'>

 

Do you think you might manage Greenwich, although I can see how off-putting it might be to meet us all en masse!

 

Please don't feel so bad about yourself, hun <'> <'> I have a a pretty consistent internal battle against self-imposed isolation myself, but I am usually really glad when I do manage to go out (which isn't that often TBH, and I'm trying to work on this myself ). Someone at work asked me what I do 'for fun', and I had to say I nothing! But I'm working on going to The Booglies regularly, even though I had to hide in a side room while I waited my turn on Saturday because there were too many people

 

Bidx

 

(Just worried in case I've come across as patronising here...really sorry if I have, wasn't meant that way )

 

Thanks a lot, Bid, nope you haven't come across as patronising. <'>

I never took her number so I can't call her back anyway (good excuse that ). I couldn't even make the Oxford meet-up, let alone get myself all the way to Greenwich on my own. I know if I did go, I'd sit in the corner and not be able to talk to anyone or I'd just grin like an idiot and then I'd get stressed about what food we were going to have and when or where we'd go and I'd end up quietly weeping from feeling so useless. I just couldn't cope. I don't feel normal anymore, I don't feel like a person at all half the time. I'm constantly amazed at all the things I read about some of the AS people on here achieving (no patronising intended). I haven't got any diagnosis but I couldn't do ANY of the things some people here do, I can't cope with a single thing.

 

~ Mel ~

[oxgirl]

Mel,

 

You are certainly not pathetic. <'>

 

If I had a quid for every time I'd made excuses, even over something like just meeting for coffee, I could buy a coffee shop!

 

Like bid, I'm aware I need to work on this because it isn't a particularly healthy attitude; but it's a very real fear isn't it?

 

Please mel don't feel bad or be hard on yourself. It takes a lot of courage to talk about these fears etc.

 

Flora <'> xx

 

 

Thanks Flora, <'>

 

I'm just feeling like a useless lump at the mo. DH keeps pushing me to go out with some of the women from his cycling club, but there's just no way! He's just like, 'you should do this', 'you should do that', well if I could then it wouldn't be so much of a problem would it! I just don't know how to get out of this rutt I'm in, I'm so bored and lonely but I haven't the confidence to get out and do or try new things, I'm well and truly stuck and slowly vegetating, I feel like I've disappeared, like I'm invisible.

 

~ Mel ~

[Karen A]

Thanks Flora, <'>

 

I'm just feeling like a useless lump at the mo. DH keeps pushing me to go out with some of the women from his cycling club, but there's just no way! He's just like, 'you should do this', 'you should do that', well if I could then it wouldn't be so much of a problem would it! I just don't know how to get out of this rutt I'm in, I'm so bored and lonely but I haven't the confidence to get out and do or try new things, I'm well and truly stuck and slowly vegetating, I feel like I've disappeared, like I'm invisible.

 

~ Mel ~

 

Mel <'> <'>

I was wondering if you think you might be depressed and have considered talking to your GP about medication.

My OH has suffered from depression and I know he describes it as feeling like he is disappearing or invisible.Karen.

[Flora]

Gosh mel you could have lifted that paragraph right out of my head !! Really, at the moment I feel very very similar (have you seen my clogged head thread?

 

Perhaps we could spurr each other on? Maybe you should come over to my house (at least it'll force me to tidy up!!!! I'm not scary honest . You could sit there and be yourself (the first time bid and I met we spent about 3 hours together and I couldn't remember exactly what she looked like (apart from being quite tall and clinically well dressed ) because we didn't look at each other the whole time!!

 

Flora <'>

[bid]

I'm often reduced to tears in social situations too...have to go and hide in the loo! <'>

 

I even had a silent last night at work, hiding in the corner over the pootie

 

Would me too for a mini-meet with Flora be too many peeps?

 

Sometimes it's good to have something to look forward to, even if it's scary at the same time...

 

I know exactly how you feel about the disappearing...I was like that for years before my dx.

 

Bid <'>

 

(Sorry Flora...just realised I've taken the liberty of inviting myself along too! )

Edited June 25, 2008 by bid

[Flora]

(Sorry Flora...just realised I've taken the liberty of inviting myself along too! )

 

Actually I'm really happy.... we have to do it....

 

yay

 

Flora

[cmuir]

Hi

 

it's so difficult coping with loved ones than have an ASD. It's incredibly wearing, both mentally and physically. People (strangers/friends/family/professionals/etc) can be very judgemental, that it's no wonder there's a loss in self-esteem and confidence. But, you know what ... YOU ARE COPING with a lot more than what some people have to cope with. I've often felt like I wanted to lock my door and shut my curtains and never go out again. I know that's not possible and nor would it be good for my son.

 

Would you be able to break yourself in gently? Would you feel able to phone person up and say you've changed your mind, you'd like to meet up with them? I"f so, tell this person how you're feeling - if she's a potential friend, she'll understand completely.

 

Don't be hard on yourself and don't look too far forward. I've found that when I try to look too far ahead ie think how my son will manage high school when he's only 6.5! Whilst you have to plan ahead a little, looking too far ahead can seem like an obstacle that's just too hard to overcome. Take one or two steps forward at a time and give yourself a bit of time.

 

Best wishes.

 

Caroline.

[smiley]

<'> >< <'>

[dooday24]

hi mel

im so sorry u r feeling so down at the mo if u ever want to chat im here and u could always meet up with me one day for a chat

its hard feeling very isolated from the world

 

take care mel and im here if u need me xxxxx

love donnaxxxxx

[hev]

mel you defo not pathetic,dont ever think that <'> i cant honestly say that ive experienced what you going through but i think the others have given very good advice take slow steps,can you do things like go to shops on your own or does that make you anxious?in regards to meeting people on here,before i met smiley and lya i had there mob numbers first and we used to text reguarly which made me feel better when i met them for the first time,maybe you could try that with bid and flo?just a thought but i hope you ok today <'>

[loobylou2]

<'> go easy on yourself Mel. I often feel like that too, sometimes i'll go without bread or milk til my hubby comes home cos I can't face even going out the door never mind to the shop around the corner! as for meeting up for coffee. I would be in a complete flap over it and be in floods of tears in case people were judging me. I would make excuses not to go too. Its sounds like a great idea to meet up with some people you kinda know to start with, get you into the swing of things.It would be worth having a chat with your doc (says she!! ) but don't ever feel pathetic or a failure, you have more to cope with than most other people. Take care chuck. <'>

[Frangipani]

Mel, <'> <'> <'>

 

xx

[oxgirl]

Mel <'> <'>

I was wondering if you think you might be depressed and have considered talking to your GP about medication.

My OH has suffered from depression and I know he describes it as feeling like he is disappearing or invisible.Karen.

 

Hi Karen,

I think I am depressed, yep. Doc recommended meds a while ago actually, but I'm resisting at the mo.

~ Mel ~

[oxgirl]

Gosh mel you could have lifted that paragraph right out of my head !! Really, at the moment I feel very very similar (have you seen my clogged head thread?

 

Perhaps we could spurr each other on? Maybe you should come over to my house (at least it'll force me to tidy up!!!! I'm not scary honest . You could sit there and be yourself (the first time bid and I met we spent about 3 hours together and I couldn't remember exactly what she looked like (apart from being quite tall and clinically well dressed ) because we didn't look at each other the whole time!!

 

Flora <'>

 

Hi Flora,

Yep, I posted in your thread, yep.

I would like to get together sometime, yep.

 

~ Mel ~

[oxgirl]

I'm often reduced to tears in social situations too...have to go and hide in the loo! <'>

 

I even had a silent last night at work, hiding in the corner over the pootie

 

Would me too for a mini-meet with Flora be too many peeps?

 

Sometimes it's good to have something to look forward to, even if it's scary at the same time...

 

I know exactly how you feel about the disappearing...I was like that for years before my dx.

 

Bid <'>

 

(Sorry Flora...just realised I've taken the liberty of inviting myself along too! )

 

I'd like to meet you too, bid. At least if I sit there with my head hung you'll be ready for it and not think too badly of me, hopefully.

~ Mel ~

[oxgirl]

Hi

 

it's so difficult coping with loved ones than have an ASD. It's incredibly wearing, both mentally and physically. People (strangers/friends/family/professionals/etc) can be very judgemental, that it's no wonder there's a loss in self-esteem and confidence. But, you know what ... YOU ARE COPING with a lot more than what some people have to cope with. I've often felt like I wanted to lock my door and shut my curtains and never go out again. I know that's not possible and nor would it be good for my son.

 

Would you be able to break yourself in gently? Would you feel able to phone person up and say you've changed your mind, you'd like to meet up with them? I"f so, tell this person how you're feeling - if she's a potential friend, she'll understand completely.

 

Don't be hard on yourself and don't look too far forward. I've found that when I try to look too far ahead ie think how my son will manage high school when he's only 6.5! Whilst you have to plan ahead a little, looking too far ahead can seem like an obstacle that's just too hard to overcome. Take one or two steps forward at a time and give yourself a bit of time.

 

Best wishes.

 

Caroline.

 

Thanks Caroline.

~ Mel ~

[Frangipani]

Mel <'> <'>

xx

[oxgirl]

Thanks everyone.

I think it's worse at the mo, 'cos my hip is playing me up and I can't run, which just makes me feel miserable. I'm bored, bored, bored.

 

~ Mel ~

[Bagpuss]

Mel, huge, huge <'> <'> <'>

 

I think there are so many people who will be able to identify with how you are feeling. I felt very similar to yourself too. It's awful and such a vicious circle, you don't want to be alone, yet can't find the strength to do anything about it, as your self confidence becomes more and more eroded. I found Feeling The Fear and Do It Anyway really helped. Often the fear of something never matches up to the reality of it. I always get nervous before the forum meet up's, and a few years back I would never have considered going. The first meet up I went too, I dragged DH along, and would never have gone without him. I remember walking along the road, saying out loud "I don't want to do this, I don't want to do this" and DH saying "neither do I" I had to literally force myself to go, knowing the first step would be the hardest. I can honestly say, hand on heart, I've enjoyed all of them. I've always come away feeling really positive. The meet up's have led to me making friends away from the forum, and I regularly meet members off here, on a one to one, and I've made some lovely friends. I would seriously consider taking up Flora and Bid's offer to meet up, and please remember they will be as nervous as you. Have a little think about coming to Greenwich. Believe me Mel, many of us will be feeling worried and fearful, and no one would bat an eyelid if you wanted to say very little. You could spend as long or as little time with us all as you wanted. What about doing some voluntary work? This is something I've been thinking about lately...although I think I'd probably choose a charity shop and bankrupt DH and I within a week A college course? A fitness class? Aqua aerobics? Try and take that first step, thinking of you <'>

[oxgirl]

Mel, huge, huge <'> <'> <'>

 

I think there are so many people who will be able to identify with how you are feeling. I felt very similar to yourself too. It's awful and such a vicious circle, you don't want to be alone, yet can't find the strength to do anything about it, as your self confidence becomes more and more eroded. I found Feeling The Fear and Do It Anyway really helped. Often the fear of something never matches up to the reality of it. I always get nervous before the forum meet up's, and a few years back I would never have considered going. The first meet up I went too, I dragged DH along, and would never have gone without him. I remember walking along the road, saying out loud "I don't want to do this, I don't want to do this" and DH saying "neither do I" I had to literally force myself to go, knowing the first step would be the hardest. I can honestly say, hand on heart, I've enjoyed all of them. I've always come away feeling really positive. The meet up's have led to me making friends away from the forum, and I regularly meet members off here, on a one to one, and I've made some lovely friends. I would seriously consider taking up Flora and Bid's offer to meet up, and please remember they will be as nervous as you. Have a little think about coming to Greenwich. Believe me Mel, many of us will be feeling worried and fearful, and no one would bat an eyelid if you wanted to say very little. You could spend as long or as little time with us all as you wanted. What about doing some voluntary work? This is something I've been thinking about lately...although I think I'd probably choose a charity shop and bankrupt DH and I within a week A college course? A fitness class? Aqua aerobics? Try and take that first step, thinking of you <'>

 

Thanks Baggy, <'>

I do fantasize about coming to Greenwich, but others just sound so confident and bouncy I know I'd be overwhelmed and end up feeling very small and insignificant. I'm one of those people who always seems to be invisible and in people's way.

I'd like to work in a charity shop, but I don't feel strong enough to commit myself at the moment, I don't think I'd feel reliable and I'd feel like I was letting people down if I couldn't manage to go so would just end up feeling worse about myself. Part of me feels like I'm better off on my own, who would want to be my friend, what have I got to offer anyone, but I know I'm just wallowing really.

 

~ Mel ~

[Kathryn]

Thanks Baggy, <'>

I do fantasize about coming to Greenwich, but others just sound so confident and bouncy I know I'd be overwhelmed and end up feeling very small and insignificant. I'm one of those people who always seems to be invisible and in people's way.

I'd like to work in a charity shop, but I don't feel strong enough to commit myself at the moment, I don't think I'd feel reliable and I'd feel like I was letting people down if I couldn't manage to go so would just end up feeling worse about myself. Part of me feels like I'm better off on my own, who would want to be my friend, what have I got to offer anyone, but I know I'm just wallowing really.

 

~ Mel ~

 

Mel, I'm not confident and bouncy in real life, and I get nervous in social situations where there are lots of people I don't know. Don't forget that on the forum there's less pressure: you have time to think through what you want to say and post a coherent response, so people may often come across as more confident, witty and generally "together" than they are in face to face interactions. As Baggy says we'll all be nervous, not many of us know each other well, or even at all, and we'll all just be bumbling along together. So do give Greenwich another thought, even if you just stay for an hour and then disappear among the trees. Nobody will mind. <'>

 

K x

[Suze]

Mel , <'> , you know we all are really very similar , I have very little confidence in myself or my abilities to do anything , please don,t say your pathetic cos your certainly not ,a little meet up would be a lovely idea, and please remember people will understand and know how you feel if your worried, best wishes suzex.

[Flora]

Thanks Baggy, <'>

I do fantasize about coming to Greenwich, but others just sound so confident and bouncy I know I'd be overwhelmed and end up feeling very small and insignificant. I'm one of those people who always seems to be invisible and in people's way.

 

Mel, what kathryn said was absolutely spot on. Speaking for myself, I can be relatively articulate when I'm typing but in real life I'm more often than not the opposite. The great thing about meeting people on the forum is that you really do feel that you can be yourself. I was extremely nervous on the Oxford day out but was very able to more or less by myself without feeling like a complete odd bod!

 

Love Flo' XXX

[bid]

Thanks Baggy, <'>

I do fantasize about coming to Greenwich, but others just sound so confident and bouncy I know I'd be overwhelmed and end up feeling very small and insignificant. I'm one of those people who always seems to be invisible and in people's way.

I'd like to work in a charity shop, but I don't feel strong enough to commit myself at the moment, I don't think I'd feel reliable and I'd feel like I was letting people down if I couldn't manage to go so would just end up feeling worse about myself. Part of me feels like I'm better off on my own, who would want to be my friend, what have I got to offer anyone, but I know I'm just wallowing really.

 

~ Mel ~

 

Oh Mel, we're really not, you know!

 

Not very good at knowing how I come across anywhere, including here...but at Greenwich last year I shouted and flapped and jumped about sparklies when I met Lya (so too loud and embarrassing ), but for the rest of the day I pretty much sat on my own and couldn't really respond much to the people who were nice enough to talk to me (so strange silent person pretty tearful inside a lot )!

 

I will be better this year, because I met some people again over the last year.

 

Bidxx <'>

Edited June 26, 2008 by bid

[oxgirl]

Mel, I'm not confident and bouncy in real life, and I get nervous in social situations where there are lots of people I don't know. Don't forget that on the forum there's less pressure: you have time to think through what you want to say and post a coherent response, so people may often come across as more confident, witty and generally "together" than they are in face to face interactions. As Baggy says we'll all be nervous, not many of us know each other well, or even at all, and we'll all just be bumbling along together. So do give Greenwich another thought, even if you just stay for an hour and then disappear among the trees. Nobody will mind. <'>

 

K x

 

 

Thanks Kathryn, It's so far to come, though, isn't it. I know a lot of people are trekking halfway across the country and staying overnigt and I really take my hat off to them. I will give it some serious thought though.

 

~ Mel ~

[oxgirl]

Mel , <'> , you know we all are really very similar , I have very little confidence in myself or my abilities to do anything , please don,t say your pathetic cos your certainly not ,a little meet up would be a lovely idea, and please remember people will understand and know how you feel if your worried, best wishes suzex.

 

 

Cheers suze. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[oxgirl]

Mel, what kathryn said was absolutely spot on. Speaking for myself, I can be relatively articulate when I'm typing but in real life I'm more often than not the opposite. The great thing about meeting people on the forum is that you really do feel that you can be yourself. I was extremely nervous on the Oxford day out but was very able to more or less by myself without feeling like a complete odd bod!

 

Love Flo' XXX

 

 

I wish I had come to the Oxford one, actually, I was cross with myself for being too wimpy. Goodness me, it's not like I had far to come! It's true what you and Kathryn say, though, it's sometimes a lot easier in the virtual world it seems.

 

~ Mel ~

[oxgirl]

Oh Mel, we're really not, you know!

 

Not very good at knowing how I come across anywhere, including here...but at Greenwich last year I shouted and flapped and jumped about sparklies when I met Lya (so too loud and embarrassing ), but for the rest of the day I pretty much sat on my own and couldn't really respond much to the people who were nice enough to talk to me (so strange silent person pretty tearful inside a lot )!

 

I will be better this year, because I met some people again over the last year.

 

Bidxx <'>

 

That sounds like me Bid, apart from th flapping bit.

 

~ Mel ~

[SharonBugs]

Hi Mel,

 

I know how hard it is. You need to explain to your husband your difficuluties, no matter how silly, small or insignificant it seems to him. You need to get him to understand this invisible "disability" you're facing. Hopefully he'll understand, and is able to help you overcome it.

 

I hope my story below can give you an idea how I did it.

 

Last year, I was feeling like the whole world was just too much. First thing in the morning when I wake up, I already started the day on the wrong foot by thinking how long the day is gonna be and how am I gonna get thru this! Then I thought I'll just maybe walk to the shop or library whihc is just 10 minutes away, really, it's only just a few blocks away, how hard can it be.

 

But then it was hard. Just the thought of getting dress was tiring, nevermind the trepidation of walking out into the outside world. I seems to be scared of something, but yet don't know what it is. Just a feeling of nervousness, and thinking should anything happen, I'm helpless. After all the thinking and planning, I always ended up doing nothing, end then I start feeling guilty and failure because all me and son did was sit at home all the time, thinking I'm so useless, unable to accomplish even sucha simple thing like walking to the shop.

 

Day after day, I planned, and failed to do it the next day. Eventually, nighttime is starting to become bad, because I dreaded facing the next morning, hence I couldn't go to sleep. I became a night owl. I started painting or just drawing or just reading. I wake up feeling drain the next morning, making things even worse. It was a vicious cycle because by now I need my husband here next to me, all the time. There will be days I wake up teary, on the phone asking him to come home at 10am!! Poor guy, he's only just started his work day, and now he had to drive all the way back from his office 45 minutes away. Once he's home, I'm happy and perky again. I'll be asking to go everywhere, with him driving me there! I can accomplished things, with him by my side.

 

I finally told hubby how I feel, and that I know all these things I 'm saying sounds silly because all these tasks is so simple and insignificant. But then i feel the limitations is there and is very real, and very legit. I myself cannot even understand why it's happening! I told my hubby everything i can thing off, described and explain to him about my fears and limitation,

how I feel, why I'm scared, why I can't go anywhere myself.

 

I told him how my mind thinks when it come to certain task, hopefully he'll understand where it's going wrong. From unable to put the dishes into the dish washer because I can't get my hands dirty because it's just too much, to constantly having to wash my hands umpteenth times! Or how I feel the house is constantly having some sort of smell that drives me crazy! Or how I can't cooked because I don't like that smell or feeling of touching anything wet. For a while I had many pairs of gloves, a pair each for different task.

 

And sometimes, all these washing hands and changing gloves just seems to much to handle, I'll meltdown and I need him to come home immediately so that he can cook something to feed our son, no I can't make that sandwich because I think my hands smelled funny!! I couldn't asnwer the phone, wouldn't speak to anyone. Even the thought of having to call anyone was tiring enough for I started worrying of saying the wrong things, and the person will think I'm a silly person and avoid me in the future, so I didn't make that call.

 

If I just didn't have to deal with anyone, I'm ok. As long as I don't have to meet anyone, then I won't feel negative like as if they are not talking to me on purpose, or me feeling bad because I felt I've spoken too much. Well the list can go on and on. Me and son used to go to some homeschooling groups but eventually I dropped that too, because I wasn;'t sure how I'm to act. Do I sit in a corner, which I don't want to because it will be lonely, and defeat the prupose of going there, or do I join in a group of conversation? But then, I'll start to feel it was because of me when the group DISBANDED!!!! I always go home feeling down, like I did something wrong again. I wasn't sure if it's because of my asian skin, or is it that I'm not aware of a certain "british" way of doing things. Well, know I know I'm not alone, after reading all these posts LOL!

 

Hubby finally convinced me to see the GP, who diagnosed depression. I laugh at the suggestion, and insist I have nothing to be depressed about. Everything is going well. Well, anyhow it is depression, and I found out it can happen in many ways. It could just be a chemical in-balance in the brain or in my case, it could be a un-diagnosed pro-natal depression (yes, I found out pro-natal depression can stay with you for 7 - 8 years after birth, if untreated).

 

As I spoke to the doctor, rattling off the whole list of things that is going well for us, from my child's positive homeschooling to the quickness of his ASD diagnosis to most of our debts coming to an end, I soon ended up babbling incoherrently in tears about my past worries, from the culture shock when we first move to UK, to the tiredness of handling my ASD child. Even tho I thought I was handling my stress quite well, but it seems the past few years of chaos, uncertainty, bad issues with school and finally homeschooling son, all these stress never really went away, it was just tucked away to the back of my mind. So it seems now it was all beginning to rush out of the depth of my mind. All those past stress was slowly coming back out, and was overwhelming me.

 

All these came out in big heaving tears, in front of my doctor. Needless to say, I have to accept what she's saying. So because of my kid, and I don't trust anti derpessants, we went with herbal medicne which is St John's Worts. After a week on it, I was beginning to sense confidence and for the first time after so many years, I was able to laugh, and feel the laughter bubbling deep inside me! I wake up feeling happy, because the feeeling of gloom was gone! I felt like I can now do ANYTHING!

 

IT's 9 months since, I've re-learned to accomplishe alot of things, a little at a time with my husband by my side, simple things like he'll accompany me to the library so that son can get some books. I needed him to be with me when I'm grocery shopping, I needed him to be around me at home. I needed him to make phone calls like dentist appt, or banking. I'm lucky because my hubby can work from home. I guess just him being nearby me was comforting enough. It's a slow process and frustrating because I'm the type to do things quickly, and now I have to depend on my husband and sometimes, he's not doing it or saying it exactly as how I want him to!!! There are times I told him "If I can do this myself, I wouldn't ask you to!!"

 

But slow and surely it's picking up speed as months go by. I'm beginning to venture out of my comfort zone, like driving to an homeschooling activity held at a totally new place that I've never been before, meeting new faces. I just keep to myself really when I'm there, sometimes I get lucky and end up having a good chat with another mother. I'm psyching myself up for that eventual trip to London's Natural; History Museum with son, on my own.

 

I soon realised I am actually applying the same technique that I used on my ASD son, to get him used to places and people LOL! And I do wonder if I'm partly autistic too, which cause the problems, in the first place.

 

So Mel, my advice will be tell your husband your limitation, and ask him to help. But first he'll need to accept and understanding your condition, no matter how silly and "doesn't make sense" it may seem. Tell him, "If I can do this, I wouldn't ask you for help, will I?"

 

2nd, do take up that offer to meet up with the rest of the ladies here who;s offered to meet up for coffee. It'll be a a good move, for if you just sit in the corner quietly, they'll understand. I'm sure after a few meetings, you'll feel you know them enough to join in the conversation. If you feel the journey is just to big to handle, get your hubby to accompany you, well at least for the first few events. As for that work friend of his, maybe you can get him to arrange a meeting/ dinner that he can go with you.

 

Just remember, one step at a time. Don't rush yourself. That hospice job, try voluntering going in once or twice a month. This way, you give yourself lots of time to "re-charge" and "psych" yourself up for the next job-day. Try it, it might work, it might not. Speak to the person in charge, and tell her you want to help but cannot commit too much time. Will they be able to use your help if you only go in once or twice a month at a fix time?

 

Never commit yourself instantly to anything. Always say, "can I call you back on this?". I aways used this excuse "Can I check my diary and let you know?" This way, I get the time to have a good think, before commiting to yes or no. Even if I say yes, I still give myself buffer sometimes by saying, "I'm having a doctor/ dentist/ school meeting on that morning. If I can get away early, you'll see me there. Is this ok?" Most of the time, the coffee morning ladies will say yes, turn up if you can. This way, if I'm feeling horrible and don't really wanna face anyone, I don't turn up. Yes, I do feel the stress building up, leading to that coffeee date. Sometimes, I just ended up so stressed out that I really can't attend!

 

Wish you all the best.

 

SharonBugs.

[oxgirl]

SharonBugs, thanks so much for sharing your experience, it means a lot. <'> I'm glad to hear that you're doing a lot better now. I know what you mean about home schooling meetings, I used to home ed my lad for two years and went along to a lot of meetings but always felt like an invisible little person sitting in the corner on my own not knowing how to mix or how to 'get in' with the other families. I used to come away feeling very lonely too, although I always made the effort to take my son along, I often used to ask myself why I bothered really.

 

Take care and thanks again. <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[pearl]

Hi Mel

Just catching up with all the posts after returning from hols & wanted to give you a <'> I think you were one of the v first peeps to pm me when I joined & made me feel so welcome, you have so much to give. And about Greenwich - I am scared spitless! But I want to meet everyone so much I'm doing it anyway. Besides, JP is making me! I hope we meet, if not this time, then at a future meet xx

[elun1]

<'> <'> <'> I'm not that good at saying the right thing at the moment but do hope that things start to look brighter soon

Elun xxxxx

[oxgirl]

Hi Mel

Just catching up with all the posts after returning from hols & wanted to give you a <'> I think you were one of the v first peeps to pm me when I joined & made me feel so welcome, you have so much to give. And about Greenwich - I am scared spitless! But I want to meet everyone so much I'm doing it anyway. Besides, JP is making me! I hope we meet, if not this time, then at a future meet xx

 

 

Thanks a lot pearl <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[oxgirl]

<'> <'> <'> I'm not that good at saying the right thing at the moment but do hope that things start to look brighter soon

Elun xxxxx

 

Thanks Elun. <'>

 

~ Mel ~