Feel so bad for my lad......

[bikemad]

Not having a fun time atm...as you all know a few weeks ago had to involve the lea bout ds being bullied, well school seems ok atm but ds still wont go out at all with any kids incase the bully is out, well today we walked the dog n ds was in the park for 5 on his own again as always n I felt so sad n angry for him cos he never has anyone to play with cos they all think the sun shines out of the bullies backside. Then on cue said bully plus other kids show up so ds comes out of park n asks to go. When we got home he said he is fed up cos noone ever knocks for him to play they always wanna play with said bully n never consider ds and he feels left out n the oddball n he thinks it is cos he is a freak. He said he is used to being in on his own all the time now...I wanted to cry...he spends his time in his own world in his den with his lego city, ive tried to get him to come down n play or go somewhere but he dont want to, he said he can go into his own land up their n pretend he has friends there...he even speaks to lots of pretend friends out loud like full blown conversations. It is hard enough to watch at the best of times but what with being unwell n knackered n rundown im close to tears all the time n when he said this I just felt so ###### as a mum n so gutted for him. It makes me mad too cos was literally about to get the diagnosis in writting and meds off cahms n that bloke went n the new one wants to start from scratch again so im still no closer to getting any help for ds.

 

Hate moaning but it just seems like the meaner n nastier you are the more friends n help you get.

[warrenpenalver]

Sorry to hear you feel so low about things!! Your son sounds very much like me at that age. I think my mummy must have felt like you as she was ill too but what she did to try and help was "fabricate" a friendship with a kid across the road as this kid had severe asthma so couldnt go out much and hence had similar bullying issues.

 

It kind of worked and i know my brother was a friend with him but i didnt really have a friendship as such but more on materealistic shallow terms.

 

I guess if youve got familys in similar situation on your estate that might help but obviously its up to your son wether he becomes a friend with another boy.

 

I became disillusioned with bothering with friends etc about age 8 and had my own imaginary world with friends in it too.

 

Your not a bad mum. Your not in control of how others relate to your son and you cant force people to be friends with him.

 

Your comment about being mean and nasty getting you more friends etc does seem to be true. I find I get treated badly as i try to be kind to everyone, being nice seems to have got me nowhere really. Everybody says its a great characteristic that people will love you for but in my experience it just leaves you vulnerable to people taking advantage. Other people have said to be more assertive but i struggle to understand the balance between being nice, assertiveness and going to far!!!

 

Hope things get better for him.

[hev]

oh bless him,it is heartbreaking to see them go through this <'> <'>

[NickyB]

bikemad <'> <'> <'>

[utterance]

hiya, sorry to hear that you're having a hard time atm. if ist any consolation try to realise that your son probably actually enjoys the time spent on his own...it will not effect him in the same way it would other children. and its ggood that he can actually be honest with you about everything, at that age i wouldnt of told my mum anything at all.

 

utterance

[something_different]

Kids can be really cruel so can many adults too!

 

Thats ###### news from camhs. Hopefully it won't take as long this time.

[oxgirl]

Here are some <'> <'> <'> for you and your lad, bikemad. The worst of it is when you feel like they've given up with trying to make friends and resigned themselves to being on their own because it's easier or less hurtful. It's not that they want to be alone, just that it's soooooooooooo hard to get others to accept them that it's the easier option sometimes. I know my lad is like that too. He's nearly 15 and, although he's terribly lonely, it's somehow safer to be on his own than to risk trying to make a friend and being rejected, not that he'd have a clue how to make a friend anyway, he just wants one, he'd like me to magic one out of the air for him. I know how hard it is to watch them. Here are some more <'> <'> .

 

~ Mel ~

[Enid]

SOOOOOO know what its like <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Enid

[bikemad]

Thank you for your hugs...need them!!! This l sound odd but im glad it aint just him if that makes sense...it is so horrible to watch n see. I understand exactly what you are saying about how they get to the point of not even bothering to try n make friends....my lad has said that to me....he says whats the point they wont like me anyway.

 

Warren thank you so much it is good to 'see' it from he point of someone who was in my sons place so to speak.

 

Back to school tomorrow so at least the kids out playing n ds stuck in will be gone just the resident bully to deal with then at school!!!!!

[peaches]

Im sorry to hear this. I know just how you feel.

 

We moved house last year because of a bully.

 

We shouldnt have needed to but no one was going to address the problem, we had done our best.

 

I have also been the victim of bullying as a child and as an adult, and you get to feel that its you that has something wrong with you. I couldnt let my child keep taking it, it got me down. Thats why we moved.

[bikemad]

Yeah same here I got bullied like nobodies business from my sons age til I was bout 15 n I swore id never let my kid go thru it. Ds has a smiley chart at school now n 2nd day back n the kid started bullying him so the teacher will be onto that tomorow.

[dogfish]

*hugs*

 

Sorry that life is so hard right now.

 

Are there any local support groups you could join, or specialist centres for kids with learning disabilities? There at least he would be able to make friends with a fair amount of supervision.

[bikemad]

Ive not found any yet...there was a poster up in cahms for an aspies group but I rung the number n it says it dont exist anymore...still looking tho.

[Clare63]

 

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Clare x x x

[bikemad]

Trust ds to be a day late with news.....he brought his smiley chart home yesterday n found it in his bag so looked thru it with him.....turns out he was picked on by said bully on Thursday the kid has been given his last warning..next time the mother will be called in n there is a possibility of suspension.

[warrenpenalver]

why only the "possibility" of suspension??? From what youve written this bully has had more than enough warnings. Thing is does his family have a "good" attitude to parenting?? I remember some of the kids at my school who when the parents were called in, they were worse than the child!!!! I guess all you can hope for is a decent parent who punish's the child accordingly.

 

This might sound harsh but in my experience the bullys only stopped when they got beat up by older kids who intervened.

[connieruff]

One way round this is to pal up with the mothers of these kids and go out with them, and invite them back to your house etc. If the bullies see you gettiing on with their mums they may be less inclined to bully your son. You could aways 'borrow' some cool looking teenagers/older kids and let your son go out with them, and be seen with them.

Get them to pick your son up from school sometimes, and get them to speak to the bullies in a nice friendly way.Hope you find a solution.....

C XX

 

 

[bikemad]

why only the "possibility" of suspension??? From what youve written this bully has had more than enough warnings. Thing is does his family have a "good" attitude to parenting?? I remember some of the kids at my school who when the parents were called in, they were worse than the child!!!! I guess all you can hope for is a decent parent who punish's the child accordingly.

 

This might sound harsh but in my experience the bullys only stopped when they got beat up by older kids who intervened.

 

I asked the same thing....why only a possibility' they didnt really give much of an answer just a shrug of the shoulders. No, the mum thinks the kid is just being a boy n doing nothing wrong....this is the same woman who thinks it is funny to go out on a Saturday night n get into fights in town and she is 35 years old!!!!

 

This l sound horrid but I cant wait for them to reach comp cos with any luck the kid l pick on the wrong kid n get what is coming to him!!!!!!

[warrenpenalver]

Thats a shame bikemad!! the kid is probably learning from his parents. Shame really how the cycle of bad parenting is just passing the problem onto the next generation!! Hopefully the kid will realise before its too late.

 

I guess all you can do is take the complaints further with the school until they are negligent towards your son if they do nothing.

[bikemad]

I cant get over it to be honest with you...how they can think it os ok to be like it and let their kids be like it!!! It was a different kid today bullying him but at least now since I involved the L.E.A. the school are acting straight away so thats something I guess...but I wont be afraid to take things further if it is needed.

[dogfish]

Play, parenting support and activities/Youth work & community development

 

Rhydyfelin Regeneration Partnership - contact Erika Taylor on 01443 491848/400300

 

Penygraig - contact Kath Edwards on 01443 438770

 

Penyrenglyn Community Centre - contact Julie Spiller on 01443 773835

 

Children?s Information Service

Provides information about childcare and children?s services in your area.

0800 1804151

 

And i don't know if this site is any good. Some of the church groups look quite good and are usually very well supervised andnice environment to get to know other kids. http://www.shape-it.org/Community/

 

 

[bikemad]

Thanks for that il look at them. He goes to a chapel by me, im an atheist but he is massively into religion.