Eating issues ? or teen challenge ?

[MelowMeldrew]

My son has for the last 6 weeks made every single mealtime a constant battle of wits, where he used to take an average of 30 minutes to eat anything, now his mealtimes run into over an hour or more. It all seems to have taken off since he realized he was a teenager. When he was 7 or 8 we had the same issues with him, even worse he'd refuse to eat anything at all for long periods he was examined at school and found not to be suffering any affects of his 'fasts'. He would drink that's all. Over time he got better and ate his meals OK. Suddenly he is now regressing again but this time it's personal ! he appears to be offering a direct challenge to Dad, who has taken over the majority of his care since birth and I work hard at it. Typical teen rebellion it seems to me. E.g. he used to insist on 'coco pops' very breakfast regardless, the last few weeks he ate them one at a time, so meals lasted 74 minutes before school, I now have to get him up at last half an hour earlier for school than before, but it is still touch and go he will finish before his taxi comes, he just delays it more.

 

E.G Pasta was the same he now eats them one at a time, is refusing knife, fork or spoon and using fingers again, after it took us 4 years to stop this. The meals last hours and of course hot food is now a complete lottery with him. He seems to enjoy exasperating us, and although we follow advice NOT to take issue with it, because that is a sure-fire trigger he would do much worse, he latches on to our exasperation anyway and still delays eating every single meal, and then giggles all the time, it is a real battle at present ensuring he is eating properly. He's getting a 'High' over watching us worry it seems, how do we deal with this ? if we leave him to his own devices he susses that and won't eat a thing, then when we do encourage him to eat he reverts to playing us again help !!! anyone else had this ? Most of his behaviour was never 'attention seeking' type, but now it certainly looks like this. The thing with him is we cannot take a chance on standing back, as he has proven he'll do what it takes...

[bid]

If it was me, I would give him his meal and say he had 30 mins or whatever to eat it. If he hadn't finished at the end of this time I would take the plate away without comment.

 

I think you are right not to make a big issue of this, but equally he needs to follow the house meal-time rules...so state them without getting cross and take his plate away when the meal is over whether he is finished or not. And absolutely no snacks, sweets or treats until he starts to follow the house rules again.

 

Reading your description of his behaviour I think he is challenging you. And TBH I don't think he will go hungry for long if you take his plate away...teenage lads are notorious gannets and I expect his natural adolescent hunger will gain the upper hand quite quickly!

 

Just my opinion!

 

Good luck

 

Bid

Edited May 6, 2009 by bid

[lisac]

MelowMeldrew, just to say i have no idea and if you manage to get him to change his behaviour id be interested to know. In my experience when they get to teenagers some can become '###### minded' . The behaviour sounds very much like my sons at times, and nothing at all made any difference, all i could do was sit it out and ignore it as best i could ( even placing a piece of parcel tape over my mouth at meal times to stop myself being tempted to say anything negative). Can you get meal replacement drinks from your GP? This helped me stop worrying he'd starve to death. Best of luck with it, x

[baddad]

The thing with him is we cannot take a chance on standing back, as he has proven he'll do what it takes...

 

All the more reason then, for nipping in the bud. Don't want to set any precedents...

 

I'm very much in agreement with bid. Food is often a 'control' technique, and as there are no obvious other problems (he's not 'fasting' just taking ages - so i think you can rule out eating disorders etc. If you are concerned about it evolving into that, i think you've hit the nail on the head about not making it an issue; which letting him take control or you getting angry and upset definitely would be). Quietly taking the plate away after a reasonable period of time doesn't make it an issue, unless he choses to make it one (which given the background seems likely to begin with).

Another factor to consider: Whatever he's doing around food at home, chances are he is filling up somewhere - perhaps 'snacking' more without you realising, filling up on skool dinners and/or buying food while he's out of the house.

So, IMO: just very quietly and reasonably when dishing up say 'Here's your dinner. We finish eating at (whatever time)... and whatever is on his plate after that time goes in the bin/dog/composter. If after days you start to feel it's a bit wasteful - smaller servings, but having said that I think 'don't waste' and looking for clean plates at every meal can be problematic. If Ben leaves some dinner for 'mr manners' i'm always pleased that he's stopped when he feels full. Whatever way you look at it, there's not a big difference between bin tonight or toilet tomorrow, is there, it's all 'waste product'!

 

L&P

 

BD

[sesley]

oh food my person is on though he is healthy looking and lean,his bones are straight, but he hardly gets any bug illness's,his diet is rubbish, i can't get him to try anything new,he lives on ground up mince ragu and spagetti or rice,chips,yoguts,biscuits,toast,hula hoops and chocolate. he won't try burgers,pizzas,ice cream, or even eat a loverly roast dinner on Saturdays. he gets IQ oil in his drinks,i suppose if he lived in a poorer country where the variety and availabilty of food we have, would be in short supply,what he is on wwould keep him going,and he wouldn't get a choice.all i can do is hope one day,he will get more adventureous and try a more varietys.

[sandyn]

My mum has always said to me that children have 2 things to hold their parents over with - one is pooing and the other is eating (Im sure she wasnt talking about me at the time LOL). These are both 2 things that we, as parents, have absolutely no control over and our kids so know it!!!

 

I would agree with Bid. Set a time limit for eating and then take the food away. A few tantrums my occur, but what have you got to lose???

 

Another idea is to give "big" food, i.e., food that cannot be simply nibbled at. There are some really big pasta shapes, or big boiled potatoes?

 

 

[something_different]

agree with the others

 

don't make an issue of it.

 

though big food can still be nibbled (sorry sandyn) but if u wanna nibble and take ur time over food it can be done no matter what it is.

 

if he refuses to eat I would not worry too much about it, i can and do survive long periods without eating, not because i want to cause trouble or upset people, purely due to me being so fussy, or not in the mood for eating, as when ur as fussy as I am eating the same food over and over can be very boring. puts u off eating things when u eat the same day after day.

 

I know when your child does not eat it must be a worry, but try not to stress too much, food has always been an issue for me. but I am still here so can't have gone that wrong even when i don't eat well.

[Kazzen161]

Does he do the same thing when he eats at school? At other people's houses?

[chris54]

Mealtimes

[Emma_74]

i agree with everyone especially chris

Connor will try the passence of a saint on this issue and because of the ADHD tablet all i get is "you know i cant eat alot now mum" when ever he cant be bothered to eat anything etc.

 

I just let him know that if he cant/wont eat his dinner then thats his lot and hes not getting anything else

 

Emma

[Paula]

I bet hes driving you potty................easier said than done but id just let him get on with it and ignore him hell get fed up eventually if hes owt like my son 15 when my son knows hes hit upon something to wind me or his sister up he revels in it and does it even more.

 

 

My son is currently on a phase of robbing food out the fridge and freezer when were out of the house and hes on his own............dafftest thing is he normally reckons hes unable to open tins or even take wrappers of biscuites when muggings is here to do it for him yet left to his own devices he can work the microwave and cook himself stuff......my son is at times a ***S taker as they say and im a gullable idiot.

 

Youre son wont starve hes eating .

[isme]

Have to say that I agree with Bid wholeheartedly!

Good luck!

[MelowMeldrew]

Thanks for the support. I'm keeping my head down, and this morning with his breakfast I set a time limit, he still dragged it out so I went to take the plate away from him, he grabbed the food off it and put the whole lot in his mouth in one go ! so Yep he is challenging me ! I'm not too cocky yet, he may start in another area, that was my experience before. He's gone difficult in other areas recently too, so he is growing up I think, and struggling a bit with it. Who else is there to vent frustration on ? it's what we are for ! I'm told from 13 to 28 it is a waste of time trying to get kids to do anything, then at that age they suddenly realise what a problem they were then , (That or they want a free baby sitter...!) It's early days yet... I'm waiting for the next round...

[baddad]

Thanks for the support. I'm keeping my head down, and this morning with his breakfast I set a time limit, he still dragged it out so I went to take the plate away from him, he grabbed the food off it and put the whole lot in his mouth in one go !

 

Keep up the good work!

[Tally]

Sounds like he didn't believe you'd carry it through - until you did!

[puffin]

Personally I'd just igore it - I wouldn't get into food arguments with a 13 year old!

 

If he is too slow I'd just leave him at the table with a reminder to wash up the plate when he's finished - it probaly won't be so fun without an audience

[bid]

Personally I'd just igore it - I wouldn't get into food arguments with a 13 year old!

 

If he is too slow I'd just leave him at the table with a reminder to wash up the plate when he's finished - it probaly won't be so fun without an audience

 

I like the plate washing suggestion Puffin!

 

Bid

 

[MelowMeldrew]

Personally I'd just igore it - I wouldn't get into food arguments with a 13 year old!

 

If he is too slow I'd just leave him at the table with a reminder to wash up the plate when he's finished - it probaly won't be so fun without an audience

 

 

Mine would ! he'd keep it up till he fainted of hunger. Wash dishes LOL ! he'd never find the sink........ withdrawing after a certain time seems to work quite well, if he don't eat in that time he don't eat, up to him... the food and plate is taken away.. If I thought it an eating issue obviously the approach woud be different, but he IS trying it on ! I found he ate sweets behind our back ! so I took that option away, no meals NO sweets... that is the order of the day....

[bid]

Sounds like your strategy is working really well!

 

Bid