Aspergers, anxiety and self esteem

[josh coulton]

Hi I'm 20 years old and not too sure whether I am NT or on austisitic spectrum.

 

Like most people, I suppose I am self diagnosed, I did the test and scored 34 (not that this means much, I could've just give the right answers if you know what i mean)

I'm wondering link there is, if any, between AS and anxiety/low self esteem.

 

I have poorer self esteem than most and have had a heightened anxiety (more to do with social situations) throughout my teen years, I also have problems concentrating on things (been told I am an ADHD poster boy) but then no trouble immersing myself in very pointless activities, I talk way too loud sometimes and notice a general "worried" look on people's faces when I talk.

 

I feel that as I've grown older my behaviour in earlier years has become unnaceptable around people (yapping on when nobody's listening ), I feel that I have never had a conscious thought on what friendship is even from a yound age, I never fitted in with my peers, how i see "most" people do (using social quips, body language).

 

What I'm trying to say is that I realise that I could be using this as an excuse to compliment my personality, being labeled as AS etc. But was wondering if anyone knows a link to AS and anxiety/low self esteem or if anyone has experienced relatively similar.

 

Apologies for and vagueness or ambiguity, I will gladly hear and respond to what you have to say.

 

Thanks!!!

[pookie170]

I thnk my aspie son, who is 12 now, does indeed suffer from low self esteem and often experiences anxiety. His conditions (he also has ADHD) have led to him being in constant 'trouble' from an early age, he almost expects to muck new experiences up and above all, he hates being different.

I think many people on the spectrum, and many who have ADHD or similar conditions, will certainly understand the feelings you have described. I have utterly no experience of adult diagnosis but there are many on this site who do and who will be, I am quite sure, more than happy to give you advice, should you wish to go down that route.

I don't know if I'm helping you or muddying the waters further!

[shaz71]

I thnk my aspie son, who is 12 now, does indeed suffer from low self esteem and often experiences anxiety. His conditions (he also has ADHD) have led to him being in constant 'trouble' from an early age, he almost expects to muck new experiences up and above all, he hates being different.

I think many people on the spectrum, and many who have ADHD or similar conditions, will certainly understand the feelings you have described. I have utterly no experience of adult diagnosis but there are many on this site who do and who will be, I am quite sure, more than happy to give you advice, should you wish to go down that route.

I don't know if I'm helping you or muddying the waters further!

 

Hi i have four children and what you are describing is what they suffer but so do i, they don't have a diagnosis but they do fit a lot of the criteria, my eldest dd has an obsession with naruto she will sit for hours watching it on the computer, doesn't do facebook or msn, she as extremely low self esteem and when angry doesn't hit anyone but hits things and self harms and head buts she is 14yr old, growing up she acted like a dog literally, she loved to lick things and was very fussy with food and certainly had and still has a thing for clothes taking labels out and they have to be comfy she as her own fashion...she as social anxiety any groups or parties she goes outside where it is quiet doesn't mix well only who she knows and even then she gets stressed and will sit in a room with her ear phones on listening to music. Sharon x

[OAASIS]

Hello Josh,

 

having worked with many children who have a diagnosis of AS I would have to say that it is quite a common trait for them to have low self esteem. Often they set themselves very high targets and when they do not achieve them they feel they have let themselves down, so lowering their self esteem further. Added to that, many of them have not been accepted for being different and therefore treated unfairly, not just by their peers but by some adults as well, just because they think in a different way to others. I once had it explained to me by a young man with AS - imagine if you went to another country and they did not speak the same language as you and their culture was totally different to yours, well that's how I feel. It is okay to be different and it is okay to get things wrong - some of our best lessons are learned from making mistakes. Many children on the autistic spectrum also have high anxiety levels because the world around them can be confusing and others do not always understand the types of things that can make them anxious and therefore do not take the time to explain them.

As for social skills, there are groups around that can help with these, about sharing the conversation, when to hand a coversation over so someone else to talk, how to know when someone is getting bored with the concversation and how to end the chat.

 

Best wishes

[JsMum]

I'm wondering link there is, if any, between AS and anxiety/low self esteem.

 

Js self esteem has improved since attending a specialist school, many of the boys are similair to J usually low self esteem is when they have been punished for attempting a task that they failed in, which though it might not be someones elses best it sure is there best.

 

Self esteem is included in Js statement to improve, Js Anxiety is due to changes and being overwelmed by sensory issues, as he has sensory intregration disorder, and he has also been diagosed with Anxiety and Panic Disorder, he has many fears and phobias, for example he wont go in a lift or confined spaces, he panics if I leave his side for a minuete, Js anxieties around change need warnings and planning and a prepared transition so it is something that you can learn to begin to deal with the feelings, socially J is friendly but withdraws from conversations and prefers physical activtieis, he is also very unpredictable and can become very confrontational that it has pushed many children away increasing the isolation, friendships are something we are working on, he did struggle over the half term to the point of withdrawal, he plays better with a 1-1 friend and luckly he has a freind who is similair, so its about finding a friend who has similair traits and interests.

 

Anyway there is a big link in anxiety, low self esteem, and ASD/AS

 

JsMumxxx

 

 

[josh coulton]

Hello Josh,

 

having worked with many children who have a diagnosis of AS I would have to say that it is quite a common trait for them to have low self esteem. Often they set themselves very high targets and when they do not achieve them they feel they have let themselves down, so lowering their self esteem further. Added to that, many of them have not been accepted for being different and therefore treated unfairly, not just by their peers but by some adults as well, just because they think in a different way to others. I once had it explained to me by a young man with AS - imagine if you went to another country and they did not speak the same language as you and their culture was totally different to yours, well that's how I feel. It is okay to be different and it is okay to get things wrong - some of our best lessons are learned from making mistakes. Many children on the autistic spectrum also have high anxiety levels because the world around them can be confusing and others do not always understand the types of things that can make them anxious and therefore do not take the time to explain them.

As for social skills, there are groups around that can help with these, about sharing the conversation, when to hand a coversation over so someone else to talk, how to know when someone is getting bored with the concversation and how to end the chat.

 

Best wishes

 

Thanks, as you were talking about groups it reminded me of the fact that in some ways I had taught myself how to hand conversations over, how to know when someone is bored etc...

 

Another question to AS people, what do you feel like when talking to someone? When I want to talk I can sometimes shoot stuff off the top of my head but then most of the time my mind is like a blank slate and this in turn can make me very anxious indeed...

[Sally44]

I think if anyone has an awareness that they are 'different', or knows that they 'struggle' in certain situations and that they don't feel they 'fit in' etc - all that is bound to cause anxiety because you don't really know what to do, or what not to do to 'get it right'. And as every situation is different it is very difficult to learn some kind of 'rule' that you can always apply in different circumstances.

That self awareness and anxiety is also bound to cause some low self esteem, especially to those who don't know why this all happening to them. Knowing there is a reason and learning some ways to cope helps with self esteem.

 

I remember going to a Wendy Lawson talk a while back, where she talked about recently learning the rule 'that people can change their minds'. This was something totally new to her, even thought she is obviously very well educated - has a degree etc. She said that being told that 'rule' made so many things (social situations with people) more understandable, and also it meant she allowed herself to change her mind about things too.

[josh coulton]

I think if anyone has an awareness that they are 'different', or knows that they 'struggle' in certain situations and that they don't feel they 'fit in' etc - all that is bound to cause anxiety because you don't really know what to do, or what not to do to 'get it right'. And as every situation is different it is very difficult to learn some kind of 'rule' that you can always apply in different circumstances.

That self awareness and anxiety is also bound to cause some low self esteem, especially to those who don't know why this all happening to them. Knowing there is a reason and learning some ways to cope helps with self esteem.

 

I remember going to a Wendy Lawson talk a while back, where she talked about recently learning the rule 'that people can change their minds'. This was something totally new to her, even thought she is obviously very well educated - has a degree etc. She said that being told that 'rule' made so many things (social situations with people) more understandable, and also it meant she allowed herself to change her mind about things too.

 

very well put.

does this woman you are talking about have aspergers? did she mention anything about cognitive behavioural therapy?

[Tally]

Hi Josh, and welcome to the forum.

 

I was diagnosed with Asperger's 2 years ago at 25, although I first suspected I had it aged 21.

 

I think that when you have gone through childhood undiagnosed and unsupported, it is very common to develop anxiety and low self-esteem. When you find it hard to make friends and make a lot of social mistakes, it's easy to think that maybe you are an unlikeable person. You wouldn't normally think you might have a disability causing this.

 

Getting diagnosed with AS has helped me a lot with the way I feel about myself. Although I still have the same difficulties, I now understand the reason for them. It's not because I am horrible or that I am not trying hard enough. It's also not because other people are horrible - they have as much difficulty understanding me as I have inderstanding them! Now I have a better understanding of how I get into the situations that upset me, I can look at ways to improve, so they happen less often.

 

There are a small number of people who use Asperger's as an excuse for their behaviour, but you don't sound like one of them. The best way to work it out is to consider why you think you have AS. Is it because it would make it acceptable when you get things wrong? Or is it because you would understand yourself better and could use it as a starting point to learn better ways to cope?

[trekster]

hello Josh

 

There is definitely a link between ASD and low self esteem. We tend to be perfectionists so when things go wrong we're very hard on ourselves which damages our self esteem. Many of us have anxiety/depression/sleep disturbances on top of ASD.

 

i hated getting older as i was expected to do things long before i felt mentally able to achieve them. Welcome to the forum.

 

One good book is called "what is asperger syndrome and how will it affect me?" by the NAS, another "how to be yourself in a world thats different" is also a good 1st read. i find reading about my aspergers helps me understand myself, mum and others around me better.

 

i still am unable to deal with being asked the same question 10 times in a day (literally). That is 14 years post diagnosis.

 

Alexis

[trekster]

I'm wondering link there is, if any, between AS and anxiety/low self esteem.

 

Js self esteem has improved since attending a specialist school, many of the boys are similair to J usually low self esteem is when they have been punished for attempting a task that they failed in, which though it might not be someones elses best it sure is there best.

 

Self esteem is included in Js statement to improve, Js Anxiety is due to changes and being overwelmed by sensory issues, as he has sensory intregration disorder, and he has also been diagosed with Anxiety and Panic Disorder, he has many fears and phobias, for example he wont go in a lift or confined spaces, he panics if I leave his side for a minuete, Js anxieties around change need warnings and planning and a prepared transition so it is something that you can learn to begin to deal with the feelings, socially J is friendly but withdraws from conversations and prefers physical activtieis, he is also very unpredictable and can become very confrontational that it has pushed many children away increasing the isolation, friendships are something we are working on, he did struggle over the half term to the point of withdrawal, he plays better with a 1-1 friend and luckly he has a freind who is similair, so its about finding a friend who has similair traits and interests.

 

Anyway there is a big link in anxiety, low self esteem, and ASD/AS

 

JsMumxxx

 

i have 16 different phobias and i also need the types of interventions your son does. Fearing something is going to go wrong is one of the biggest ones and he appears to have monophobia (fear of being alone), i have a fear of public humiliation and i also tend to push people away when im low.

 

Alexis

 

[trekster]

I think if anyone has an awareness that they are 'different', or knows that they 'struggle' in certain situations and that they don't feel they 'fit in' etc - all that is bound to cause anxiety because you don't really know what to do, or what not to do to 'get it right'. And as every situation is different it is very difficult to learn some kind of 'rule' that you can always apply in different circumstances.

That self awareness and anxiety is also bound to cause some low self esteem, especially to those who don't know why this all happening to them. Knowing there is a reason and learning some ways to cope helps with self esteem.

 

I remember going to a Wendy Lawson talk a while back, where she talked about recently learning the rule 'that people can change their minds'. This was something totally new to her, even thought she is obviously very well educated - has a degree etc. She said that being told that 'rule' made so many things (social situations with people) more understandable, and also it meant she allowed herself to change her mind about things too.

 

i dont mind people changing their minds they just have to remember to tell me! There are some excuses i wont accept "because i feel like it" is one if it affects me.

 

Alexis

 

[josh coulton]

Is it because it would make it acceptable when you get things wrong? Or is it because you would understand yourself better and could use it as a starting point to learn better ways to cope?

I think this is what I'm trying to understand at the moment, probably a bit of both at the moment.

 

It's a tricky one, because, with me i end up into fooling myself into fooling myself or in other words a vicious circle e.g. I think it is a viable reason that i may have AS but then think do i mean excuse instead of reason?

 

But i read something about accepting yourself yesterday which is a very simple point and something which a previous councellor has brought up before; it is like i'm trying to hide something from people.

I have felt like this for a long time and it has had unhealthy consequences.

 

I apologise if it turns out I have never had aspergers and that I am tricking myself I also apologise for the ambiguity of my threads, some of it may appear quite incoherent!!!

 

thx for the kind words tally

[Sally44]

very well put.

does this woman you are talking about have aspergers? did she mention anything about cognitive behavioural therapy?

 

 

Wendy is autistic. She has a website www.mugsy.org/wendy

 

[BruceCM]

There's a lot of confusion about what 'anxiety' does & does not mean, & for 'self-esteem', too! That hardly helps, if you already struggle with those areas & I'd like some clarification about them, please. Given that, when it's called 'self-esteem', it's presented as important, can it be the same thing that's also dismissively called 'just pride'? Same sort of problem with 'anxieties'; if they are important to identify & deal with correctly, does that match the general, 'just feelings', 'just anxieties' & 'it doesn't make that sort of sense' answers to questions about it/ them?

[trekster]

There's a lot of confusion about what 'anxiety' does & does not mean, & for 'self-esteem', too! That hardly helps, if you already struggle with those areas & I'd like some clarification about them, please. Given that, when it's called 'self-esteem', it's presented as important, can it be the same thing that's also dismissively called 'just pride'? Same sort of problem with 'anxieties'; if they are important to identify & deal with correctly, does that match the general, 'just feelings', 'just anxieties' & 'it doesn't make that sort of sense' answers to questions about it/ them?

 

Low self esteem is when you have a very negative opinion about yourself. Pride is self importance but not necessarily high self esteem.

 

Anxiety is being restless, jumpy, fidgety, panicky all the feelings that make you feel uncomfortable in situations particularly social situations.

 

Alexis

[trekster]

Heres the NAS description of anxiety

 

Anxiety in someone with an ASD

 

Anxiety is common in people with an ASD. It can happen for a range of reasons and people can vary in their ability to cope with it. Anxiety can affect both the mind and the body, and produce a range of symptoms. The psychological and physical symptoms of anxiety are closely linked and so can lead to a vicious cycle that can be difficult to break. The psychological symptoms of anxiety are:

 

* easily losing patience

* difficulty concentrating

* thinking constantly about the worst outcome

* difficulty sleeping

* depression

* becoming preoccupied with or obsessive about one subject.

 

Its physical symptoms include:

 

* excessive thirst

* stomach upsets

* loose bowel movements

* frequent urinating (going to the loo)

* periods of intensely pounding heart

* periods of having gas

* muscle aches

* headaches

* dizziness

* pins and needles

* tremors.

 

http://www.autism.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly....427&a=19737

 

Alexis

[BruceCM]

Thank you but I'm talking about in practice. I'm familiar with the dictionaries definitions & so on. The difficulty is relating them to all the other things said about them in practice. I don't know, in practice, what is meant by the expressions I quoted & there's plenty more. Sorry but giving me dictionary definitions & so on doesn't help with that!

[Dappydiva]

Hi,

 

i have only just joined. however my son is ASD and 11 and I have noticed lately his self esteem and confidence is really low. It is upsetting as I cannot praise him or big him up enough. If a situation arrises he can really go into himself and cannot express how he feels. So I can totally sympathise there with you, as for a child it can be frustrating, but for a young man even more so..

 

 

[smiley1590]

i have anxiety depression and low self esteem

 

my low self esteem didn't get 'right' kind of support from education system due to lack of official diagnosis to early teens this didn't help situation to improve and with my anxiety and depression it adds to complicated mix which added altogether makes things worse and all triggers round in a circle it a nightmare to keep in check!

 

XKLX

[smiley1590]

 

 

have poor voice tone

problems concentrating

poor awareness of facial expressions/body language

never 'fitting in' with peers

not understanding when pause ,stop or begin conversation (social communication skills)

 

lack of understanding of friendship all points in direction of AS!!!

AS can be mistaken as ADHD as signs are SO alike and similiar!

 

yes there is a common link between sufferers of anxiety and low self esteem!!!

 

XKX