taking a step back

[matzoball]

Hi All,

 

I've decided to stop posting and reading on the forum. After yesterday, and this morning I just can't garner any sort of positive feeling towards this site anymore. I have a big thing about respecting other peoples opinions, and of making the effort to try and be sensitive to other peoples feelings.

 

Just because I have AS doesn't mean I'm an emotionless automaton, I know for a fact most people on here would agree with that.

 

The site is a mix of parents and people on the spectrum, so I expected a lot of support and understanding, and to a degree I have found that here, and I am really grateful for that. I hope I have given the same to others.

 

I have made a heartfelt plea on here to be treated with respect. I did it in a clear, concise and respectful manner, because I didn't want to offend someone. I just wanted to be treated the same way they demand that they be treated. It's not being 'too sensitive', it's knowing how I want to be spoken to, because I have the common decency to treat that person the way they ask me.

 

I fight hard, everyday to be treated like a person. Not the weirdo who sits in the corner not talking to anyone. Not the person who is bullied every fricking day by people who are supposed to care about her.

 

I find it extremely painful to be touched or hugged, and there is someone in my life who makes a point of hugging me repeatedly and touching my head because they think I am being too sensitive and I should get over it. I can't get over it. I can't tell my brain to stop making it painful for me - if I could I would.

 

So to be told that I am going to be treated a certain way no matter what because they have the god given right to, and I should suck it up because I am too sensitive has just hurt me to the core.

 

I don't expect to be mollycoddled - but on a forum for people with AS and Autism, I shouldn't have to check my aspie stuff at the door - because what would be the point of looking for support and friendship on a forum for people affected by ASD if I have to completely disregard it?

 

I have spoken to a lot of nice people on here, and I hope things work out for you all. I just think I need to go somewhere where I won't be made to feel like I am using my disability as a crutch.

 

tchuss,

julie xx

 

 

[justine1]

Matzoball,please dont leave because of what has happened.I think lots of people got involved in an "argument" between two other members and this shouldnt have happened.Nobody should be taking "digs" at other members we are all here for advice and support.

 

I think its about knowing when and when not to post.Sometimes I come across posts that anger me or hurt me but I chose to not post or make a brief post and not come back to argue over my point.Its good to get your point across,to me the whole point of this forum is to get different viewpoints and take the ones that I think will work for me.What doesnt work for me may work for someone else in a similar situation,thats just how it is.

 

If someone starts accusing you of being too sensitive or anything else just ignore it and move on.You know who you are as a person,they dont!!!!

[Suze]

Hi , just wanted to add that it would be a great shame if you left us, I was disappointed that the other thread had to become so heated , many of the posts just seemed to be going over the same thing, and I know you posted with the best of intentions and in the hope of trying to take the heat out of the thread.Please know that the forum is here for you just as much as it is for other members and you and your opions are no less valid than any one elses.It is important I think for all members to recognise that we are all different and we need to be more caring towards each other , we have enough battles to deal with in our day to day lives, Matzo ...don,t leave..ok

[baddad]

Hi Matzoball - I'm guessing the person you're referring to is me, and that probably other people will have come to the same conclusion.

TBH I can't see why you feel you've been treated disrespectfully - I was very clear in the posts I made in response to your posts yesterday that:

I do agree with large chunks of what you say

...

 

The only other point I can think of that you may have taken as disrespectful was the issue you raised yourself about autistic people and/or parents of autistic people 'making mileage' from their diagnosis (something of a 'curve ball', given the nature of the original topic), and to which i replied:

 

Yes, I do think that some people fake autistic traits to garner sympathy etc. and I do find it hugely offensive...

 

but I was also very clear in saying:

 

whether you're one of them or not i wouldn't know... [but]... if it is a personal sensitivity of yours that is your problem, not mine, and I should be free to express my view that some people will manipulate autism/autistic traits to garner sympathy and/or achieve 'aspilebrity' without you taking my impersonal observations and opinions as a personal attack.

 

undoubtedly, that has been taken as a personal attack, regardless of the assurances offered, so I am taking the opportunity to reiterate that it's a case of misinterpretation rather than intent. You haven't been 'treated a certain way' I haven't expressed a 'god given right' to 'treat you in that certain way no matter what' and you haven't been accused of being 'too sensitive' or told you should 'just suck it up'. At no point was an opinion expressed that included you/your diagnosis or any personal events of/from your life.

 

If I've misunderstood, and this post is not a reference to the post i made in yesterday's thread, please accept my apologies and put the record straight so that whoever did In you eyes)disrespect you has the opportunity to explain their intentions rather than being remotely judged on the basis of your reinterpretation of events.

 

I doubt very much that this post will have made any difference whatsoever to how you - or many others - interpret what I said, but at least it puts the accusation and the reality (assuming it was my post) on the same page.

 

In closing, I would add that I do consider and evaluate all views on autism from all posters. If I don't agree with something I say so, and if I do I do. That applies to all posters - Autistic/NT or otherwise, treating them like a person rather than patronising them, which is precisely how you say you want to be treated.

 

I hope you choose to stay around on the forum because I think a forum should include space for all perspectives, providing that they are voiced reasonably. I do respect that different people have different views about 'reasonable', but have noticed that many other people seem to have double standards in this area, depending on who is expressing the opinion and how popular that opinion might be.

 

L&P

 

BD

Edited July 3, 2010 by baddad

[barefoot wend]

Matzoball

 

I don't post often but am compelled to write here and ask you not to leave - you will be sorely missed.

 

Please think it over a day (or even a week) and come back. Your posts are highly valued by many here and it always upsets me when people feel they have to go.

 

Barefoot

[chris54]

I hope that nothing I said on here has influenced your decision, if it did I am sorry.

 

I would say that I responded to each posting on its own merit and as much as some may be able to keep track of who has posted what on here, I cant so am not really able to consider what you may or may not have posted at some time in the past when responding to a post. Hope that make sense.

 

I do tend to keep my post short as I have difficult in using the written word as a form of communication. And subsequently some times find that I have not expressed my view as clearly as I would like to.

 

I hope your will reconsider you decision and I am sure that no one on here would feel anything but sadness if you leave.

Edited July 3, 2010 by chris54

[call me jaded]

Well I haven't re-read it but I thought you communicated well on the thread yesterday. Hope you will reconsider and stay.

[Enid]

Well you know my views, I am back to the forum after a break looking for support, that thread yesterday was really interesting to me as public meltdowns used to be a huge problem for me, and believe me when you have a huge lad lying on the road, it soon attracts a crowd!!!! It was a shame it tunrned into a farce, again...... it could have been really helpful to many of us and thats what we come on here for.... not to have our posts taken apart and over analysed, who has the time!!!!! anyway, ignore the posts that upset you, it gives me a headache reading them!!!! and keep posting and getting and giving support.

[mygifts1306]

Please re consider and dont leave

 

kind regards

 

mygifts

[baddad]

It was a shame it tunrned into a farce, again...... it could have been really helpful to many of us and thats what we come on here for....

 

Yes, I agree it is a pity the other thread got sidetracked, enid. I did keep trying to get it back on topic but no one seemed to be wanting to let that happen. Some people who had been away for a while even reappeared to make sure it didn't happen! I dunno - what you gonna do, eh?

 

L&P

 

BD

Edited July 4, 2010 by baddad

[trekster]

I hope that nothing I said on here has influenced your decision, if it did I am sorry.

 

I would say that I responded to each posting on its own merit and as much as some may be able to keep track of who has posted what on here, I cant so am not really able to consider what you may or may not have posted at some time in the past when responding to a post. Hope that make sense.

 

I do tend to keep my post short as I have difficult in using the written word as a form of communication. And subsequently some times find that I have not expressed my view as clearly as I would like to.

 

I hope your will reconsider you decision and I am sure that no one on here would feel anything but sadness if you leave.

 

i also have similar difficulties and have had my posts met with similar suspicion, if i could manage to do something i was unable to do at a different time then that's manipulative, but that's one persons opinion and not the majority of the people i encounter.

 

The problem is as folk becomes increasingly upset they tend to think someone said something that they didn't. Before you know it there are many unintentional implied meanings floating about. If one is personally involved in the situation it is much harder for them to take a step back. Part of the issue here (and on a few lists im a member of) is that the holidays are unsettling for parents and autistics. So this is likely to lead to more falling's out.