Is he ASD or am I overthinking things?

[bewildered and overwhelmed]

Hi, I'm new to the forum, I was sent over here by a friend as they thought I might get some answers ans perspectives on my ramblings!

 

I have worries about my 6 yo son. I've had them since I was pregnant with him if I'm honest!

 

A bit of background: My husband is an astoundingly intelligent man with a great many ASD traits (I'm a teacher and have taught several children with a diagnosis and, being me, and wanting to do a good job, I've done a lot of reading and seeking of advice) and he comes from a family where ALL of them, I suspect, are somewhere on the spectrum with the eldest being unable to live independently..... rigid thinking, inability to cope with change, all 4 of them raised in a 2 bedroomed house because my FIL hates change, (I don't want to sound disrespectful, I'm trying to show why I believe they are an 'ASD family'). My father is also a scarily intelligent man with a great line in rigid thinking etc etc etc. (TBH I could add myself to the list as well) So, my biggest fear while pg was that my child would be ASD (sorry but it was)

 

My son is a very very intelligent little boy, he talked early, proper conversations, he was reading, self taught, by the age of 3 and understanding what he read too, what he doesn't know about whales, dolphins and sharks just isn't worth knowing (lol!).

He is large for his age and that, coupled with his speech, actually led to him ahving problems at nursery (I work full time) where they would expect him to be much more mature emotionally than he is.

He is very rule based and likes to follow the rules, games have to be played his way, he expects me to be able to read his mind....... He has the most stonking temper tantrums that last for hours and he is often violent with me, hitting me and biting me if I restrain him.

He makes plans in his head for the way things will go ie he sees a toy he likes, plans how he will play with it and then asks if he can have it, when the answer is no we get meltdown... (my dad solved this one for us and we were then able to ask my son who confirmed it).....

he hates change, new things, he's very direct and abrupt......

He does have a problem with his blood sugar levels, if they fall too low he becomes hyperactive and agitated as well as irrational and violent.... this is diagnosed and we have seen a dietician who has helped us with a regular plan of snacks and meals....

He doesn't have one particular obsession but his obsession is completeness..... if he gets a book and there are others in the series he will go on and on about getting the rest of the books, if a toy is part of a series of toys then he obsesses about getting the rest ( we have wooden Thomas trains, Plastic Thomas trains, metal Thomas trains........)

I'm not sure he totally understands teasing, he always checks we are teasing..

He refuses to wear his school jumper as he hates the cuffs and he gets too hot

He is NEVER still unless he is asleep!

He is loving and kind and funny, makes eye contact, loves cuddles, adores his little sister

Today we were visiting friends and he was nervous but on arrival he launched into a description of his holiday .... the friend said he seemed very confident but I suspect it was a coping strategy...

 

I have sought help with his tantrums etc but as they really began just after my daughter was born (he was nearly 3) and I had mild PND it was attributed to poor and inconsistent parenting and I was sent on parenting courses where they told me that No should mean no (it does and always has) and to hold firm and he would get the message! He doesn't get consequences at all..... he will do some thing and I will give him a warning, he will repeat it and the consequence is carried through and it is as if it is the end of the world. He hates being sent to his room and if I shut him in I have to hold the door closed but if I do that he will throw himself at the door! I have read book after book, I doubt my parenting skills all the time, but I am rapidly coming to the conclusion that he needs a diagnosis.......

 

Or may be I'm just rubbish?

Sorry that was a long ramble!

[KezT]

Hi, I'm new to the forum, I was sent over here by a friend as they thought I might get some answers ans perspectives on my ramblings!

 

I have worries about my 6 yo son. I've had them since I was pregnant with him if I'm honest!

 

A bit of background: My husband is an astoundingly intelligent man with a great many ASD traits (I'm a teacher and have taught several children with a diagnosis and, being me, and wanting to do a good job, I've done a lot of reading and seeking of advice) and he comes from a family where ALL of them, I suspect, are somewhere on the spectrum with the eldest being unable to live independently..... rigid thinking, inability to cope with change, all 4 of them raised in a 2 bedroomed house because my FIL hates change, (I don't want to sound disrespectful, I'm trying to show why I believe they are an 'ASD family'). My father is also a scarily intelligent man with a great line in rigid thinking etc etc etc. (TBH I could add myself to the list as well) So, my biggest fear while pg was that my child would be ASD (sorry but it was)

 

My son is a very very intelligent little boy, he talked early, proper conversations, he was reading, self taught, by the age of 3 and understanding what he read too, what he doesn't know about whales, dolphins and sharks just isn't worth knowing (lol!).

He is large for his age and that, coupled with his speech, actually led to him ahving problems at nursery (I work full time) where they would expect him to be much more mature emotionally than he is.

He is very rule based and likes to follow the rules, games have to be played his way, he expects me to be able to read his mind....... He has the most stonking temper tantrums that last for hours and he is often violent with me, hitting me and biting me if I restrain him.

He makes plans in his head for the way things will go ie he sees a toy he likes, plans how he will play with it and then asks if he can have it, when the answer is no we get meltdown... (my dad solved this one for us and we were then able to ask my son who confirmed it).....

he hates change, new things, he's very direct and abrupt......

He does have a problem with his blood sugar levels, if they fall too low he becomes hyperactive and agitated as well as irrational and violent.... this is diagnosed and we have seen a dietician who has helped us with a regular plan of snacks and meals....

He doesn't have one particular obsession but his obsession is completeness..... if he gets a book and there are others in the series he will go on and on about getting the rest of the books, if a toy is part of a series of toys then he obsesses about getting the rest ( we have wooden Thomas trains, Plastic Thomas trains, metal Thomas trains........)

I'm not sure he totally understands teasing, he always checks we are teasing..

He refuses to wear his school jumper as he hates the cuffs and he gets too hot

He is NEVER still unless he is asleep!

He is loving and kind and funny, makes eye contact, loves cuddles, adores his little sister

Today we were visiting friends and he was nervous but on arrival he launched into a description of his holiday .... the friend said he seemed very confident but I suspect it was a coping strategy...

 

I have sought help with his tantrums etc but as they really began just after my daughter was born (he was nearly 3) and I had mild PND it was attributed to poor and inconsistent parenting and I was sent on parenting courses where they told me that No should mean no (it does and always has) and to hold firm and he would get the message! He doesn't get consequences at all..... he will do some thing and I will give him a warning, he will repeat it and the consequence is carried through and it is as if it is the end of the world. He hates being sent to his room and if I shut him in I have to hold the door closed but if I do that he will throw himself at the door! I have read book after book, I doubt my parenting skills all the time, but I am rapidly coming to the conclusion that he needs a diagnosis.......

 

Or may be I'm just rubbish?

Sorry that was a long ramble!

 

 

how is he at school? it is proably worth getting an Ed Pysch in to look at him if they have any concerns. It might also be worth looking at whether he counts as "Gifted & Talented" - the behaviour can easily be very similar at a young age.

[lsw146]

Reading that brought back many memories of my DD who we were told was gifted but with a 'markedly uneven profile of development'. Family therapy followed with a therapist who at the end of our year with her wrote a letter saying she had traits if Aspergers. That was 7 years ago and we have recently returned to CAMHS because she do unhappy and wants to know why she is different. Good luck with everything and I hope you get some resolution.

[justine1]

how is he at school? it is proably worth getting an Ed Pysch in to look at him if they have any concerns. It might also be worth looking at whether he counts as "Gifted & Talented" - the behaviour can easily be very similar at a young age.

Hi

 

I agree with the above.My eldest son is gifted and talented,he started everything at a young age,writing his name and short words by age 2.5.His speech was not perfect and he would throw tantrums when he was frustrated.So similar to what you have mentioned.

 

When Sam (7 years, ASD)started speaking clearly at an early age I never worried much as I thought he is just like his older brother,however as time went on there was sooooooooo much more.The rigid time keeping,even as a baby he would have his feed same time everyday(he put himself in a routine before I could!) sensitivity to noise and certain clothes(shirts with buttons)limited diet,rocking,humming etc.

The school he was at said,at the end of year 1 that something is not right and I took him for his assessment.

 

Of course if you are that concerned you should really see your GP,some GP's(like the one I aapproached)can see when you arrive whether they think there is something or not,but either way they will refer you on to a specialist.

[bewildered and overwhelmed]

how is he at school? it is proably worth getting an Ed Pysch in to look at him if they have any concerns. It might also be worth looking at whether he counts as "Gifted & Talented" - the behaviour can easily be very similar at a young age.

 

At school he's performing way above his age in reading and maths especially. At nursery he had an IEP for behaviour but once he went to school they deemed it was not needed. He struggles to conform at times but they have no huge concern with his behaviour.... he gets a bit wound up at times but is sent to calm down with a teddy.

 

Today he 'kicked off' at after school club and the leader mentioned that the teacher has put him on a 'being good' chart but I've not been told about it. I've got Parents' evening next week so I shall have a chat then....

 

Thanks for the replies.

[lizj]

Just to say, no, you are not "rubbish". We have all been through the "not a good mother" worries. You seem highly intelligent and very clued up about your son. Never forget that you know him better than any expert and you will always want the best for him.

In my opinion, you should ask for a referral to a paediatrician or child psychologist for some assessments, or ask for the educational psychologist to observe him in school. It may lead to a diagnosis or not - but at least you will eventually have an answer.

May I wish you the best of luck whatever happens. He is lucky to have a mum like you.

Edited March 1, 2011 by lizj

[Sally44]

Remember that intelligence is on a scale as is being on the spectrum.

There is nothing that says a child cannot be highly intelligent, gifted or a genius, and still be on the spectrum. It is the spiky profile that gives it away.

Not sure what his age is now??

But I wondered when you said you arrived at your friends house and he launched into a description of his holiday.

If he is a clever child he will know that people talk to eachother, he just won't automatically be getting the general chit chat and social flow of conversation likes others automatically pick up, so he may "think" about what he could say to other people, which may come across as being social, but sounding a bit 'strange'.

 

If he was talking at normal age, then it is more likely (if any diagnosis is given), that it would be Aspergers.

 

It sounds like he has the obsessions.

 

Getting over emotional and appearing to "over react" emotionally when you consider the trigger, with anger tears and tantrums that take a long time to recover is quite typical of being on the spectrum.

 

And if you continue to be happy to be labelled "the mum who does not have good parental skills", then they will continue to treat you like that and not address any of your concerns. Don't mean to sound harsh, but if the hat does not fit don't try to wear it!

 

You are a professional woman of intelligence, you have another child, you are around kids all day long, so follow your gut feeling that your concerns need to be checked out.

 

I would recommmend comprehnsive Speech Therapist assessments of receptive and expressive language skills and also social communication and play skills. You need a SALT that has experience of ASD and language disorders and you want them to carry out "standardised assessments" to get a baseline age reading ie. Comprehension age 7, inference age 5.7, etc.

 

Then you need an Educational Psychologist to assess him. Again the same criteria, someone experienced in ASDs (and gifted children if you think appropriate). Standardised Assessments again eg. reading 6 year old, writing 4 year old etc.

 

You can ask school to refer you so that your child is assessed as you have concerns that he maybe on the autistic spectrum. You are right to have addtional concerns if it appears to run in the family as there does seem to be a genetic link.

 

Or go to your GP and ask for a referal to your childrens hospital to whomever it is that usually diagnosis children with an ASD.

 

Or you can get independent assessments done, but it is worth trying to get them via educational and health first.

 

It also helps to keep a daily diary of events of what he says and does.

 

Don't worry. My son is now under CAHMS and is refusing school and we recently had a team meeting where the woman from social services (never met her before), asked me if I felt I needed to go on a parenting course. In some circumstances it maybe helpful, if the course is specifically for children with an ASD, but most of them aren't. I've dealt with him for the last 10 years, I have another child doing brilliantly in school and I am not stupid. No, I just need the relevent professionals to do their job so that my son can cope in school.

 

Get some confidence. If anyone again tries to refer you for parenting courses tell them you have done everything to ensure that you are doing things right, including going on a parenting course and that it has not made any difference to the child you have concerns about, and that you never had concerns about your other child who was fine before you went on the course. And that NOW it is their turn to check out your concerns.

 

You can get in touch with the LEAs Parent Partnership for them to support you at any meetings in school and to give you advice. You can also speak with the Autism Advisory Teacher and ask their advice. They cannot go into school without the school agreeing, but if school are okay she could go in and observe him and speak with you or come to your home.

 

If he is intelligent he will be working out how to use alot of coping skills. But at some point he will realise he is failing and he is very vulnerable to low self esteem which could affect his willingness to go to school if he feels he fails with certain aspects or skills needed in that environment.

Edited March 2, 2011 by Sally44

[bewildered and overwhelmed]

Thank you for all your replies.

 

After posting I had a meeting with his teacher and things are getting out of hand at school. He is 'losing it' on a regular basis.... things don't go his way, or he is told off or a child annoys him and he goes into meltdown. He then takes about 45 minutes to calm down form the tantrum and become distraught and then the tears last about another 45 mins!

 

I made an appointment with my GP and he has referred us to the community paed for an assessment.

 

We have started a home school diary so we have some evidence and back up and I have started a diary to keep a track of what he eats, what he does and how he behaves.

 

He's just so flumming stubborn!

 

Anyway, thank you! My GP was great re the parenting thing..... he said my daughter would be the same if I was not parenting to the best of my ability and she's nothing like her brother...

[JsMum]

I had to read your posts a few times because though your son is highly intelligent his reactions, meltdowns, social skills I thought he might be a lot younger than you described so it could be that though your son is highly intelligent, his emotional age is definately delayed or behind his peers, it is clear that he is not coping with his emotions either nearly two hrs of meltdowns/tears definately needs urgent attention, so I would be requesting if there is any specialist groups run at your school, a few J did was emotional litracey and a social group, I would request an IEP to concentrate on his emotional and social needs urgently, also a safe, quiet place for your son to retreat to when he is overwhelmed with emotions, I would recommend looking at some books that concerntrate on feelings and emotions, anger managemt and Anxiety management.

 

The Hyperglycemia also needs addressing and adjustments been made at school, if he is getting hot he shouldnt be wearing a jumper in the first place and ensure he has plenty of access to freshair, fluids and toileting, Im wondering if he is kept in at play times?

 

I would also look into sensory processing disorder too as the stratagies may give your further ideas on how to reduce your sons triggers if any are sensory issues.

 

Could you video record some of his meltdowns discreatly, obvously without his knowledge, I did this on a couple of occasions and gave it to his GP, Psychiatrist, Headteacher to see Js violent reactions.

 

My parenting has come into question a few times, and I actually wouldnt recommend you reject parenting courses because that can actually be used against you because your seen as refusing services so just a warning there.

 

Ive done about five parenting courses, and SS still want me to do another one, one the SS are offering now isnt even available as they didnt buy the parenting course in, its Triple P Stepping Stones instead I had to do a Triple P Teenagers specialist course even though J was 10 at the time, I am looking forward to a parenting course specifically for Children with special/additional needs, maybe J wont be 18 when I finally get the invitex

 

At Home I would provide a safe space for your son to retreat at home, a corner with beanbags, Books, Puzzles, a place that is just for him to unwind from a hard days work at school.

 

Is he in any clubs, activities after school, there is in our area social clubs for children with special needs, you could also try something like Cubs, Sea Cadets, St, Johns ambalance, these will help increase his social and emotional needs.

 

I would recommend Gymnastics, JuDO, Yoga, Trampolining to give your son a stress release to help combat the frustration levels that are been displayed as aggression and violence towards you.

 

I also would recommend you join a local ASD Parents support group, if you have strong ASD traits in the family then the support group will help you further with assessments and diagnosis route.

 

You dont need a diagnosis to ensure your sons social, emotional, behavioural needs are met, he is showing these signs now, you dont need to wait for any additional diagnosis so there should be no delay in the school providing support for your son, additonally though I would write your concerns to your sons schools SENCO so that your concerns are raised.

 

If I look back Js worse most difficult years where four to seven before his actual diagnosis/ who has comorbids and a range of developmental disorders including ASD Needs of which some where not diagnosed until 7, 11 right up to now, he is now 14 and he is extreamly smart, intelligent with big complex impairments in his development.

 

I wish you the very best.

 

JsMum

[mygifts1306]

I would agree you would be better to get an appointment with a gp. best of luck

[bewildered and overwhelmed]

Hi all,

 

Just to update.

 

Things went pear shaped at school recently with at least 3 meltdowns a day!

 

We now have a home school diary and several strategies in place at school.... he has cards with colours on so he can indicate his levels of stress ie green is happy and OK, orange means he is getting stressed and can get a book and go into a quiet area and red means he's about to lose it so he can go to the office where he has headphones and a 'project' he has chosen. He gets stickers in his home school diary for each calm session and we have a reward system at home that rewards making the right choice at school.... so if he chooses to go to the office because he is about to flip that's making the right choice......

 

School have done some observations and have noticed that noise and children crowding round him are triggers (well duh! I told them that when he started school!) and have arranged for him to do an exercise session first thing in the morning so his transition into school doesn't involve crowds. He also has a table on his own.

 

I'm thinking of seeing if he would like ear defenders for a noisy classroom.....

 

We saw the GP and are now waiting to hear from the community paed........

 

I spent a small frotune on things he could squash and sqeeze when stressed but he chose to throw them at people instead!!

 

I am also working on OH to agree with me that I need to reduce my work hours to part time..........

 

I have appreciated the support here, Thank you

[BethK]

looks like you have some good strategies in place x

 

Have you thought of the possibility of getting him a trampoline for the garden? ASD kids, especially younger, seem to like to 'bounce', stress reliever to some

[bewildered and overwhelmed]

We have a trampoline in the back garden...... however we have a garden full of trees and I have an OH who is obsessive about the leaves falling on the trampoline so it has been covered all winter. It was released today!

 

I am looking into getting a rebounder for inside so he can leap and bounce inside. (I like to bounce too...... the more I investigate ASDs the more I am beignning to think I have traits too! I do think there are sensory issues for my son and I think I have sensory issues too (noise being one.... my parents are both musicians and music teachers and as a child the lessons they taught at home were awful for me as wrong notes really upset me and at work if the kids are playing the recorder in assembly I have to have 'urgent' admin to do as I really cannot tolerate it!)

 

His emotional development has always been behind his intellectual development, bless his cotton socks!