Bullying via Facebook

[JsMum]

Just found out that J has been bullied by a group of girls via his Facebook wall, I am asaloutly deverstated as his facebook was his only portal of at least some frineds.

 

Instead he has been bullied and even had threats made to him, he has impaired literacy skills but facebook gave him a way of improving that, but instead its meant other children have taken advantage of that and bullied him.

 

I cant believe it as I do monitor his wall so when I came across the comments recently I was soo shocked.

 

Has anyone else had difficulties with the vulnerability of our children using facebook.

 

JsMumx

[anewman]

It is no doubt just an extension of bullying that goes on elsewhere like school?

 

There is of course this story http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/facebook/7912731/Law-student-wins-10000-after-being-branded-a-paedophile-on-Facebook.html

 

It would be tempting to just delete the comments, make the account viewable by friends only, and remove those responsible for the comments so they cannot do it again.

 

But I can't help feeling there may be something to gain in leaving the comments there and letting them continue to post such negative comments. Perhaps it is possible to rise above it and show the bullying for what it is. Perhaps he or some of his friends could reply in a mature manner to a select few of the comments, and you could give some input on this? Of course entirely without the aim of bullying them or fighting back, but just to try make them regret ever posting the comment and keeping that comment there so they can continue to regret it. In the real world once something is said it's been said, but a comment on a facebook wall *could* stay forever (unless the poster deletes it) - and there will be a point at which they regret it, or it could be shown to their parents. These are just some thoughts as I am not sure how much distress this causes J or the nature of the comments.

Edited March 6, 2011 by anewman

[Suze]

make sure you have the correct privacy settings on his facebook page, remove all the nasty comments and if these girls were friends of his via facebook get rid of them.My 2 eldest kids have facebook, my AS son gets various nasty comments from people , however he gives it back to them , after the incident, and it does also seem to be the general banter they use between each other.However there have been certain instances when its been blatantly nasty and he has got rid of these people from his facebook.Also several of his friends came on and commented about the comments in my sons defence and hit back at the bully.

[lizj]

Yes, it has been a problem for us too. My son tried to join in conversations with people he thought were old school "friends" and they immediately ganged up on him online, just like they used to do in the playground. Making fun of him, calling him names and making threats to come to the house and beat him up etc. It upset me, I had thought that by the age of 18 they might know better. I deleted the conversation, blocked the "friends" and checked his security settings. They kept on trying to contact him for quite a while, but eventually they lost interest.

However, someone tagged some photos of him with abusive tags that I can't remove. Only the owner of the photo can do it, and it was her that put them there. I have tried FB help forums but no-one can tell me how to remove these tags.They are there for all the world to read and it bothers me.

Why can't people just leave these vulnerable people alone?

[lsw146]

Making such serious threats seems like a matter fie the police. Social networks can be useful my DD has much better social conversation on Facebook but for both my DDs it's remove from list for anyone being abusive. All you can do us monitor and explain that there are nasty people out there. I know if friends who have been into school and they have helped but it depends whether school thinks it's beyond their remit. I help at a guides group and we are about to do an Internet safety session including how to behave on social networks some people just don't get that once posted the information can easily be misused and even if deleted will ge in a server somewhere. I always tell my DDs to keep arguments off the page and not to make random comments that can be misunderstood.

[dm2010]

Making such serious threats seems like a matter fie the police. Social networks can be useful my DD has much better social conversation on Facebook but for both my DDs it's remove from list for anyone being abusive. All you can do us monitor and explain that there are nasty people out there. I know if friends who have been into school and they have helped but it depends whether school thinks it's beyond their remit. I help at a guides group and we are about to do an Internet safety session including how to behave on social networks some people just don't get that once posted the information can easily be misused and even if deleted will ge in a server somewhere. I always tell my DDs to keep arguments off the page and not to make random comments that can be misunderstood.

 

Absolutely a police matter. Making threats of violence is a serious offence.

 

I would say create a new account with block settings configured to high security for DD to use, and leave the old one to gather dust and abusive comments which the police can track to their source.

 

Technology works both ways - it is a new angle for bullies but is a tool for law enforcement too.

[Special_talent123]

ive been bullied on facebook but ive learnt over the years what to do is i need to block this people from contacting me if they bully me.

[baddad]

make sure you have the correct privacy settings on his facebook page, remove all the nasty comments and if these girls were friends of his via facebook get rid of them.My 2 eldest kids have facebook, my AS son gets various nasty comments from people , however he gives it back to them , after the incident, and it does also seem to be the general banter they use between each other.However there have been certain instances when its been blatantly nasty and he has got rid of these people from his facebook.Also several of his friends came on and commented about the comments in my sons defence and hit back at the bully.

 

Hi - totally agree with the above. The other thing I'd say is that it's really important he stick to known friends initially - problems will arise when friends of friends, friends of friends of friends etc spins out of control and he ends up with people he doesn't even know/don't even know him as 'friends'. It's the catch 22 of facebook (or any other social network) - this whole idea of having a couple of hundred 'friends' to fit in - especially for kids who probably have no more than half a dozen regular 'mates' on the school playground at most - is completely ridiculous, and opens people up to all sorts of potentially nasty situations. The same applies, sadly, to people he knew at school - if they weren't his friends there and nothing has changed in their relationship they're not suddenly going to turn into friends worth having on facebook.

 

The facebook site offers help advice for parents of teens:

 

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/help/?safety=parents

 

The one thing i would advise AGAINST in that is showing him how to 'report' other peoples posts. Better to get him to tell you and you make a decision about whether to report or not: If he were to make repeated allegations against others for what was more 'general banter' or repeatedly report the same people without blocking them or whatever he could find it backfired on him. I'd also say the same about over-reactions like informing the police. I'm sure that'll not sit well with some, but it is an over reacrtion IMO when there's a simple 'block' option available that solves the problem.

 

HTH

 

BD

[Enid]

Yes agree with the above replies, the only problem I had was when mine changed his password! so I couldnt keep an eye out for a bit. surely there is some way of removing photos that have been taqgged? ask in the tech part of the forum but I am sure you can set your account so that you cant be tagged without your permission.

[bid]

Echo everything about checking privacy settings and blocking problem people.

 

I'm friends with both my girlies on FB, and all my teenage nieces and nephews. In fact, I've even been friend-requested by one of the girls' school friends! I keep a low profile, but make the occasional comment, tag the odd piccie and so on, as I think it's no bad thing for there to be an adult 'presence' visible to the other kids.

 

One bonus I've found is that my girls have shown me piccies or comments they think are too much, which is a good 'in' to open up discussions about appropriate dress, language, etc.

 

Hope you can gets things sorted for your lad JM <'>

 

Bid

[JsMum]

Hi - totally agree with the above. The other thing I'd say is that it's really important he stick to known friends initially - problems will arise when friends of friends, friends of friends of friends etc spins out of control and he ends up with people he doesn't even know/don't even know him as 'friends'. It's the catch 22 of facebook (or any other social network) - this whole idea of having a couple of hundred 'friends' to fit in - especially for kids who probably have no more than half a dozen regular 'mates' on the school playground at most - is completely ridiculous, and opens people up to all sorts of potentially nasty situations. The same applies, sadly, to people he knew at school - if they weren't his friends there and nothing has changed in their relationship they're not suddenly going to turn into friends worth having on facebook.

 

The facebook site offers help advice for parents of teens:

 

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/help/?safety=parents

 

The one thing i would advise AGAINST in that is showing him how to 'report' other peoples posts. Better to get him to tell you and you make a decision about whether to report or not: If he were to make repeated allegations against others for what was more 'general banter' or repeatedly report the same people without blocking them or whatever he could find it backfired on him. I'd also say the same about over-reactions like informing the police. I'm sure that'll not sit well with some, but it is an over reacrtion IMO when there's a simple 'block' option available that solves the problem.

 

HTH

 

BD

 

 

J knew the girls as he had joined a Dance class about six months back and they all had instantly exchanged Facebook addresses.

 

After a few months I started to witness this small group of girls laughing AT HIM when he did his Dance steps and overtime the girls became bitchy and picked on J, they put a message on his wall because J had missed some sessions and they put why dont you come back to dance class, J had put because you just laught at me, the girls replied yes we do, its funny, obvously not to J and I asked him not to attend anymore of which he agreed as he didnt feel comfortable about dancing infront of these girls and the micky taking was effecting Js self esteem, this was not normal teenage banter, it was classic bullying.

 

The girls continued to put on further messages like he was scared of Girls to return back to dance class and referring now J was simply scared of girls.

 

The last message which HAS been reported to the police stretched over a period of a week and the threats where to KNOCK J out, and fourt threats to KILL J, so this is as serious as you can get.

 

The girls have called J repeatedly foul names, used the most foul lanuguage ever and referred to his Red hair as a GINGER C... a number of times, this is way above the mark of any normal teenage banter.

 

The police are taking it serious and they said that it is an arrestable offence because its called Harrassment and they appauled what has happened to J and are going to be investigating this situation fully.

 

JsMum

Edited March 6, 2011 by JsMum

[Suze]

the fact that the police are actively investigating this just shows how badly this facebook stuff can go off the rails.They are taking these threats seriously and I hope they can have a word with these girls and they can see the error of their ways, there are obviously cases when they need to intervene .

[bid]

My daughters' school had to involve the police over FB bullying.

 

I think the trouble is that to some youngsters it is sort of 'removed' from real life...you can't 'see' the person in front of you or the impact of your behaviour. No excuse of course, and I think the problem lies with the fact that many children don't have their parents on their wall

 

Bid

[Enid]

Gosh J`s mum, that is REALLY bad, thought you just meant the usual "Mean Girls" stuff.... that is serious stuff there. you are having such a bad time of it at the mo arnt you? you are on the dip of lifes roller coaster!!! but it alwyas comes back up again! so hang onto that thought.

 

Hang on in there.

 

much support as always.

Enid x

[matzoball]

I really think you should show these fb posts to the girls parents - I am sure they would be absolutely appalled(spelling?) at their childrens behaviour!