Challenging ASD Diagnosis

[baddad]

As above.

 

And just to reiterate my original post: Whichever situation does apply (or even if a mix of the two), you will find the odds very much stacked against you, because the 'default' positions any outside authority will take will be that if there is even a suggestion that autism could apply then that will be taken as the explanation for any behaviour reported by mum while dad is 'in denial', and that mum must be right because she is 'mum' and mums are always right unless there is overwhelming evidence to the contrary, because mummys always are and just 'know'.

 

Both of those prejudices are wrong and defy any sort of logic, but they do prevail in just about every case unless evidence is incontrovertable (and quite often they prevail even then with bleeding heart services giving the 'benefit of the doubt' to parents who go on to abuse or psychologically damage their children further.)

 

The real difficulty you face, other than not being heard, is that the mum in this case (or any similar scenario) has you and dad by the short 'uns. If you do see your stepson it will be on her terms, which will be as often and for as long as you want if you are toeing the line and severely restricted if you are not. If she is the kind of person you say she is she will have no qualms about fabricating a case against dad, and given the prejudices that already exist within our society towards estranged fathers (see news report I mentioned in my OP)she will have no problem getting that fabricated case accepted and court rulings in her favour enacted on the basis of that 'benefit of the doubt'.

 

L&P and good luck in what is pretty much an impossible situation.

 

BD

[matzoball]

Again, am going to disregard everything but the OP - so as not to take sides or the like.

 

Speaking as a (now grown up - so to speak) child with a step mum, and an aunt to an autistic nephew, and as someone with Aspergers - your priorities, while understandable are a bit mis-placed.

 

It's hard to stay objective when there are so many people and emotions involved - but the fact remains that for all of you, the priority has to be the child in question.

 

Fighting to overturn a DX is something you may regret in time.

 

If he is masking his behaviour, or flourishing under a more structured environment when spending time with you, as he gets older and finds his AS more difficult to manage - you will no longer have the support in place to help you and the family because you had the DX overturned and will have to fight to get diagnosed again.

 

None of us here on the forum can really comment with full confidence because we aren't privy to what you all experience - so there is every possibility that he may be neurotypical with some other type of need. However - none of you will really know until there is a stable home environment for him.

 

Once there is a baseline for his behaviour founded by a stable day to day routine - it will be a lot easier for you and healthcare professionals to truly discern if he is on the spectrum or not. If his home life is chaotic and unpredictable - then it is not so unfounded to surmise that his behaviour will reflect this.

 

I can understand how frustrated you must be with the situation - and with his mother. But coming on a forum and demonizing her and making insensitive remarks about someone with asd being 'odd' is not the way to go. Be honest, yes - but you need to try and remain impartial and always keep your step son as the focus.

 

And be supportive of him regardless. That's really what he needs from you.

[cookie87]

I think such a comment is a little insensitive on a forum individuals with ASD post on. ASD is not about being 'odd', it is a very complex multi-faceted neurobiological pervasive developmental disorder.

 

I didn't say she is odd because she has ASD, but she is just an odd person. The reason I think she is the one who has ASD and not her son is because all the problems eminate from her.

[bid]

I didn't say she is odd because she has ASD, but she is just an odd person. The reason I think she is the one who has ASD and not her son is because all the problems eminate from her.

 

Why on earth would having ASD mean all the problems eminate from her??

 

From what you describe, your stepson's mum certainly appears to have problems, but why would you ascribe those to a casual home diagnosis of ASD?? Surely you are doing exactly what you are accusing her of doing?! In a previous post you also mentioned that your father has Aspergers...I wonder now was this a formal dx?

 

Bid

Edited June 22, 2011 by bid

[baddad]

Hi again Cookie -

 

While having every sympathy (but making no 'judgements' either way) for the position you find yourself in I do think you should be more cautious and considerate about how you express your frustration. There is an inherent double standard, as bid points out, in the way that you have responded to your partner's ex's 'casual' dx of her son and your own casual dx and negative comments regarding her arising from that casual dx...

 

I can see, looking through the thread, why you may be feeling a bit 'shellshocked', which is why I'm being (uncharacteristically, some might say) tactful about the negative assumptions you seem to have made regarding the possible reasons behind your partner's ex's behaviour, but really think you should consider your words more carefully if you're going to continue posting in the thread. Having said that, I'm nor sure what additional advice people could offer on this specific topic, because as things stand you haven't really got any option but to 'go with the flow' and hope that somewhere further down the line you can reach a place where effective dialogue becomes more viable.

 

L&P

 

BD

[cookie87]

Thank you for all your help and advice baddad, I called the speech and language office today and they are going to carry out a common assessment framework, which will involve the school, the doctors, social services, speech and language specialists and the police, so we will just have to sit tight and await the outcome of this.

[baddad]

Thank you for all your help and advice baddad, I called the speech and language office today and they are going to carry out a common assessment framework, which will involve the school, the doctors, social services, speech and language specialists and the police, so we will just have to sit tight and await the outcome of this.

 

Hi again cookie 87 -

 

Don't know much about CAF assessment but I hope it helps identify exactly what needs your stepson does have and support services that can help everyone involved provide for those needs. If mum is involved in that process too that's got to be a way of moving forward to that point of effective dialogue I mentioned above.

 

Very, very best with that.

 

L&P

 

BD

[Enid]

The police? and social services? why.

[bid]

The police? and social services? why.

 

I guess because of the alleged drug abuse by the mum

 

Bid

Edited June 22, 2011 by bid

[JsMum]

Here is more information on CAF.

 

https://www.education.gov.uk/publications/standard/publicationdetail/page1/IW91%2f0709

 

I collected the information from Contact A Family.

 

http://www.cafamily.org.uk/index.php?module=newsmodule&action=view&id=342&src=@random489b01b533fb5

 

http://www.autismeducationtrust.org.uk/en/good-practice/written%20for%20you/professionals/p%20multi-agency%20support.aspx

 

http://www.autism.org.uk/living-with-autism/benefits-and-community-care/care-and-benefits-for-parents-and-carers/care-support-for-children-with-autism/social-services-getting-help-for-children-england-and-wales.aspx

 

My son had two CAFs and last year a Core Assesment.

 

The assessments identify needs and stage of criteria and provisions for example Weekly Day Respite or Residential Respite, Sessional Workers, Activity Groups, and specific services.

 

JsMumx