Childhood experiences

[brainfizz]

As a child what signs were there that you had Autism or Aspergers?

[darkshine]

depends on who you ask for me the only family members who know are my parents

my mum hasn't said anything, at all, and neither have I to her.

my dad would say there were no signs whatsoever, everything I did, he did as a child and still does now and is perfectly normal, social probs is just shyness, repetitive stuff is being keen and having hobbies, problems with communication is just awkwardness, the odd things I did were just quirky and showed character, the strange things I said showed that I was unique, my different way of thinking and doing things means that I'm a near genius and show initiative, he doesn't like looking at people or socialising so that's fine, the sensory issues just meant that I was a sensitive soul who over-reacted a lot, the taking things literally means I'm just repeatedly naive, the clumsiness was just cuz I'm clumsy, saying the wrong things meant I had a different sense of humour, my difficulty with fitting in means I am special - I wish I was so perfect in my own eyes

 

myself I can't comment - there's a list of things about a hundred miles long that were "not right" or "odd" or a million other words - although some have come in really handy at time - like when I first learned that some people are blind so I taught myself how to everything (apart from reading) with my eyes shut and even today I can navigate my entire house this way and do many tasks like cook, clean, make drinks (hot or cold), get dressed and everything with my eyes shut if I want - and if I go back to my home town I can navigate there about a square mile the same way. This is really useful in a powercut - or if I am unlucky enough to go blind.

 

when I first learned some people don't have arms or legs I learnt how to move around without my legs (really hard o do without legs and took years to perfect - not so good at it now) and can do most things with either hand cuz I practised losing an arm. When I injure myself I can cope (I injure myself a lot)

 

These are just 2 silly examples of my personality and stuff but I never knew anyone else who did these things and most people I've told think I'm a nutter for even thinking that way.

 

I don't know what was AS or not cuz its a lot to work out but these (and the million other things) are what I told the dr's pre-dx and during dx so maybe some of them are to do with AS... I'll maybe figure it out myself one day...

[Lyndalou]

I've been thinking about tis a lot and I've decided in many ways that my childhood was not half bad, in fact pretty damn good in a lot of ways.

 

My parents loved the fact that I spoke to anyone, had a great vocabulary and spoke very precisely. When I started reading like a maniac at the age of 5, I was encouraged and left to it, in time being able to read to 3 in the morning with my specially wall-mounted night light. When I started playing tunes on my recorder totally by ear and without mistakes I was able to perform my party-pieces also to my hearts content. Oh Happy Days! I dug bait on Saturdays and went fishing with my dad on his own as his little sidekick, I 'rescued' toads being 'blown up' and banged like balloons by big boys by giving them the kiss of life, went to the park by myself and swung on the swings and spun around on the spider's web roundabout upside down as much as I liked, stood on my head in the garden for hours, made daisy chains the length of the garden and back, formed my 'Unicorn Club' which had only me in it and trawled rock pools for crabs and sticklebacks.

 

I'll come back to the bad things as I've got a screaming child....

[darkshine]

Yeah it wasn't all bad - mine found it funny that I'd repeat things to people that shouldn't have been repeated and I quite often helped out with sorting out practical ways to do things or fix things - though that used to pee 'em off sometimes cuz they didn't always think a little kid could be showing them how to do something

 

They also took the "I want to know what's inside everything" phase quite well - especially when I snipped open their pillows to see if the feathers were yellow - they weren't in the first one so I checked inside them all - 4 in total - err... somehow wasn't interested in looking in my own pillows anyway they woke up the following morning in a room and bed completely covered in feathers - just like in a film - they laughed about that one for years - still do They weren't so pleased when I took their electric alarm clock to bits I thought I could fix it and spent 2 days in anguish secretly trying to put all the pieces back before I finally admitted defeat - I thought they'd be mad that I couldn't fix it - but they'd forgotten all about it and bought a new one

Edited August 11, 2011 by darkshine

[Lyndalou]

Gawd! I had so little common sense it was scary! Maybe I have a little more now? Hmmmm!

 

I think the worst thing as a younger child for me was how oblivious to everything I must have been, followed closely by my very short fuse, my over-riding competitiveness (I ran into a wall and smashed my specs into my face in Primary 4 because I was so determined to win a race ) and my phobias. I think being oblivious was probably a good thing too because I really wouldn't have known if anyone was taking the rise out of me or not. I corrected a boy in my class constantly when he taunted me, calling me 'Jehovah' - I told him 'I am a born-again Christian, not a Jehovah's witness' and then went ont explain the differences

 

I knew I wasn't particularly popular but nothing could have prepared me for my best friend of 3 years turning the class against me in Primary 7. The feeling of desolation and bewilderment are feelings that have never left me. I still see the 10 year old version of me sitting on my own, watching everyone and wondering what on earth I had done. I also decided that my ex best friend had some kind of special power over the rest of the class (a bit like the Pied Piper ).

 

I ran everywhere to everything (at least I was fit!) and I was extremely disorganised which led to my class 3 teacher telling my parents 'Your daughter just annoys me, I trip over her bag all the time'. As a result, she refused to put any of my class work on the walls and I was so petrified of the old witch that I started peeing myself and developed a twitch and a stammer. The peeing thing only got worse when I became convinced that ###### Mary was in the toilets...

 

Talking about peeing...

[dekra]

I'm a bit "socially inept" but don't have any sort of dx but just thought I'd share one of my family tales that still gets dusted off every so often.

 

I was a dreadful eater as a young child and would often be at the table for hours as I would not eat. Anyway one of the things I did like was the "scrap" ends off of deli meats. Desperate to get me to eat my mum would go to the butcher and discretely ask to buy them. I was less discrete annoucing to the suddenly full butchers shop that "Those scraps are for my tea!" Mum was mortified and still casts it up to me every so often to this day. Strange that from about 8 yrs old upwards I went from not eating to compulsive eating that lead to obesity and took 27 years to get in check.

Edited August 11, 2011 by dekra

[KezT]

From the day he was born DS refused to be constricted in any way - as a tiny jaundiced baby, all the professionals and experienced mums kept telling me to swaddle him "all babies like the security of being swaddled". He screamed and squirmed and screamed and puked until I took the covers off. He wouldn't even lie in his crib - he needed to be able to touch nothing all around him to settle even a little bit It also made feeding him difficult as he didn't like to be pulled in close to me

 

No-one believed me tho, and I was too inexperienced to think it was anything other than "difficult first baby" syndrome - I wonder if an earlier dx woud have been possible if I had been more forceful?

 

Weirdly, he loves cuddles now (although not for too long) - it's one of the many things that makes him stand out as different from his pees. Along with the constant questions :wallbash:

[darkshine]

I knew I wasn't particularly popular but nothing could have prepared me for my best friend of 3 years turning the class against me in Primary 7. The feeling of desolation and bewilderment are feelings that have never left me. I still see the 10 year old version of me sitting on my own, watching everyone and wondering what on earth I had done. I also decided that my ex best friend had some kind of special power over the rest of the class (a bit like the Pied Piper ).

 

Talking about peeing...

I think bewilderment is a good word that describes a lot of mine and oblivious as well - which is another good thing - I was often oblivious until some major thing happened and then I was bewildered as to why.

 

My dad used to pretend to go out without me and I'd scream and cry like something possessed and then he'd jump out of the cupboard where he'd been hiding - and laugh when I wouldn't forgive him - he got me with that trick many many times - he'd hide different places and I'd always check the last one he'd been in

 

I was less discrete annoucing to the suddenly full butchers shop that "Those scraps are for my tea!" Mum was mortified and still casts it up to me every so often to this day. Strange that from about 8 yrs old upwards I went from not eating to compulsive eating that lead to obesity and took 27 years to get in check.

Yeah that's the sort of thing

 

Sensory issues cropped up a lot with me too - couldn't wear anything but cotton and labels were another issue - and still are sometimes - having a bath was great but hated my hair being touched (washed/dried/brushed) and used to get chased screaming around the house trying to escape being dried - the neighbours probably wondered what the hell was going on - also had a lot of migraines from the light and sun.

 

I think clumsiness was another thing - I was forever hurting myself - the worst period of time was when I got run over, scalded my feet in hot bath water (impatient and thoughtless) and trod on a glass and got a shard stuck in my ankle all in one year I still bump and bang myself a lot now

 

My childhood was quite lonely in some ways - and I can paint a picture of how sad that was - and it was - but I was also very insular and ok in my own company and I'd just make up friends or read or amuse myself - it's quite scary now how far I used to wander as well - by 9 I was going at least half a mile from home and that increased year by year - my parents would have had a heart attack if they'd known I didn't stay "on the block"...

 

I had no concept of being hurt at all and used to jump off of things (which also tells that I was climbing things too), and I had little concept of danger either until I got much older and I just cringe now at the places I went that were all very dangerous, isolated and unsafe - the stupidest by far was when I got stuck in quickmud and sank up to above my knees and couldn't get out and the person I was with ran off and left me

[smiley1590]

my childhood experience of undx AS at the time was socially being in a world of my own shut off from everyone my peers like in my onw bubble spending my lunchtime in juniors school with adults 4 dinnerladies i felt safer more protected and understood better i was bullied for years for not 'fitting in right' for being 'different' and taken advantage of because i was 'vulnerable' i felt so lost confused ,frustrated even as a little girl i remember keeping asking myself why i could stop change what things happened situations why felt so powerless so out of control and felt so isolated and ALONE in every sense of the world

 

i used to get upset lots didn't find reason behind why either i used think it was my fault 'just me' my family has always know there something else other than just 'dyspraxia' being present something else in background lurking as dyspraxia didn't add up everything some signs that my mum saw was missing from dyspraxia. felt was fighting ,taking on the world trying to explain myself as a child nothing made sense i tried to explain things just come to confusion once again. i was happy child in infants as i was unaware of anything but as years moved on i could see the massive gaping gaps in between i felt like i didn't belong and didn't know who i really was scary place to be i just wanted answers to why!

 

 

it like trying walk round in the fog and rain all time so tiring even as a child ... i felt 'weak' even childhood friends comment on 'differences' as naughty disruptive which hurts even now as i misunderstood lack of 'real' action of support back then was real battle/struggle to even survive mainstream so hard/difficult my childhood friends don't realise havn't got a clue what the reality was like for me everyday!

 

XKLX

[Virgoansun]

Undiagnosed person here - but reading up on Aspergers. My big brother is also undiagnosed but he really is 'more obvious'. I have trained myself to act normal. I was painfully shy as a child and hated parties, lots of people around etc. Still do (am 46). Hated clothing and scratched myself raw if made to wear a vest! Can't bear socks without shoes so go barefoot never walk around in just socks. Sometimes can 'feel' the socks so badly that I have to take them off. No-one can go near the bellybutton without a major meltdown. Its even in my doctors notes - problem when getting scans when pregnant - nearly knocked out the nurses as they slapped gel into it. Anyway, I have lots of memories to draw on from childhood but I believe that self-training and watching how others do things is a great way to get by. Does everyone else have coping mechanisms e.g. I have to pretend I am a spy when I am in a busy street so that I don't freak and run - you have to laugh...I still have imaginary friends as real ones are so difficult. I can't change my routines to go and visit them and they aren't allowed to come to me as I hate people dropping by. I have to 'build up to' social visits. Needless to say, friends drop off the radar rapidly as they get sick of my 'selfishness and laziness' (if only they knew). Also, why are people very affectionate. I am expected to hug my friends when I have to see them...its horrible. Never liked that much contact - I have learned to hug my children as its a good thing to do apparently. I actually enjoy hugging them now. My mother always plays down our quirks as children - I think she thinks we blame her or she may feel guilty but its not her fault. I wish she had my brother diagnosed though as he is still living with her and I think he could have been more independent with the right help - although when he was little it was a 'label' and not helpful.

[acid74]

To correlate with Aspergers, I had:

 

- noticeably formal vocabulary

- no sense of fashion, popular fads etc.

- intense interests

- extremely interested in science, maths, engineering, computers and music

- no friends/bullied a lot

- few external emotions or expressions

- complete lack of interest (and ability) with sports

- socially inept

 

There were a few other things, but aren't really concise enough to be added as bullet points.

 

Suffice to say there were ample signs to the observer that I had Asperger's. I resent that no-one realized it, especially teachers who joined in with pointing out my unusual traits, all of which a feature of Asperger's. I was permanently on a meltdown for about 5 years - constantly angry and depressed, which further made me stand out.

 

Childhood was not a happy time, I am not a happy person.

[dekra]

Childhood was not a happy time, I am not a happy person.

 

Childhood for me also was not a happy time, my inability to make friends and my more formal way of talking was put down to the fact my mother was widowed when pregnant so she lived with her parents and 4 younger siblings. I was born into a house full of adults and was very outgoing with them but away from the family I was introverted (but very outspoken if I felt something was "unfair"). As the family left home and grand-dad died when I was 5 it was myself my mum and gran for many many years. They brought me up well but my school life was hellish.

 

My time as a younger adult was worse, I was isolated and a loner. I was miserable and depressed.

 

Now in my 30's I have a wonderful hubby and 2 beauiful kids and I appriciate how much I have in my life. I am not a happy person but I have a happy life now IWSWIM.

Edited August 18, 2011 by dekra

[darkshine]

I resent that no-one realized it........I was permanently on a meltdown for about 5 years - constantly angry and depressed, which further made me stand out.

 

Childhood was not a happy time, I am not a happy person.

That's how I felt/feel. Its hard working through that resentment cuz of little phrases like "what if" - what if means that maybe there was a chance it could have been different - but you'd have never known and then maybe that wouldn't be good either - at least that's what I tell myself

 

I went through long 'meltdown' and phases from 14 onwards and this probably (in hindsight) made it harder for people to understand me and probably made the bullying and stuff worse and made my depression worse (still haven't got rid of it 16 years later..)

 

Take heart from people who find happiness - if they got that chance - it means you got a chance too.

[brummiegal]

I used to eat non foods, tin foil was my favourite

I was obsessed with smells and textures

I struggled to make friends

I struggled to understand lessons

I was the token weirdo

No fashion sense

I struggle with empathy/sorrow/guilt

I had many many obsessions with all sorts of things

I could never relate to my peers

[lilnicki]

My childhood was not good either..... i suspect the possibility that both my parents show signs of aspergers. I had no affection, no conversation, i was left pretty much to myself. At 7 i was packed off to boarding school where i made no friends, was terribly lonely, and terribly sad. Nobody noticed my tears or depression, and i left at 14 feeling much like an odd-ball, I just never fitted in.

 

Now as an adult i have a lovely partner and 2 kids. I still struggle a bit with hugging, though i try hard because i know they need it. I don't have any friends apart from the people i work with. I don't socialise with them outside work. Im getting married in 2 months, it's supposed to be the happiest day of my life, but i;'m dreading it. Talking to 80 people is going to be so hard.

 

My list of problems is far to long to list here, but i do want to ask if anyone else has trouble with faces, because I have read that this could be an aspergers trait.

 

Nicki

[indiscreet]

My list of problems is far to long to list here, but i do want to ask if anyone else has trouble with faces, because I have read that this could be an aspergers trait.

_________________________________________

 

I have that problem as well. I have to know someone really well before I'll recognize them in the street, or in a group, and it's so embarassing to (apparently) snub people.

Edited August 28, 2011 by indiscreet

[Tally]

Im getting married in 2 months, it's supposed to be the happiest day of my life, but i;'m dreading it. Talking to 80 people is going to be so hard.

 

Try not to worry too much about that. People don't expect you to have proper conversations on your wedding day when you have so many other people to talk to. You just have to smile sweetly and say, "thank you for coming." If you come across a bit distant they will just assume you are overcome with emotion

 

You could also prepare some lines in advance that might be useful on the day. Comments about what people are wearing (nice ones only, obviously!!!), asking about their journey, things like that can be good.

 

Facial recognition, yes this is a common problem in ASD. It's called prosopagnosia.

[darkshine]

My list of problems is far to long to list here, but i do want to ask if anyone else has trouble with faces, because I have read that this could be an aspergers trait.

I have that problem as well. I have to know someone really well before I'll recognize them in the street, or in a group, and it's so embarassing to (apparently) snub people.

Facial recognition, yes this is a common problem in ASD. It's called prosopagnosia.

 

I've had a similar experience - I've insulted just about every person who knows me ever by ignoring them in the street - I don't see them, I'm not expecting to see them so I'm not looking for them. I've also had just about every single one of them jump out and scare me at some point and that only happens cuz I don't see them

 

In addition, I can't remember my parents faces when I can't see them - I know what they look like, if they were in a crowded photo I could pick them out, but I can't see their faces in my head. And I can't describe them very well. I always dread something happening in my life where I'd have to do one of those police identi-kit things cuz I just wouldn't know...

 

New people take me a while to remember their names and faces unless they have distinctive hair, glasses or a moustache...

 

I just figured that in some situations I'm concentrating so hard on being normal that I don't pay enough attention to faces. And then cuz I'm avoiding eye contact so much - well I'm not seeing people's faces properly in the first place so how would I remember?

[Lyndalou]

I'm not sure if it's quite the same thing but I have trouble with people out of context. For example; I saw the same nurse for 3 years at my GP surgery (for contraceptive purposes so a bit intimate!) and then I saw her in the street with a baby and thought 'I know her but who is she?'. It took me ages to figure it out! The same thing with a woman I had a great long conversation with at a barbeque. I saw her shortly after out on a cold night with a hat on and had another chat, the whole time pretending I knew who she was but it was pretty hard as I had forgotten the names of her children who she was discussing without using their names! I also quite often mistake people for other people - I think they may have some characteristic in common but otherwise look nothing alike. However, some people I have no problem with except forgetting their names. Also, when I was a kid there were a few children who whenever I saw them, I thought of inanimate objects or animals. One girl was always a car and one was a ladybird that I can remember! Is this related at all?

[indiscreet]

I was painfully shy as a child and hated parties, lots of people around etc. Still do (am 46).

 

Same here!

 

... but I believe that self-training and watching how others do things is a great way to get by.

 

So true!

 

Does everyone else have coping mechanisms e.g. I have to pretend I am a spy when I am in a busy street so that I don't freak and run - you have to laugh...I still have imaginary friends as real ones are so difficult.

 

It's a relief to find that I'm not the only one who does this.

 

However, since I managed to get a diagnosis last year I feel much more relaxed about things generally - just as though a heavy burden has been lifted off my back.

[philipo]

very shy,midnite walks and daytime 'exploring',lots of food problems,and speaking the unspeakable,very good at electricity/science by 5 years old,fascinated by sound/light/music,drawing machines,very solitary and always asking why.......

[Linnet]

I've had a similar experience - I've insulted just about every person who knows me ever by ignoring them in the street - I don't see them, I'm not expecting to see them so I'm not looking for them. I've also had just about every single one of them jump out and scare me at some point and that only happens cuz I don't see them

 

In addition, I can't remember my parents faces when I can't see them - I know what they look like, if they were in a crowded photo I could pick them out, but I can't see their faces in my head. And I can't describe them very well. I always dread something happening in my life where I'd have to do one of those police identi-kit things cuz I just wouldn't know...

 

New people take me a while to remember their names and faces unless they have distinctive hair, glasses or a moustache...

 

I just figured that in some situations I'm concentrating so hard on being normal that I don't pay enough attention to faces. And then cuz I'm avoiding eye contact so much - well I'm not seeing people's faces properly in the first place so how would I remember?

[Linnet]

I've had a similar experience - I've insulted just about every person who knows me ever by ignoring them in the street - I don't see them, I'm not expecting to see them so I'm not looking for them. I've also had just about every single one of them jump out and scare me at some point and that only happens cuz I don't see them

 

In addition, I can't remember my parents faces when I can't see them - I know what they look like, if they were in a crowded photo I could pick them out, but I can't see their faces in my head. And I can't describe them very well. I always dread something happening in my life where I'd have to do one of those police identi-kit things cuz I just wouldn't know...

 

New people take me a while to remember their names and faces unless they have distinctive hair, glasses or a moustache...

 

I just figured that in some situations I'm concentrating so hard on being normal that I don't pay enough attention to faces. And then cuz I'm avoiding eye contact so much - well I'm not seeing people's faces properly in the first place so how would I remember?

 

Tried to reply to this earlier but must have pressed wrong button and my reply disappeared. I really need to training to do this. I was so relieved to hear that it's not just me who can't remember what even my closest relatives look like if I can't see them. I can picture photographs of people though so I can usually describe someone if I've seen a clear photo of them. If I've not seen a photo I haven't a clue eg my son has been going out with a girl for 10 months and because I've never seen her photograph all I can tell you is that she's got dark hair even though I've seen her lots of times.

[darkshine]

Tried to reply to this earlier but must have pressed wrong button and my reply disappeared. I really need to training to do this. I was so relieved to hear that it's not just me who can't remember what even my closest relatives look like if I can't see them. I can picture photographs of people though so I can usually describe someone if I've seen a clear photo of them. If I've not seen a photo I haven't a clue eg my son has been going out with a girl for 10 months and because I've never seen her photograph all I can tell you is that she's got dark hair even though I've seen her lots of times.

It's really upsetting sometimes, like when people die, its almost like not being able to remember them well, I sort of remember them but not in the vivid way I hear others describe the same person.

 

I'm sitting here thinking how I would describe my dad and 2 statements that came to mind made me laugh at myself

 

1. he has hair, a mouth and eyes

2. he has a head

 

and we can ascertain that he's human he also wears glasses and has a moustache...

 

I feel similar about photos, its like my mind deals better with a flat image that I can look at for longer or something..... my mind is so weird sometimes