School doesnt seem to understand aspergers im desp

[Suze]

Hi Elle been thinking about you all day.Keep writing everything down etc how much your daughters not sleeping eating .Push the issue again at next weeks meeting.Is there no other compromise they can offer, there seems to have been no thought or planning gone into this and your daughter has been left high and dry.I,m sure one of the wise ones of the forum will be along soon with a more constructive form of action.

[nellie]

Elle, <'> <'>

 

I do sympathise with your situation.

 

I think your daughter should be allowed to express her views but this might be difficult for her to do in a face to face meeting. It could be the case that she will say what she thinks others want to hear. Is there any other way that she could express her views? I know she has voiced her feeling in the tape recording you made, but I?m not sure the ethics of this. Maybe others could advise. Is she able to express her views in writing?

 

Chapter Three of the SEN Code of Practice is about the right of children with special educational needs to be involved in making decisions and exercising choices.

 

SEN Code of Practice.

http://www.teachernet.gov.uk/docbank/index.cfm?id=3724

 

Children, who are capable of forming views, have a right to receive and make known information, to express an opinion, and to have that opinion taken into account in any matters affecting them. The views of the child should be given due weight according to the age, maturity and capability of the child.

See Articles 12 and 13, The Unitied Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child.

 

I hope this has helped in some way.

 

Nellie xx

[jomica]

Hello Elle

 

I'm new to this Board and have been reading about what's happened - I really feel for you and your daughter.

 

One thing that struck me, as a school governor, is that you need to find out about the governors' policy on class allocations. For instance, in my school we have a mixed age policy in infants and a streaming policy in KS2, but both are open to interpretation for children with special needs. This meant that my son (eight, HF autism) stayed in the foundation class for two years because we all felt it would be more beneficial to him. He was then placed in other classes suited to his age group, but not necessarily in "oldest first" fashion - but this was always done in consultation with me and my husband, the SENCO and the headteacher.

 

I'm thinking about policies because, when I investigate a complaint by a parent, I always look first to see whether the school has contravened one of its own policies and, if it has, I will uphold the complaint and make good. Where the school hasnt contravened a policy, things are less black and white. For instance, I might find that the school has followed the policy, but that the handling of the decision hasn't been done well and that we should learn from it for the future and apologise to the family. Or I might find that the school were entirely justified in what it has done.

 

I would investigate the complaint first as Chair of Governors, meeting with all relevant parties without the head or other school staff present and without discussion with other governors (because this might compromise them if they were to investigate the complaint later). I would then consider and write to the complainant telling them the outcome of the complaint. If they aren't satisfied, they could then have the case reviewed by a panel of governors and finally by the local authority.

 

So, I think you need to get information about the governors' policy on allocation to classes to read carefully, and a copy of the school's complaints procedure. You need to follow the latter carefully, if you decide to make a formal complaint.

 

In investigating the complaint I might say that, whilst the school has followed its policies, there are things it could do to soften the blow - for instance, by working with the child and family over a number of weeks to ensure smooth transition, to create a buddying arrangement where another child(ren) befriend the child in question, to be encouraged to find the close friend in the playground, or to pair them up for free activities where possible.

 

However, on other occasions, I might find that the requests of the complainant are unreasonable and that the school has done all that it can to accommodate changes (it certainly doesn't seem like this here from what you're saying).

 

I think that being a parent of a child with special needs, I have come to see things from many different angles - particularly as I've often been the parent feeling that things were "being done" to my child that I didn't agree with (mainly by the local authority in my case). I hope that this gives me a fair approach to handling complaints, whoever they are from, because I always try to investigate them as I would want someone to do for me.

 

I can see that there are very many supportive people writing on these boards. If you feel that there is anything that I could help further with, please do ask.

 

Best wishes,

 

Jomica <'>

[Elle]

The autisim outreach worker and deputy head have just been to my house to speak to my daughter. She told them her worrys and they tried to adres them. They have now said they will put an interaction programme with children from her new class into place as soon as the new term starts. Thay said she does not have to play with the child moving with her who teases her and she is to tell a teacher if she teases her. My daughter said she is worried about getting her work done as she keeps worrying and they said there would be time for her to finesh work if ashe had trouble. They said she would be able to see her friend she is being split from at dinner and play time and they are arranging for them to be able to meet up twice a week for half an hour with a teaching assistant. My daughter is alot happier now which makes me happier. I relly hope she wil adapt and stop worrying and feeling sick and start slleeping.

 

I am very angry though that i have had to have several meetings write letters and ask for the autisim lady to be involved to get things set in place to make this transition easier for my daughter as all this should have been in place weeks ago and been done automatically. I think the school handled everything very badly and i was treated very badly until i got outside people involved.

 

I do not know whther to see how things go and hope for the best or not.

 

I am still concerned that this scholl may not be the best place for nmy daughter and my other daughter who is 4 is also sen and im worried about whether i will have to go through all this unecessary upset and stree and lack of understanding and schools unwillingness to listen and consider things with her. if my daughter di not have problems with change i would definatly just move her school.

 

has anyone got any thoughts on what they would do now?

 

elle

[Zemanski]

you might find this thread has some interesting thoughts on school provision

 

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.ph...t=0entry29902

 

if you have a look at other schools and talk to other sencos and teachers you can perhaps compare attitudes and environments and then decide if the school your daughter is at is the best place

 

Zemanski

[Elle]

my daughters behaviuor has become extreeamly bad the last few hours she keeps shouting and hiitting me and her sister?

 

HER FRIENDS PARENT RANG ME TODAY AND SAID HER DAUGHTER HAD BEEN TOLD TODAY THAT MY DAUghter had been letting her down by not coming school and what did she want her for a friend for she would be be better off finding a nice frriend. Very upseting to hear they seem tobr trying to put my daughter friend off her.

 

I found out today a boy at the school in yr 6 who has suspected dyxpraxia has been having an interation group and social storys for the last few weeks to help him adapt to senior school and has 3 of his friends put in his class with him. My daughter has had nothing so far and ive had to fight to get things in place next year?

 

ive had people say i should take it further ie governers lea through the way we have been treated and lack of provision and 2 weeks of sheer hell but i dont know what to do for the best?

 

it feels like the school has a vendatta and its nothing to do witth the best interest of the children its just cruel. 2 best friends were split last year but 1 of the parents went to see the headmaster and said there daughter was not happy and they were put back togeather straight away?none had sen.

 

i asked why the 2 girls were sat next to each other if tehy were a prob and suggested they split them up in the class first but they said they had done this but tehy just went back to each other, I didnt believe this as my daughter would have been anoyed and said i asked my daughter if she had always at next to her friend and she said yes i said has your teacher evre told you to sit somehwhere else and she said no i said are you sure you not been told to sit somewhere elsebut didnt listen she said no dont be silly i woild have got in troulbe.

 

there just seems to be so many lies and cover up by the school to justify everthing its unreal. they said they couldnt tellll my daughter where she was going sooner as the teachers didnt know where they were till last mon but i work at the school and know the teachers knew over a month ago? They said she hadnt had a social story as she hadny asked for one i said you know she cant deak with change your making bigger cahnges then normal she shouldnt have had to ask for on e it should have been done its common sense.

 

I just really do not trust this school and still think the split is very unescessary i asked what would happemn f my daughter got attache dan formed a close freindship with another child they said tehy would do somthing sbout it before it happend does this mean my daughters not allowed to hahve a closse friend and will keep being spplit from any child she gets close to or on well with?

 

lsot my faith in the whole system. I will ahve to mwait to see if my daughter goes school mon and sleeps 2ngt etc. i hope her behaviours not going to stay like this i dont know whats worse when she supset and sad or now when shes angry and agreesive?

[Zemanski]

Com's school have lied and cheated all this year - it is miserable

 

now we have had the advisor in and I only deal with the head things are getting much better but rebuilding the trust is going to be very difficult, especially when they do stupid things like yesterday - nobody bothered to tell me Com had an accident so it was past 6pm when I finally noticed his swollen blue finger and rushed him to A&E

 

They know he does not respond to pain appropriately

 

it is so much harder when you work with the people

 

take care

 

Zemanski

[Suze]

Elle so sorry your suffering like this keep writing everything in a diary, it might be worth involving the governors, I can,t quite believe what you,ve written the schools attitude is un-believable ,on the subject of your daughter she has obviously reached breaking point.Use the weekend to focus on getting her back on track, indulge her obsessions(it helps for my son), if she likes animals take her to a working farm or zoo, do someting she really enjoys and give yourselves a break from this nightmare, thinking of you <'> <'> .

[puffin]

Elle - <'> <'> this is just dreadful -

 

have you managed to get in touch with IPSEA yet? I think you should consider moving her to another school - how can this be worse if they are going to break her up from every friendship? i think that you should contact the outreach worker again and explain what has been said - and talk through the options. What I'm still not clear about is what objective they are trying to achieve with these splits - why do the school believe that she should not have close friends - it sounds so it would damage her development - but you might want to get that point clarified in writing by the Dr.

 

I have to say that the school sound crazy - they think that a primary child should ask if they need a social story????? If they could do that they would most certainly not need it as it would require the cognitive abilities of a much older, NT child.

 

Keep fighting them - and get some support from outside the school

[Elle]

yes ive been in contact with ipsea ive updated them on everything and they said they would take it further becuase of the way its been handled lack of provision and compromise etc?

 

m daughter had trouble sleeping again last ngt which is disapointing she said she is still worried about not being with her friend and the interaction group with children she doesnt know [ her friend was in her interaction groups last yr?] i tried to make her optimistic repeating all the things the autisim outreach worker said will happen next yr i asked why she hadnt told the worker if she still wasnt happy she said i didnt want to upset her she was so nice and i can talk to you better.

 

She didnt want to go dramma again today said she felt sick still and worried ?

 

I just dont know what to do for the best?

[Kathryn]

Hi Elle,

 

<'>

I think the school have dealt with this situation appallingly - to put it mildly. You have done the right thing by talking to Ipsea as you really need someone objective on your case, you can't continute to fight this on your own.

 

In the meantime keep writing everythinkg down so that you have a clear record of how your daughter is reacting to all this.

 

K

[oracle]

Have you tried the Leicestershire Autistic Society. They are in your area and give support and provide advocats. I am told that they are excellent.

 

Carole

[Elle]

I am at a loss what to do next

 

My daughter had anxiety attack sunday ngt she couldnt breath and i had to get her to breath into a paper bag. she was so stressed about going school the next day.Is this normal?

 

i physically made her go school and i got her in the door but then she wouldnt move saying she felt ill i had to take her into my class as i was late for work i then went to find the head to ask him what to do i found the deputy she said my daughter could go in to assembly with my class and then go to her in her yr4 class to do jobs. My daughter wnet and at playtime she wouldnt go out to play but was happier at dinner she came home and felt alpot happier as she was being the deputy heads helper abnd the class she was in were doing fun things no work. She was being looked after by some of the older children. the next day she went in with the deputy head again she thought she was going to be the deputy heads helper for ever she was told she would have to go into her new class the next day.i rang the autisim worker as i knew i would have problems the next day she didnt ring me back.

 

WEdneday i and my munm had to dress her and make her go school she had to go into the new class she said she felt ill they went on the fireld with her old class as well and i was told she was ok. at playtime i got fethced as she was ill and laying on the field i took her to a quiet room but then could not get her back class i had to get the deputy to deal wiith it as i was supose to be working. at diiner i couldnt get her back school. still hadnt been phoned nby autisim worker

 

today me and my mum had to physically get her out of bed and dress her my mum had to go and i couldnt get her out the door she clinged to the door post crying i had to leave her with my nana as i was late for work. I spke to deputy head at dinner she said is she being awkward or perhaps she has atummy bug try to get her in to morrow. he senco wasnt there. i phoned autisim worker agin and left message to phne me again. I phone autism helpline advised to take it further?

 

i do not know what to do do i drag her round school leave her off? do i see what happens or take it further?

 

i have got to get my other daughter to school as well next yr as she starts full time and i got to bbe in work for 8.45 and my eldest refuses to go school ?

 

when she was in on mon and tues no one did the social story or snything with her.

[elainem]

Hi Elle,

 

I am really sorry things are no better. Have you tried the NAS helpline or IPSEA? Don't really know what else to advise. They are blatantly not meeting your daughters needs and if anything causing her great (unnecessary) distress. How about writing to the chair of govenors. I think you must try and involve someone else because it seems clear that the particular autism worker you have is hopeless (I know you said she is friends of SENCO). Also what about parent partnership or disability rights commission. To be honest, if it was me I would probably contact them all and see who was offering the best support. It is time consuming when you work, perhaps you document everything, give them all a qucik call, explain your circumstances breifly and ask can you fax/email them a summary.

 

Elaine

[oracle]

Are the Leicestershire Autistic Society helping you? They have a good reputation.

 

The school are handling this very badly but it does appear that your daughter can not function at school without her friend. I am not for one moment suggesting that they should be seperated like this but maybe the school were correct to be concerned about the reliance that your daughter has on her friend.

 

I do know how difficult this can be because my own son had a similar friend in Primary School and it was once they had been seperated and in different classes in Secondary school that he had a breakdown.

 

I think that your daughter needs some help now because even if they were to put her back with her friend tomorow the damage has been done. This should have been a very slow process that was undertaken so slowly that your daughter was unaware that it was even happening. As it is they have taken the quick clean break route and it has clearly not worked.

 

The thing that needs addressing now is how to enable your daughter to cope and function in school without her friend. It sounds as if she will need professional help to be able to do this.

 

Carole

[Zemanski]

As your daughter is becoming a 'school refuser' and the stress is affecting her health you could get the Educational Welfare Officer involved - they can sometimes be quite influential and they usually are pretty much on the child's side if there are obviously issues with school.

I've only seen a couple and both with reference to bullying situations.

 

ring the LEA offices and ask for the number or it may be on the website.

 

stay strong

 

Zemanski

[Suze]

Feel for you and your daughter <'> <'> , stay strong the holidays are,nt far away it,ll give you time to think about what to do and where you go from here.Don,t give up stay strong.

[Elle]

i managed to get my daughter to schol on friday by saying it was toy day and she really didnt want to miss her last full day with her freiend and class mates. She was ok and spent the whole day with her friend. How evre that evening last ngt she was ill and her breathing went funny again. she said she felt ill as shcool had fineshed and now there was nothing that could be done about next year and she was realyy worried about going into the class of children she hadnt been with this year and worried she would have no friends and wished she could have stayed in her own class.

Hopefuly i will be able to keep her mind of it over the holidays. I hope things will be ok next year.im worried about how i will get her school though i will have to wait and see

 

it was the last day of term yesterday and i found i had got a written warning in my pigion hole from the headmaster over whats been happening with my daughter it was for trying to phtocopy her sen file. i havent even had a verbal warning or disiplinary meeting and the incident was 11 days prior to this warning which i had no knowledge i was getting. the head has not said anything to me and didnt even give it me in my hand if i hadnt checked my pigion hole it would still have been there next term in 6 weeks.he has not even followed the disciplinary proceedure yet again the school has not gone about things right. seriously dissapointed with the school and way been treated now have this on my record.

[Zemanski]

please speak to a councellor from your union - you need to know your rights and any protocols.

 

trying to photocopy your daughters documents is definitely a no no if you haven't had permission, although you do have the right to ask to see those documents - see other threads on children's records - but he may be in the wrong about how he has disciplined you.

 

hope the holiday is fun

 

Zemanski

[elainem]

I would think the warning would not hold water if he did not hold a formal disciplinary hearing. At the very least he should have

 

- written to you telling you to come to a disciplinary hearing, the letter should have outlined the issues of concern, given you at least 24 hours notice (if not more), given you the statutory right of representation by a work colleague or trades union representative

 

- held a disciplinary hearing, in line with the schools disciplinary procedure

 

- written to you with his decision of what level of action he was issuing, with the right of appeal.

 

You need to contact the LEA or check your contract for the disciplinary procedure.

 

If you have been right of appeal in the letter, then appeal to the person it states in the letter and say the grounds for appeal are that they have not followed the disciplinary procedure or at least ACAS guidelines and that you have not been provided with your right to explain.

 

If there is no right of appeal in the letter, then appeal anyway - but not to the head. It is always the next level who you appeal to.

 

HTH Elaine