RYOUNG78 Report post Posted July 11, 2012 Have you ever tried to avoid somebody you know (who is a friend) when you see them in the street in order to avoid a social situation? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Special_talent123 Report post Posted July 11, 2012 i have when they are trying to pretend to be my friend, but they talk behind my back saying horrible things Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Linnet Report post Posted July 11, 2012 Yes, loads of times. I once hid behind some cars in a car park and I've also hidden under my umbrella! I also hide when friend's call at my house unexpectedly. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
indiscreet Report post Posted July 11, 2012 Many times - and afterwards I feel so ashamed and my self-esteems drops several levels. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Special_talent123 Report post Posted July 11, 2012 i try to alot though considering I feel panicky when I am out and about and if i want or need to get something done it has to be done and try and avoid it and concentrate what i am getting i dont like being out so much Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
robert7111a Report post Posted July 11, 2012 I don't have any friends to avoid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mike_GX101 Report post Posted July 11, 2012 (edited) This does happen to me. They must think I'm rotten if they ever spot me avoiding them! It's usually more often friends from the past, not that I have anything against them or anything...it's like meeting a new person/a stranger and having to break the ice and often that causes a communication block for me - always has, and I'm anxious that they will see that less confident side of me than what they know me as, thereby possibly breaking the union completely forever! I have also always avoided pubs and clubs (I will go if really pushed and enjoy the experience once I'm there). But just approaching the doors of pubs used to make me tremble. While I'm more confident now, I'll still often get to a pub door and suddenly be too nervous to enter/stay! I then go home and drink on my own! Another problem I have is when I'm with people for a long time and I often don't feel like talking...The effort required is just exasperating and I just don't speak. I've always had this and when I was younger it was much worse. Usually when people meet others for the first time it is exciting and fun...but when I met people for the first time often I just felt like I couldn't really be bothered...it seemed to take too much energy! So I then wouldn't get to know them and this used to put me at a huge disadvantage at school especially during the first term. Even talking in the street takes too much energy and when I bump into people I know it's usually just a quick "hello, how are you?" ! Edited July 11, 2012 by Mike_GX101 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
A-S warrior Report post Posted July 11, 2012 all the time, espeshilly when im not in the mood for talking and i just want to do my shopping or whatever. i will go to full lengths to avoid them, and make sure they dont spot me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lizzy-wilson Report post Posted July 11, 2012 I hate it when I spot someone walking my way from primary or secondary school...if they ever stop to talk I have know idea what to talk about...it's a lot worse when I'm in a bad mood. Luckly doesn't happen much Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mike_GX101 Report post Posted July 11, 2012 (edited) all the time, espeshilly when im not in the mood for talking and i just want to do my shopping or whatever. i will go to full lengths to avoid them, and make sure they dont spot me. Welcome to the club A-S Warrior! What's your real first name any way as we can't all keep calling you King of Kings or A-S Warrior? Meet us all half way and let us have a proper conversation without any perceived condescendence! Edited July 11, 2012 by Mike_GX101 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lyndalou Report post Posted July 11, 2012 One of the good things about wearing specs is that they can be used as a prop. I take them off, squint a lot and keep my head down and sometimes I get away with just looking blind . A while back I spotted the girl who instigated all the bullying against me in a previous job while I was shopping in Homebase. It was an absolute nightmare trying to avoid her in the aisles especially as the first couple of times I avoided her I could see she opened her mouth in readiness to say 'Hi' then it changed to a frown and then we were both resolutely staring through each other! Yes, she was originally someone I would have called a friend... A good way of avoiding people is to look very busy or walk fast like you need to be somewhere . Often I am so it might just be a nod or a smile and I get away without having to do the chit-chat. I'm indulging in too many avoidance tactics now though so it's obvious I am now also being avoided . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mandapanda Report post Posted July 12, 2012 I do this, and as far as I'm aware I do not have AS Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted July 12, 2012 I avoid people in the street... I feel such an idiot for avoiding them, or hiding when someone knocks on the door I hate answering the phone too.... I like the glasses idea Lyndalou - I can't see detail when I take mine off - but then I can't see if people are happy, angry, or whatever either so that might not be the best solution in the long run Although I will admit that when I've broken them and all I can see of people's faces is a blur of skin and massive dark circles where their eyes are - it does make it easier to look like I'm looking at them more normally... except I can't see if they are making a face at me for some reason or something... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
robert7111a Report post Posted July 12, 2012 I'm kinda the opposite, I "like" people (well I have to like people as I counsel people/parents etc every day in my job) but don't know how to approach them socially. There are many I would really love to meet socially but fear my lack of social skills will let me down and drive them away Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mike_GX101 Report post Posted July 12, 2012 Imagine too if you lived in a country where another language was spoken along side English but where most socialise in the foreign language. That creates an even taller barrier to my social life because I cannot speak that other language. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
robert7111a Report post Posted July 12, 2012 Just like body language is a foreign language to me. But you can learn a foreign language from a teacher, where can one obtain tutoring in BL? Mike_GX101, you write excellent English... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mike_GX101 Report post Posted July 12, 2012 (edited) Thanks - I should hope so given it's my first language! In answer to your question: Body Language is something you can teach yourself using the myriad of internet resources, not to mention all the books you can dish out from the library and from online stores like Amazon. You can then practice what you've picked up by watching films on silent and comparing your reasoning with the reality when you then replay them with the sound turned on. It always gets tricky though when certain movements can signify more than one meaning or when two actions contradict one another. Even worse is when you're in a game of poker and the others are experts in body language and throw out false signals. Still at least you can learn a little. Edited July 12, 2012 by Mike_GX101 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
robert7111a Report post Posted July 14, 2012 I've been trying books but it's not the same as interacting with a "real" person who can tell you if you do anything wrong Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Isobel Report post Posted July 14, 2012 Talking is often difficult for me. I stick to favourite subjects, and sometimes the effort to talk gets too much. Sometimes physically I can start stumbling over my words, and I have to start again. Bit like someone walking down a street and suddenly stumbling after a few steps. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mike_GX101 Report post Posted July 14, 2012 I've been trying books but it's not the same as interacting with a "real" person who can tell you if you do anything wrong Yes I see lots of people like this moping around with their hands on their heads as if the world's about to end. And yet right across the road from where they're sat is a huge library full of books and opportunity... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RYOUNG78 Report post Posted July 16, 2012 The friend in question is somebody I have known since Secondary School. We travel in on the same train line into London everyday (although very rarely on the same train). On a couple of occassions she has noticed me at the train station and called out my name. We meet up occassionally for lunch but I am always terified that I will meet her on the way from the car park to the train station and I cannot explain why. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
glc339 Report post Posted July 17, 2012 (edited) I did laugh when I read this thread, but only because I'm relieved to finally know I'm not the only one to do this! If I see someone I know unexpectedly, it sometimes feels like my body's natural "fight or flight" panic adrenaline kicks in as though I'm in a life or death situation, I have always known this is not normal but couldn't seem to change it. If I see someone in the street that I just consider an acquaintance from a long time ago, I will more than likely dodge them. If it's someone who I consider a proper friend then I'll usually try & get a grip of my self to say hello as it would be rude not to, but I must admit I have still dodged the odd one then felt really guilty about it! If I do acknowledge them I always hope that I will not get caught up in a conversation as I know I'll quickly run out of things to say & one way or another it will get awkward. I can never seem to just have a bit chit chat & then know how to end things at the correct time, I always leave feeling so awkward & think that the other person can see this. I even had a bit of a panic the other month when I bumped into a very good mate of mine that I hadn't seen for a while at the shops, but he was with his partner, which also seems to affect my reaction even more. They didn't see me so it was me that had to say hello, there was a very stressful few seconds where I just didn't know what to do then all of a sudden I blurted out hello. As usual I was rather awkward in conversation & I acted as though I was in a rush & needed to be moving on. Then after we said goodbye I beat my self up a bit wondering why I had to react to the situation like that. It wasn't until quite recently that I started reading up on ASD etc & finally realised that other people do actually have similar traits to my self & now I don't beat my self up about these things, it's just the way I've always reacted to these situations so theres no point in getting down about it. I can even have a chuckle about my self now. Edited July 17, 2012 by glc339 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shnoing Report post Posted July 24, 2012 There's some explanations about social situations in Kate Fox: Watching the English. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tanya52 Report post Posted July 27, 2012 (edited) Hi Shnoing, That's a good piece of advice. I think she's very informative, besides, an anthropological point of view is very appropriate in this discussion. I wouldn't try to avoid anyone if I’m well ( don't feel depressed or very tired). My depression harrowers my capabilities and brings some awkwardness in social interactions. Thus, I try to remember that there're at very least 2 points of view on any social encounter. If I'm lucky and feeling well I could model the POVs of others about me and trying to interpret their paralinguistic signals and verbal strategies to decode their intentions. Breaking my nutshell of internal stereotypes is not such a bad idea after all. Edited July 27, 2012 by Tanya52 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mike_GX101 Report post Posted July 28, 2012 (edited) Maybe it's a case of not being able to regulate our emotions that we're out of touch with and this means that when we do meet someone from long-time-past we are not sure what to do with that sudden flush of adrenaline caused by our elation/surprise/jubilation and our bodies go into fight/flight and we avoid it. Other people would of course embrace their long-time-lost friend and the emotions would be discharged and they'd probably go and have a drink and share some wonderful experiences and some not so good ones and then they'd part and be warmer inside for the encounter. Meanwhile we're drumming our fingers heavily on the table at home wondering what could have, should have been and we're hating ourselves for not allowing ourselves that opportunity and of course our emotions ever remain locked in a jar never getting the chance to be discharged, recycled and ultimately invigorated; we become locked in a kind of eternal void of what-could-have-been's. And that is quite depressing as we can only ever blame ourselves. Edited July 28, 2012 by Mike_GX101 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darkshine Report post Posted July 29, 2012 Meanwhile we're drumming our fingers heavily on the table at home wondering what could have, should have been and we're hating ourselves for not allowing ourselves that opportunity and of course our emotions ever remain locked in a jar never getting the chance to be discharged, recycled and ultimately invigorated; we become locked in a kind of eternal void of what-could-have-been's. And that is quite depressing as we can only ever blame ourselves. I can identify with that.... My aim is to find ways around this, cuz being trapped in that kind of thinking is not useful at all - the battle is slow and long so far... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
