Elder siblings

[smallworld]

Hi,

My 10 yr old son is getting kids coming up to him at school saying 'your brother's mental ' ( he is 5,and in mainstream infants attached to the juniors).

I have no rational thoughts as to what to what he should do, ignore it ? punch em ? (his idea) throw an insult back ?

To be honest, when he first told me of this, I laughed cos the kid who was saying it is totally out of control ( no other issues going on) and always in bother (last week was singing and dancing on his desk whilst the teacher had lost control of the class !)

Then, I stupidly said 'at least he's not psychopathic !' I know it's not big and it's not clever, but I was just sooooo mad

What would you advise a sibling to do when faced with these comments, I know how cruel kids can be, my elder two are hurt and a bit embarrassed I have to say.

My sensible head says to tell him to ignore any comments, my outraged head says to have a word with the juniors, my mother head says rip the kid's head off (not really, but you know what I mean ) and my overly passive head says 'oh, it'll all be ok'

Any ideas, experience of this (daft question !)

wac

Edited December 1, 2005 by waccoe

[Malika]

Hi Waccoe,

 

My experience of anything like this is to react quickly and talk to the school as it may goes away but it may not and then it will encourage other kids to do it, it may as well go to your younger one who may start to get funny staff from the younger sibbling of the "smart one who started it"

Waccoe I know it is tiring to have to fight every time but strike before it gets into proportion, beside if your 10 years old talk to you it is probably affecting him a great deal , the fact that the child saying it is out of controle may explain the pb may be somebody has said that to him and he is getting it to somebody else, you could point this out when you talk to the school, however if you really feel that kid does not have the capability to understand then it is another matter???

 

Take care. <'>

 

Malika.

[phasmid]

It is bullying, plain and simple. The school need to be told and the child needs to be stopped. He isn't really old enough to handle this himself - but the fact he has told you means that it must be upsetting him. I'm afraid all my other boys have had this because of phas jr. The other kids are the ones with the problem (and in some cases police cautions as well now). We report it to the police now as these children are over 10 and under certain laws (intended to be anti-stalking measures) they can be done for this. Whilst that may not be appropriate in this case the school should do something - but they can only do that if they know. Please tell them.

[fiorelli]

I would agree with the others. Go to the school and sort it out with the head/teachers any one and everyone!

 

Please do NOT leave it.

 

I am having problems where Lee (who is only 5) is getting bullied by children a lot older than himself as a direct result of Louis. He has changed from a happy bubbly, gain for a laugh boy who used to have a fantastic sense of humour and loved life, into this shadow of himself.

 

Please sort it out, and don't let your passive head win.

[lindy-lou]

i agree with all the other comments,this does need to be stopped for both your childrens sake but i have an alternative plan other than involving the teachers which could make this bullying child worse,you could invite him to your house for tea,have a nice friendly word with his parents first about what your trying to achieve and if they agree,you could let this boy see your son in his home enviroment and encourage him to be friendly and maybe slip in that you dont want your son to be bullied and maybe this boy would be ever so kind by taking care of him and keeping an eye on him,this approach can work wonders on a previously lets face it-ignorant child who knows know better to feel involved with your child in a constructive ,helpful way rather than it escalating even further,i know you cant do this with every child that may make a comment about your boy but even stopping one from doing it will be a small victory!good luck with whatever you do x

 

lynda x

[lisann]

Hi Wac

would agree with everything which has been said DON"T leave it it may only get worse.Put on your Mummy is going to sort this out head on and take no prisioners!!!

This is bullying and it needs stopping now!!!

 

Lisa x

[smallworld]

Thanks for your sensible advice,

I will ring school and arrange to go in and discuss this (and several other 'issues' !)

My 'sensible' head idea of telling him to ignore it,comes from always been told this as a child, and a fear of making things escalate if this particular boy gets it in the neck. I will mention this at school.

 

Something I forgot to mention is that it's quite likely this boy may have got this comment from his mother, She stands on the playground with a huddle of ****** who quite openly stare at my youngest son, (and talk about him, got this snippet from a friend who's a neighbour of one of the crows, I wished she hadn't told me !)

I certainly wouldn't approach the mother, she is far too 'hard'

It's like being back at school

 

It's a shame my youngest son is off school ill still, or I would have been up there today

I'll having to make do with complaining to the bbc for today's scrap (re. Little Britain trailer)

thanks for your support,

wac

[smallworld]

Hi,

Well I've been up to school and spoke to the class teacher

Other half came home early so I got chance to go up to school without the kids knowing.

I ended up when I got round to this topic. nothing new there I just find it really difficult to talk about this, even my anger couldn't quell the lump in my throat.

His teacher tells me she will deal with it, without letting on that I've been in.

She was very kind and glad that we had put her in the picture as to life at home. I did mention that I thought schools weren't always understanding of the pressures put on siblings of asd kids.

He now has permission to do his homework at school for now if he wishes.

I hope this nips it in the bud, but I'm not holding out much hope TBH

I then came home and wrote the parental advice for youngest's annual review.

what a day

 

wac

[Brook]

Hi Wac, <'> <'>

 

I really hope they manage to sort it. <'> <'>

 

You did make me giggle when you wrote in one of your posts about one of the mothers being 'too hard' why is it there is always a bunch of loud mouths on the playground, I used to hate that.

 

At least you have done the right thing, give them time and see if things improve, if they dont then get back in there.

 

Brook <'>

[phasmid]

Well done waccoe, its never easy to face those in charge of our children at school when things are going wrong. Hopefuly they will take this seriously and put a stop to it.