He's starting to isolate himself

[DaisyProudfoot]

At church yesterday it was packed - what with the run up to Christmas - and we were joined in our usual pew (hubby likes the same pew every week!) by two other families.

 

Anyway AS 9-yr old son decided this was too much for him but instead of acting up he asked if he could go and kneel nearer the altar - there's just a kneeler, no pew. We let him and he just spent the rest of the mass there - all alone - but well behaved.

 

This is his first instance of consciously isolating himself from awkward situations in order to avoid meltdown issues.

 

BUT is this a good thing .... or a bad thing?

 

Daisy

[DiabolicalSpoon]

I wouldn't have thought it's a bad thing. I often had to do the same when I was younger, and at the AS-school I attended a few years ago kids leaving for brief periods happened daily.

 

Haven't had that issue for a while now, although at Collectormania (sci-fi convention) earlier in the year I had to go outside for half an hour because the volume of people really got to me.

[nellie]

Daisy,

 

I don't think it's a bad thing. He obviously understood this was what he needed. You may see him as being 'all alone' he may see it as needing his own space. It's brilliant that he understood that and had the courage to ask.

 

Nellie xx

[barefoot wend]

I agree that I think it's good that he recognises possible stress factors and tries to find a way around them.

[Suze]

No don,t think it,s a bad thing to do at all.Personally I hate it if someone comes and sits with me, especially if they are a stranger.We go to church and always sit in the front pews (as no one ever sits there).So we are always left on our own.I used to hate people taking the seat next to me on the train, especially if there were other ones empty .

[Paula]

I think its a good thing also it shows hes becomeing aware of what it is triggers the meltdowns.

 

My son often turns his back on us we call it shunning us and doesnt speak or he goes to his room to as he puts it chill when things get on top of him.

I used to be offended now i find its better he does this than goes nutts and starts taking it out on me.Which he has done often via punching and hitting.

[oracle]

Your son is begining to understand what makes him tick and what makes him over load My son Matthew is 8 and is also begining to understand what he find difficult in fact he is now giving me loads of information about the things he finds difficult I am quite surprised at some of the things that he has worked out. One being that the illness that he has at the moment has probably been brought on by the stress of Christmas coming. Quite something for an 8 year old to work out. If only we could find a way round it all for them

 

Carole

[Guest flutter]

if it choice of loosing it or isolating then i go for isolating

[Elanor]

This is a good thing - he's exercising self-control, and showing some maturity. It is not the same thing as becoming isolated.

[Steve_colour-se7en]

Hello DaisyProudfoot and everyone,

 

 

Personally from experience I can see where he is coming from, sensory overloads affect us all in various ways, my son and myself have days like these, the fact you mention church - for instance our hearing like some people with Asperger Syndrome is very acute indeed, certain sounds (because of the hearing condition hyperacusis) for instance, certain sounds in church depending on the frequency will make the sound unbearable. I think in your son's case this is a positive thing - having AS myself I think you will find this is probably a coping strategy, he knows he has to be there and perhaps it's the only way he can cope with the situation. If you look for signs in similar and new situations in the future be observant and you may see him develop a new coping strategy to cope with the this new situation. As he gets older and becomes aware of different places to go and do he will use these strategies as best he can, both my son and myself do. If it's been something new or something we have attempted to do, once home we more often than not seek quiet time in order to help ease any sensory overload. If you require any information on Hyperacusis please post me.

 

Steve..

 

I think the boy means well but he is distinctly inclined to be inattentive......

Tutor of Winston Churchill to Lord Randolph Churchill,

Winston's father

[DaisyProudfoot]

Thanks for all the replies folks. <'>

 

We had one of his monthly meetings with his psychiatrist today and I mentioned the thing in church. He praised Martin and said pretty much what you all said that it was good because he was identifying times when he was getting pent-up and separating himself from them. He has asked Martin to continue to do this as a part of his anger management therapy.

 

We're also trying to start the self management plan again! It failed miserably the last time, lasted just three days, hopefully if it's his psychiatrist telling him how important this is to his future it might just work. Psychiatrist explained to him that when you have AS a routine plan is a good idea because it reduces the stress levels which cause meltdowns etc, he advised Martin that this should be a lifetime thing and that routines should become part of his life in order to help him organise himself.

 

We've changed the plan by taking out the times and just leaving it as a list with TV as a reward at the end if he completes all the tasks. Fingers crossed, it starts tomorrow, to get him into routine before school starts next week.