Does my best friend have HFA?

[Jason6404]

hey, I'm 18, I have AS, I think that my best friend has HFA, he's like the opposite of me, everything I'm good at he's really not, like computers, math, and same for me... fine coordination,

 

I notice too that he dosent have the best verbal skills.

 

and if it's not autism what is it?

[Elanor]

Hi Jason

 

Really, it's very difficult for anyone (including professionals) to tell if someone is on the autistic spectrum. Lots of us suspect it of friends, and especially family (because there's a genetic connection) - but one thing's for sure, we rarely tell them what we're thinking.

 

That's because it can be hurtful to analyse our friends to their faces. Perhaps, if you work on the basis that your friend does have autistic traits, you can try to be especially tolerant of anything he does that you see as odd, and also try to help him as much as you can. That way you'll be able to grow your friendship, and be a good friend to him.

 

Elanor

Edited February 17, 2006 by Elanor

[Jason6404]

hey, thanx, yeah it's no problem for me or nothing, we get along really good, he does some odd things but it's nothing. And if anythying, it's him that helps me lol, he's a really good friend. I was jus curious cause we get along fine and everything, and usually thats not that case with me and any NT, I though maybe cause we live by the same social rules and what not, but I dont think so cause he keeps to himself a lot but I remember him bringing up something to me about being able to tell when a girl likes him the first minute she talks to him. I notice that he has good social skills too, much better then mine at least. Another factor that puts him into autism is that he has pretty bad verbal skills and a low IQ, The opposite of me. I'm also really good with computers and math, and he's really not, I'm at his house every second day fixing his computer lol.

 

I notice too that he's really good with his coordination, another opposite to me, I remember, the first time he tried, he rolled a perfect joint! something I still can't do to this day. I also notice that he's pretty good in sports unlike me.

 

He can also easily get a girlfriend. and as you can problably guess, I can't. I'm 18 years of age and I never came close to a girl in my life, nothing more then a friendly touch. I know it sucks, I deal with this pain everyday. knowing I can't get a girlfriend because I'm too dysfunctional. I dont even try anymore.

 

But anyways, back on the topic, I was just curious, is there a certain type of personality that typically gets along really good with aspies.

 

Like is there another syndrome that has traits that are somewhat the opposite of AS?

 

I dont know, but it's a hard call, he has some autistic traits but some stuff can't be explained. But one things for sure, I know he has to have something, cause he wouldn't be my best friend any other way, it just dosent work that way with NTs.

Edited February 17, 2006 by Jason6404

[Tanya Glass]

hey, thanx, yeah it's no problem for me or nothing, we get along really good, he does some odd things but it's nothing. And if anythying, it's him that helps me lol, he's a really good friend. I was jus curious cause we get along fine and everything, and usually thats not that case with me and any NT, I though maybe cause we live by the same social rules and what not, but I dont think so cause he keeps to himself a lot but I remember him bringing up something to me about being able to tell when a girl likes him the first minute she talks to him. I notice that he has good social skills too, much better then mine at least. Another factor that puts him into autism is that he has pretty bad verbal skills and a low IQ, The opposite of me. I'm also really good with computers and math, and he's really not, I'm at his house every second day fixing his computer lol.

 

I notice too that he's really good with his coordination, another opposite to me, I remember, the first time he tried, he rolled a perfect joint! something I still can't do to this day. I also notice that he's pretty good in sports unlike me.

 

He can also easily get a girlfriend. and as you can problably guess, I can't. I'm 18 years of age and I never came close to a girl in my life, nothing more then a friendly touch. I know it sucks, I deal with this pain everyday. knowing I can't get a girlfriend because I'm too dysfunctional. I dont even try anymore.

 

But anyways, back on the topic, I was just curious, is there a certain type of personality that typically gets along really good with aspies.

 

Like is there another syndrome that has traits that are somewhat the opposite of AS?

 

I dont know, but it's a hard call, he has some autistic traits but some stuff can't be explained. But one things for sure, I know he has to have something, cause he wouldn't be my best friend any other way, it just dosent work that way with NTs.

 

 

I think what you have to do here is 'find yourself' pretty rubbish thing to say, if I may jump straight in, the idea of girlfriends comes over time as you emotional mature and your confidence grows it will come good.

 

Try looking less at syndromes and enjoy life, I do not mean thta in a flippant way, just enjoy getting along with people, social interaction. Correct me if i am wrong, but you seem to lack self confidence, don't! You are who you are, have belief in yourself.

 

The reason you cannot get a girlfriend is not becuase you are dysfunctional, it just has not happened yet, my most serious and meaningful realtionships did not happen well into my twenties, i was always the ugly duckling at school, shy, unsure, over time, just learn to be yourself (that is key).

 

The old cliche of like yourself and others will too is true, believe me.

 

As for your friend. well you are young, it's a crazy world at the best of times and making sense of it is hard, especially if you do not fit in according to the rules of society. Don't look at syndromes, disorders as answers, they pose more questions in dx than they ever do as an assumption, as much as they might give some piece of mind.

 

Obviously you know your friend and if he is displaying obvious problems then seek help. You seem a pretty aware person, hopefully as his friend it will help him.

 

Be aware of a false dx though, don't label him, the damage done by a dx without evidence can tear you apart, the damage done to myself and others from a false is immense, it's the kind of thing that is hard to go back on, be prepared to amend your views as you go along, which I am sure you will do.

 

I know it is patronising, sorry apologies, but enjoy life, enjoy been young and enjoy finding who you are and who others are.

 

You seem very confused, I hope you work through this and find some peace.

 

 

Take Care

 

james

[Jason6404]

I used to be exacly like that, I would try to enjoy myself in social situations, but I'd make an idiot of myself or/and get into a fight.

 

I'm afraid that being myself isn't going to cut it on this pathetic planet.

 

I liked myself at a time, but I also had more NTs then ever hate me at that time. so here I am now, 18 years of constant insults, laughter towards me, getting beat up constantly, 2 suicide attempts, I have problems beyond beleive caused from my past and from when I was born. mentally, emotionally, socially, you name it, I got it. I don't even think like a human anymore. Now I've turned into a machine, talk, act, move, everything I do is like a script, I have to debate for like 5 minutes on wheather or not to say or do something in a social situation. I have no choice, if not, the NTs will get me one way or another.

 

I'm also hypersensitive to almost all of my sensory imputs. I hate it, I hate certain smells, I can't eat at least half of all the foods, I had an eating disorder for 5 years. I freak out if someone touches me. I can't sleep if theres a little noise

 

 

for someone like me, enjoying life is not an option. I hate to say it, but my internal wiring dosent give me any other choice.

 

NTs are like the predators to me, they have little antennas that pick up on their pray.

 

 

you might tell me that I need help, but help wont do nothing. The only thing that can take my pain away is to disapear, to die. I know someday I'll eventually have enough will power to commit suicide, I hope that day is soon.

[nellie]

Jason <'> <'>

 

You are accepted here. You are amongst friends, ASD and N/T.

 

Nellie <'> <'>

[Elanor]

Oh Jason, it frightens and saddens me to read how sad you are, and that you think such negative things. You are with friends here, and you can say how you feel - but remember, that it is ok to look for help - and sometimes you find it.

 

There's such a lot to look forwards to in life - you have to trust in that, and give it time. 18 is a tough age - but you will get through it, and sooner than you might think. There are so many people with AS who have fulfilling and happy lives - even if they find things harder than NTs do. My brother isn't diagnosed, but I believe he has AS - and he found a lovey quiet and patient girl to marry, and they are happy together - but most people never thought he's find anyone. He's also quite a bit better off than me, because he used his (autistic) skills to create a computer programme that only he really understands, and has been very successful.

 

Take care

 

Elanor

 

Ps - watch out for the joints, they aren't great for mental health.

[Kathryn]

Jason,

 

<'>

I'm sorry that you feel the way you do. The people who gave you a hard time in the past and insulted you, they aren't normal people, they are small minded scumbags who feel it necessary to hurt other people in order to make themselves feel good. Don't let the memories of these past experiences ruin your life. I can assure you there are NT people out there who are OK, people who will accept you as you are.

 

I have a daughter who has AS and went through a similar experience of feeling that she was always playing a part and couldn't be herself. She was laughed at and teased constantly too, and became very depressed. Now, slowly she is getting her confidence back and learning that she's OK as she is, even if it means she appears a bit "different" to a lot of people.

 

I hope that this will happen for you too, and that you won't always feel the world is such a hostile place. From what you've said about yourself, you have many talents and you have at least one good friend: that counts for a lot.

 

If you're ever feeling really low, please please talk to somebody about it. There are people who can understand and help you through it.

 

Kathryn.

[Suze]

<'> ..........Hello Jason, my son has ASD.This has really helped me to see the world through different eyes.I,m not so quick to judge people now.I believe my son is happier with people like himself and who have knowledge and experience of ASD.All those people who have been cruel to you are simply ignorant.You must,nt let them destroy who you are.There are people out there that will love you for who you are.I hope you continue to use this forum you will find many friends here. <'> Suzex.

[Jason6404]

hey, sry about being so negative, elanors right, I really do need to lay off the joints. I used to be a lot more depressed. ut it's not that bad anymore, I'm actually starting to get better at social skills and what not. over the last 6 months, I did really good. I have more friends and I'm not always depressed. <'>

Edited February 18, 2006 by Jason6404

[Jason6404]

thanx you guys, <'>

 

oh, hey elanor that pic is cute lol, I like cats. I have 4 of them lol, they mean everything to me.

Edited February 19, 2006 by Jason6404

[Guest hallyscomet]

Hello Jason <'>

 

I have a son who is 18 and he feels like you sometimes. He like you is lucky to have a great friend like yours. There are a lot of AS & NT here waiting to talk with you anytime...Reading the posts above is what is so lovely and unique about this forum - they all understand and speak your language. You are not alone <'> <'> I come here from Australia because I found all the AS sights in Australia are geared to support families of newly diagnosed AS kids. Many of us have teen children and you will find people of many ages on the spectrum here. Teens and adults. I really like what Tanya Glass said, just enjoy being YOU, not a label.

 

Some of the best people in the world are on the Spectrum, like Bill Gates Microsoft, Keanu Reeves 'The Matrix" Kerry Packer richest man in Australia (recently deceased almost 70) Tom Cruise, Whoopi Goldberg, Einstein, Bach, Mozart ......many more can't think off the top of my head.

 

My sons doctor says like Tanya Glass(James) says: age is good to AS kids, as you get older a lot of the difficulties will disappear as you mature, there are many healthy happily married AS people. As for career, you will find your passion as you get older.

 

Also like Kathryn says, many of those bad school memories are really not a reflection of who you are. In all reality I have learned, anyone that gets nasty or personal to you that upsets you, is really giving out to you, whatmight be constantly dished out to them, maybe they are bullied by older siblings or parents don't give a toss about them, then there you are all you kids with all your histories rolled together at school and immaturity and tempers and Puberty and PMT things can get really heated and nasty. They say many teens between the age of thirteen and 15 become unwired as they go through puberty and even their parents will tell you, my once beautiful child has turned into a tyrant. so no wonder you are feeling a little bit bruised. You have a very good memory of the bad things, as they are still so fresh to you.

 

Can I say my two and 18 year old with ASD and a 16 year old with Epilepsy have had their share of ups and downs, what I felt really helps is doing exactly what you have done today, talk in an environment where you feel safe,like here, or even a journal, then go and find a quiet place and say a prayer and say God may I pass all my fears and worries up to you, I need your help with this, then be patient, and in someway shape or form the answers will come to you. I say let go let God. Trust......

 

Keep a happy journal - go into Amazon books on the web, type in 'Goal Setting" read some of the blurb....go away and write some little goals for yourself....even a list....."What do I like to do when I get bored...." write it down, and when you are having a bad day, read this, you will never be lonely, as you will see what makes you happy and do it........enjoy it.......love it......

 

Sorry about the essay keep posting, many friends here

 

Hailey from

The Land Down Under - Australia

Edited February 19, 2006 by hallyscomet

[Tanya Glass]

I was very mixed up at 18 - had a huge amount of personal issues to sort out reuslting from my fmaily situation, reading what you wrote I remember feeling exactly the same.

 

It's not easy and in modern society a pressure is put on us to perform, to be normal, to be a certain something. We live in a crazy world of assumptions, labelling and an expectation to perfrom.

 

Drugs certainly don't help, i was not involved in drugs but I did get ionvolved in something that was hugely addictive and something that changed my life, my beliefs and even my friends and whilst there were many postitive aspects to it, to this day I still carry the baggage. In other words the answers are there, it just takes courage and foresight to find them and if you don't find them, have fun along the way!

 

You will find that no matter how weird, how different you are or even how isolated you feel, there are many people who feel the same or accept you for you are, whilst it is hard to ignore a feeling of isolation, I know from experience that friendships, relationships they all give you the life experience and education which goes some way not just to understanding yourself but the world.

 

No one would say, well just pull yourself together, or just get over it, but as the old saying goes, the glass is eitheir half full or half empty, go for the half full.

 

James

Edited February 19, 2006 by Tanya Glass

[ceecee]

Jason

 

There are many people with a.s. who take longer to mature than so called n.t. people.However many many people on the spectrum go on to live completely normal and fullfilling lives.They have a job, house get married etc etc.

 

Sometimes it just takes them a bit longet to get there but you will get there in the end no matter what you have or haven't got.

 

Like has allready been said many people with a.s are fantastically talented particularly in computers.

 

You will find your niche in life and you wont look back.

 

All the best. <'> <'> <'>

 

 

I don't post here very often these days although i come on to read the posts but i really felt for you.Hang in there.

[Jason6404]

yeah, I know, one problem that I have that will problably do me in tho is my eating disorder, I would get treatment but it wont help, I was born with eating problems because of my sensory issues, I remember having a problem with food as far back as I was young. I really dont know what to do about that. Cause my teeth are starting to decay because of it and I'm starting to get sudden heart palpitations wich keep getting worse, it's sad to have this at the age of 18, I'm crying right now because of it, I can't stand up anymore without feeling faint. I think I'm done for soon.

 

and if you look at my posts you can problably tell that I'm bi-polar too.

Edited February 19, 2006 by Jason6404

[phasmid]

Jason, I really think you may need to talk to someone about this tonight. Can I suggest you look here?

[Jason6404]

thanx phasmid, it's just that samaritans dont have the knowledge to understand my problems, they go way beyond what an uneducated person could understand, much less repair. I dont even think there is a way to fix this. ah well, I brought this on myself, I dont wanna waste no samaritans time for this. someday tho, it'll finally do me in.

Edited February 19, 2006 by Jason6404

[Brook]

Jason,

 

maybe it may help just to have a talk with them.

 

Brook <'>

[Tanya Glass]

thanx phasmid, it's just that samaritans dont have the knowledge to understand my problems, they go way beyond what an uneducated person could understand, much less repair. maybe in my next life.

 

by uneducated I assume you mean in the academic sense, I think you will find that in a life sense they will more than suffice.

 

None of us are beyond understnading, in fact we are all often very simple to work out. You have a blunt and stark choice, coming here and talking about problems is fine, but you must be prepared to go beyond that, lots of people are very concerned for you here.

 

I really hope you get the help you need, your self image and self view is leading you down a very dangerous path, hope you find some intermal peace.

 

James

Edited February 19, 2006 by Tanya Glass

[Jason6404]

yeah I guess so, it's just that I felt like I was on my own for a while, I tried my parents, they just think i'm an idiot. it's cause I could tell that my mom has a PDD too and shes really hard headed, I try to tell her and she just tells me that I'm telling her that because I want to be put on a drug. and I dont think my dad would care or do anythnig knowing that he lives in another province. So I'm pretty much on my own. I know there is somewhere out there where I can get help, but I dont know where.

[Brook]

Jason,

 

Could you talk things through with your GP? he may be able to direct you to someone that is

able to help you.

 

Brook <'>

[Guest hallyscomet]

Jason,

Don't forget you always have friends here who understand what you are going through, and will be there to support you, if you need to talk.

 

Go into the Off Topic part of this forum, you will find a lot of teens there, perhaps you could introduce yourself in there, let them know about how old you are, so they come out of the woodwork to say hi.

 

Keep posting, going to the GP can help if you feel you need a medication and your mum isn't listening. I know my 18 year old son would love to chat with you, perhaps I could get him on here in the next few days he might PM you his MSN.

 

He has a friend who is feeling on the outer because he needs meds but his mum doesn't believe in them, but even my son who is on meds, says,QUOTE: he worries about his friend, his life could be so much easier if he took meds like me. his friend does things and misconstrues things because of not taking the meds. He gets all angry and goes into his cave for weeks. A few months ago,he got a whole lot of friends offside as he was angry about something, turned out he had a problem with his computer and couldn't fix it, so he asked one of the mates could hecome over and fixit as this friend knewexactly what todo, but.....then got really pissed with this mate because he wouldn't come over and help him fix it........, but the problem was,..... was his mate was in Year 12 and right in the middle of the end of year exams he was so stressed and couldn't even begin to think about helping to fixhis friends computer...... and this ASD boy couldn't understand this without thinking it was something personal, and took it as personal. Which was really sad as things got progressively worse because.......He then turned on three others, my son felt sad, as he wanted to help him, but his friend needed to work this one out for himself. He needed to realise that it was the exams the others were behaving like this but couldn't process it. Then became overwhelmed with anger, and told them all to sod off!!!!

 

This happened last September, he has only now come back into the circle, the others have finished their exams and all have calmed down, and are mates again........all the guys love him, but he was just so angry he needed time out to realise it, and thank god he is back.

 

I felt so bad for him also as 5 of them were over here for the day and I said hey, don't you think we could invite.....? over and sort this out, they all said no,.......as he had verbally abused all of them........ and they were all stressed as they were doing their exams.

 

My boy now 18 had to pull out in Year 11 because of Anxiety and problems with ASD they are all computer geeks, and enjoy going to a computer LAN every month where up to 200 of these teens go to the University they all take their computers along, and tables and networks are set up for them to hook into and play games.

 

Do you have any of that over there? We are in Australia it is so popular,

 

Hailey

Edited February 20, 2006 by hallyscomet

[baddad]

yeah I guess so, it's just that I felt like I was on my own for a while, I tried my parents, they just think i'm an idiot. it's cause I could tell that my mom has a PDD too and shes really hard headed, I try to tell her and she just tells me that I'm telling her that because I want to be put on a drug. and I dont think my dad would care or do anythnig knowing that he lives in another province. So I'm pretty much on my own. I know there is somewhere out there where I can get help, but I dont know where.

 

 

Jason , we have provided a couple of links to places that could help, but you have not chosen to use them. What I CAN tell you is that -with the best will in the world - neither the moderators of this forum nor the users (to my knowledge) have the expertise to help in these areas, and however unpopular this might be with some members I would ask you to seek support from more appropriate resources with regard to your depression... That does not imply that we do not 'care', but I hope you will appreciate we are not a resource equipped with the kind of skills to address such issues.

 

Very Very best wishes, and - these factors aprt - I hope the forum will continue to be a useful resource to you.

 

L&P

BD

[Malika]

Hi Jason

 

Sorry to read that life is such a struggle for you at the moment, I think you really should try to talk to your GP there must be where you live a "mental health adviser" (it is a new initiative from the NHS there is one in my surgery) when you get an appointment with this adviser he or she can direct you to people who can help you.

 

Please if you feel that way do not ignore it there is nothing wrong in getting help from professional.

Which does not mean that you should not keep posting on the forum.

 

All the best Jason.

 

Malika.

[Guest hallyscomet]

Hi Jason,

 

I have just sent you a PM

 

Regards

Hailey <'>