Really feeling low - daughter can be so aggressive

[sue45]

I'm feeling really let down at the moment - H was finally dx just before xmas at age 13 after an extremely lengthy process. There was a sense of relief that finally we might get some help. In short, there has been no help and a general lack of interest, though not sympathy. The trouble is, sympathy doesn't really do anything to help us.

 

I was asked if I wanted my name putting down for a course on dealing with ASD children/adolescents and i said yes. I now find my name was never put on any list and I will probably have to wait until the next one comes up. (This isn't the first thing that's gone astray during this lengthy process). Meanwhile, my problems are not getting any less.

 

I have told my GP, the paed, and others that H's meltdowns are violent (she hits, spits, bashes furniture and doors) and very scary for both of us.

 

We've had two bad ones this weekend, I have scratches on my hands and bruises up my arms from fending her off and I'm drained and at the end of my tether. I feel like running away only I can't because I'm the only person H has got. Sometimes the pressure of that is too much. I actually want a life for myself, too. I feel lonely and at a loss as to what you have to say or do to get people to take you seriously.

 

I rang the paed on friday (after the dx seh said cheerio, see you in 8 or 9 months, my face dropped and `i said to her then, but how do I cope with the meltdowns? She mumbled somethin about it being difficult and told me she would put our names down for Family Thereapy if I liked, which I agreed to) andyway, i rang her friday to reiterate things aren't going well and I've heard nothing from FT. All I seem to get is 'Oh dear' and I can't really suggest anything. What was the point of going through dx if there's no help out there?

 

Sorry to sound so negative, but I'm really struggling at the moment - it doesn't help that the peope `i work for haven't been paying me on time and money is short as it is. Everything just seems to be crumbling around my ears, (literally, there'll soon be nothing left of the ###### house if we don't sort out the violence).

 

Does anyone have any suggestions please?

 

Sue

 

xx

[jb1964]

Hi Sue,

 

Really feel for you. My daughter has these - and it is so draining both physically and mentally - she usually digs her nails all up my arms and hands as she won't let me go.

 

The CPN was actually here once when she went off on one - and everything she suggested (she talked me through) didn't work - at the end she said that she has been trained in giving advice etc etc but at the end of the day all children are different and she said she felt totally useless just watching her being so aggressive towards me and there was nothing she nor I could do to stop it.

 

We've been told there is no help at all after diagnosis although the CPN is visiting every 3weeks for self awareness info for my daughter (she's 12yrs and only diagnosed Nov 05).

 

If I try to talk to my daughter after she has calms down she gets so upset because she's hurt me that she just won't talk and I know if I pressurised her into it we'd probably have another one.

 

I know sometimes I can deal with it better than others - certain times I just completely fall apart as I don't feel strong enough to cope with it. We have very little time to ourselves away from the situation as we've only got my mum and dad to look after the kids and I work full time so don't like to ask them on top of that.

 

Try ringing your GP again - or is there someone else who can ring for you (I know when I'm feeling particularly low I probably couldn't talk to the GP without crying!!).

 

Is there anyone who can give you a few hours break and get away from it all - even if it's just a very long walk by yourself.

 

I'm sure someone will post soon offering some really good advice.

 

Chin up,

[DaisyProudfoot]

<'> <'> <'> Sue

 

The meltdowns and aggression is so very awful and on top of it you've got the natural teenage puberty problems to handle too. But I know you don't want sympathy, you want advice.

 

Whe I got to the end of my tether with my AS son's meltdowns (he's 9) I went through all the normal channels and eventually in despair rang the psychiatrist who gave the original dx.

 

I explained that the reason we wanted the dx was to help deal with his severe aggression problems, now thanks to her I had it but we were no further forward. There must be someone out there who could help, couldn't she just make a few calls. Meanwhile I was doing lots of this

 

I also added that he was becoming not just a danger to himself but to those around him and that was not a good thing. Anyway she did pull some strings and got him in with a behavioural therapist within a matter of months. We both attend the sessions and it is helping.

 

Just keep on at 'em, they have a lot of people on their books and if you don't keep at 'em they'll soon put you on the back burner. Be a pain in the backside ... they'll soon give you what you want and get rid of you. E-mailing the peadetrician a lot works too

 

Good luck and don't react to your daughter's aggression with aggression it doesn't work.

[Flora]

Sue I had pretty much the same thing. CAMHS even took my son off their files; and just looked blankly at me when I asked about getting help for dealing with his melt downs. They only did something last year when he became suicidal; suddenly we have lots of help from CAMHS but I am annoyed that things had to get so bad before they gave us that help.

 

Keep plugging away.

 

And I know it doesn't really help at all, but have some of these <'> <'>

[researchboffin]

I'm feeling really let down at the moment - H was finally dx just before xmas at age 13 after an extremely lengthy process. There was a sense of relief that finally we might get some help. In short, there has been no help and a general lack of interest, though not sympathy. The trouble is, sympathy doesn't really do anything to help us.

 

I was asked if I wanted my name putting down for a course on dealing with ASD children/adolescents and i said yes. I now find my name was never put on any list and I will probably have to wait until the next one comes up. (This isn't the first thing that's gone astray during this lengthy process). Meanwhile, my problems are not getting any less.

 

I have told my GP, the paed, and others that H's meltdowns are violent (she hits, spits, bashes furniture and doors) and very scary for both of us.

 

We've had two bad ones this weekend, I have scratches on my hands and bruises up my arms from fending her off and I'm drained and at the end of my tether. I feel like running away only I can't because I'm the only person H has got. Sometimes the pressure of that is too much. I actually want a life for myself, too. I feel lonely and at a loss as to what you have to say or do to get people to take you seriously.

 

I rang the paed on friday (after the dx seh said cheerio, see you in 8 or 9 months, my face dropped and `i said to her then, but how do I cope with the meltdowns? She mumbled somethin about it being difficult and told me she would put our names down for Family Thereapy if I liked, which I agreed to) andyway, i rang her friday to reiterate things aren't going well and I've heard nothing from FT. All I seem to get is 'Oh dear' and I can't really suggest anything. What was the point of going through dx if there's no help out there?

 

Sorry to sound so negative, but I'm really struggling at the moment - it doesn't help that the peope `i work for haven't been paying me on time and money is short as it is. Everything just seems to be crumbling around my ears, (literally, there'll soon be nothing left of the ###### house if we don't sort out the violence).

 

Does anyone have any suggestions please?

 

Sue

 

xx

[florrie]

Hi sue I'm really sorry you are having to go through this alone without more constructive support and advice do you know what is causing the melt down eg is she stressed by something she is unable to communicate, I don't know what else advice to give except my thoughts are with you.. My son's problem and agression i used to feel were caused by not being able to cope and being overloaded but its become more serious now so it is difficult to know.

[Paula]

i know its not the same my daughters 14 and NT.

 

But like Daisy says youll have the normal teenage stufff on top of the As.So im comeing at it from the teenage angle.

 

My daughter had terrible terrible tantrums between the age of 11 and 14.They only stopped recently.Shed fly of the handle,kick things and attack me.I also had to fend her off.She also did a bit of self harming into the bargaine shed cut her arms and she tore up her clothes.I was at my wits end.

 

I used to phone parentline.There very good at provideing an annoynimus listening ear and dont judge. I also went after a lot of heartache to my gps and sought help.Then approached the school.Teenage girls are by nature weather Nt or As wild crazy moody and at times agressives people.Hormones all over the place dont help.

 

I found it best not to react not always easy to just let her vent it all on me.If i argued back i just made it all worse as my temper took over and a full blown fight would ensure.

 

Its not easy they arent any ansers i guess whether youre kids As or nt combine that with being a teenager and its a liveing hell at times.

 

<'> <'>

[researchboffin]

Hi Sue,

Don't let the b**t*rds get you down!

First, I really know what it is like for you as I have been through similar with ASD stepson on several occasions. It is really scary isn't it?

What I have finally had to do is remember that I exist too.

Firstly, you need to see your GP about you and how it affects you and spell it out that you cannot cope on your own. This is really hard because you feel that you should be able to and that you feel a sense of failing having to admit that you cannot cope alone.But it is important that you can give your best to your daughter and clearly these sort of incidents drain you and probably your daughter also feels awful afterwards

It is jolly hard to be a teenager if everything is going well as there is so much confusion about the changes taking place. If as I suspect there are other adverse factors at play that are causing the overload then you need to try to identify them.

Firstly she may be being bullied or picked on. J behaved very similarly at same age and we subsequently found all his lunch money was being stolen and he was being beaten up by older boys on a daily basis.

Also, as secondary school kicks in there can be a serious problem as the teaching method and course content are not usually right for an ASD in mainstream. Homework for example used to cause stress as he had not understood what he was doing or how to do it. And whole class teaching is a nightmare for ASDs.

Also she may want to be like her peer group but is finding that she is being shunned or is becoming aware that she is different.

You need to choose your moments for communicating to get the best results. You also need to allow your d lots of personal spaceso that she can get away from everyone if she is stressing out rather than have to be with others that makes it worse for her to control.

I am not sure if your daughter realises that you are on her side. This is really important. I am never on the side of the school or the doctors or anyone else. You are there for her and you are absolutely vital in that role as the loving mum. You are not the authority figure or the rule maker you are mum. You may feel that you are not appreciated. Tough! maybe you are not but you still got to stick in there.

Next, what diet is your daughter following ? This can adversely affect her ability to function at her best if it is not optimised.

You also need to consider whether meds might help her mood.

Now you need to get out the chain mail armour and go back to her GP and say excuse me but I need support for coping with my daughter. I am not prepared to be a punchbag because you cannot do your job might be a bit strong but if you are getting nowhere you may need to get tough. You may even have to consider changing her GP to one that is better able to meet her needs.

Also you should get an assessment done by SS for your daughter. I know it is a double edged sword and we have to watch for the SW trying to blame the parent for the child. A v common occurrence.

Also, are you in touch with any local support groups. Do you have any access to respite care so you can recharge your batteries and give child rearing your best shot.

Are there any buddy type arrangements that could share the load with you. MIND sometimes do this sort of thing and sometimes local carers groups organise it as well.

If you get stuck in the bureaucratic glue pot you can also contact your MP. They can sometimes push buttons in the right places to get you help you need.

Sorry if this seems a lot.

Feel for what you are going thru <'>

If you want to go into more detail and I can help I will happy to take a PM or email neunbar9@aol.com

[sue45]

Thanks jb1964, Daisyproudfoot, Lauren, Florrie, Paula and Research boffin for your support and advice (and sympathy Daisyproudfoot! - it is nice really but you expect more than that from the professionals).

 

About 2 hours ago I had gotten round to answering each of you individually - took me ages! - then had to get tea ready as H was getting rather impatient and I lost it all!!

 

As a couple of you said, it's the underlying things like peer pressure, school, hormones etc (overload, thanks Florrie) that are the cause of the stress that cause the meltdowns. H does really well fitting in but pays a high price for that afterwards. I've tried discussing with her ways of countering the stress - sometimes I'm not aware until she blows that she's stressed out - or ways she can destress before it gets to that point but she says she doesn't know she's feeling like that until it happens. Like your daughter, jb1964, she gets really upset afterwards and doesn't acknowledge really that she's hurt me. Doesn't acknowledge AS either which makes it difficult to talk to her about it.

 

It's such a sensitve age - it's hard enough being 13 without hormones raging without having AS on top. She likes to socialise, but is really limited to her two cousins who are 12 &14 and she finds it stressful even though she wants to participate.

 

Researchboffin, you gave me food for thought and some great advice - thanks. Her diet is pretty healthy, so i don't htink it's that. I will certainly be contacting my gp and pushing the paed some more.

 

Thanks again, it really helps to have someone to tell it to who understands exactly how `i'm feeling.

 

Lauren, Daiyproudfoot, what kind of help do you now get and how helpful is it combatting meltdowns?

 

Thank you all so much.

 

Sue

 

xx

[hev]

i thought once steve had been dx all this help and support would magically appear,it never!!i was talking to 2 mums tonight and they had no support either,i was just given a prescription for ritalin and waved away,i find the meltdowns horrendous,if i shout back its a 100 times worse,we have had physical fights in the past which is not right,havent had any for ages now thank god,i dont want to be fighting with a 12 year old,hes my son,i love him loads but when my house has been at its worse its been a living hell,CAHMS have recently started helping me,i had to keep pushing and phoning them,what i need most is respite but ss say he doesnt fit the criteria,hes not disabled enough luckily i have a supportive partner and lovely parents,i would cope if i was on my own but to be honest i dont think very well,ive no answers but just to say i do know how you feel,keep ringing these people,if you dont ring them they forget about us,make a nuisance of yourself,i dont have to tell them my name now at cahms and they know its me on the phone

[florrie]

also it occured to me after if you are having financial problems, I don't know whteher you are getting disability living allowance, which you should claim if you are not already doing so.

[DaisyProudfoot]

Sue, sending you a PM

[sue45]

Hi Hev, thanks, I can really relate to this. I do keep calm most of the time as I've learned like you it;'s no good shouting back because it makes matters worse. Can I ask, what kind of support you get?

 

Florrie, i haven't applied for DLA - the paed mentioned it in passing but didn't seem to think we would be eligable as H goes to mainstream school and on less serious end of spectrum. I sort of went Eh? when she said this (it sure seems serious to me sometimes) but I know there are people in much worse situations than I am. I think I'm so used to muddling along by myself it's hard to start asking for help even though we have the dx now as I've managed(?) so far. But you're right, I should do this, thanks again.

 

Sue

 

xx

[DaisyProudfoot]

Sue,

 

My son goes to mainstream school and he is also on the less severe end of the spectrum but I still get higher rate DLA for personal care and lower rate for mobility because Martin is a danger to himself and those around him due to his aggression, violence and general inability to listen to orders. He also needs a lot more supervision than an NT child of the same age, even to the point that I sometimes rely on his twin sister to look out for him.

 

 

 

He also has very erratic sleeping patterns which is also significant when applying for DLA. Ring them and apply - what have you got to lose? (Except days of sanity filling in 57 pages )

Edited February 28, 2006 by DaisyProudfoot

[sue45]

Hi Daisy,

 

Thanks for pm - very encouraging (I've pm back). And thanks for info on DLA. We don't have the problem of irratic sleep patterns but the rest sounds pretty similar so I'm going to apply - like you said, Ive got nothing to lose.

 

Thanks Daisy and everyone else for helping to keep me (nearly!) sane. I really don't know what ~~i would have done if i hadn't found this forum - it's a godsend - and so are the lovely people!!

 

Sue

 

xx

[hev]

sue,the support i have is from my parents and my partner,i have found no proffesionals want to help me,i think i am just a number to them,they want me off their lists as soon as possible,ive heard of people who do get good support,im still waiting

apply for dla,steve was at mainstream when he got awarded it,it will help your financial burden,i agree with you about this forum

[Flora]

Lauren, Daiyproudfoot, what kind of help do you now get and how helpful is it combatting meltdowns?

 

Thank you all so much.

 

Sue

 

xx

 

Hi Sue. William became suicidal last September after returning to school. I took him to the GP after spending all night with him when he threatened to stab himself with a knife.

 

The GP contacted CAMHS and requested an emergency appointment. He was seen within 5 days.

 

Since then he has attended CAMHS regularly (about twice a month) has been on different meds; anti-depressants; then respiridone was added to that; then after Christmas we took him off all those meds and the pyschologist prescribed Melatnonin for his insommnia.

 

For the past few weeks he has had weekly appointments with an Occupational Therapist who is doing a programme of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy with him. A teacher from the autism outreach service has recently been visiting him regularly at school and advising the teachers on how they can alleviate some of his anxiety in school. I have recently with his help and the backing of our LEA officer negotiated a tailor made package for his secondary school transition. At the moment he is on a revised school time table in primary with a half day for home ed every Friday. He has also been disapplied from games and other activities at school that he finds hard to cope with.

 

From September when he goes to secondary school his timetable will be further reduced and he will be home educated every afternoon. In the mornings he will have an LSA for some of his lessons, and 1-1 teaching for any lessons he needs to miss (eg, Games, music etc).

 

I learned the hard way that you have to make quite a lot of noise in order to get help and intervention to PREVENT things getting so bad. As I pointed out to our Clincial Psych at CAMHS it is wrong to force people in to a position where there is a serious crisis before help is offered.

 

Luckily for me I had had words with the receptionist at CAMHS earlier last year, when she told me they were taking William off file because 'he had no problems'. I pointed out to her that he had loads of problems but I was doing my best to help him cope, but I could see a time when my ability to help him wasn't good enough. This conversation was written down in William's notes and since the crisis in September I have had a formal apology from the consultant at CAMHS. They also told me that they were changing their policy about taking children off file... not sure if they have yet though.

 

Like I said before, really keep plugging away.

 

Sorry if this was a bit long winded!!

 

Lauren

<'>

[sue45]

Thanks Hev, I've rung today for DLA form. I've got to get more pro-active. I do tend to take the cr*p and go away and think I've just got to get on with it. I know I've got to change that attitude for my daughter's sake.

 

Lauren, don't apologise for being long-winded - on the contrary, thank you so very much for taking the time to give me such a detailed answer. It sounds as if you've really been through it. Well done for sorting it out so your son gets the support he needs. I agree with you, it's wrong that everything seems geared to waiting until situations are at crisis point before anything is done. Prevention/intervention, should be the way. As I just wrote to Hev, i've got to get much tougher in my approach or I'm really letting my daughter down if I don't. I'm going to pursue this through my GP and paed again until someone sorts something out for my daughter. There's only so long you can go on just on a wing and a prayer without coming unstuck and sooner or later I think that's what's going to happen if i don't get us the proper support: 13 years is really long enough, isn't it?

 

Thanks again,

 

Sue

 

xx

[DaisyProudfoot]

Thanks Hev, I've rung today for DLA form. I've got to get more pro-active. I do tend to take the cr*p and go away and think I've just got to get on with it. I know I've got to change that attitude for my daughter's sake.

 

 

I have the folk on the forum to thank for my "go get' em" attitude. Before I joined here I was under the impression after Martin was dx'd that the help would just be there for him

 

Now I know you've got to get out there a be a pain in the butt! Works wonders. Enjoy being a Pain - it's stressful but fun - especially when the results show.

[florrie]

There is some information on the NAS site on how to fill the dla forms to your advantage, I can't send links so if anyone else knows how to that, that would be helpful, the info can sometime be difficult to find.

[DaisyProudfoot]

I downloaded a pdf which was a godsend when claiming DLA. Hope it helps

 

http://www.bhas.org.uk/freeguides/dla_guides.shtml

 

Just look down the right hand side for children under sixteen with mental health and download the pdf - it's long but by god it's useful

[Guest hallyscomet]

Hi Sue,

 

Just sent you another PM

 

Love Hailey

[sue45]

Thanks Daisy, florrie and Hailey for support and kind words. It really helps.

 

Take care

 

Sue

 

xx

[Kathryn]

Sue,

 

We went through a similar situation last year with my daughter (16) having constant meltdowns and we were dealing with it on our own and getting no support - so I really sympathise with you. It's tough to have to keep badgering the professionals when you're using up all your energy dealing with your daughter as well.

 

The DLA form is daunting but take it slowly and you'll get it done. I applied for it and got it last year, thanks to this forum. If you read through the two DLA threads which are pinned at the top of the Help and Advice board you'll find a lot of useful advice from people who've been there and done it.

 

<'> <'>

 

stay strong,

 

K x

[mum22boys]

Hi Sue,

 

I know you don't need sympathy because you are right it doesn't help, but felt the need to give you these <'> <'> <'> .

 

You are right there is just no support about. I get so angry when i see others are doing the daily battle just like me. Why should we have to fight for help when we so desperately need it. We fight to get the diagnosis (I am still fighting) and then when you want support there is no one there to give it. I am under no false illusions that there will be no support after m is diagnosed. i just hope he may get some help in school.

 

I understand the need to want practical help, advice and support. The proffessionals just don't have to deal with the problems we do so they seem to not care once we've gone. M has been referred to CAMHS three times recently for his anger and still they don't respond. i actually can't see what use they will be anyway.

 

I'm sorry i seem so negative but i too am struggling to get any help - is there any out there!!! M kicks, bites, spits, hits and pinches me and yesterday resorted to throwing stones at my head so he could run off. All this from a child who the school say have no behavioural issues.

 

I wish you all the best in trying to get help. the others are right, go to your Gp. I did this again last week and he is referring m again to CAMHS for his behaviour.

 

Hope things are looking better for you today.

 

mum22boys

[sue45]

Well folks, I'm beginning to get the picture and to see that you really do have to be forceful to get anything done to help your child when they've been dx.

 

Thanks to you savvy people, I've been chasing up and frankly, I'm disgusted with the way me and my daughter have been shuffled around and messed about. When the paed dx H, she limply offered Family Therapy, only after I expressed shock that was going to leave us to it and see us again in 8 to 9 months with no offer of any support or therapy. I accepted FT. Anyway, after coming on here and spilling the beans about how bad I felt, I rang the paed to let her know how bad the situation was and she said I should contact Family Therapy, which I did. I wasn't able to speak to lady dealing with our case but i was told it was being looked at now and that this lady would phone me to let me know what was happening. I've had no phone call, in the mean time, I got hold of my paed again to ask about medication for anxiety for H. She said she'd rather not go down that route but would rather we try therapy so i said yes, but we're not getting any help at all. I was gobsmacked then, when she told me Family Therapy had contacted her to say they wouldn't being offering Me and H therapy. On top of that, I've just found out school haven't been officially notified of H's dx. Another ######-up! I found myself going over details I've already told her about and her asking questions and going over and over the stuff I've told her already. It was like getting blood out of stone and you would have thought she was rather a stupid person, not someone who has probably studied for years in this, her specialist subject. I had to get really forceful in the end as I felt she just paying lip service. She kept saying , is it worse do think? in the end I said, what do you mean worse? It's always been bad, that's why I came to you in the first place, because we weren't coping. She sounded surprised at how bad things were then- But how bad does she think "I'm desparate," is? or "I'm frightened one us is going to really get hurt if we don't get help." which is what i've said to her before.

 

Anyway, I'm ranting, i just wanted to say, thanks for giving me the strength to get pushy. WE're definately going to get the Family Therapy now, she says. But what `i've learned is not to trust any of them. You go away hanging on in there because you think help is on it's way and it's blooming well not, because someone's decided you don't need it, or the letter's got lost or....There I go again! Sorry. i'm feeling fiesty and up for it. I'm going to keep on at them.

 

I've also got and am filling the dla forms so thanks for advice on thta too.

 

I'm beginning to see what you mean Daisy - you really do have to fight your corner.

 

Thanks folks

 

Sue

 

xx

[florrie]

I know how you feel sue, hang on in there it is tough, but you've just got to keep chipping away, well done, i'm like you it took me years to realise nobody is really on your side, the only person your daughter has got to fight her corner is you, it may sound extreme to those who are fortunate to have got some support but for the rest of us that is the reality, and yes thank god for this forum, I feel better for being able to have my rant other wise it just gets bottled up and makes things worse.

[DaisyProudfoot]

WAY TO GO SUE!!!!

 

You are now officially a Pain In The Butt! Welcome to the club

 

Feels good doesn't it!

[florrie]

I'm a bit worried that i was too negative and you sound really stressed and I really feel for you , try and be positive and I know it is hard sometimes, it sounds like you might need some extra advice from some one to help get you the support you need< i'm not very good at getting that myself although I'm lucky enough to have my ex partner fighting on my son's and my behalf, otherwise i dread to think what would have happened, things are better at present and looking like there might be a light at the end of the tunnel, and i like what daisy said about looking at fighting for getting things recognised can be fun rather than stressful, i find it hell but it does give it a different way of looking at it which does help.

[florrie]

Oh yeah I forgot what I was originally posting, if you feel your mental health is being affected you could always try your gp and try to access help that way.

[sue45]

Thanks Florrie - yep you really do have to keep chipping away.

 

Daisy, I feel liberated! I've always been shy about asking for anything, never mind help - I'm pleased to announce I've seen the light , I'm working up from being afraid to ask, am on to telling, and maybe one day DEMANDING we get the help

 

Take care and thanks!

 

Regards

 

Pain In the Butt

[sue45]

Florrie, please don't apologise for being supportive. It really means a lot to me that you and people like you have taken the time and trouble to speak to me. I really don't know what I'd be doing now if i hadn't discovered this forum because it's an absolute life-line.

 

I hope all is going well for you and hope your son is coping in his new flat.

 

Thanks and take very good care

 

Sue

 

xx

[curra]

Sue,

I know how you feel, Ive been there myself many times, fighting a battle alone to get support for my son, but don't let bureaucracy get you down! They don't see our children, they see "cases", patients or figures. But you'll get eventually the help your child needs. It won't come to you though, you have to find the support where it's available and go and get it, and this forum is a great place to get advice and ideas!!

 

Sending you <'> <'>

Curra - often a pain in butt too

[sue45]

Thanks Curra - it's been an eye-opener. I think you're right, we're seen as cases, figures etc. It's woken me up from my stupor which can only be a good thing.

 

All power to all Pains In Butts!!

 

...and have some of these yourself... <'> <'> <'> ..we need as much as we can get

 

 

Sue

 

xx

[lancelot]

OK, you are now officially a PITBULL:

 

Pain In The Butt Unless LEA Listen

 

L xx

 

Ah. I see that it's actually the health authority who need to listen. Oh well, I shall save the acronym in case it's ever needed...

Edited March 8, 2006 by lancelot

[sue45]

Lancelot, I like it... I like it very much, I feel very like a PITBULL at the moment... and yes save it because they're (LEA) next on my hit list....Watch this space...

 

xx

[poppy]

when you have filled in DLA form(and it really hurts to do it , putting down on paper life like it is (and more) for you and yours)-PLEASE remember to photocopy it,i know its pages and costs a bit ,but it will save you work next time you apply.

[jessie]

hi sue

know exactly how you feel. I almost posted a similar note tonight after my 13 year old as/adhd had a meltdown involving the spitting,hitting, throwing a lamp at me etc.......we have good days and bad days and try very hard to avoid things getting to this stage but sometimes nothing seems to help. We do get help from our local hospital which has been useful but doesn't always work. My so can sometimes show remorse but not always although I think that he is embarressed at his behaviour. he can also be the most caring boy in th e world at times (thank god ) but not very often.

 

My son is in mainstream too and we get DLA due the extra amount of supervision involved caring for my son. His sleeping can also be pretty poor and sometimes he can be awake till very late. I know someone already mentioned this too you. Just tell them how it it is

 

 

We are also struggling with schooling and he is now on a reduced timetable. We are fighting very hard to get the schooling side of things sorted but feel like it's going t be a long battle.

 

 

Good luck ................. You sound like you are in fighting mode.

<'> jessie <'> <'>

[sue45]

Hi poppy and Jessie, thanks for the encouragement and advice.

 

Hearing about other people's problems helps in that you don't feel alone, but it's also so sad that there are so many struggling. Have some of these <'> <'> <'>

 

Sue

 

xx

[hev]

i love that saying,PITBULL,thats brilliant i never knew it was so much hard work to get help for our kids