At my witsend but holding together by a thread.

[Guest hallyscomet]

Hi,

 

I am trying to keep it together. But feel like curling up in a corner and balling my eyes out, but afraid if I do I won't be able to stop.

 

I have reached a decision to let my ASD son just be for the moment as I have a another crisis on my hands.

 

My daughter NT has had development problems and her immune system seems to be fluctuating, have been back and forth to GP Paediatrician, Clinical Psychologist since September last year. All is coming to a head and now she is refusing to get out of bed at all says she just wants to go back to sleep, and all her friends are pressuring her telling her she is throwing her education away, I have lost count of the days she has had off because of valid reasons and illnessjust recently 7 days straight because of an illness now she is better she feels overwhelmed at the task of trying to catch up.

 

Last Friday I was at my witsend and went back to the GP and complained we have been going to the CP and the Paediatrician since last September and her health is constantly on a low like she is running on empty getting sick all the time she is has been ruled out annorexia, but I fear something else is affecting her. So I asked for a referral to an Endocrinologist.

 

GOOD Move. But its just the tip of the Ice Berg. She was fantastic, I took all J's blood tests in she is going to do a bone density test and various other tests as she said she is at risk of Osteoporosis this got J's attention and now realising she must make more effort to eat. I could say I am not a gourmet cook but not far off, I do try all the time, even keeping everything possible that she likes on hand, and she hates everything so hard to please :wallbash for a couple of days she loves it then she hates it, even if I did a gourmet cooking course she would still complain, literally going through recipes galore

 

The endocrinologist said she needs to go a step above the CP and the Paediatrician and see a Psychiatrist and suggested giving her the pill which contains Oestrogen and she said this will make a huge difference and help her breast development which seemed to have halted. The school principal is seeing us today shes been wonderful. But school refusal is wearing me thin, I am still recovering from my Back Injury and when we got home from the Endocrinologist my son said their dad had called from Adelaide my ex, to say he had just got home from Hospital, he has had a mini stroke.....(this didn't even touch J.....she said she never wants to speak with him again.) He expects her to be a role model and like a mother to her half sister, because the bimbo he left me for turned out to be an alcoholic, and unfit to be a mother. Yeah I have had pressure from him to take him back and be this daughters mother. Can you believe it. ######......

 

Sorry guys, I feel a bit better saying that.

 

This is so draining going through this a second time round with my daughter. I went through this whole scenario with B. when he was 15 after the MMR injection now its almost like history repeating itself. I know I am making progress, but its now 9.20am school started an hour ago, and shes in bed sleeping why does life have to be this hard.

 

I am trying to find tutors to help her trying to remain positive, but if I could only get her foot back in the school gate, we are seeing the GP to get the referrals suggested by the Endocrinologist at 10am and the Principal at 12noon. I am doing everything possible, but feel like I am walking on a treadmill trying to go forward and its trying very hard to pull me backwards......know the feeling. The last thing I need is for me to crack........so thank you for giving me a place to vent. This is helping me enormously.......

 

Hope you are having a better day, take care, joys of parenthood, no wonder we get grey hairs, I think I saw one this morning

 

Love

Hailey <'>

Edited March 27, 2006 by hallyscomet

[bid]

Hailey <'>

 

So sorry you're having such a hard time at the moment

 

I don't know enough really to offer any advice, so just sending loads of <'> <'>

 

You are doing everything anyone could to help your daughter.

 

Bid <'>

[Brook]

Hailey, <'> <'>

 

Sounds like you are certainly going through a tough time.

 

Do they have home tutors out there if a child is off school due to medical reasons?

It must be alot of pressure on you, I hope things improve soon.

 

Brook <'> <'>

 

BTW vent all you like.

[stresshead]

hi, hailey

 

you sound like youve had the same problem as i had with my daughter, sleeping, not going to school.

she had her bloods done and it turned out that she has an underactive thyroid.Been back today for investigative results she has hashimoto's disease apparently from a virus that she has had in the past, and her antibodies have attacked and destroyed her thyroid! hence the sleeping!

Hope that you find an answer soon, my daughter is 16 and in her last year of school. having to have work sent home hopefully to revise for GCSEs

A

Edited March 27, 2006 by stresshead

[kirstie]

<'> Oh Hailey, i'm so sorry you are having it tough right now. I hope things improve with your daughter soon, poor soul. Is she suffering with depression? I think most of us know how hard that is, but as her Mother you must be beside yourself with worry. <'> <'> <'>

Maybe we could meet up and have a chat when i get to Sydney?

Sounds like your girl is finding her Dad hard to deal with. For what it's worth my ex was having it off with his brothers missus who turns out to have BPD and regularly self harms and tries to overdose. It's hard on the kids who are the innocent ones.

It sounds as tghough you are very much on the ball with your daughter which of coarse is good, but don't forget about YOU. Try to get a little time out for yourself to just breathe, easier said than done i know.

I will try and log on while i'm over there to see how you're doing,

take care,

Love Kirstie. <'>

[Kathryn]

Hailey,

 

<'> <'> <'>

 

So sorry to hear about your daughter. Young people have so much pressure on them to perform at this time in their lives - it's no wonder they get overwhelmed. If she hasn't been eating well for a while, I expect any illness is going to hit her so much harder. I hope the doctor will be able to get to the bottom of this and help her.

 

Try not to panic - I know it's easier said than done. You're a great mum and you're doing all you can, but try and take care of yourself too. You're right not to think of anyone else just now - you can only focus on one thing at a time.

 

K xx

[oracle]

<'> <'> Hailey <'> <'>

 

Have they checked her thyroid because believe me it can make you feel totally s*** and makes you feel as if you just want to sleep forever. Thyroid problems appear to run in ASD families. It affects your apatite and everything else. It also makes your mood swings terrible.

 

Hailey there is no chance at all that your daughter could be somewhere on the spectrum is there? I aplogise for asking but it is something I have wondered because girls do present differently to boys - in many cases.

 

Of course it could be plain and simple depression and that in itself can take some beating.

 

The one thing she has got in her favour is that she has you as her Mum But don't forget about you even if you just go and stand in the garden and have a good scream - let it all out.

 

Carole

[Guest hallyscomet]

Hi <'> <'> <'> thankyou all <'> <'>

 

Thank you all for you kind words and support. I am not sure if we have checked the thyroid, so will look into that talking to the Clinical Psychologist this afternoon on the phone, he said he doesn't think it is depression, but that is a good thing to get check, after all it is only a blood test. I think the blood tests she had only checked for the amount of Oestrogen her body was producing, and this told her body it was on a drought because of the eating and then she stopped developing. The GP setup a care plan with a dietician which gives us 5 visits bulkbilled with a Dietician, referred her to the Psychiatrist then when I asked him to write the doctors certificate he ask his secretary to write it out, and I said to her I don't know when she will go back she is refusing, so she called the doctor aside and I was able to tell him about the school refusal, her looked furious and bundled my daughter and I back into his office, and said straight, why are you refusing to go to school, you have to go to school, this is totally unacceptable, and ripped up the certificate in front of us, and said I am not accepting this, I will only write you a certificate for yesterday and today. I want you to go back to school tomorrow.

 

Should have heard J. when we left, I don't like that doctor, I am not going to him anymore.,,...I was surprised but had to have a little laugh to myself, he didn't handle that very well.

 

Next we were off to the School Principal, the school counsellor came to the door she was going to send her away and I said no come in, this will save all of us having to repeat ourselves. So I informed them about the Endocrinologist and all that I told you before, and what a turn around.

 

They have told J. she only has to come to school 3 days a week till end of term 1 which is April (two weeks) they are giving her Tuesdays and Thursdays off to stay home and work on the work she needs to catch up on, as well as this, they are providing her support in all her subjects in the library and they have a support class teacher that has some spare hours so they suggested instead of going to sport she can work to help her with the backlog. Next term when she comes back, to save her the stress of after hours tutoring, they have a maths teacher that is there 3days a week and they have some funding for cases like this, they will get spare periods to bring her up to speed. She then looked at my daughter and said will you come to school tomorrow morning, we will talk to all your teachers. J. had tears streaming down her face, Principal said I know what you did last year with dance took a lot out of you. (If you saw the opening and closing ceremony of the Commonwealth Games, she was in dancing on this scale at the Entertainment centre last year, and usually they had the whole dance group go but last year only two, my daughter and another girl, they had to travel on there own by bus and train to get to the venue and return with ten other girls from schools in the region. This other girls mum was diagnosed with cancer 4 melanomas in 3 on the head 1 in the brain, so my daughter was giving her daughter support, and on top of that my partners daughter has a brain tumour so J. has seen me worn down a bit by it all, she said she felt like she had lost me as a mum, and I thought I was doing everything to keep the balance and everybody happy. I said to the Principal and counsellor, I am holding together but I can't bear the thought of having another child doing school refusal went through this with my boy who has moderate autism to HFA said I am only just holding together.

 

I said I think J. is suffering superwoman syndrome, the dynamics of our family are "SAD" I turned to J and said do you agree and more tears, even the Principal said it must have been very hard for you supporting your friend, like the Paediatrician said no wonder she doesn't feel like eating. Well, the Principal looked at me and said what do you think, about this support and we just focus on getting the assignments in, I replied, you are worth you weight in gold....

 

I want my daughter to give up the dancing she is in Year 10 this is her School Certificate, then she goes on to do Year 11 and 12 which is the Higher School Certificate, repeating isn't an option as she repeated Year 3 because of the family breakup, and her brother. I needed to make this decision so that I could keep them at the same school as I was a single mum working long hours and needed a nanny this all came to a grinding halt when J collapsed at age 9 with Epilepsy, they fear a tumour for about three years they kept her under observation. So I don't know if this has something to do with it also.

 

I have been loading her up with Banana and Strawberry smoothies you name it. Flutter, but I should try and get her more involved with cooking, but again, she is always so exhausted she moans and groans.

 

I remember when I was walking her to the GP something that a mentor once said to me......Quote: "Don't view life as mountains you have to climb, this is struggling through life, you don't have to look at it that way, think of it as walking through fields of flowers, each of different colours." Then soon after I remember hearing that song by "Sting" called 'Fields of Gold' and I could visualise what she meant by walking through fields of flowers instead of climbing mountains. This brought back a giggle to J. so, its great when some of these thoughts just pop into your head at just the right time.

 

We know the road ahead is going to be a tough one, but I am so overwhelmed at how kind the Principal was, and J said I will try. She has found a group of girls in a Bible Study some going through tough times in different ways, thats where she is now, she is getting in touch with God for the first time she said, so I think she is going to make it. Once I get over this hurdle, I pray that God will give me the strength to work with B again, at the moment I have just had to put him on hold. this sounds terrible doesn't it, but if I don't I will be expecting too much of myself. Sorry for waffling on,my mind is ticking over as I type this, and I realise I am not superwoman, and sometimes the best planned out plans go belly up, so I will just take each day as it comes, but I will take your advice now and go into the back garden and have a good scream, I think I will feel a lot better. Go and buy myself a new keyboard, this one keeps sticking, thats why I keep coming up with so many errors spacebar keeps sticking also ggrrr

 

How are your ears........sorry......

 

Hailey exhaustipated <'>

 

Gotta take J somewhere, will come back

 

Hailey

Edited March 28, 2006 by hallyscomet

[Guest flutter]

my thoughts would be to get hormones and thyroids checked out

as for food, you are trying so hard, have you considered involving her, might give her a boost

and if all else fails, how bout smoothies, easy to make, and very easy to drink, and that mite open up the appetite for her

take care

loadsa <'>

C x

}i{

[Flora]

Hailey <'>

 

You're having a rough time Hope thing start looking up for you and yours soon.

 

Lauren

[Kathryn]

Hailey,

 

The GP's reaction was a bit extreme but the Principal sounds really caring. If J can start to feel a bit more positive about school in the short time before the holidays that would be a good start.

 

Take one day at a time, and don't blame yourself for any of this.

 

<'>

 

K x

[Paula]

<'> <'> <'> <'>

 

What an awfull worrying time.

 

If youre daughter is haveing issues surrounding food maybe try contacting the eating disorder assoiciation might help give you a few ideas on how to tackle her eating.

[nicki41971]

Hi Hailey,

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

Sorry your having a hard time, i have a 16 yr old girl & even though i haven't had to deal with the stuff your going through i have some understanding of how difficult it can be. So i really really feel for you, i hope for your sanity you get through this reasonably quickly , sending you lots more of these <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

love Nicki xxx

[mum22boys]

Hi hailey,

 

Not sure how you are managing to cope at the moment with all thats going on but you are and I admire you for that. It's certainly not easy is it?

 

Hope today feels a little better and brighter. I also think it's worth checking out the thyroid and hormone levels. I had a simular thing a year ago and it was my hormone levels. Should have been about 70 (I think) and mine were 30. managed to get them back up again and then they went to 700!!!! No longer feel tired and worn out. Well no more than i should!

 

Take care <'> <'>

 

mum22boys

[Suze]

..............Hailey <'> <'> ............hope the sun shines soon <'>

[ceecee]

Hailey

 

<'> <'> <'> <'> Have some of these.

 

Sorry i don't have any advice.Mine are only nine and three so don't have experience of teenagers.

 

I know thyroid problems can make you exhausted though so might be worth getting this checked out as others have said.

 

Really hope things get better for you soon. Take care.best wishes ceecee