Am I being unreasonable?

[Viper]

My husband has been doing a training course at work. He is a train driver for a freight company. The company are branching out into France and my hubby is one of 6 so far to learn French and be trained how to drive in France. Sounds very nice, he has had a pay rise. But this has been going on for well over a year now and at any time they say he has to go to France for a week. We get a day or two at the most before he has to leave. Well he spent all last week over there, left on Sunday and came back today only to tell me he has to go back tommorow until next Saturday or even Sunday, they are not sure.

 

I feel really fed up with it all. Ben has spent all day crying over silly things and I know it's because his dad is leaving again tomorrow. I think it's unfair to give two days notice before he has to go.

 

Hubby is the only adult I get to speak to so I am in total issolation for a week at a time with 4 kids 2 with AS. It's really hard to keep going on your own. It wouldn't be so bad if I could drive but we live in a tiny villiage and the nearest shops are 20 mins walk away so by the tme we get there Ben is going crazy and wants to go home so I just don't bother. The nearest town is 16 miles and I have a phobia of public transport so I am really stuck.

 

I have a house full of kids but feel so lonely.

[OPooh]

<'> No I don't think you are being unreasonable at all <'> Is there any way that you could learn to drive? I know it wont solve things but maybe could make the situation a little easier.

[Guest flutter]

<'> <'>

x

[Suze]

This is just a thought.......but what about passing that driving test .........a lesson a week =an hour with an adult/conversation etc............a double bonus.........

[Sallya]

Vipes <'> this really struck a chord with me....the kids dad works long hours...setting up his own building business and I work nights...as he walks in I walk out and the same next morning....I couldn't drive...I struggled to go out anywhere on public transport with 2 kids carrying bags of shopping....it was really hard and very lonely....but I learned to drive....it took me 14 months....I found it really hard 'cos I'm not very co-ordinated....3 tests in 1 year...I thought I'd be there til doomsday....but I passed....it's changed everything..made everything so much easier...nobody's a lost cause..if I can anybody can.... <'> the family fund...I think they can pay for driving lessons and a test

s

xxx

 

ps my little girl loves your eggs and dragons...she thinks the first one is a poo on legs!

[Flora]

Viper you're not being unreasonable.

 

When I was married we lived away from our families. My husband's job took him all over the world and I worked out in the final year of our marriage that he was away from home for two thirds of the year. I had no back up, no support, and believe me, I understand that it is no laughing matter.

 

I don't know what the answer is. Is it going to be a long term thing? If it is isn't then just stick with it, but if it's going to be a regular, long term occurance then you need to find some local back up. Could you contact a local college and find out if there are any girls doing courses in child care? A friend of mine, who was in a similar situation, had two girls come twice a week for an hour or so to play and look after her autistic son for work experience. It worked out really well. She could do her shopping and have a rest. She was never far from home and they were able to contact her on her mobile if they needed her.

 

Lauren

[Bagpuss]

Viper,

 

<'> <'> <'>

 

Can see where your coming from. We have little support, and I also miss adult conversation. The school hols can be a killer and I find taking all 3 kids out alone so stressful! Luckily my husband works shifts, so he can be home sometimes during the day etc. Would hate to think how I'd cope without him. I think the driving lessons idea is great. Will give you greater independance and more freedom. If its a long term thing, that your husband is now going to be away alot, have you considered moving nearer family? Not sure if this is a possiblity for you to consider??

 

Take care,

 

Debs

[Viper]

I had driving lessons on 2 occasions and although I am able to drive find it very frightening. Plus we can't afford 2 cars with all the insurance etc that goes with it.

 

When all this started it was supposed to be training then he would be away overnight one day a week with the rest of the time off. ie leaving one day staying overnight then back the next evening. I don't know how much longer this will last and nor does hubby.

 

Moving closer to family is not an option, we moved here to be closer to hubbies work and to be honest I don't want to be closer to them, they are not the best family in the world.

 

The thing that really annoys me is that if going away didn't suit him he would say he couldn't do it but it doesn't matter if it doesn't suit me or the kids. In other words he doesn't have to do it but he wants to.

[Bagpuss]

Viper,

 

I can understand the predicament of covering the costs of two cars, we are in the same boat. Luckily all my 3 are school age now, which gives me a certain amount of freedom. Are yours at school? If they are you could try doing college course or something similar. It would help you make contact with other adults. If not, and they are still at home, are there any mums & tots or something like that locally? It is a shame that living nearer your family is not an option, but again I can see where you are coming from. What about finding out if any other forum users live near by and want to start some form of support group or just meet up for tea/chat/ chocolate Sorry I couldn't be of more help, and hope your hubby isn't away much longer. Sounds like you have alot on your plate <'>

 

Take care,

 

Debs

[Viper]

Thanks Debs. All my children are school age but Ben is home educated so I am here with him all the time.

 

Hubby has just left so I'm here all alone again. This forum is the only place I have contact with the outside world. Thank god I've got you lot. <'>

[Tilly]

Viper <'> <'>

 

I would take on board Laurens advice about help coming in. I am applying for direct payment for dd, so that I can use them as a babysitting service or as a leisure link worker , I think I 'll be getting 4 hours a week. I'm hoping to use this time to spend quality time with my other two kids.

 

My dh also works long hours, different shifts and our car stands outside 2 out of 3 weeks while we are having the hassle of buses etc. I have been advised that the family fund will pay for 20 driving lessons and I am thinking of taking up this offer, as others have said it will make life a little easier.

 

Take very good care of yourself

 

Tilly

[bid]

Viper <'>

 

Is it not possible for your husband to stop this working abroad? With children with special needs, there has to be compromise from both partners, not just one

 

Good luck, I know it can't be easy <'>

 

Bid <'>

[Viper]

Hi Bid. The problem is that if the company don't go into France there will be no company. They need to get the work over there to keep operating. Before hubby started this we were financially going under. To have any chance of a decent income he has to do this. The main thing is the company are so disorganized that they don't tell the men they are needed in France until the day before they have to be there. It gives us no time to warn the kids of daddys departure and this time he told me over the phone the day before he got home. I had to tell Ben that Daddy only had one day to see him.

 

As he left tonight Ben shouted "I'll miss you Daddy" it was heart breaking. I suppose it wouldn't be so bad if it was a routine thing but we never know when he will have to go. And as he does shift work, mainly nights, he used to be here a lot of the time.

[bid]

That's a bummer, Viper <'>

 

Bid <'>

[Guest hallyscomet]

Hi Viper,

 

Sorry late to your post, this must get stressful for you without a car, my neighbours cope with sharing one car for years. Is there anyway you could learn all the same perhaps sometimes hubby could get the public transport even if its just once a week you have that little bit of freedom of having a car, I don't know how my sanity would survive not having a car.. You have obviously managed up until now, lets hope for a miracle here.

 

Driving automatic is so easy to learn, does hubby drive a manual car.... some people find manual cars too stressful to learn.

 

Thinking of you, as you said at least you can come on here and chat with friends <'>

 

Hailey

[Paula]

<'>

 

I understand where youre comeing from also viper.

 

My husband works long houres and travels all over the country.But and i thank god for this he is home every night even if its a late night.

 

My husband is a delivery driver and sometimes works in excess of 60 plus houres a week.its absolutley crazy !!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

He also as at times been asked to work away and go to ireland which would mean days away.I have told him that he has to say no to these trips because its not ###### faire on me.So far ,so good he says no and they get someone else without kids and a wife to do these deliveries.

 

I too get realy realy lonely.I also cant drive ive never bothered and like you im too scared to become a driver i hate roads and traffic.I spend most days sat on my own or go to the shops alone.I get so so depressed at times hence im back on the happy pills.Ive just started a casual job as a releif escort on the special school buses.And not for the money.But for the bloomeing company someone to talk to.Because im only releifing i can fit it in as and when it suites me and earn a little cash also.

 

 

I get so so angry at times with my husband because he can just live his life or so it seams regardless and i take care of the house and family yet ive to put every body elses needs first and then see if i can fit in my own needs.And theres not much room for them however small.

 

 

My husband says we need the money hence the long houres.I say sod the money i need you here with us.Its not easy but as you can see youre not alone.

 

Tae care.

 

If youre on msm and you ever get lonely pm me with youre addy.I can talk for houres at a time.

[Flora]

Viper

 

Just thought of another thing. Could you do your shopping on the internet and have it delivered? Most of the major super markets do that now with a charge of about ?5.

 

Lauren

[jb1964]

Viper

 

Just thought of another thing. Could you do your shopping on the internet and have it delivered? Most of the major super markets do that now with a charge of about ?5.

 

Lauren

 

With shopping by internet - there are loads of codes and vouchers available on the web (www.moneysavingexpert.co.uk have lots of postings on their forums) which will cover any delivery charges.

 

Jb

[Viper]

Hi Lauren. I have to do all my shopping online, there is no other choice. I have a delivery arriving today from T**co. JB I will have a look at that site, sounds useful.