Stephanie

Ah we all do it! My son was outside messing about with the hose yesterday after I had told him not to on numerous occasions. Then there was this almighty jet blast of water on the kitchen window that about smashed the window through .. ... and that was it ... I stormed outside yelling and turned the hose on him and gave him a right showering. He was standing at the patio window all wet and pathetic looking and I wouldn't let him in to get dry until he had said sorry (which was a good 10 minutes). I then felt terrible ... soaking my own son ... on the plus side, he won't be messing with the hose again for a while. Neither will my 2 year old who was looking on in terror! Patience is usually a learned skill, not one that comes naturally!

I think it depends on how much the school now about ASD's and their previous experience of children with Aspergers Syndrome, they should be aware of the traits and the problems children on the spectrum have and if they are not, it is up to you (unfortunately) to tell them. Maybe you could print off a list of typical ASD traits and then highlight the ones you think affect your child ... it might make them click and think "oh yeah ... that's why he does that" etc etc. Sounds like the school might be sitting on the fence until a definate diagnosis is made. My son's school do that thing too "oh we love him, he's such a character" blah blah ... which is nice but I do feel that they can overlook things (ie. they didn't realise that when my son was not "with it" and goes a bit spacey that this was in fact his coping mechanism and he was having a shutdown, they just say "oh he's very tired today"). As a parent you get to fight your childs corner more and more as time goes on ... like when the school say "oh he's been a bit bossy today telling the children to do things a certain way" .... I say "yeah well he has autism, he thinks he's always right and things should be done his way"! I won't make excuses for it but I will then go on to try and explain to my son that the children wnat to do things their own way. You may find things change dramatically if your child is diagnosed.

My son has HFA and is in Year 1 at mainstream primary school, he was 6 in Feb. He has been able to read and spell very well from an early age. He is currently doing Year 4 spellings and finding them very easy. I am coming up against problems because he is at a Primary School to age 7 and they do not have the curriculum spellings for older children. The spellings he is coming home with are way to easy for him and he doesn't have to learn them as he knows them, words like ... glittering, november, unusual, sparkling and excited. They have concerns that if they give him more difficult words, he won't understand the meaning (which is fair comment - but I could explain them to him - or try). Also, they want to concentrate on the areas which he is having problems in rather than the ones he isn't (mainly social) which I agree with but I am worried that his thirst for learning isn't being accommodated and he is going to get bored and problematic. Has anyone got any advice on whether it is a good idea to advance him onto more complicated words or is it just better to hold him back and let the other kids catch up with him. Anyone with older kids come up with any problems with this. Are the school right or are they just being obstinate? The school are now just giving him spellings and encouraging him to write them into sentences rather than write lists of spellings like the other kids do. Good for handwriting practice but he hates it.

Hi I've been away for about 4-5 months for various reasons including PC problems, holidays etc. Things good here, got a busy week at school with an OT visit (woo hoo - at last!) and the SALT (another new one) is popping into school on Thursday to spend an hour with my son then meet me afterwards to claim she knows everything about him based on that one visit. Sigh! He has got his Year 1 review in two weeks, so I am trying to find a suitable junior school for him to name on his report (which is difficult when all schools claim to be the best!) Seen a couple of good ones and a couple of real horrors, will continue searching. My son is doing really well, he currently has a couple of obsessions, namely Tom & Jerry cartoons and his Tamagotchi (thanks to my sister for buying him that!) No real issues with him at the moment apart from tone of voice (usually innappropriately too loud) and limited diet. I joined a local Aspergers Parents Group - only went once because they scared me to death (they had older kids), it was a glimpse of the future I didn't necesarily want to see. I am relaxing more about my 2 year old being on the spectrum, he is showing more and more signs of not being ASD the minor grey areas are possibly copied behaviour. He cheers me up by saying "don't worry mummy, be happy, love you mummy!" whenever there is a crisis occuring. Anyway that's my news, I'm glad to be back!

Rick Wakeman is only fit to be a D-List celeb on Through the Key Hole these days ...! Er, last CD was ... Bullet for my Valentine's The Poison in the car, tracks 4 & 7 played constantly with my kids in the back saying "no, Mummy not this song again, put the Chili's on!" Lol.

Under the Bridge by the Chili's of course! Er ... lyrics, I'll have a think and come up with some ... someone else post some in the meantime!

I know Ian Jordan might be able to give you advice on the tinted glasses if you wanted the special ones. You can PM him on here or type a message. I don't know if trying sunglasses would work in the short term??

My son used to hate orange - he would go crazy if his brother was wearing orange or eating out of an orange bowl. Then he had an obsession with the colour blue. Both have now gone. He still won't eat a broken biscuit or a broken pringle though and if his sock has a hole in ... don't go there! That's kids for you. I didn't realise the association with colours until I read "The Curious Incident ...." about how they trigger emotions. I have also heard about kids eating food of only one colour - usually white or brown. I spoke with my Paed who referred me to the Community Nursing team about the colour thing. We cured the orange thing by letting my other son (only a baby at the time) wear a tiny bit of orange (like a bit of piping on his sleeve), then we would talk to my ASD son and say "is that ok if he wears a tiny tiny bit of orange" .... we kept building up and building up gradually until he was ok with it. I also bought two orange plates and made them eat together (he likes to have the same things or wear the same clothes as his brother). Then we would go out together and look for orange things and when he found 20 he would get some sweets (which then made him see orange as a good thing because he associated it with a nice thing - a treat). Do you know what it is about the colour pink? Certain shades of pink? Is it the association with femininity or does it start an emotional reaction of some sort? My son doesn't like pink but only because he sees it "for girls". Could it just be an obsession - that he purposely has to look for pink so he can react to it? I did a post about this a while back if you wanted to do a search as I got some good advice at the time.

Hi thanks. Yeah they have outreach and the school are doing their very best .. and so are we, but I think the lady from outreach might need to come out and visit soon (if not just to sort out this friend then, than to give us some advice on how to ease his anxiety), I will suggest it at the meeting (but worry that then it looks like I am telling the school that they can't cope!) The other thing is trying to convince them they need to increase his SEN hours. Don't get me wrong, I like them telling me what is going on and appreciate that we know him better than anyone else - but not in a school environment, he is soooooo different at school. Social stories/books on emotions ... he reads them, memorises them word for word but then can't seem to put them into practice. I just don't think he understands the impact he is having on this girl. I am hating the fact he is having all these crying outbursts when I am not there too.

Ah yeah, tis Marc Bolan T Rex, White Swan song (title?) ... I didn't look it up either!!! The only reason I know is that I heard it in the car this morning!!! I've gone for something really cheesy, a number one from 25 years ago (and you wont believe its that long ago!). Very difficult for a rock chick to post such cheese I'll have you know ... Shadows, tapping at your window Ghostly voices whisper will you come and play Not for all the tea in China Or the corn in Carolina Never, never ever They're running after you babe

62! I scored 10! All the reds and oranges confused me .. and the song was just annoying!

How terrible for you. Being an Aspie you might not feel comfortable talking to one of those helplines, but you need to talk to someone ... maybe if it is easier for you to converse in text you should put your trust in one of your friends on here. Please have as little contact as possible with this man in the future, when he collects your kids, don't invite him in again, have them waiting at the door ... or have someone else with you in the house if possible. Be strong. We all care.

The Head Teacher wants to see us next week as my 5 year old (Year 1) HFA is having a problem with a girl at school. He thinks she is his friend and wants to be with her, sit next to her and play with her all the time. He won't let her play with other children and is becoming quite aggressive with anyone who tries to get near her. At the end of the day, he just wants a best friend and he is trying so hard for it to be her. The girl is not too bothered right now about his 'advances' but you can tell if it carries on that she will be). He kissed her the other day and told me she is his "special girlfriend". He doesn't really have any other real friends as such. He isn't a loner, he really loves the company of the other children, but of course, they don't necessarily want his company. His anxiety levels are high, he often cries at school which greatly upsets me as he doesn't at home and I have told the school that I want to see how they are managing him and that I have concerns with the amount of tears he is shedding. So a meeting has been arranged. The school are yet again looking to me for all the answers. Everytime they are having issues with him (which to be fair, isn't often) they call me in to ask my advice. I have already been in once or twice and have told them everything I know and have given them numerous books/social stories/strategies etc. I think sometimes they just assume he will adapt and do what is appropriate for an NT ... but of course, that's not the case - he needs the extra help and they don't always know how to give it. It's a small infant school and they haven't had any experience with ASD kids before but have attended courses, meetings, read the books etc etc. and are really trying although they sometimes treat him more like a "text book" child than the individual he is. I'm just feeling a lot of pressure to come up with all the answers ... I am kind of wanting them just to sort it out and get on with it (they must have tackled similar issues with NT kids??) I am also feeling like they want me to do more at home about it ... and I can't! I am also dreading this girls mother complaining about it (I don't know if she even knows he has SEN). We have gone over the issue with the girl with my son loads of times and in theory he knows it but can't put it in to practice. I think it is more of an obsession and something "he has to do" ... "he has to sit next to her". Most of his obsessions are short lived. Has anyone had anything similar? Do you think its right that they keep leaning on me for all the answers? Should I inform my Educational Psychologist about what is happening? Am I being too stressed out and mumsy about it? So heartbreaking, all I want for him is to have a friend!

Haynes Manuals are tough going - for adults! Do you still have a fascination for the written word now?

Yes my sons bedroom walls are covered in information posters and A4 sheets of paper I have written up for him explaining social rules and everyday tasks. He responds very well to written instructions. Even at 3 he was reading all the instruction booklets on how to use his little laptop computer etc. We are struggling to get him to 'want' to improve his handwriting, it is ok but he holds a pen with difficulty and will only write things down when he wants to .... and usually he writes made up names or silly things. I have noticed he does express himself and his thoughts on his computer, once he wrote "naughty Billy for not letting me play with your ball at school" etc. He types so quickly and accurately its mind blowing. He knows things about that computer at 5 years old that I don't know and I would say I was very PC literate. He is in Year 1. The school are helping by putting him on more complicated books and a higher level than the other kids and he is getting the spellings for years 5&6 which he finds easy. Other than that, they are treating him the same as every other kid (apart from he has 2 hours SEN time per day). Until I get a diagnosis of hyperlexia, they say they will carry on as they are. I have asked them to give him more visuals and written text to learn from but they haven't really. During his 2 hour SEN time they do guided reading (pictures not text) to see if he can relate to the story and he is doing ok with that (not great, but ok) he can tell you what the story was about but not in any great detail. I guess the difficulties with having a great long term and rote memory but a very bad short term memory must really impact on the whole hyperlexia thing.

We found ours very helpful as she sat on assessments and had experience of working with ASD kids, but she wouldn't have been in a position to give a formal diagnosis.

Good for you, I so need to go back to that place!!! Either that or get the stomach band thingy! I am trying the cereal diet drop a jeans size ... yeah, like I can wear jeans! Well done for resisiting the Pringles!

Yeah I saw this, very sad. Here are the lyrics to the song he wrote for her, a song called Nikki. Somewhere there is sunshine. Somewhere days are warm. Somewhere there's a happy harbour far from the storm. Out where the sun shines there is someone I'm meant to adore, and I know the day I find her, I'll smile once more. Nikki, it's you. Nikki, where can you be? It's you, no one but you for me I've been so lonely since you went away. I won't spend a happy day 'til you're back in my arms. For ev'ry dream there is a dreamer, and when dreams are gone, for each wish another star shines to wish up on. Take all my dreams and all my wishes Hold them in your heart. Tell me soon we'll be together, never to part. Nikki, it's you. Nikki, where can you be? It's you, no one but you for me I've been so lonely since you went away. I won't spend a happy day 'til you're back in my arms. Don't make me wait here in the shadows till my life is done. I can't live without the sunshine, you are the sun. Oh Nikki, it's you.

Ah what goes around comes around, you'll probably have a windfall now ... buy a lottery ticket!

SALTS are always difficult, they come into school, spend an hour with your child, put your child through various tests then leave with only a "snap shot" Have you seen any improvements/ delays yourself? Was your opinion asked? Did you get any imput. How do you feel about her being discharged ... like a back handed compliment? Lets hope that the light at the end of the tunnel with the Paed shines a bit brighter for you.

My son was diagnosed HFA at 3 years 11 months because he had language difficulties (not a delay so much as inappropriate language structure) and because he could read from a really young age and was highly intelligent for his age. He had good eye contact. Now he is nearly 6 I am still struggling with the HFA/AS thing, I don't think he meets all the criteria for AS or all the criteria for Autism but is in a shady area inbetween of being half and half. When you contact a lot of schools, if you tell them your child is HFA it doesn't mean a lot, whereas they "think" they know what AS is. Sometimes they will hear the words High Functioning and say "oh Aspergers". Some people prefer the term Aspergers because it doesn't include the word "autism" like HFA does. I have heard that if your child has a speech delay, they are diagnosed as HFA and it would be very difficult to ever get a diagnosis of Aspergers in the future. It must be very difficult for those of you who have had mixed "labels" given to your children, the professionals say it doesn't matter what the medical term is but I think to parents, it does matter. We need to ensure we are reading the right books, getting the right help etc. and how can we do that if we don't know exactly where on the spectrum our children are. I'm labelling my son "individual" and being done with all the other stuff for now.

Oh bless, its awful being told off for something you havent done - I remember an incident when I was a kid. Must be harder if you dont really understand it all. Write a comment in her home/school book about it as it is worth a mention.

I have no doubts that my son is hyperlexic ... I read a book called "Babies that Read" and it removed any doubt. Getting a formal diagnosis is very difficult, and as yet he doesn't have one. I think Asa is hyperlexic because:- He knew the alphabet forwards at 16 months and backwards at 20 months. He wrote words at 21 months and sentences at 24 months (copying some written signs from memory),he could write words before he could draw anything else. He was always fascinated by letters, logo's etc, anything to do with letters - watching Countdown was always a favourite. He never learned to read phonetically. He is now nearly 6 and reads at about age 11, and has fantastic spelling, grammar and punctuation. He now reads phonetically. He does understand the text but not the more complex abstract concepts and uses the right dictation when reading (this has come on in the last year). He won't watch TV unless there are subtitles with it. When he was at nursery he just used to read the stuff on the walls rather than do what everyone else was doing. He was totally absorbed by text. This has eased off now though but he still likes to read a lot (picture dictionaries, thesaurus type books .. he is currently reading a Spanish picture dictionary??) The school do not necessarily accommodate his hyperlexia and I am trying to convince them they need to.

Maybe she just thought her child had been naughty and wanted to reprimand him. I think in our positions we often take things to heart and feel like the victim when we are not. Everyone just wants to protect their child at the end of the day ... and ours need that little bit of extra protection. People in supermarkets are often stressed, I nearly had a fight with an old lady at Christmas because she accused me of ramming her ankles with the trolley (I swear I was a good 4ft away from her). On another occasion a man snapped at my 5 year old son because he didn't move out of the way ... I was going to go down the whole, he's autistic, he's got poor spacial awareness etc etc ... then I thought no lets see it the other way ... it was his fault for being rude, ignorant and crabby, he CAN help the way he acts whereas my son can't. I'm just off to the supermarket now .... wish me luck!

Maybe he wants a reaction more than he wants the bus. By you constantly saying no, it gives him a challenge. You are a lot better than me, I would have just bought him the bus and enjoyed the silence!