Sooze2

I used to swear by Medised before DS got Menatonin last year, I only used to give it to him about once a week so I could have a good sleep and he could have one nights rest too. When we are on camping holidays he would be begging me to give him Medised by about night 4 because he was so exhausted but couldn't sleep - poor little chap! I was prescribed Phenergan once when he was around 3 and I was desparate for sleep when I had baby twins, I didn't give it to him because he was under the age limit. I remember the doctor saying something like "if the chemist asks why you are getting it tell them you are going on a long flight"

My GP practice won't prescribe Menetonin either, much to DS's consultant's discust. He says that as it hasn't been tested enough that if there are unknown side effect he may get sued to it's not worth the risk- he was nice about it though. I think the consultant is gutted because it has to come out of her budget rather than the GP's.

My son has both ADHD and Autism. It could be that they are looking at a dual diagnosis, is he finding school harder at the moment? I know DS's school wrote to his consultant because he was becoming more difficult so his ADHD needed controlling a wee bit. I'm not sure what a Snap iv test is.

Yep. Absolutely. I thought the statement was there to tell the school what to do. You tell them, they don't tell you. Just found this out last week.

I find chewing gum or mints of any kind helps a lot, I can concentrate on chewing that way and the stronger the mint the better it works. People say counting to ten and taking deep breaths helps them through it too. I also smoke which als helps me (wouldn't reccomend taking it up as a cure though lol.) and so I sit quietly and have a smoke and a mint to calm myself down. I think this is fairly common because I had to admit what it was to a freind once because it happened when I was with her one day and she said her husband has the same thing and she has heard of a few people this happens to. A lot of people have weird things going on when they experience stress but few admit it so don't think you are strange. xx

Wow how brilliant, he'll have a great time. My son who's also 9 went to a place called Beaford a couple of months ago with the school for 5 days - 4 nights. I was worried about how he would be when he was there but gave the people taking him tips on what to do if he didn't cope with the games or the crafts (tends to have meltdowns when he loses or when needs to be in groups). He was fine, had a great time, loved the food, had a couple of meltdowns when he didn't win the welly boot throwing competition but all was fine. The only thing about the whole trip he "hated" was when one of the teachers came to the room one morning and gave him his meds in front of his friends. He was horrified, I'd asked them to do it with him on his own because he hates people knowing he takes tablets to "stop him being a mad and crazy boy". Oh and he was very upset that they wouldn't let him bring an animal spine that he found in the woods home dispite telling everyone that I collect skulls and bones (oops!) The teacher said it was so discusting and some of the girls were actually crying! Boys eh! They had the no contact policy too which was great because when he has been at his Aunts a couple of times she has insisted that I speek to him on the phone and I can hear he is upset but I know that he only felt like that when he heard my voice and would have been ok if I haddn't spoken to him. He came back being ultra polite, drinking cups of tea and even tidied up after himself! That didn't last long. He also was totally in love with me and full of cuddles which has continued since he's been back and at first I didn't know how to cope with it because he hated me up till then.

Have some of these. <'> <'> <'>

I get this and have been since I was at Secondary School to the point where my Mum asked me when I was about 13 if I had been "messing around with any boys" because I was sick every morning before school! I didn't have a boyfreind till I was 16 but I can now understand why poor Mum was worried! Anyway I suffer terribly with this, I used to think that is was the cold air hitting my throat that caused it right up untill I went on holiday with DH when we were first together about 15 years ago. We were in Gibraltar and it was hot and he said there is no way this is caused by cold air as it is hot, you are having a panic attack! That was the first time I realised it was caused by anxiety. Now adays it happens if I am in a hurry, or even slightly worried before going out and every day before the school run and often when I go to collect the children from school especially (like now) when I have a lot of important meetings coming up to discuss DS and the school aren't talking to me. Sometimes it happens out of the blue when I am walking along thinking about something! Its a pain. I have a fear that I am slightly agrophobic which is the first time I've said that out loud! I'll tell you how it feels for me so you can compare. I have a terrible feeling that I am going to be suddenly sick, my throat goes dry and feels like it is closing over, it can last for a very long time and I do that thing when you try and stop youself from being sick (gag I suppose - sorry if to graffic!) The more I stop myself the more it goes on and it is terrible if I am out and about and I often think to myself that if someone asked me what was wrong I would pretend I had morning sickness!! Anyway if I actually let myself be sick the feeling goes away but that isn't always possible. I'm sorry to be grafic but I thought it may help you. I think I know how it started in the first place, my parents used to make us eat all our food whether we liked it or not and one day I had to eat all these sausages and they were really gross so I swallowed them practically whole, was sick but had to hide the fact from my mum and the feeling I get now is the same feeling I had that day trying not to let my mum know I was throwing up her tea. Something also happened at school when I was about 6 and needed to be sick but the teacher wouldn't let me out of the classroom so eventually I ran out and sick in front of the toilet entrance and I got really told off for it. There are quite a few incidences like this around sick so I think that when I feel anxious I associate it with the same feeling as needing to be sick. I also have a terrible sick phobia and can't even watch tv when someone is about to be sick in a program, I'm ok with my own childrens sick but no one else. What a strange person I am eh! Sorry if I have given to much detail but I hope it helps!!!

Good Luck with the meeting on Thursday. <'>

It does sound like it to me. Ds first had an IEP in reception because he has speech therapy in school, he was put on School Action (Darts Group for social skills) then school action plus because he needed extra help and was being seen by various people. When he needed even more help they called in Autism Outreach who will probably always be there to advise teachers on his crazy ways throughout his schooling, that was when they realised (finally) that I wasn't neurotic and he needed the statement I'd asked then to apply for. Someone else will answer in a much more inteligent way later

Mosey, youre right about the teacher she is lovely as are the TA's who seem to really like DS and he likes them which is why I don't really want to mention it to be honest. All his teachers have been lovely, theyre really approachable and with a large class - over worked. Sally - the LEA were great, I had a meeting with them last Thrusday to discuss his proposed statement because the wording is vague and although everything that should be done is written down it says nothing on there about him needing 1 to 1. She is going to re-word it, she teaches ASD children and agreed with all the points I made like him needing someone sitting with him to explain everything and make sure he is understanding and paying attention, ensuring all staff with him realise that eye contact is very difficult for him - he can't listen and look at the same time (she discussed this at length with us and said how common it is and how teachers just don't seem to get it!). I told her his problems with PE and trasitions to swimming and how he has no help there and she said he needed a TA with him for those too! There were a lot of points made and she said oviousely the SENCO has had a meeting with you about this - when I said no she hasn't discussed any of it with me she was shocked! The main point I wanted to raise was whether his TA would also be the class TA and she said no, the money has already been given to the school for him to have his own TA and if she does help another child and DS needs her she has to go straight to him. She was very insitant that his TA is for him and that is that. His funding covers 18.5 hours a week and she said that if he needs more which she thinks he will then the Head Master needs to fill in a form and ask for it and he will get it, its as simple as that. She said the he and the ASD boy shouldn't be sharing a TA because the school are getting money for 2 TA's now and their needs are different, I happened to mention that up to and including year 3 the ASD boys TA was also the TA for the whole class and she wasn't impressed. I have a feeling I have opened up a can of worms and once the school find out all this my name is going to be mud. I haven't mentioned it the the others boys parents yet (not sure I will or it could cause ructions!) I am so glad I went to the meeting, I was shaking before I went in because I was so nervous but she was just a normal person and ASD is her speciality so I am very very lucky! Got to go into school tomorrow and tell them that they need to have a meeting with me to draw up a detailed IEP and a timetable for DS for next term by 13th July - next Monday! I'm dreading it - its not like me to be nervous these days but I have to tell them what I want and if they don't agree I have to tell the LEA - I'm scared!!! Like I say, the teachers are all lovely but when it comes to anything that involves formal dissusions with the SENCO etc things get a bit harder with is a shame.

He's writing them down wrong, she is putting a tick next to what he has spelt. I am assuming she is ticking without looking at them. The point is that he's supposed to have someone checking him because he has a major problem with literacy and they know it.

I would like your opinions on this before I go into school. My son is in year 4 and has come home 2 weeks running with spellings spelt wrong for his spelling homework! It has happened before but I didn't really think it was a problem and changed them myself. Last week the teacher obviously hadn't checked them at all, he had the word Frendly - spot the obvoius mistake and noisilly - again pretty easy to spot. This week they had been checked by the teacher - there was a tick on the page but he had the word Looser - one too many "o's" I fear and Revent which isn't even in the dictionary!!!!! This had been checked by the teacher! First point how many other children in her class are going home with wrongly spelt words. I can't always remember how to spell them correctly and need to look them up Second point, he is supposed to have help especially in literacy because this is where he struggles most! I am a tad cross but I'm not sure why it has got to me today. He has just got a Proposed Statement (which the LEA are changing for me so things are clearer for the school to understand that he has his own TA not a shared one with the rest of the class!) so things will be officially in place next term for his help but they have told me he is being helped by someone in the meantime. He is supposed to go to homework club to do these sentences because of the stress it causes at home, last week I questioned this and the words spelt wrong in his book and she said she would make sure he went to homework club from now on - did he go - NO but instead brought home wrongly spelt words!!!!!!! What would you do, leave it and correct them yourself or go in to see the teacher? I am just finding fault or would this worry you too? Thanks a lot for reading Yours Grumpily

I just wanted to say that I felt the same as the father for a while, especially when everything with DS came to a head in year 2 and 3. The Parent Support Worker took me under her wing and told me I could have 6 funded (free) counselling sessions with the Parent Partnership people if I thought it would help (it did) and she made sure that all my concerns about my sons needs were adressed within school and spoke to all the relevent proffessionals about him and the effect it was having on the family etc. I'm telling you this because his mental health problem may be a result of his child's needs not the other way around, the other child may be reacting to how his brother is bahaving. My family was at breaking point last year when DS became so unhappy and frustrated at school because of his difficulties - the school often don't see what is really going on because the child bottles up there feelings untill they get home where they can create a war zone which is hideous to live in for the whole family. I would give him the number or email address of the local Parent in Partnership In your area if there isn't one in school and tell him they can offer a lot of sevices and support. I feel that for the Father to be honest like that with you he must be feeling pretty alone right now and he is just looking for support but doesn't know where to get it. I think it is especially hard for men to find the support they need because it is usually women who deal with the Children and all that goes along with it so if the man is the main carer there isn't often anywhere for them to turn and they feel shy of asking for help because the are "meant" to be the strong ones in there eyes. A lot of men also have certain hopes and dreams for their sons and it is quite hard for them to cope with having a child with difficulties who doesn't fit into that classic "boy" box, my husband felt this anyway and it was hard up untill very very recently for him to accept it. He's telling you that he is finding it hard to cope which is brilliant - I would be more concerned if he wasn't telling you to be honest so he needs support from people who understand before he stops talking to you. He needs support for someone who can listen to him sound off and be upset about his situation without being judged. Sorry editing to say that I agree with what MandaPanda said about Social Services.

This was similar to my son's assessments except for the health visitor bit. It was all very low key with lots of questions etc. She assessed his imaginative play by doing certain things which he didn't do very well at. The OT played snakes and ladders with him for a while to try and explain that taking turns and winning and losing were fun etc he rocked precariousely on one leg of the chair and couldn't sit still at all, humming away as she talked to him, couldn't look at her was bluntly honest when he answered her questions and then cracked up laughing when he won the game and she pretended to get grumpy and threw the dice across the room to show him what he does and asked him if he thought what she did was ok and how did it make him feel etc - he told her she looked silly and shouldn't act like that because it was only a game. It didn't change the way he reacted when she won though which also showed that he isn't in controll of it dispite him seeing how it is when someone reacts like him in certain situations. That was when she referred him for his diagnosis. He was almost 9. I hope it all goes well for you.

Me and DH met with ours today for the first time to go over a few bits I wanted adding to the proposed statement and she was really nice. Nothing was too much trouble. Hopefully it will continue. I was really nervous before the meeting to the point where I almost passed out on the way up there because of some of the things Ive heard but she chatted to us for so long it was like having a coffee morning! Ive come to the conclusion that it is the schools and their secrecy over the funding they are given and how they spend it on the child who it is for that is the problem. Still shouldn't be a problem now that I have told the LEA that DS's statemented freinds TA was used as the whole class TA up until the beginning of this year - oops!

Ive got to go along with that one. Mine is probably "oh please do I really need to tell you to do everything one step at a time, go and dry your hands/get dressed/find your stuff wer'e going to be late!!" and we usually are.

He still has no idea how to make a sentence up especially when he doesn't really understand the word. We stopped after the word Jokingly (sencence 5) because it took ages to make up (done by me in the end) he didn't really understand what it meant and he had spelt most of the words he had to write the 10 sentences about wrong in the first place!!! Why do they send them home without checking them????? In the end I wrote "He seems to have spelt most of his words wrong and doesn't he do homework club anymore?" at the end because I could stand no more.

Sorry if I offended Kazzen, I was just bandieing ideas around to see what I should ask for if anything to be honest. The current TA in his class is totally lovely and helps him enormousely mostly because she is human and like a lovely funny mummy, who tickles him if he starts zoning out or taking things to seriousely and I have no idea or care what her training is because she is so good for him in the happiness stakes. I am worried about the thought of going to the LEA meeting really so I am trying to get it clear in my head what and what not to say because I know I will end up stuttering when faced with all those authority figures!

Sounds like my by to a T. After a meltdown he is horrified when he realises some of the things he's said. As for watching the TV he constantly questions everything that is said and done and looks at us constantly to see how we react to what is happening because he doesn't really understand any of it! Bless him

I haven't read the article yet but I wanted to say that my son (9) started ritalin well concerta in February and he is so so much happier now than ever before and his tantrums have lessened quite a lot since starting it even though his tantrums were mainly because of lack of understanding others - the consultant was very pleased with this because she felt this was his ASD side. Our whole families quality of life is better because he is happy again through not being told off so much and understanding life a tiny bit better. The consultant wasn't sure if it would make his Autism more apparent so we had to monitor it closely but it has actually made his understanding of the world a little bit better because it slows his thoughts down a little - enough to take things in and assess things before jumping in we like to think. My mum mentioned this Autism injection a while ago and I was a little upset that she thought a jab could make him ok but perhaps I was wrong to think that. Our families don't like to discuss "His illness ( ) " so that is probably why I objected to the injection discussion because I was upset that they think he is ill. Better go and read now eh. Oh, just quickly on the genetic side of things - I beleive in that fully. I am adopted and after I traced my birth parents (who split before he knew she was pregnant) and having written many a letter to and from birth father with him telling me all about his very colourfull and interesting family without me telling him anything about my son or me I can honestly say that I fully beleive in the genetic link. Also having met my sister on my mothers side - freaky is all I can say!!! I find the whole blood family thing facinating, its not untill you have no blood relatives and notice every similarity about other families that you realise how freakily similar some of you non orphans are

Yes its the suddenly being independant thing that gets to me, I spoke to the teacher the other day because he is starting to suffer from his usual "near the end of term stress" and I thought I would warn her and the teacher said he's been doing ok in class - it went a bit like this "today he did maths and worked with a certain teacher, for one peice after she had helped him get started he did nearly all the work on his own! It was as if she was making the point that he worked alone but she didn't realise that how it came across was like this - "isn't it amazing that he did some work on his own because he doesn't usually - aren't you chuffed?" I actually felt a bit sad about it because its so obvious from her comments that he can't work alone at all. A few days before the TA said he was just like a normal child now - I know there have been a lot of meetings about him in school as to how they are going to arrange classes next term so its as if they are letting me know that he will be on his own next term because they want him split from the other lad - so glad the statement is going in in the knick of time. I will go for the meating with the LEA I think, I'll phone on Monday. Like you say I need to push for the 1:1 TA. I also need to find out if any of the TA's in the school are ASD trained then don't I, how do I do that - I could ask the LEA couldn't I as they must know that. There are 36 children in his class, one full time TA and one part time brought in because he (and another boy) was causing problems and needing so much attention. I worry that next term it will be the same ratio of teachers/TA when clearly that isn't enough. 36 kids in the class how bad is that!!! He is 9 by the way - 10 in October. Tis very sad, my daughter wrote 2 sides in her note book last night when making up a story in bed before she went to sleep - her writting is years ahead of his and she is only 6! Thanks a lot, you are lovely. x

You discribe my son perfectly, all of the things you mention above are on his statement and things that are well known to effect him on a daily basis. You said "But if you haven't provide the starting point - the black and white - how can they possibly hope to grasp 'greys' or - heaven forbid - the whole range of colours that exist too?" and youre so right but this covers everything and it applies the the ASD diagnosis too - there is no black and white, all people are effected in a whole range different ways through every colour of the rainbow from the darkest blackest all consuming thoughts that seem irrational to some but haunt others to the always smiling happy rose coloured specticle wearing cherub who skips though life untouched by reality. Both sides have their difficulties, learning how to say no isn't going to solve all the difficulties certain children have but years of social groups, explanations and getting out there in the world and letting them be part of it will help in the long run but the result you get really does depend on how the individual persons ASD effects them at the end of the day. I don't defend my sons behaviour in the way that lets him get away with it (I would never ever repeat any of my comments made here to him for fear of giving him an excuse!), if he has caused upset he needs to apologise and will have consequences for his actions when he is at home or as soon as it happens if there is somewhere I can sit with him for a timeout whether his freind is waiting to play with him or not. He will repeat the behaviour but he will be punished again and again, he is gradually learning and where his freinds are entering a difficult defiant stage in their lives and shocking their parents he is at last at 9 coming out of the terrible 2's and becoming a nice little lad. This again is partly due to medication slowing down his thoughts enough to be able to learn how to think first act later - it doesn't always work but he is getting there slowly because I have been consistant and he knows where he stands with me. I'm not giving him excusses, he doesn't get away with it but I'm just saying the reasons why he can act the way he does sometimes. My son also always jumps right in and gets agitated, defensive and argumentitive in conversation if someone dissagreas with him or offers a different point of view no matter who it is which is something else we are helping him with at home and in his school social group. Again it is taking a long time but it is something that we need to try hard to overcome by the time he is an adult really, there are no excusses but he needs to work very very hard on these areas which is very hard when you consider he has 2 younder siblings who don't even need to think about the right way to act in these situations - they just understand. My mum would have beaten me and my brother if we were excessively rude. My MIL told my husbands Primary School Head Master to do what ever he wanted to him if he was naughty so he used to give DH the cane very very often and another one of his primary teachers broke a wooden ruler over his knuckles because he couldn't write fast enough. He was a lovely lad outside of school and is a lovely man but school nor his parents knew or dared to question why this lovely child was so badly behaved. My kids aren't going through that. I'm not sure what the 'autism stylee tourettes type of thing possibility' you mention is really - touretts is linked to ADHD, I could ask my freind for more info for you if you like her son has it and he knows a couple people with the condition too. Suex

My son doesn't see it as being rude, he is very honest and detests lieing so if for example a teacher who he dislikes intensely because he doesn't understand her (and vice versa) is doing wake up shake up and he loudly says "I hate her, I hate the way she dances she looks really stupid" it is a combination of him loathing the ground she walks on and the fact that that feeling is overtaking all he has learnt about self controll due to his intense feelings over hating wake up shake up, the fact that it was in the hall and not in the playground (can't cope with change) and the fact that he was in sensory overload due to all the echoing noise and people bumping into him etc. He repeated this to his teacher in class when said dancing teacher was standing near buy. We are very strict about manners etc and have done the social stories etc etc but he is impulsive and sometimes can't control this. Don't we all sometimes blurt out something without thinking? Perhaps Touretts sufferers are also incontrol really but just don't want to conform, I don't thing so really! My son hates standing out from the crowd and will avoid any situation where he is likely to be singled out whether it be going up in assembly to get a reward that he has worked hard for, public praise of any kind so he really isn't shouting out for attention when he blurts things out because he can't stand eyes being on him for whatever reason whether they be positive or negative. He will also have tantrums infront of freinds and isn't aware of anyone else due to the intensity of his feelings although these are a little less now that his ADHD is controlled a wee bit with medication. In contrast his ASD freind is the total opposite and faced with any of the situations above, or simply because his sandwiches are touching at lunch time he will shut down and block everything out spending hours and hours in his room lost in his own thoughts for the day involved in one of his interests . He's not getting any attention from the behaviour because he is on his own but it is his way of coping with something he finds difficult. With my son we and the school are working with him to try and get him to internalise these thoughts at least untill he is at home but he is almost 10 now and although he is getting better there is a long road ahead of us. Even though a diagnosis of ASD is given every single case is different and individual which is obvious from the differences between how my son and his freind react to the same situation even though they both have the same condition!

Thanks Sally, that is exactly what I wanted to hear - I thought I was being too picky. I need everything to be in black and white. Also, in year 3 the teacher was off sick for a long time followed by the TA (she was his ASD freinds TA but used as the whole class TA) his freind and also DS were in a right old state about this as you can imagine with different teachers coming and going each day. Can I ask for something to be put in about sickness cover there too. PIP was saying that he will probably go in with the other boy and his TA and another TA who he will know so that there will always be cover if someone is off sick. Sounds fair enough but is that ok? I saw my freind tonight who works with adults with similar things going on and she said I should insist on a Specialist Learning Support Assistant for him and him alone - is this realistic? Off to find my highlighter now!