Jannih

I think I look young for my age , but not this young!! When I was 49 yrs old , I was asked if I was 18 plus in a Wetherspoons pub. My mum fell about laughing and said the barman needed contact lenses !

I will try and watch that. I have prosopagnosia and it has often been bad enough to get me in to some embarrasing situations and I have often offended people as a result. It was suggested that my condition was mild as I could recognise my father and know that when I looked in the mirror I was looking at me ! How bad is your condition and that of your sons ? Jannih

I don't think it's anything to fear. Behavioural Genetics Clinic is an umbrella term for autism/aspergers/ADHD Clinic for adults. I believe it is the only NHS clinic for adults in the whole of the country. Jannih

Hi Mumble, it's called the Behavioural Genetics Clinic. Jannih

Hi Nan , I did read that if there is a child on the autism spectrum , then there is a 50% chance of other siblings , either being on the spectrum or possessing autistic traits. I am not sure where I read it but I think it was in "Thinking In Pictures" by Temple Grandin. My younger sister is autistic ,without a doubt. She was referred to a psychiatrist as a child in the early 1960s but autism was never mentioned ! As such she has never been formally diagnosed . What is interesting is that two of her 3 sisters , including me, have autistic traits and are probably either just on or off the spectrum. I also have a 2yr old great niece who appears to be displaying problems with interacting with others and communication difficulties. We have not said anything to the mother but we may, within the next few months , suggest she gets the little girl assessed. My 89yr old dad was an engineer and he had a cousin who he described as being " backward" . This cousin lived with my dad's family after losing his father in WW1 and his mother in the Great Flu Pandemic. He never spoke other than to say "yes Auntie Maud" and "no Auntie Maud" but he seemed to come alive when he made a crystal set, a type of old time radio, which were very popular in the 1920s. There were lots of lithographic printers in this branch of the family and so it does make you wonder.

Wasn't it Phil Collins who dumped his wife of 11yrs by fax ! I agree with most that it is unacceptable becasue it does not allow the other person to say how they really feel. It's certainly the coward's way out but so much more easier for the one doing te dumping. Jannih

Most definitely. My cat hates it if I so much as move the furniture around. It plays havoc with their routine and they just hate change. Cats and dogs do sense if we are feeling stressed or upset and this concerns them greatly after all we are their food source and they like us to be predictable. Jannih

I did the test on www.humanmetrics.com/ and it's free unlike some of the other websites . Depending on how I interpreted / answered the questions I came out as ISFJ and after the second go I was INFJ. On reading about the personality type I am more ISFJ. ISFJs make up 6% of the general population. I think I agree with baddad that we won't all fit in one profile. Jannih

Hi SG, sorry to hear you got refused DLA. I know it was ages ago that you were turned down but if you wait another 6 months from the date of decision then there is nothing stopping you from reapplying or if your condition deteriorates or you get an official diagnosis of AS then reapply as soon as. From one of your previous posts it appears that you only mentioned the "dyspraxia & other conditions" if that is so then reapply and mention the AS as well and how these conditions affect you on a very bad day , not an average or good day. Make sure you get help with these forms from a CAB/ social worker or disability rights organisation. If possible don't attempt them on your own. If the decision still goes against you then make sure you appeal within the specified time. Often original decisions are overturned on appeal. All the best, SG. Jannih

It's difficult to say, Steve. First of all you need to consider a few things : 1. The girlfriend has noticed these "problems" that you have. Is she the only one that has ever commented on these things. 2. Do these aspects of your behaviour cause you unhappiness or have always accepted yourself as " being you" 3. You say you are anxious only when you are with the girlfriend. Maybe it's time to ditch the girlfriend. Some people with aspergers and higher functioning autism can go through their lives functioning adequately and are just a little bit different, maybe eccentric but it takes all kinds to make a world and enrich it. Only seek help or diagnosis if you feel that you can benefit from this and not because your girlfriend is putting pressure on you. All the best, Steve. Jannih

But have you tried applying for Working Tax Credits which is different from Child Tax Credits . Jannih

Fireman

Hi Kez Ignore that phone no. for Inland Revenue as I gave you the number for Jobseeker Direct by mistake. It should be 0845 300 3900. Sorry about that. Jannih

<<I only work 21 hours a week and the money barely keeps the family in food - there is certainly none spare for major purchases (there are two other children as well)! >> You could consider applying for , not only Child Tax Credits , but also Working Tax Credits. Usually you have to be working over 30hrs a week to qualify but as you have caring resposibilities then you qualify if you do over 16hrs per week. Give Revenue & Customs ( used to be Inland Revenue) a call on 0845 6060234. Make sure you claim Disability Living Allowance for your son and partner. If you rent , be it council or private , get in touch with you local coucil as you might also qualify for Housing Benefit. Also consider Council Tax Benefit which is arranged through the council. I presume that you were turned down for income support because you work over 16hrs but it is possible that your partner might be able to claim it though he would have to declare your work and it would be offset by other benefits or income coming into the household. if you decide to claim other benefits get help with the forms from Citizens Advice Bureau or a disability right group as they know how to interpret the questions and answer them accordingly. Hope that's been of some help to you. Jannih

I hope you are Ok SG but I agree with Enid. You should report it to the Police and Social Services. Just as well you know some self defence techniques. I know you're a bloke but try going onto the Suzy Lamplugh Trust website because it gives sensible advice to women who are out alone , but it just as well applies to guys. Look after yourself. Jannih

Upside Down

I did negotiate my way through life, sometimes very painfully with distressing results, but I did, and still do. Possibly because I was able to watch and learn, and ACT. NT reactions were never, and still aren't, automatic for me. However, I have found that if I take time to process things, the reaction is more my 'own' and true to me, rather than a knee jerk, or copied response (which in both cases can bring catastrophic results!!! ). Hope this makes sense. Flora Hi Flora Yes, that does make sense .thanks. Jannih

At this moment in time I am querying that I might have an ASD. In true aspie fashion I have been diligently researching the subject on the internet. I am thinking of going for an assessment and from what I have read it seems that not only would I be disadvantaged with the help I receive because I am an adult but there is also a problem with diagnosing women with the condition if they do not fit the standard AS quotient test of being into numbers or obesessively fascintated by an inaminate object of some kind. Tony Attwood , an expert in this field, believes that it affects women differently as they might be more inclined to suffer in silence rather than act out aggressively. He also discovered that some women were obsessed with classical literature eg. Shakespeare & potery etc. In my case it was classical mythology. The other obession being animals. That brings back memories of my younger autistic sister looking for and collecting earwigs that she subsequently hid in my dad's jacket with disastrous consequences i.e they multiplied in vast numbers ! What I m trying to say here is that , is there someone who can recommend a practitioner / clinic who does not squeeze women into a rigid male dominated criteria and do you think that this could be another feminist issue. Jannih

I phoned the NAS yesterday and they recommended the Maudsley to me. From what I understand it is the only NHS diagnostic service for adults in the whole of the country. This leads me to think that there may be a huge waiting list but I might be wrong. I asked about the Cambridge Autistic Research Centre but was told they only take NHS referrals from their own region. That does not stop one from going private though with them. When I asked NAS about the cost of a private diagnosis , anywhere, I was told to expect to pay anything from �100 to �1000. I asked if there was any difference with the assessments and was told that they were very much standardised. Why there should be such a disparity in price I do not know ! Jannih

Thanks for the book recommendations. I have ordered The Complete Guide To Asperger's Syndrome and also Aspergers & Girls ,both by Tony Attwood , from the local library. Jannih

Thank you everyone for such a lovely welcome. I have been in touch with the NAS and they have provided me with the details of a few diagnosticians in the field of autism. What has surprised is the lack of NHS resources for adults , everything is geared towards children. I might try and get a referral to the Bethlem & Maudsley - thats if its not too long a wait. Otherwise I might make enquiries to Cash4Health which is similar to HSA and go private if they cover me for something like this. Can anybody tell me if it's easy getting a referral or is that a silly question ??!! Jannih

Hi everyone I am new to this site and not absolutely sure if I should be either ! I am a 54yr old woman and have grown up with a younger sister who is an undiagnosed person with autism. It has only been in the last week that I have begun to see and understand her condition through looking up the subject on the internet. However the main reason for me being here is that all my life I have seen the same traits in me that are in my sister though not as severe. This has always troubled me somewhat , as besides my sister there are others on the autisic spectrum in the extended family. As a child I had no friends at school and to compensate I would skip aimlessy around the playground in my own little world. As a teenager I would run everywhre, not walk. I was constantly bullied and regarded as a bit odd. I was always picked last for team games as I was clumsy . I am face blind. I pick constantly at my fingers and feet until they are red, raw and sometimes bleeding . This is not because I am self harming in the traditional sense but because skin might be flaking off and I have to make it smooth again . If it's a spot on my face I have to pick that as well. I had no idea until last week that this comes under the umbrella of OCD. The only positives , I think are hyperlexia. Once I saw a word in writing I could spell it, no matter how difficult. Getting back to the main reason for my posting. All my life I have had difficulties with most of my personal relationships. I am single and although I could attract a guy I could not hold on to them as could not relate on a social level and they naturally wanted to get into the physical side before I was ready. I have a few friends that have been loyal over the years but they can talk for England and thus compensate for my lack of conversation. I am unable to initiate and maintain conversation unless its for a specific reason. I am seen as aloof by work colleagues. I can talk if it's a couple of sentences but if you ask me to tell you what the storyline of a favourite programme was, I will get hopelessly tongue tied and not make much sense. I might have to describe an incident at work to my supervisor and she sometimes hasn't got a clue what I'm talking about ! Although it is more understandable if I record it on the computer. I also appear to have an auditory processing problem. I am not deaf but a colleague will say something and I will not hear it. I have said that they should say my name first then I will probably hear them. At work I am extremely unhappy and depressed because of this "social phobia". My colleagues have not made things easy for me but they just see me as unfriendly and perhaps not a good team player, though I do try. I am marginalised by them. I would so much love to feel I belong but I know it's not them it is me because I have these problems wherever I go. I suppose I am lucky to be able to hold a job down , though I feel I only just manage . Throughout my life I have just felt that I am barely surviving in this world but have been unable to share this with anyone. Before I go off sick with depression again I would like to find out if I do have a high functioning ASD then at least I can say to my colleagues " I have this condition please be patient with me." Firstly, from what I have said , do you think I have ASD and what is the likelihood of getting a diagnosis and help at my time of life. Jannih