Jannih

An NAS support worker should know better. I never open the door to someone unannounced. I shout, "YES, WHO IS IT." If I don't want to to open the door after their response, I tell them I'm not interested and leave them to find their own way to the garden gate ! It probably sounds a bit rude, but they are just as rude, turning up unannounced ! Jannih

"Happy Birthday" from me, too. Jannih

Beth obviously responds well to the church services, where they have the "hymn & prayer sandwich." It's understandable that someone with an ASD would feel happpier with a church meeting that has a semblance of order.

Welcome to the ASD forum, Ridvan. I'm 56 years old and have struggled with life in general. I have been living independently and I work, so I have just about managed to survive and keep my head above water. I always used to say to friends that I was a mild version of my younger sister, who has very severe problems with social anxiety. A few years ago my older sister took in a foster child who was autistic. She read up on autism, thoroughly, so she could effectively manage his condition. In doing so she discovered that my younger sister ticked all the boxes. She was also concerned about our 3yr old great niece who has also displayed autistic traits. Naturally, I was curious, as I always felt I had the same problems as younger sister, albeit in a milder form. Like you, I have tried to mask the problems and have over compensated in some areas in order to appear "normal". I haven't always made a good job of it and sometimes ended up alienating people. I am now going for a formal diagnosis, at my age !!!

It does raise concern. I can agree with the withdrawal of active treatment for someone who is terminally ill, but withholding fluids and leaving someone to die of dehydration doesn't feel right to me. Eight years ago, my mum was dying of terminal lung cancer. She was in hospital and due to the tumour being very aggressive and far gone they decided not to operate but was offered palliative treatment to try and make her comfortable. So far, so good. One day, whilst visiting, I found her very distressed as she wanted to go home and die in her own familiar surroundings. I asked the nurse in charge if this could be done, and was told that as it was the weekend, if we took her home, she would have to go without her medication, naso gastric feed apparatus etc . I resolved to come back on Monday to arrange her transferral to home. I sat with my mum into the evening, when a nurse came in with a diamorphine injection. I questioned this, as she wasn't in pain. The nurse told me that it would settle her down for the night. I left. At 6.00am I received a call from my dad and sister to go to the hospital as my mum's condition had deteriorated rapidly. When I arrived I found her attached to diamorphine pump. Although this is standard pain relief for someone with terminal cancer, she did not need it. It effectively killed her off quickly as it depresses the respiratory centre in the brain. She died 30 minutes later. What I found so difficult to come to terms with, was that they denied her, her one last wish to die at home. My sister told me that up to the last hour of her life she was begging my sister to take her home. I felt responsible for my mum's early death. I should have been more forceful with the nurse. She would have died eventually but I think the hospital denied my mother dignity in death, by hastening her death, so she could not leave the hospital. I don't think it will be too long before they start killing off the elderly, financially non-productive members of the population. This Liverpool protocol seems to be the thin end of the wedge. After all they will have to cut NHS spending somehow !

Hi Smiley, Most people would feel apprehensive about moving to a new house. Bereavement and moving house is "Top of the Stress Charts" for anyone. I'm sure your parents must have given this decision to move, a lot of thought. Try not to get stressed - thats what parents are for ! Let them deal with the hassle. The suggestion that you go off for a few hours with your cousin or social worker, isn't a bad idea. Better still, what about going off to stay with your cousin for a week, so you don't have to endure the packing and unpacking ? It is difficult when you have lived in a place that is familiar and feels safe but I am sure that once you are away from the neighbours from Hell and your parents no longer have the financial worries of keeping an expensive house and two cars, they will feel more relaxed and that will have a positive effect on you. Try and concentrate on the positives, eg. the larger bedroom and anything else you can think of.

Hi Minime Thare is no such thing as a perfect spouse/partner/father or mother. There is such a thing as "good enough." The ASD father, like a neurotypical one, will have their own set of strengths and weaknesses. I need to be careful what I say here, but my dad has "autistic traits" and my mum always used to tell me that I was just like him ! She was very unhappy with the fact that he could or would not express any emotion within their relationship and that he could not understand that she wanted to do things that couple do ie. go to see a show together, in short do social things together. All said and done, he also did the right things. He worked and financially supported the family, disciplined the children, he would help with the housework if my mum was ill. He did these things because this was the right thing to do. He is in his 90s, so not quite influenced by feminism. He loved his ife and children, I'm sure, but did not have the ability to convey that emotion. when he heard that his 18m old daughter was fighting for her life with meningitis, his response was to calmly say " Oh ! my brother died of that" but then he did go "white as a sheet." according to my mum. I think you need to view your man as an individual. Consider what he is like around other people's children, because obviously, his interaction with kids is important to you. There are several bad NT fathers around. I think Baddad may have a point that these are problems that pertain to men in general My young sister who is autistic absolutely adores children esp. babies. I'm a possible Asperger's and more HF, but I cannot relate to kids, babies, due to a complete inability on my part. I have no desire for kids and even though "my clock" has now gone past midnight - I still have no regrets about not having a baby, even though everyone said I would, once I was older and could no longer have them. I do go gooey over kittens and puppies, so I'm not a complete cold fish! I know very little about these "Healing Cassandra" ideas but you can bet your life someone has made money from books and workshops ! Just remember your man is as unique as you and you cannot rule him out just because he is on the ASD spectrum.

Jesus was also very lacking in social skills. He tactlessly would call his mum " woman" and there was a non-Jewish, Phoenician woman whom he likened to "a dog" Matthew ch 15 v 21-28

As a 12 yr old, he behaved like a " little professor" debating and discussing theology in the temple, with a bunch of Learned men and teachers etc. and it says, they were amazed at his wisdom. Luke ch. 4 v 45 - 50 . And, no, my name is not Dot Cotton / Branning !!!

She is only 10 years old and I think young girls of that age, probably find the idea of sex, to be pretty awful and repugnant. There is so much presure on kids to grow up before their time and maybe being a Lesbian sounds more acceptable to her. Give her a few more years and she might become quite "boy mad." Then you will have something to worry about !

I can relate to the girl who felt that there were no female role models in history. I was born in 1953 and feminism was unknown, as far as I was concerned. As a child, I could not help but notice the lack of women featured in history books of the time. There were quite a few but we didn't hear much about them. So here is a list for your daughter : Queen Boudicca ( Boadicea) Cleopatra Eleanor of Aquitaine Queen Elizabeth 1 Joan of Arc Catherine the Great Queen Victoria Marie Antoinette Aphra Behn Jane Austen The Bronte Sisters, Emily Carlotte and Anne. George Elliot Christine De Pizan Mary Shelley Emmeline Pankhurst Florence Nightingale Elizabeth Fry Josephine Butler Mary Woolstencraft Simone De Beauvoir Marie Curie Eva Peron Golda Meir Indira Gandhi Margaret Thatcher St. Hilda of Whitby Hildegarde of Bingen Julian of Norwich Mother Theresa Just a few women who have made an impact, for better or worse !

I don't know. I suppose it all comes down to the post codes lottery. Whether I get seen in 5 months is another matter. It's just that I phoned the Maudsley out of interest, and enquired about the waiting list. That does not mean I will be seen in 5 months I must admit I was surprised to get this far. After hearing all these stories about the difficulties in getting NHS referrals, I feel quite lucky in deed, as I know there are people with severe problems who are more deserving, trying to get a consultation / assessment. I hope your DP gets referred quickly.

Thanks everyone, for your support.

I don't have a problem with these documentaries . I think they are informative, raise awareness etc. It's not sensationalist and the people in it are all different and therefore not sterotyped. Some documentaries home in on the the extreme cases. I was contacted by a TV company wanting to research prosopangnosia (face blindness). They had been given my name Professor Brad Duchaine who is presently reearching the subject. Of course they soon lost interest when I told them that I could recognise my own face in the mirror and would recognise my parents if I saw them out of context ! So, on one hand, I agree there can be the element of " freak show" surrounding these programmes but I don't think "The Autistic Me" falls in this category. I'm not so sure about "Autistic and Stage Struck" especially we are dealing with children here. Nevertheless, I watched it and will continue to watch it.

We did have "Tourettes Camp" if my memory serves me well.

I think Oli is too good for Asda. Why is it that someone like him, is shunted off to do a work trial, stacking shelves, when he was obviously suited to the work he was doing at The British Library. Not only that, it ws quite clear that is colleagues there, valued him highly. Special Talent...You were good too. Will we be having a documentary next year ,called " Autistic Wedding," I wonder ??? I really thought Tom wasn't going to make it with his move to Cornwall. It was lovely to see how music provided that bridge, enabling him to come out of depression and make new friends. I hear that there will be a further season of documentaries. One is about a neurotypical person in a family of autistic people, another about girls/women on the spectrum. I can't remember what the other one was.

It sounds to me that you might have got "lost"in the system, to have waited that long. I phoned the Maudsley, yesterday, and was told that there was a waiting list of 4-5 months. Hopefully, they will see you soon.

Saw the psychiatrist today. He has decided to refer me to the Maudsley hospital for an Adult ASD assessment / diagnosis. I was calm up to the last minute. I went in with all my notes. I gave him a copy, but he was more interested in hearing it my own words. I found it all very painfully difficult but he said that he is going to support my application. He thinks I am possibly more Aspergers than autistic. That's one hurdle out of the way, thank God !

Oh dear - Sounds like you are in bad way with an IQ of 2%. LOL You have every right to call it a weird phone call and I would be doubting her qualifications to counsel you. Certainly raise it with your GP.

Hi Nobbynobs, Could you ask your DEA if he/she will sign you on, or at least find another person to deal with you, who is not confrontational ? It's good that your support worker has witnessed this and she is right to lodge a complaint.

So we are saying, " I went outside because I had a panic attack" and this is, " GROSS MISCONDUCT." I don't think so ! They are taking advantage of you, and it it time for them to be put in their place. Get advice NOW !!!

When you say it is a final warning, are you saying that you have had a verbal warning and now this is a written warning ? If they are going to sack you ,they will have to go through the correct procedure before they dismiss you. What about this bully has he been disciplined in anyway? If not, why not ? Maybe you ought to ask this manager that question. It's no use, him saying, " what can I do" because he can do and should be ptotecting you from bullies ! Even if you leave the job, get legal advice ASAP .

Hi Matzoball, You don't have to put up with this behaviour. No matter how old this man is, he is subject to the law of the land like everyone else. It's not free speech, it is bullying and they probably know it. As others have said, if a union member, get advice from them or go to a Citizens Advice Bureau. You have been right to make a complaint to your manager as the company have a duty of care to all their employees.If it continues take it higher, possibly to th Personnel / HR dept. Keep a diary of this abuse. Dates, times, people present, those that joined in etc. At anytime you can take your employer to an Employment Tribunal for disability discrimination - within 3 months of discrimination taking place. It's best to phone ACAS first and they will put you right as to whether they think the law may have been broken and advise whether you might have a case. ACAS - tel. 08457 959 775 If you cannot stand it any longer and leave, you could add "constructive dismissal" because by their actions they have forced you out of the workplace. CAB will give you lots of assistance. The NAS might know of disability rights groups who might represent you at a Tribunal hearing. You will need to bring the case against the individual and also the company. If you leave, then find yourself having to claim Jobseekers Allowance; you will be asked why you left your previous job. Make sure that you provide every detail, including that you took your complaint higher in the company. This "evidence" would be submitted to a decision maker who will make the decsion as to whether you left in" Good Cause." The decision maker for JSA will also like to know if you did try to seek alternative employment. http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/DisabledPeople...ghts/DG_4001073 Jannih

The new "Failure to Attend" rules are a bit draconian but whereas before they shut your claim down for the non attendance days, now it stays open. They just stop your money for that week- so need to make a rapid reclaim. The computer does not make the decision. It is still a Decision maker who is based outside that office, elsewhere. It's just that before, the paperwork was done manually and faxed over to the Decision Maker and now it is sent electronically. If you wish to use your A4 notepad instead of your "Looking For Work" log then they cannot stop you. It sounds like someone is being a bit awkward or they are new and inexperienced. As I said in a previous post ,all you have to do is show them that you are actively seeking work. You can produce letters / emails from employers. A list off your computer of jobs you have sought, newspaper cuttings etc. If they tried to do you on " actively seeking work" because you did not produce the ES4 (Jobsearch Log) but produced evidence in other forms, it would be thrown out by the decision maker. So hang on to your A4 pad ! RE: your signing on card. It is needed as it helps the staff to locate your claim paperwork, quickly and more efficiently. It also acts as basic "ID" even though they will go through some ID questions before signing you. It's not the end of the world if you haven't brougt it in and they shouldn't refuse to see you. If they do, just pick up a complaints form, fill it in, return it to the address given and send a copy to your MP, mentioning your disability. You have a disability, which should not be used as a cop out but nevertheless, they should show more tolerance.

No, it's another friend. She has done counselling training and I think she is trying to get me to think about how I would mentally/emotionally deal with an adverse decision on the part of the psychiatrist. She says I have to be determined to go forward and not back out at the slightest hurdle - she does not have a good opinion of the NHS mental health sector and thinks I might not be able to stand my ground with them.