Elanor

Hi Did you try speaking to the RSPB - http://www.rspb.org.uk/birds/advice/careof...haned_birds.asp I couldn't leave a little bird, but you've got your hands full now. I can't help with the identification - nestlings are too wierd. It might not have fallen from a nest - it could have been dropped by a predator like a magpie. Good luck with it. Elanor

I understand that it's all very irritating, but unless its causing you or your son problems (other than the irritation of course) I suggest you just try to speak to them as little as possible and don't do anything - you're probably not likely to achieve much if they're as ignorant as they seem to be.

School had no input at all in my son's diagnosis. Elanor

Hi I agree entirely with Zemanski - you should not be alone in dealing with this, and the referral is the the right route into the NHS. However, the school should be doing something now - its easy for the school only to see (and punish) your son's reactions, and not the bullying that preceeds it. I'd suggest that you write to them in detail as soon as you can - perhaps over the coming week you could get some specific examples of the teasing/bullying problem? Over-reaction to teasing is common in children with ASD, and needs to be recognised by the school. It might be appropriate to involve an educational psychologist - although the school might resist this, and you'll have to push. A good book on anger in children with ASD is Asperger Syndrome and Difficult Moments: Practical Solutions for Tantrums, Rage and Meltdown by Brenda Smith Myles and Jack Southwick. Take care Elanor

Hi All the absences were authorised - so there's no question of you getting into hassle from the authorities. If you judge that your child's education has not suffered, and won't do so, then apply for the holiday if you like - it's for you to judge. Elanor

Hi You could try a Tipi - I'm trying one out on July http://www.yha.org.uk/Types_of_Accommodati...ent_a_Tipi.html Elanor

This sounds like one of the common fallacies about ASD - people who should know better telling us that our kids aren't ASD because they show empathy, have some social skills, make eye contact, don't stim etc. Asperger's and HFA are complex and sometimes subtle disorders - children might exhibit deficits in skills, rather than lacking them all together. A child may have empathy - but is it as well-developed as you'd expect in a similarly aged child, are there oddities in the child's ability to empathise, is the empathic response actually impaired, or misdirected? It isn't as black and white as some people think! Elanor

Hi Have you tried explaining about the rules of the road, the highway code, legal stopping distances, speed limits and the fact that everyone who drives has had to pass a really hard test to prove that they are good enough to drive? Kids that age are sometimes at the 'rulebound' stage - ie they believe strongly in the rules, and that everyone should follow them - it might help if she realises that there are rules that other drivers have to follow which make it safe for everyone. Elanor

Hi Viper <'> <'> <'> You really don't need to feel guilty about this - you've taken a rational and reasonable decision on your child's behalf - there's nothing selfish about this. Your tiredness and stress won't be helping either - but don't feel guilty, I think you're doing the responsible thing. You don't need to tell a young child that you're giving him medication. You, as his parent, are his proxy - you make decisions for him, because he's too young to have the judgement to take the deicisions for himself. You decide what clothes you buy for him, the food you (try to ) give him, the school he attends, the behaviour he's allowed to exhibit at home, the activities he's allowed to do outside home - giving him medication (or hormones in this case), is exactly the same thing. Take it easy on yourself - you're having a tough time. Lots of <'> <'> Elanor

This is interesting to me - I've been trying to pluck up the courage to go to the doctor for a thyroid test - there's thyroid problems in the family, and I've done the basal temperature test which shows there might be underactivity - but I just hate going to the doctor. He'll probably just say I'm overweight because I don't try hard enough, and I'm tired cos I don't exercise enough (or because I work too hard). Anyway - I must make that call! Elanor

Hi Dooday, and welcome Have you actually been refused a referral to a specialist in your area? Can you seek a referral outside your area? Some of us have found that it short-cuts the system a bit if you see a specialist (eg child psychiatrist) privately - of course it can be expensive, especially if a lot of investigation is needed. My son was diagnosed on the spot, after a 50 minute meeting, but it can take much longer. Maybe some people from your area can provide more information here, but the truth is that there often is very little help available even when you get a diagnosis - but diagnosis is critical. It means you can press for help from schools, the medical system and also from relevant benefits. You would also find it easier to get onto one of the NAS courses - eg Help! or Earlybird and Earlybird Plus (depending on your child's age). In terms of what you can do in the meantime, there's lots - and it all starts with getting an understanding of autism and aspergers, and beginning to see the world through your son's eyes. Start with a good book - like something by Tony Attwood (try the local library ordering system, or Amazon if you want to buy). You can make big changes to your child's life to make things easier, to reduce stress and help him cope better. You'll find lots of help on this forum, so stay around and read some of the old threads. Violence and aggression usually mean that your son is feeling stressed, and doesn't have appropriate ways of coping. In a documentary shown last week, Temple Grandin, an autisic adult, explained that fear can be a predominant emotion - I think that's true of my son. It's terribly hard to live with a child who behaves violently - but there are ways of dealing with it, and helping him to learn and to develop. Don't you just love the parenting classes! It all sounds so great - until you try to put an autistic child into time out! I'll bet half of us here have been down that route - even after diagnosis. I hope you get somewhere with the 'system'. Take care Elanor

Thanks - that's made my little boy very happy (he's chosen the smilies as a thank you!! Cheers Elanor

Wow Katkin - don't stop now!

Can you help my son do his homework? I've (we've) answered the ones we can, but I can't work the rest out: 1. 26 l in the A 26 letters in the alphabet 2. 7c in the r 7 colours in the rainbow? 3. 6 w of H the E 4. 7s on a FPP 5. 1000m in a k 1000 metres in a kilometre 6. 64 s in a CB 7. 1066 B of H 1066 Battle of Hastings 8. 28 d in F 9. 24 h in a d 24 hours in a day 10. 8 L on a S Please help - he wants to get them all right! Elanor

Hi Liz Perhaps there's a connection with this problem, and the fact that your son has started school. He's now getting more stimulation, and also pressure and perhaps stress, than he's been used to - and he's probably taking longer to 'come down' than you're used to. You could try adjusting his bedtime routine - it might help to start earlier and put more structure into it. You could also work on an incentive programme to reward him for responding well to his routine, and for staying in bed and trying hard, even if he can't actually get off to sleep as early as you like. Staying positive is really important, and a reward scheme promotes this. It can take a child with AS a long time to respond to this sort of thing, but it's worth persevering, and giving then that extra time. Hope this helps Elanor

Thanks Phasmid - if I can set the ball rolling, I do sometimes find the forum gets cluttered - often by people starting a new thread, and instead of continuing it as developments happen, instead they start a new one, and then another - and so it goes. Perhaps the mods could help by linking these threads together? This would also mean that you can follow someone's story or problem, rather than losing information through having come in half way! Elanor

You could also try giving the Criminal Records Bureau a call - they won't be able to tell you if someone has been checked (data protection) but they might be able to confirm whether the number is a valid one (although it could belong to someone else).

Just finished working

The only time to go to a theme park is when it's likely to be quiet - inset days are good, but the absolute best time is when there's a World Cup England match at a weekend! Seriously - they're all watching the telly!

You caught me at it ... Elanor

It's interesting how much more research Ms Grant seems to have put into her defence, than she did into the original article. The backlash was not about censorship or shouting down - it was about shock at the ignorance and prejudice displayed in the article. If - and its a big 'if' - some feckless parents are lazily blaming autism for their children's bad behaviour (without ever going to the trouble of getting a diagnosis) perhaps it was worth an article, but I don't recall that Ms Grant ever showed any evidence that this is happening. Elanor

I'm sceptical about PDA - too many of the behaviours described are indistinguishable from Aspergers, and I'll side with Professor Tantum on this (who I've met and have a lot of respect for). The PDA diagnosis doesn't seem to have reached orthodoxy - ie having a great deal of peer support amongst the expert community, or being demonstrated with a range of scientific studies. That being the case, I am very hesitant (and more than a little worried) to see the 'condition' being suggested in the context of our children. There's something very perjoritive about PDA - ie the kids know what they're doing, and they are just being nasty and manipulative. Haven't we heard all this before? Elanor

Hi Loulou I really do sympathise with your problem, but I think you should plan on it getting worse. Kai is at a difficult age, when he's exposed to more and more pressures at school, and generally as he interacts more with other children. If he continues to respond with aggression - and outright violence - then you have to intervene. It is also so very painful for Kai - he doesn't want to do this, he can't help it - and you need to make sure he's not put into a situation where he loses his control, because it is so damaging to him. Unless you can be confident that Kai can learn to control his anger and to direct it elsewhere (my son uses a punchbag - but it took him 2 years to get used to using it, he used his brother instead) then you might have reached the stage where you either have to ban the other child from playing with your son, or always be there to supervise. You don't need to tell me how unfair or unrealistic this is, I really know - but what choice do you have when your child gets violent with someone else's child, and you can't stop him? I'm so sorry, this is probably not what you want to hear, but my fear is that things might not get better for a few years (I medicated my son from the age of 9 to control aggression). Can you get any help from CAMHS in teaching your son how to re-direct his anger? You can do it with behaviour modification (ie rewards and punishments!) but it's a long haul. On a brighter note, I no longer need to supervise my son (he's 12) with other kids, he knows how to recognise that he is becoming angry, and how to deal with that (ie to walk away and take it out on the punch bag, or cool down with some music). Take care - you can manage this, but it's so hard. Elanor

I agree with your points Jill. I know a young man with AS who touched a woman's leg as she climbed the steps into a bus in front of him - he doesn't know why he did it, he certainly had no sexual intent. I doubt that he had any idea about personal space. Of course it was interpreted as an assault, and he accepted a police caution. From the woman's point of view, someone touched her up, from his point of view, it was nothing. Who's right? Was it really a crime? Anyway this story is looking at things from the wrong direction - how many people with AS are victims of crimes? I'll guess they are substantially more vulnerable to crime - just as they are to bullying as children. Elanor

Hi Lizzie I'm glad you're finding help here - it's great to be able to tap into so much experience. Have you tried to find a local group for parents of children with Aspergers or Autism? The NAS might be able to help - it can really help you feel less isolated. I don't think the issues here are about medication vs home-schooling - nothing in ASDs is that black and white. My son does take risperdal (for lots of very involved reasons) which helps him be able to benefit from school - although this doesn't excuse the school from making effort. Home schooling is simply not an option with us, and school is bearable at the moment. If you feel that the school isn't working with you and making enough effort, and assuming you've not already gone down this road, then you'll find lots of help in the Education section. You could also contact the NAS education helpline or IPSEA (see jargon buster). Take care Elanor