linss

hi thanks for your reply, he was diagnosed with AS , the psychiatrist said he was also mildly adhd and for this adhd she could give medication.I have always been confused by this. Are children not given medication if they have only have AS as a diagnosis ? What if he doesn't actually have adhd will the treatment be relevant to him ? , do you need a correct diagnosis to benefit from the medication? In relation to his school, knowing them well and how they strive to understand the children i believe they are being honest and realistic with me about his options , it was i who understood what they were hinting regarding medication and i broached the subject with them and it's then that they explained that without extra help from this area it was unlikely that he could continue in mainstream schooling . They haven't mentioned a particular medication and wouldn't do this.

hello everyone , I wanted to know if this has happened to you. We are under a lot of pressure from school to give our son medication, he's eight and is now on his third school . This school is actually very good and he's part of a special unit with specialised support. His behaviour is still the same however with violent outburts and school are finding him very hard to teach as he so often refuses to even attempt anything. We're now in the position where in so many words we've been told it's either medication or no schooling . Has this happened to you ??? I am coming around to the idea of medication but really know so little about it at this stage.

hi , i find a visual timetable really helps. Particularly for getting up in the morning. I took photo's of K washing , cleaning his teeth having breakfast etc , laminated them and put them on a board.We,ve got one in the kitchen and one in his bedroom.He often goes and checks it and i've found it's taken away some of his anxiety. Easier for me too , my 3 year old knows what she's doing more than he does and he's 7 bless him!

It makes me feel so much better to learn there are others going through the same things. i think social stories are a great suggestion at least i would feel like i'm doing something ! He seems contented at home playing in his room. I don't know whether it's best to keep integrating him - so he can learn through experience or to wait till he's older and more mature and therefor possibly better exquiped to manage.

There's an area that i know i'm failing my son and i feel so incredibly bad that in this area i'm weak and letting him down. He's seven and very sociable but when he mixes with other children it's only a matter of minutes before some sort of trouble starts.He wants so much to play with them and i watch them start off having fun then as my son gets engrossed in the game they start to look at him oddly , i see them loose interest or disagree with the game and my son is just clueless bless him he just gets more and more desperate to play with them and then cross words will start and he gets cross and insulting and they leave . Today we went to a pub which turned out to have an indoor play area it was not an ideal environment for him at all ,the end of the day ,a small space ,too many kids,and i would have avoided it but he was in there like a shot yet only five minutes passed before a child came out crying because some boy had hit her - i knew it would be him - and it was. I'm not being negative it just so often is. I understand it's part of his AS and i feel upset for him and wish he didn't have to go through these things. and what makes me feel so bad is that when he gets in trouble i get cross with him , my anger stops me from dealing with the situation in a way that would support him and help him learn from it . i know i don't do anything really wrong and my support of him and drive is 100% but in this area i'm failing him and it hurts. Part of my anger comes from not wanting to always have to stand out i don't like confrontation and am a real pacemaker so when he causes trouble it really goes against my comfort zone. We can never just blend in. I want to overcome this weakness , i want to be strong to help him this is the area i find hardest

Hi my son had his last swimming lesson today while they break for the holidays. He absolutely loves going but understandably he can't stay focussed for the whole lesson and will clown about , i know the teacher has been getting frustrated with him but on the whole and viewing him from an AS point of view i think he's done well there's been times when i've been proud of him and how he's tried. What has upset me though is that i approached the teacher at the end to inquire whether he would be moving up and she said yes he would but then turned to him and said in a really sharp voice " but you will have to behave much better , you've behaved badly today you must try harder, it's not on" and so on ... She is aware of his AS. Since her saying this i've been feeling really annoyed and upset it didn't really register at first but know i've thought about it i feel really cross with her. By saying that she has shown no understanding of his difficulties and needs and where was a positive comment ! what about all the things he did do well. Am i being over sensitive ???? I came away moaning at him and thinking why does he always have to be the worst behaved every club we go to . I should not have taken that out on him but when we mix with " society " that's how i end up feeling.

my son's is red and typically it's my least favourite colour !

Hi, my son came out of school at lunchtime and said ," i've had a great day but i'll let you into a secret i'm the schools bad boy i'm the worst boy they've got,that's why i'm being kicked out again " He's seven, and despite all of us trying to make him feel otherwise he persists in this opinion of himself and to be honest i can see that's how it would look that way to him. Things aren't helped now by the fact that his school (this is his second after two nurseries) have found they can't meet his needs , so we'll be moving on again. Has the time come for me to tell him he has Aspergers ? Will it help him to stop blaming himself if he knows there's a reason for his difficulties ? And... the biggest question of all , how do i tell him ?

That's a very good point about the work becoming harder and the sats ,yes he is in year 2. He's always been so bright and got away with doing the bare minimum now thats changed and the other children are going past him . He's no longer the top of the class and because he doesn't listen for long and likes to do it his own way he's making mistakes and missing the point. I think knowing he's not one of the top is getting to him and he can't make himself do anything about it.

Hi , my son is seven and has AS. He's having so many problems at school i just don't know what more to do. School has always been his difficulty he manages very well at home . It's always been a rocky road with school and for the last six months he's had full time support , He's offered lots of incentives and they try very hard to meet his needs. The problem is his behaviour is going downhill even more.In the last month or so it's taken a nose dive . He's more aggressive ,angry and become hugely defiant absolutely refusing to do most of his work ,come in from the playground, go to assembly in fact anything that he decides he doesn't want to do he makes a huge fuss which develops into defiance and often violent outbursts. What's happening to him ? It's a vicious circle he misbehaves and he gets in trouble for it and then feels bad so he misbehaves again and so it goes on. I can't say school are not handling it well or being too hard on him because i don't think they are really at fault. They mostly act fairly and he does have to learn from his negative behavior and this means losing out on things or gaining minutes etc. We do all try to use positive reinforcement and praise as well. We can't find any reason for this decline nothing has changed his life is such a happy one. he just seems to be giving up " i don't like it , it's boring i'm NOT doing it ". Seems to be his reasons. Yet at home we have boundries always have done and he doesn't question it. why does he do this at school ? Can anyone relate to this ? can you see something i'm missing ? I just don't know what more to do it's looking bad for him and his future at this school if things don't improve , please help

Hi, well done for getting yourself up and to the doctors thats the hardest part. I'm on anti d's as well,i know i'm a strong person yet i've found life has worn me down lately and it's been that bit harder to cope. I'd rather not be taking them but we have to be kind to ourselves and if thats what it takes to cope in our situations then that's what we have to do.

Hi Liz - it's the worst feeling thinking is my child safe, will he pull a fast one! I know how you feel - sending you one of these <'>

thanks!!! that is a top idea and much more acceptable to his teacher i would imagine.

I just wish we could all opperate on a proffesional level, i am there to do a job for the benefit of my son which in turn will benefit them. In all my dealings with school i am always friendly ,understanding and supportive. It's a shame that teachers let their own personal feelings about how they will appear when i his mother am observing, influence their descicion. It's not a big deal! i think they do an admirable job(they know i think this) i just want to look at my own childs behavior in school for an hour or two. And i know from past experience that he will behave no different whether i am in his class or not. Thats part of his problem he won't hide his behaviour from anyone even the Queen herself wouldn't be excused from a passing kick if she'd upset him I won't ask again though i don't want to make thing awkward.

I think what is so hard for us is to take a step back from situations and just chill for a bit Often it would really help our nerves ! ,some days if i've had lots of meetings and conversations about my son i'll be completely unable to 'come down' and relax ,my mind won't calm down.

morning all! We've got an appointment with our Consultant Psychiatrist next Tuesday. As most of the issues with my son (7)are at school and as they are constantly reeling off incidents that happen daily - i asked his class teacher if i could come in to school one morning and observe him. I have a good relationship with the school and as they are experiencing the brunt of his behaviour i think it's really important for me to see the main issues and what causes them etc for me to accurately relay this to the Psych. It will also probably be one of our last visits to her. So i want to get everything i can out of it. The problem is his teacher is not keen ,she said perhaps i could come in next Monday but i can tell she's not really happy with the idea. Could anyone tell me whether my request is unsuitable , are there any reasons why i wouldn't be allowed ? I feel frustrated as my job before i had kids was an NNEB so i am trained to proffesionally observe and record childrens behaviour. So many teachers act like they are the only ones with the 'knowledge'.

Yep i completely agree with that , he's like the classes object of interest!

Yep Carole ! thats why we're on here now and they are fast asleep !

Oh Nellie thanks , reading that makes me feel there is hope for the future for my 7 year old, and it's nice to hear that our instincts as parents who are closest to them,into how they deal with things may be right! thanks

Hi i can totally relate to what you say. It was definately starting school that was the biggest wake up call for us. My son is also the same with tantrums once they are finished for him they appear over and done with and he can carry on as is nothing just happened. This makes understanding them for other people so hard to work out. School wants to go over and over the incident and in my sons mind he has moved on. I see him trying to think what they want him to say ! If something particularly bad has upset him he will sometimes refer to it at a later time perhaps bedtime or some time in the future. This makes me believe that they don't necesserily forget the information is just put in another place till another time. Does that make any sense ?!!!

If he hits someone ( and sometimes it has been a teacher , TA or meal time assistant) How should we discipline him ?

i completely agree with your replies . They still can't help comparing him to the other kids. His head teacher told me that whilst he had AS she thought he was also a " naughty boy" ! She said his Aspergers could explain some behaviour but the rest was just naughty I'm trying to get my head round this comment - ??????????

HI all ! I've got a school meeting tomorrow and i could really do with some help My little lad who's 7, As and a little bit ADHD (for good measure! ) has been having a really hard time since he started back after the hols .Understandable as i know it's a big change in routine and he always takes time to settle . The problem is his hitting out ,often it will be due to his over enthusiasm - a rough game in the playground where all the boys are playing and he's got over excited and took it too far. Or - a situation where he's flinging his arms about and someone gets hit. Or - on occasions he will hit out in anger at those who have caused his upset and even those unlucky ones that haven't ! This meeting tomorrow is with his teacher and T.A to discuss strategies to control this hitting out . I'm at a loss to know what line to take - - are some of these inevitable situations due to his condition ? Should i condone his being punished for them? How can we deal with this in the best way? I do want him to understand that hitting is something he must not do we've told him over and over again but it just keeps happening. If anyones got any ideas it would really help ,I've got a head cold and this is more than the old turnip can manage at present!!!

Hi ,2 Pink2 blue, I've found this site is really one of the best ways to understand your childs behaviour whether your yet at a diagnostic stage or just beginning to look for answers. I really wasn't sure if my son (6) had AS or not but through this site i was able for the first time to see so many similar experiences from other parents .The support this brings is amazing As to the subject of back to school i could really use some advice My little dear went back yesterday and the feedback in his contact book is bad to say the least he didn't achieve any stars on his sticker chart so it must have been a nightmare ,usually he manages 4 or 5. Apparently he's been calling everyone idiots refusing to work and hitting out all day. I know why it happens the change of routine , settling down after the hols etc but what do i say to him ???? Do i tell him off ? Take away his X box ? Or do what i've done which is sat him down between me and his dad and talked it through saying how were you feeling when this or that happened , why was what you did not the best option and what can we do to get it back on track next week. We also said that if he continues hitting his x box will be confiscated . Is this the right way to go?????

Hi,just a thought , it may be worth checking the itching out with your GP. I say this because out of the blue a few weeks ago i started itching over most of my body for which theres no obvious reason. My GP gave me a blood test as itching can indicate a whole range of minor problems including anemia. i've found an antihistemene to be really helpful and your GP can pescribe ones that will not cause drowsiness. Also Betnovick( sorry that may well be spelt wrong ! ) bring me the best topical relief. My sons AS and he's very funny about what he'll wear. its a nightmare as all boys trousers are combat style with loads of uncomfortable seams and stitching. Though to all you out there with the same problem i do know of trousers that will defy any kid to find uncomfortable they are called BODEN BAGGIES by mail order company BODEN my son lives in them!