reuby2

Sending you lots of <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> I had a terrible time yesterday and everyone helped me so much,... Today I feel totally different. I do understand how you feel, my son often ignores us and I have to ask 6 or 7 times before he will acknowledge me and then some more before I get an answer.My son doesn't want to do anything and it is a real push to get him out of the house. He doesn't enjoy colouring etc but if someone else has a go he destroys what they are doing and doesn't let them. Are you in the process of being referred etc? <'> <'>

<'> YOU ARE ALL FANTASTIC!!!!!!!! I WANT TOSEND <'> <'> to you all. It all seems so silly now, as it is quiet in the house and he has slept all night. I feel a bit embaressed really as it just seemed out of proportion yesterday.I am only just starting to admit that I find it really hard, my Mum and friends say that I am so patient and understanding with him, starting to think maybe that's the problem!! <'>

Oh No, I hope your hands okay! <'> <'>

Thanks every one,you don't know how much it has helped ! Well we have just got back from the doctors where he has screamed and cried and whinged more than all the newborn babies in there!!! He refused to put his shoes on so I carried him in ,then he sat there with his hood up and whinged about how it was my fault and I made him upset, everyone was looking at me, getting hyper worked up and covering his ears and screaming when the baby cried, we had made an appointment 3 hours previously so when we got there a big sign flashed up saying "Waiting time between 1 and a half and 2 hours "!!!!!! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! So i queried it with the assistant who verified that it was a wait, explained his situation (ASD) and she offered us a quiet place to wait which after about 5 mins we accepted, he was curled up on the chair,crying. It must have looked like we didn't care because we ignored him and didn't look at him, NOT because we didn't care but because everytime I said "are you okay" he screamed at me and evertime I looked at him he screamed again, so i had to sit there looking at the wall opposite not saying anything and with this constant whinging at my side. When we got in there (About 10 mins later so not too bad at all) he acted like ,,...I don't know what.....screaming and crying,gritting his teeth ,accusing the doc of hurting him . BEFORE she touched him!! Then when we are in the car he has calmed right down again.!!! Anyway his ears are red again but no infection, it's a viral thing again. Anyway all's calm on the western front now. God bless you all. Fiona x

Glad he had a good time. <'> P.s I'm not suprised he sniffed the chair, you don't know who's been sitting there!!!!

<'> <'> <'> Kirstie <'> <'> <'> You are doing great! I do agree about being blunt with your hubby...E.g can you do the washing please etc. You really need someone looking after you a bit. Hope you have a great time today and if you are not feeding baby yourself, make hubby get up and take his turn in the night , you need some sleep!!! <'> <'> <'>

Thanks lynona, I have been quite concerned about his ears as in december he had a nasty infection that the doc thought could make his eardrum burst, luckily it didn't.He had 3 lots of antibiotics in december and one lot was a stronger kind.Surely it can't be right to have so many infections? Well all is quiet now, he is eating his lunch and happily watching the t.v. Thanks everyone, <'> <'>

Thinking of you <'> <'> It sounds like your son has made some real steps forward. Perhaps this teacher just needs you to educate her as she does seem to be coming from a different angle.I wouldn't be happy about them doing something against your wishes *(e.g the pull ups), I hope that things get better. Perhaps you could remind them that he is your son and it is you that are committed to his well being for his whole life and that you are proud of the acheivements that he has made and that he is a person not just someone to stick in pull ups to make life easier for them! My son doesn't have these kind of problems, we have different ones with anxiety etc, so I don't know much but wanted to send you some <'> <'>

Thanks Witsend and Lynona.He is 7.I have just managed to get him to put his clothes on and come downstairs with the promise of the T.V. It really seems to get out of control when he is asked to do something that he doesn't want to. Hubby is finding this all quite funny because usually it is only happening to him and I can get him to calm down very easily and so i have always accused my hubby of being the cause (by not explaining himself or not listening) My son has always been really stubborn even from a baby.I don't know what to do for the best even yesterday I was talking to my Mum and saying how I was feeling it a bit now, not being able to do the things as a parent that I always wanted to and she was saying that she thinks a lot of his problems are that he is spoilt (has too many toys) an only child and used to having my attention. She does admit that she can now tell that it is something more, when he was first dx she wouldn't believe it. But I have started thinking Am i too soft on him, he is very vocal about how he feels about people, I don't like them , I hate them etc. Each time I tell him it is rude and not the way to speak to people, but he still does it (he doesn't like anyone apart from me!) so he says it to Dad, Nana, Grandad,my friends kids etc. I also find it hard because when he is "in one" and I am trying to explain to him, he will scream full blast in my face and my instinct it to slap his face (stop the noise of his screaming), we don't smack him. I don't like the way he can push my buttons.Luckily there is always another part of me that kicks in and I try to be calm, but i am starting to feel really weary. Thanks everyone for being here. Hi Kathryn, He isn't very well again, I think it may be his ears again, he had 3 ear infections in Dec.I have told him that we will forget about the docs till later on as he needs tto calm down a little before I broach that again!

Thank you god that someone has replied!!!!!! I am been driven up the wall.Adams mum ...thanks.. just to connect with someone right now helps. I think i am becoming hysterical I am starting to find it funny on a very deep level!How much can one human take.!!!

I've got to post or else i will be in tears on the floor.In the last two weeks my son has been so much worse. He is currently upstairs screaming like an animal every time we try to speak to him. He is having one major tantrum and is so angry because he has been told to put his clothes on.He is acting like one spoilt brat!!! He screams at us to stop talking and then does this pitiful, "well I don't know, How can I know, I can't control myself,I get frustrated" or " he's (dad) frustrating me!". Well these are my words when I have been talking to people or intervening when Dad isn't understanding him. This is what makes me think he is being naughty and controlling rather than his ASD. He is driving us CRAZY!!!! We know that he is unwell as he has been off school for two days with a temp and we are trying to get him to the doctors that is why he needs to get ready. It really is like talking to ananimal the screams and grunts he is making.Surely everything can't be put down to his ASD..he wouldn't talk to his teachers like this, he is as good as gold at school, but bosses us around all the time. We "can't do this" or "Do this", sometimes life feels so hard. I am sorry for ranting, really sorry, I hate to be negative but right now if i stop typing i'll explode!!!

P.s Like Jen said.......people do need a little extra help sometimes.There was a thread about antidepressants recently and the amount of us that take them. I was offered antidepressants after sons birth as I was really anxious about his safety (Much too anxious !!!!). I refused as I didn't "want to go down that road". Anyway 2 years later I was close to a nervous breakdown and had no choice, looking back i wish I had taken them sooner as I could have enjoyed those years. Anyway I will probably always take them (I really feel with myself that it is a chemical imbalance as I don't need additional support from counsellors etc and just feel myself again, but if I was to stop taking them it would start all over again). Most people only need them for the short term. My doctor explained it to me like this.......If you had diabetes and your body was not producing what it needed you would take insulin.Your body isn't producing enough of the chemical it needs and it is the same, just because the organ affected is the brain makes no difference. Anyway, we are all here for you <'> Take care <'>

That's great news!!! <'> It's great to hear he is having a better time of it all this week. Well done Steven!!!!

Hi Theresa, I'm glad that someone intervened in this stalemate situation.Hope your son feels a bit better now. <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

Sorry just realised you asked for advice on talking to her. I tend to be able to deal better with my son as I don't react, I tell him to try and tell me what is the matter if he is having full scale tantrum etc. Sometimes I ask his advice e.g How can we make this easier? or.. can you think of anything that would make this better for you? He is generally very good if I get him to explain to me what's happening or why he is frustrated. Sometimes I have to walk away and give him some space. For example ..If my son hurts himself and I ask him if he is okay or go to him , he screams at me to leave him alone, leave him alone. I tell him over his screams that I care and when he is ready ,to come and tell me. When he is screaming he is so angry, that talking to him makes it 10 times worse and he says the noise of my talking frustrates him. I think the key thing is to try and stay calm even if she is anything but! ...... the important word is try, we all have our limits!!!!!!!

Sending you loads of <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> I know exactly how you feel, I'm finding it hard at the mo. Just have to take one day at a time I suppose. I've just come back from a friends house we've had a bottle of wine and I have whinged quite a bit.As much as she tries and she is a fab friend, it is difficult for her to understand how emotionally draining and challenging each day can be.She thinks we could just get him out and doing things if we put our foot down more, whereas in reality our kids can turn the simplest things into a huge mountain to cross!!!!!! As for getting hurt, both me and dad get it (but mostly dad). Hubby is getting really down about it at the moment and finds himself shouting back. It sometimes feels like we can't do anything right!!!!! Anyway, here's hoping tomorrows a good day!!! Bye for now. <'>

Last time we went to the hairdressers was a major mistake!!!!!!!! He cried all the way through like he was petrified, it was my fault really because I had said we could get a comic from the shop and then get his hair cut but when we went past the hairdressers there was no queue so Dad said.."we would be better going now while there is no queue!....BIG MISTAKE> Next time I will make sure that we do it exactly in the order we said we would!!!! The hairdressers aren't very nice there (won't be going there again!) and in the end I had to explain quietly that he has ASD because they kept saying things like " you sound like a mouse" etc when he was crying. Oh well!!!

I tear my hair out with this kind of thing, all he wants to do is stay at home, he doesn't want to try anything. We had been making him go to cubs and Dad stayed as one of the helpers and when he was there he had a great time, very happy BUT the lead up to it and if you asked him he would say he hated it, didn't want to go etc. We have just decided to stop making him go as it is draining on him and us. I know that if he would give some things a try he might like them, but even at weekends he gets upset if we have to go out and has major tantrums over it. He wont stay with anyone other than me and Dad (when his nan has him after school twice a week (for an hour and a half)he has major abdabs that he hates her etc). He wont stay at a friends house for even ten mins without us. It concerns me because he doesn't want to do anything. He has been screaming and in tears today because I mentioned that I have just booked the summer holiday in wales, (in our own cottage near the sea with a garden). He is off school today because he is poorly but it is always the same. I despair that he is becoming Agrophobic. I know he has an ASD but I find it unusual that he doesn't want to do anything except stay in the house(computer,playfighting with Dad, T.v,toys).I don't think it is healthy and it upsets me because I can't find a common ground with him, except Pokemon stickers for his album at the mo. Sorry if this posting seems disjointed but I really am questioning if it is something Me and Hubby are doing wrong!!

So sorry to hear the situation, Simon. will be thinking of you and your family as you have to make tough choices.Keeping you in my thoughts. <'> <'> <'> <'> Fiona

Really pleased for you. Hope it makes a difference for you all <'> <'>

Could you explain to him why it was wrong?Perhaps try to make him see how his behaviour made the teacher feel?Then talk about how it made him feel? Perhaps explain that it is important to respect his teacher?Social story? I don't know how old your son is or where he is on the spectrum so i'm not much help i'm afraid.But I'm thinking of you and he may just suprise you once he has calmed down a little. <'> <'> <'> <'>

Hi Pingu, I found out my son has ASD in November but for years even before the ASD thing was followed, I Swear he was never the same after having his MMR as a baby.He screamed himself to sleep that night, writhing in my arms and since that time he was always poorly with ear infections etc. I know that kids get infections all the time etc but I noticed his health deteriorate from that jab and that was before the controvesy started. But I know loads of kids who have had it and are fine.What I dislike is the health visitors, doctors (not all) pushing for us to get this jab and pushing the worst case scenario into our face if they were to get measles etc. It's the guilt thing. It very much reminds me of when we went for our mortgage and they were trying to push us to have an endownment and weren't very happy when we refused. however when I have explained my decision to our paediatrician she said no problem he's had one jab so he will have some immunity anyway. I think each person has to make an informed decision. I agree with what Baddad said about making the best decision you can with the information available at this time. It's all any of us can do!! Hope everything becomes clearer to you both. <'> <'>

Hi Laine, pleased to meet you.

Hi Laine, I've just had a similar problem with the Ed psyc over my son (7)who says that the camhs report doesn't give him a dx of an ASd even thought the paediatrician says it is a clear dx from the CAmhs report!!!! This Ed pysch then went on to tell me that the psychiatrist who did the report has also dx another of her pupils at another school but the ed pysch doesn't think there is anything wrong with this boy either !!!!! You don't happen to come from the midlands do you and it's the same ed psyc?????????? I don't know where they all get off!!!! I think if they have issues they should get back to the proffessionals that they disagree with,and sort it out that way instead of putting in their tuppence worth to us parents and confusing things!!! The Ed psych is NOT qualified to dx and she admitted to me that she wasn't the proffessional in that area so .....then.......THEY SHOULD KEEP THEIR OPINIONS TO THEMSELVES and concentrate on what they are qualified to do ....I say!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hang in there chuck!!!! <'> <'> <'> <'>

Hiya, When we got married we decided to set up 3 different accounts. 1 for bills, 1 for the car and petrol and the other one for household, food, going out etc.We have never got into trouble because we only use the accounts for their set purpose. Before this, all the money was paid into one account and I just didn't know where I was. All the bills are set up for Direct Debit and this really helps. Hope you find everyones posts useful Fiona <'>