matzoball

fantastic

thanks

you have a strong opinion about what i have said in a previous post, that's fair enough i did expect some kind of backlash. you are focusing on one very small part of it, in fact one word - i realise now that again i have used the wrong word as i previously did with 'meltdown' as this has triggered a great deal of umbrage with you so for that i apologise as offence was most definitely not intended. if you recall my post in it's entirety i addressed negative behaviour in a positive way and tried to suggest that we all be more supportive of each other, however you have taken offence to my use of one word and expanded that into me insulting parents by using a 'cop out'. it's a word. that's it. not a personal attack, not some draconian measure taken to insinuate some sort of autism lottery that allowed you to manage your childs challenging behaviour, or your child's ability to manage his own behaviour. i have no doubt you work hard every day with your son and he works hard too. why is it so hard for you concede the point that what works for you may not work for others, without attacking at the same time? i actually respect your opinion, even when it's something i don't agree with. however what i don't appreciate is when you for want of a better phrase take me down to size then use it as a platform for your views on asd, parenting, problems people have with managing their asd. if you want to do that fine, but please stop making me feel like the scum of the earth while you do so and ending it with a smiley. I have noticed more recently that you think that people like me fake LF traits to garner more sympathy or recognition or some sort of favour, or even use it as an excuse not to manage their condition. that's also rather insulting. but if that's what you want to believe - fine. i just wish you wouldn't use my posts to somehow jump from me trying to get everyone to support each other as we should be doing, to soapboxing your beliefs. you've done it in several posts of mine, and i am finding it really hard not to take it personally. i've never once asked you to apologise because i respect your right to an opinion - i just wish you would respect mine. or me.

i personally think this is a case of a clash of equally strong opinions. however no parent likes to be made to feel that their child is at fault (whether they are or not, whether they can help it or not). subsequently no parent likes to be made to feel that their parenting skills are being called into question especially if they are trying as hard as they can, with the resources they have. some parents might feel like they have all the solutions, since they have been lucky enough to find what works for them and that's fantastic, but they have to take into account that it's not a cookie cutter world where the same person fits into the same mould. that's why it's called a spectrum. some people on the spectrum can have a lot of valid perceptions and opinions on handling a child because that's the line of work they are in, and they have a unique viewpoint because of that situation. but they are not in the same situation as they person they are having conflicting opinions with, and should have respect for that. while i understand the frustration of parenting skills coming under attack, although it's hard as it is such an emotional subject to remain calm and objective, pm'ing angry message isn't the best course of action. stating that a child's behaviour is only down to parental behaviour, is a bit of a blanket statement - especially on a forum aimed at supporting quite capable parents whos children have challenging behaviour due to a disability. the best intentioned parents in the world with all the resources in the world can still find othat their child exhibits violent and disruptive behaviour no matter what approach they take tp raising them. this isn't a clinical case of nature versus nurture. it's parents and caregivers and individuals reaching out to other people in the same or very similar situations and trying to find solutions and tips to help each other. this fact keeps getting forgotten.

it's one of those things that come with age - when you are young you think you know it all and everyone else is wrong(which is true of NT and ASD alike). he's got to come to the realisation that sometimes the answer you need isn't always the answer you want to hear... he'll get that eventually

i've actually found it's a bit of a mixed bag when it comes to outing yourself in the workplace. by law your employer has to be seen to be making 'reasonable adjustments', but sometimes that can fall down they wayside. for example i have sensitive hearing, and they have sat a girl who plays the radio all day and sings with a high pitched voice beside me on one side, and an old man who whistles all day and taps his feet - by the end of the day i am ready to curl up in a ball under my desk! I've asked if i can be moved to a quiet part of the office(there isn't one), or that they are at least briefed about my hearing and what it does so they have the chance to be a bit more considerate. but that hasn't happened. i've got prospects involved, so things are looking up in that respect. most of the time my manager is cool - he types out written instructions for tasks i need to do, but other times he acts like my as is a nuisance. as i said prospects are going to help me out so i expect things to get a lot better. socially, i have only told the people at my table - as they are the people who i interact with everyday, they are quite understanding apart from the hearing thing, so it's not so bad. i can stim or whatever and it doesn't freak them out because they know why.

i think matt smith has the tom baker otherworldliness thing happening which makes him so great - plus he wears a bow tie, and bow ties are cool

yeah the Daleks aren't scary at all - it's like they are tellytubbies or something i am quite biased in liking the new Doctor, as I find him quite dishy Pond and Rory are fantastic!

How good was it eh?

kmfdm, killswitch engage, deutsch americanisch freundshaft, combichrist, black flag, mastodon -loads more!! fav song at the moment is Der Sheriff by Deutsch Americanisch Freundshaft I play bass

mazel tov!

Thanks Gonna put pics up on tumblr when i get back

careful. i don't think there's any issue of 'sides' here. we all understand it was a stressful situation and you lost it for a moment - no one is perfect and can manage their asd every second of every day. but violence is not the answer no matter how much a person is provoked. i think it's a case of it being a highly regrettable incident for you and your ex, perhaps should be learned from, then moved on from.

That's me all packed, travel planner sorted, scanned all my docs (passport, bank stuff, emergency numbers, boarding passes) and stored them online, gave my itinerary to everyone important, registered for the health card - now I just have to get on the plane on Thursday! Thanks for all your help! Viel Spaß!

Hey all - I'm away to Berlin on Thursday Have my super planned out travel diary and everything - now lets see if i can get on the plane! Viel Spaß!!

Hi Robyn, welcome! Good luck for wednesday

seriously well done

ah right cool - NT means 'neurotypical' - folk without asd!

Outstanding!! What are you studying?

hear hear

can't blame you for defending yourself, i might have even reacted the same way. but to clarify where i was coming from - i think violence whatever it's origin is wrong, it doesn't matter if it's a girl hitting a guy or vice versa - it's all about power. to the passer by that might have came across as a guy who is bigger and stronger(i am assuming) thumping a weaker girl (appearance wise) on the top of her head even if she hit him first. you lost control for a moment and reacted naturally to something. no one can blame you for that. my point is that i feel that your reaction was nothing to do with your asd. it's hard enough for people like us to be taken seriously, or treated with respect or as equals without using asd as an excuse for physical violence. you are older than her, and about to go to uni - and as such you must know that people just don't go round thumping folk no matter what the provocation. self defence fine, but you said that you hit back out of retaliation. using your asd as the reason you hit her back to me is kind of insulting, if an nt person did what you did they would get the same reaction from me. if i have got the wrong end of the stick i apologise.

btw i meant - nt, not non-nt lol

Hi Justine Did the stupid thing and just asked him straight out - he rolled his eyes and laughed. I explained after that why I came to that conclusion and he just said I think too much. Still a bit confused but I think I best just leave it and not aggravate things. Thanks xx

hi there this may be something, it may be nothing but with me being the person i am - it's sparked me off into over analysis mode. last night i went round to the boyfriends as i always do on a saturday night at 6 on the dot - he hadn't eaten since breakfast and decided we were going to tescos then to pick up some chinese food(which i had noooo problem with cause i love the stuff!). he's a very laidback happy guy 98 per cent of the time, so it's really noticable even for me when he's pissed off - and in his own way snapped at me a couple times. i put it down to not having eaten because i am the same when i don't eat(nasty and very irritable) and let it go. we're supposed to go to an mma thing in two weeks, so i asked him how much the tickets were - he then said he wasn't sure if he was going(after last week saying he couldn't wait to go) - i asked him if he was just saying that because he didn't want me to go and he said nothing. so once we had eaten he was in a lot better spirits as i thought he would be - we finally got round to watching Doomsday like he wanted, but when it was my turn to pick a movie he got narky again when i didn't want to watch the road(love the film but it's too depressing to watch twice in a week). i picked alice in wonderland, he was cool with that and things seemed alright again, but my back was starting to go up about the whole night and his attitude. for once i did the right thing and kept quiet about it. then we went to bed after it - by this point it was 4 in the morning. he wakes me up about an hour later because he can't sleep and goes downstairs - fair enough. i woke up at half 8 and went downstairs to watch tv with him - and he was sound asleep snuggled up on the couch. now i am wondering why he didn't come back upstairs to sleep, why he was snappy with me all night, have i pissed him off in some way, is he gearing up to dump me after we get back from Berlin(we're going next week). i am trying to logically reason this through, but i just keep getting the feeling he is at the end of his tether with me and i can't stand waiting for the axe to fall.

she sounds like a nutter quite frankly and you are better off away from her - but it doesn't matter how angry you get, or if the other person hit you first - you never use violence as a solution. i don't mean you shouldn't hit women, i mean you shouldn't hit anyone. you may feel that it is easy for me to comment in hindsight, but as someone who has gotten angry and lashed out in a similar situation(me in your place not hers) - it doesn't achieve anything. even explaining that you have aspergers will just seem like a cop out to non-nt's in that situation - they don't see things they way we do and to be honest they tend not to care. they just see the negative behaviour. everyone gets their fair share of crappy relationships - it just makes you appreciate the good ones when they come along.