justine1

hi I have the same problem with SAM the thing is he says he eats but its usually just a small amount of food.he isalways starving when he gets home.I had to sign up for school diners because with two at school it is expensive to do packed luch and both of them never ate much packed luch.The other problem is Sam loves peanut butter sanwiches he eats them sometimes three times a day,but because of other kids nut allergies he could nott have these.Both my boys say the meals are disguisting and they only have raost dinner once a week and chips once a week so thats when they will eat.It is bad that they are not eating all day and both my boys suffer headaches as a result of this.When I mentioned this to the headteacher she said "oh he loves roast dinner" but like I said thats once a week I love it when they at home because I am happy to make three different meals for my kids and make sure they eat well.

Hi my son (6 AS) seems to have a problem with scaring,his wounds always seem to take longer to heal and his face is covered in scars.His brothers do not seem to have this problem at all.I have used vitamin E and butternut and coconut creams nothing seems to work.At the mo I just use E45 and take time to massage it in,he hates it because he doesnt like his face being touched.Just wondered what else is available?

I dont really eat fruit cake but seems like I can smell yours from here,it looks so yummy

Hi joybed You are in almost the exact same situation as myself.My son is six and I also feel the school are not doing enough,he to was excluded from an activity because of "bad" behaviour but has not been so since I told the school it was unacceptable.He is also seen as aggressive and a "bully" apparently he hits girls alot becasue they "annoy" him and there is one boy in particular(he used to be his friend) that he just does not get along with EVERYDAY my son hurts/pushes this boy,it is horrible to hear all this,my other son was bullied twice at two separate schools so of course I hate the fact that my son is harming others,but what am I supposed to do???He has not got a statement yet and with the school taking an often laid back approach I often feel we getting nowhere fast,they have only just requested help for him,he has been seen by the ed-physche now all I can do is wait.It is frustruting cause the other mums seem to want my son out of the school and see me as a bad parent,they dont realise the struggle and the fact that he is actually unhappy himself.As for the academic side I do feel that my sons work is not progressing well at all but they keep telling me he is doing "fine" and that he is on target,but when I see his horrible writting and he doesnt even know basic addition I just fear for him,he is in yr 2 now and is going to do SATS soon!I really feel for you!

Hi all I have been having trouble with one mother at my sons school she has approached me on three occasions to "talk" about my sons behaviour towards her son.Today I was very upset over it, I remained calm and listened to her concerns then at the end she said "what are you going to do about it?" I got so mad!!! I told her he is not my legal responsibilty while at school and that they punish him accordingly when he has done something wrong,she mentioned I should punish him at home and said "cant you remove something from him"I wanted to say why should I punish him twice,but decided to leave it . after I told her I will not remove my son from school and deny him an education she started saying my son is bullied then later in the conversation I said my son is not bad or a bully he just cant communicate his frustrations and lashes out.Well I want to give her some info to read so she can understand better,do you think it will help?If so which are the best websites for this?Thank you,moan over!

Hi there welcome to the forum.My son is six with Aspergers.First of all at least you have got your son some help with his work at school and I do hope it is helping him.I am quite new to all this myself (three months to be honest) so hopefully those with more experience will come and give you more advice.What I have read on here and other sites is that children can all be at different levels on the spectrum so although your son may not have Aspergers (which from what you say I personally would say he does not)he may still have ASD and along with that some other problems which he will need help for. Have you seen your GP?You need to speak to them about your concerns and you must insist on a referrel for an assesment,I think you need to do this immediatley,because assesment appt. can take up to 6 mths to come through,given his age he will be due to start high school in a couple yrs and so he need help before he gets there.In the long run a diagnosis is important so that when he questions why he is different you can explain why.I know its hard and as you mention dont want to put a label on him but it makes a hugs difference by having a diagnosis,just be prepared to fight hard for your son,people dont really listen and its all down to you as a parent to make sure he gets everything he needs.Good luck I do hope you find answers soon.

Sally44,I agree that there is racism in every country in the world,but NOT every country is racist how can you see every person in a country is racist?which is effectively what you saying!As for your experience that is not racism that is zenophobia,which again happens all over the world.Racism is to do with race ie.the colour of someones skin whereas zenophobia is the dislike of foreigners.I am white but as I was raised abroad I speak with an accent,so people here think I am stupid this is zenophobia.At least you did go back to the topic at hand which is about humour and ASD,but I think that the way in which this topic was posted(canopus)is a little racist,so I wont comment on the actual topic.

WOW MelowMeldrew I think to be honest you are very misguided to think that people who use the term racism are somehow reckless,racists are the ones who are reckless,and I do not watch to much telly,my four boys are mixed race and two of them were racially abused for four months at a previous school and in fact by others in a village with a bunch of narrow minded people who have hardly left there street not to talk of exploring the world and gaining some culture!I do understand that at times people can be over the top with political correctness,but the laws on racism and the word racism is there for a reason before all that people could cause misery and pain to others and get away with it and why should they?I notice you mention Bernard Manning in an earlier post stating that although he made jokes at black peoples expense he had black people in the audience and in his clubs,this does not excuse his poor quality and abusive jokes,british people have invaded countrys and sat with other ethnic groups drinking tea and then stabbing them in the back later on,does this mean they were not racist?Of course not.There are footballers who end up being racially abused by spainish football fans,those footballers were invited to play there does it mean that they should then just accept that abuse?

Thank you everyone,I just feel that we parents are on our own and have to fight so hard for everything.I am at least grateful that the school have now started the "ball rolling" so to speak after I did make a few complaints about their lack of support and they definatley dont deney that he has a problem.I am only just starting all this process but feel so worn out already my sons education is so important so definatley wont give up,anyway I will have to wait and see what happens when they eventually do the assesment.Thank you again.

Hi all have you seen the film "Front of the Class" I watched it about a month ago and watching it again.Based on a true story of a man who has tourettes syndrome.I think it really shows the struggles we parents have with getting diagnosis etc.I know in this story it is set, I believe, in the 60's (when he was a child)when it was pretty much un-heard-of but I still think there is so much struggle we still have today.Also it is really inspiring that he managed to make his dream of becoming a teacher a reality.

Hi Spent the whole morning getting form filled in (forgot the name but request for help) at the school so they can get my son help from CAMHS.Then as I left the headteacher who is also SENco said "I doubt he will get 1:1 help/support because he is a bright and intellingent boy." I was in a hurry cause my baby was tired and fed up,but I did say he need help now before its to late and he cant cope with school,he already has days where he is adamant he wont go and as I dont drive if he refuses to physically walk to school there is nothing I can do(this is rare though but they have noticed he misses more school than average child.)I just feel like they want to get him help but not very positive.

I dont really know what to say about this.Apart of me wants to say it is border line racism but I also get that there is a British humour and its part of British culture.I was brought up in SA but was exposed to British comedy from a young age,my ancestry is British and I do find I enjoy British comedy more enjoyable than american comedy.I love Faulty Towers and Black Adder(esp Rowan Atkinson) More recently Dawn French and Lenny Henry.But like I say I do think it is border line racism,firstly because some of the "traditional" British acts were incridably racist,but were not seen as such at that time.Secondly there are many black and Asian Brits that are really funny but prehaps people do not see them as British Comics cause of their race,which is completely wrong cause most of their material is based on both British history and current affairs.Another thing is of course everyone is different and I dont think British humour is what it used to be it has evolved into something else.If you talk of comedy sitcoms do you really think The Royale Family and Shameless represents all British people?It may be funny but these shows are viewed all over the world.

Oh sorry Karen A I know this is off the topic but noticed you mentioning christmas and family.I am having the same problem right now.It is the first time in years my brother and I can spend a christmas together,combination of him travelling and my ex's possesiveness,anyway he is putting loads of pressure on me to come but I am worried.First of all it is rare we go to their house cause he has lots of expensive things (42" telly,new carpets etc.) and my four boys keep touching and I hate people getting angry with them.their one and only son is two and he is rough and a little selfish with his toys (I do love him so) which has cause problems when I go with my three yr old.There is also going to be four other adults who they dont really know so with my brother,his family,the guests and my family there will be a total of 13 people,and it will be noisy.If we need to leave if things get out of control I cant do so quickly cause I dont drive and will be relying on my in law to do this.I have explained everything but they just dont get it.I think more than anything else,even though I wont be cooking and can sit down for once,my stress levels will be so HIGH cause I need to make sure they dont break nothing,its so hard!

Tally thats really cute!I am having a bad day it cheered me up to see your creation. Your mum will love it

Hi it is also about where the house is situated(which is the same really to do with house price ie.more sought after=more expensive) Where I used to live the house I rented privatley was in avery expensive area,my kids school was in a less desirable area even though it was just a 10 min walk across a field the council tax difference, based on the same size accomadation incl.driveway etc,was about £30 p/m.Obviousley I dont know if thats the case in your /your friend situation but I do think it may be owrth getting advice from the council.

Hi I dont really think I can give you much advice other than to hang in there and keep insisting on furthur assesment.My SON IS SIX AND WENT FOR AN ASSEsment similar to yours where basically I was asked loads of questions about him they also sent a report back to me,it was also an hour,the Paed said no way can she diagnosis without talking to him and interacting with him for a furthur hour so we will go back after Christmas,she has said she is convinced it is Aspergers and she has said he has serious social and behavioural and speech problems(although his vocab is good he cannot express himself properly) My point is I have heard so many stories of children been misdiagnosed or undiagnosed and it seems most have only been to one appt. I dont think the Paeds can see exactly what the child is like after just an hour esp. if their focus is on writing down what the parents are saying.I was fortunate in that I had my youngest with me when I went so she noticed how Sam did not interact with his his brother and she noticed other behaviour while we talked.I just think if you feel there is something you should persevere,I have to say I dont know about the things he says like "he sold his soul to the devil" my son doesnt do this but other AS kids may do so.But maybe in the meantime you couls get some help with councelling or something?You should talk to a GP about your concerns.I know it is frustrating but just carry on.Is he at school?Surely they would be giving reports to the paeds about your son?

I know your frustration,I had a similar experience last year SS spelt all three of my kids names incorrectly and one of the SW's was so stupid its like he got his degree from a cereal box Now to say something you wont like I think healthcare proffessionals and SW's are under so much pressure,they are untimatley holding peoples lives in their hands.I believe the buck stops at the government.There was a documentry on Panarama on this very thing a few weeks back.There is an incredible amount of agency staff in SW,this is where some of the problems lie,these people dont know any of the families they are working for and often mix up paperwork etc.I think more money need to be put in these services,there are not enough SW and nurses and they are needed,like I say its government spending thats to blame. Saying that...there are always going to be incompetent workers in every sector including SW.My experience was awful and I dont trust SW at all now!!!!

The things you listed sound exactly like my 6 yr old(AS) I must say I did search online before I took him to the Gp,and what I thought it was ADHD,or rather ADD,without the hyperactivity.When I went to the GP she could see straight away it was not the case.My 3 yr old is also possible AS,he has not got any of the things you mention on your list but has many of the things other people have mentioned with regards to their AS kids: Fussy eating Only eating with certain crockery and cutlery Hates dirt,gets upset when house is not vaccumed,and does not like messy play He talks to kids at preschool but only on Ben 10 doesnt play much at home or school seems to lie down on the floor alot and under the tables. He has poor communication,spits alot when he talks,most people dont understand him He will sing the same song every minute of the day for 2-3 days He does alot of imaginative play with lots of sound effects as opposed to talking(my AS son did not do that) Anyway not to make the list to long,of course the best thing is to see your GP.My sons preschool is not very helpful at all,I have gained most info on his school behaviour from my eldest son as his playground is next to the preschool playground.So really need to seek advice soon before he starts school and needs help.Good luck.

Well done to him I know you are worried but I am sure he will be fine and you will be there for him regardless,I am sure he will surprise you one way or another as he has done so already.I know what you mean about the 'absorbing' thing I used to call Sam a sponge when he was little,he would see/hear something once and it would stick in his mind and then he would come out with things at the right moment always made me laugh.

Hi sorry about your stressful experience I have been there many times with my six yr old.I know this may sound strnage but were you talking to your brother and his wife when she had the meltdown?I had discovered after four years of tantrams that my son often did this when he wanted me to watch him and be aware of what was going on,instead of him to say " mummy I am not getting my turn on the slide" or "mummy watch me on the slide" he would just throw a massive tantrum,funny enough it was usually when my brother was with me,I believe its all part off the control thing he can see I have a special bond with my brother and it makes him get insecure.I dont really know what to suggest,I had to change things alittle in that I would often have to be watching him while talking to my brother and I also learnt to see warning signs when he would get upset and diffuse the situation,this all has taken time and I can only say since the start of this year he has made huge improvements.There was a meltdown when we went to a farm during summer but it was because we were leaving and they were all tired,which happens to other parents.One thing I can say is dont feel you need to change your whole way of life because of the AS,of course we need to make adjustments,but by not taking your girls on outings it will only isolate you and them.I dont take my son shopping I do it all online,except if he wants clothes and we just go dirctly to that shop then home,he wonders off and I feel its stressful for both of us.He does like going for walks and we fortunate enough to live near some great parks where he can run around and make loads of noise.Anyway from my experience my son is learning everyday and I can see a huge difference in him now compared to four years or even a year ago,I think as parents we learn our own techniques to manage such behaviour what is good for me may not be good for you.

Thank you Julie1 and Chris54.Chris 54,you are correct in that most of the middle schools are up to 120/150 in each yr group,the one we saw last night is slightly smaller with 60 (it is an average though,they can take more) another school which I will view on Saturday has an average of 120 per yr group. My kids used to go to a village school,it was much smaller but my kids were picked on alot even my NT son.Julie1 I think I agree with you but will wait for furthur comments.When the school is combined( age 4-13) it has more of a family atmosphere,the children will inevitably see their future teachers everyday and they wont have this transition three times!!!My children were going to a catholic school before we moved to this area it was combined and they loved it.I started at a three tier system myself but ended up at a combined I definatley loved the combined,when we were in a last year we were prefects and we looked after the little ones in the mornings some of the little ones were the siblings of my mates,so it was really nice.Also me and my two older brothers had the same yr6 teacher.I have seen a AS school which takes kids from 7 and Sam is 7 next year so I think I will try make plans towards that,so hard to decide!!!

I have a question on this topic,do all of you eat more now you/or your kids are on the GF diet?My two boys eat very little and wondered if I change will they possibly eat more?My mother is on GF/DF/WF diet she has been so for 10 yrs now,before that she suffered extreme migraines colon pain and bad nights sleep,all of these problems have dissappeared,she does cheat now and again eating burgers when she visits us because of the kids,she always regrest it the next day!She is really thin and has always been but I feel she has lost way too much weight since the diet which is what I fear for my boys.I also wondered did you all get allergy testing? a gp recommended this last year said all my boys and myself need testing cause they all inherited my asthma.

Your post has really saddend me,not your fault but society.I just finished a care course which spoke of this very descrimination you talk of,its absolutley disgusting,it is more so in that people dont seem to realise carers like yourself save the government £56 million every year!!!Good on you for caring for your parents,I know that must be so hard and many people cant do this (nothing against them because it is hard when you have other commitments.)I realise you must have given up alot to do this. I also wanted to say about the residential care for AS kids,I also dont really like the idea,and cry at the thought of it,but now I am actually considering it,it is a place where my son could probably develop more as an individual instead of relying on me and his older brother,I also think it will be more routine and structure which he thrives on.He is six and I have seen a lovely residential school for 7-16 yr olds,I do fear it will look like I am throwing him away,or trying to make my life easier and worry how he will react later when he is older,like say why did you care for my brothers and left me,but I think whatever I chose to do it should be my choice and nobody should critisize it,I do feel for parents who have had to make the decision.Seems like your damned if you do damned if you dont!

Hi everyone,I just wanted to get peoples thoughts about three tier system.I live in a town where there is only a three tier system,I do quite like the idea because its like the middle schools prepare the kids well for secondary education its almost like a small jump as opposed to a giant leap.I went to view a middle school yesterday for Josh (NT) who is in yr.4,it is alovely school and Josh is really excited,aas there are more subjects,like art,drama and food&textiles.However while I walked around all I could think of was Sam (AS) while he is only six I just thought oh my Gosh the school is huge!!!Each yr group has 60 kids,I believe each split between three classes,but its still looks daunting,he will have to move to each class for different subjects and the whole change of school process is scary!He has had to change schools four times (but 3 schools) already and he only started school 2 yrs ago.It has been hard,he is settling in to school nicely now,but when his teacher is off sick he gets so angry and cant handle things,so it is a worry.I know he will probably get help etc. but just wanted to get some ideas of how others have coped with this transition???Thank you.

Thank you Kathryn and Dana for these <'> and the kind words.I do feel better.I had my eldest 9 yrs ago and I have only been out to socialise twice since then,and both times was no longer than an hour.It makes me angry when I hear women complain when they "only" go out all night once a month because they are really previliaged!!!!! I think it was easier when I worked because even though I would work hard it was still a little break from the kids and gave me a chance to talk to adults! I wish my brother and father could help out but my father suffers from chest problems and my brother has his own child and he has a disability on top of that they both work,my father has helped out recently when I went to write an exam and he will help when I go for my uni interview,but dont think if I say I want to go to the shops that he will help out.Anyway my father is going abroad for four months so things will be even tougher,because at least when he visits I do let off some steam telling him all my problems and he does play with the boys so I can just relax for a minute.But I know all these problems are temporary next year things will get easier I am positive about that.Thank you all so very much.