got the tshirt

I have often thought about writing a book. But haven't got time at the moment. Trouble is no one would believe half of what I would write. I do know what you are saying about them coping in the real world. It is hard. What I am struggling with at the moment with Dd1 is when to step in and when not too. She rings me when she is having a disaster and If I can't go and help straight away she gets really cross with me. However I have found recently that if I don't go and she sorts the problem out for herself she gets over being cross fairly quickly. It is a balancing act. I have the younger 2 to think of so I am gradually trying to encourage Dd1 to sort things out if she can. As a family our biggest concern is that she can keep paying her rent because she is completly useless with money but without somewhere to live she and her daughter would be in deep trouble and this might sound terribly selfish but I can't have them living back here, it would be a nightmare. I don't think this will make you feel any better, but the best thing about coming to this forum is that you realise that there are other people out there.

I have Dd1 who was almost diagnosed at 9 with ADHD then the pysch decided it was my bad parenting that was the problem!!!. She is now 21 I am almost certain she has Aspergers, She was gifted and talented at school and now lives away from home with her 2 year old daughter. The we have Dd2 14 who is about as NT as the come, although she had great difficulties with leaning to read and I suspect that she could be mildly dyslexic. She is currently refusing to be tested. Dd3 is ccurrently being assessed for an ASD, possibly aspergers. And yes you are right it does get harder as they get older.

Yes the paed is seeing her again but not for 6 months, well that was in feb so I suppose about 4 now. I did think abbout going back to GP cos get on quite well with him. Thought he might have a bit more weight than just me. The trouble is that the school said they don't have any issues and that stopped everything moving forward. Since I found out, I have been telling school about all the things I deal with at home that are related to school. So hopefullly this will make them see that things are not perfect but that Dd3 takes her problems home rather than venting them in the clasroom/playground. I just think that now we know that she doesnt understand what other people are thinking we should do more to support her. I agree that they could DX her at 7 but I had been warned that it would be a long process. I have done as much reading as I can about Dx'ing girls but the trouble is I can't make the pead/headteacher read it too. Thanx to you all for reading my posts and for the advice so far. It really helps to know that you're not alone!!!

Hi Sally, thanx for your detailed reply. No my daughter doesn't have a diagnosis but has been seen several times by a comunity pead who is experienced in dx ing asd's, she sent Dd3 for a speech and language assessment which was interesting in that it picked up that she has difficulty with emotional language and speaks and answers questions in a very precise manner. among other things. She also could not tell the SALT why things were happening in a picture and can definatley not say why another person feels in a certain way. If you say to her why do you think the boy in the picture is sad, she would just say " How do I know" and look at you as if you have gone mad. She also has loads of other difficulties associated with ASD's such as sensory problems, controlling behaviour, rigid routines etc. The problem is I think, that she is already very skilled at covering up when she doen't understand something, she is very bright and doing well academically at school especially in maths but story writing causes her great distress and she often doesn't want to go to school if she knows she has to write a story. The theory of mind thing has been bothering me for sometime because her inability to see anyone elses point of view is beginning to cause problems and I needed to know if she was being awkward or if she genuinly doesnt understand that everyone thinks differently. Of course her completly not being able to do the theory of mind test has opened up a whole new set of issues for us, even though I kind of knew she wouldn't get it it still came as a shock to see how completly unaware she is. Sorry for a really long post but I can't decide what to do now that I am armed with new information. I know you guys can't tell me what to do but reading your advice[even to other people] has really helped to get me this far. One last thing, last time we saw the pead she said she felt Dd3 who is 7 was too young to diagnsoe with aspergers and that she wanted to sit on the fence for another 6 months and see what happens!!

Yes i see what you mean, I don't know if she would do this based on what she saw yesterday but she is self employed so I suppose I could ask her to repeat the tests in a more professional environment and maybe offer to pay her for her time. She is not exactly a friend she is the parent of my Dd's friend. That way it would just be an independent assessment. I have to say it was so glaringly obvious that my Dd3 had no idea that I wouldn't know that things had been moved that I think anybdy could have performend the test. Thanks for the replies.

Because Dd3 has never been tested for impaired theory of mind, I asked one of her friends mums who is a SALT if she would test her. Well she did yesterday and it did show that Dd3 is lacking theory of mind. I asked this Salt if there could be any reason other than an ASD that would cause this lack of theory of mind and she said no. OK heres the problem. I don't know what to do with this information. Should I write to the pead and tell her I have had an independent test, should I tell the school. Should I ask the SALT who saw her before to repeat the test [ which she neglected to do at the asessment]. Should I get the Other SALT to write a report and send it to all involved with a covering letter. I feel like I should do something with this information because it answers so many questions about Dd3 and the difficulties she is facing everyday. Hope someone has some advice for me.

You can get calpol and 6+ in little 5ml sachets too. Mine prefer it this way as they tend to heave on a spoonful and this allows them to suck it out of the packet. [horrid I know]. but at least the youngest will have it. Middle one would rather burn up when younger but not so bad now we use the sachets. Its useful for hols too. I hate to say this but I give Dd3 a sachet every now and then even if she is ok. just to keep her used to taking it, so its not a panic when she needs it. It took years to get her to take it. The things you do LOL.

I have been scared of the dark all my life. I have never had any kind of help. My dad made it worse when I was younger by forcing me to stay in the dark and taking me for walks up the lane without a torch!! As an adult I have learnt to deal with it but it is still there. I actually love camping and help with guides, many campsites leave a toilet block light on so it is never completly dark. Other people haven't really been much help to me but a wind up torch [no need for batteries] and a large dose of courage usually sees me through the scariest moments. I still put lights on all over the house and sent my patient OH to search inside and out when I hear noises in the night. This fear is quite horendous, I hope you can find it possible to sympathise with your kids and smooth the way for them. It is always real and not made up for attention.

My girls just have a massive problem with the whole class being punished, Dd1 used to get sooo upset and Dd3 is just the same. I Don't think peer preasure works in this way and think that the ones who are a pain don't care about the others and the others are not tough enough to stand up to the ones who are a pain. I hope the teacher gave the children a warning first so that they at least knew what was coming. I think this is lazy disapline and the teacher should try to be a bit more positive. At the end of the day the kids were probably excited about going swimming, they are still young. Give them a break I say, they're not squadies!!

You must be exhausted ! I have 2 girls at home and eldest comes round regularly with grandaughter. It gets fairly hectic when we are all together but it's not every day. Would definatly go for the routine chart and the marble in the jar thing worked really well with Dd1. The only thing I would say is use a plastic cup and balls because jars break and marbles do a lot of damage if/when they get thrown!! Apart from that not much help sorry.

I had this with Dd3 although luckily the others were older and I could focus on her. She was on reigns till nearly 4. I had to put them on before I opened the front doo or she would leg it off down the road, or across it!!. She is 7 now and loads better although I still don't trust her to stop when I tell her to. We practise stopping really quickly. She thinks it's a game though. She absolutly hates holding hands. I get funny looks off people when we cross the road and I am holding her arm or sleeve and she is tugging away [ but I don't care anymore LOL]. I really feel for you with your twins and think the school need to get their head out of the clouds and help you. Couldn't a TA meet him at the door or something. When Dd3 hated going in the line the TA used to wait by the door and take her in last. I am sure there must be a way to solve this, they need to realise that it is not as simple as just telling him not too run off. He is very little still.

It is 2 separate jabs, they usually give one in each arm. Dd3 didn't have MMR2 [or 1 for that matter], because she had seperate vaccines, had to go private though. She still had the DTP or whatever they call it, at the Gp's. My nurse questioned it but I had already discussed the situation with the Gp so I just told her to read the notes. Your nurse is just being awkward, stick to your guns you don't have to have both it is up to you!!

Have to be honest, I cut all the top buttons off my shirts when I was at school, I was really rebellious at the time and was determined to not do them up.I hated the feel of the collar on my neck aswell. My mum never found out where all the top buttons went. LOL.

At the Preschool where I work we have a little boy who was diagnosed with an asd just before he was 3.

My OH works shifts so had one less to worry about tonight. I caused confrontation tonight because I sent Dd3 upstairs for shouting at me. She had several warnings and then a final warning and still continued so I followed through. She had a mega tantrum and threw the contents of the landing down the stairs [nothing dangerous]. I shut the doors and finished my meal. Then I went up to talk to her but she hadn't cooled down so I helped her into her pj's and put her to bed. She was still pretty cross with me but went to sleep almost straight away. She must have been exhausted no wonder she was so stroppy. Anyway all this was done without me getting angry and shouting and she did go up when I sent her. All I have to do now is carry all the stuff back up stairs that she chucked.LOL.

I know this one!! my Dd1 who is 21 and undiagnosed although I am convinced she is somewhere on the spectrum, has a daughter who is nearly two. Dd1 is a single parent but gets a lot of support from various family members. She is useless with money and has recently been in trouble for not paying her gas and electric. We try our best to help [not financially though]. Gd1 is absolutely brilliant and I can't imagine what life would be like without her now, but at the beginning I was terrified that I would have to bring her up. I hope things get better for you.

Not stealing my post at all! I just needed to get some stuff off my chest and I guess you need to do the same. It is so hard when you feel like you are coping alone. We have ridiculous arguments over things like tomato sauce well actually it is usually peas in our house which OH insists on putting in all caseroles, spag bol, lasange etc and which Dd3 absolutley hates. Theres one thing about joining a forum like this.... you are garunteed to meet someone who gets what you are going through.

Well I have begun my new approach with school. I began to realise that one of the reasons that school think everything is a bed of roses is that I am sorting out loads of problems at home. I am not and have never been one of those parents who is at the office every day complaining about every tiny little thing. However I think maybe I have taken this approach too far. Any way I had a meeting with the Pead who can't understand why I am having problems when school say she is almost perfect. So I told her that I am going to tell school everytime there is a problem.I even went and had a meeting with the Head/Senco [same person]and old her. Last night Dd3 got in to a right state because today is photo day and last year she was MADE to do up her top button on her shirt. She was soo upset about this and said she thought she would strangle. She wanted to wear a polo shirt instead of a shirt and tie but this is not allowed until after Easter. Anyway to cut a long story short I cut the top button off the shirt. I went to tell the teacher this morning, I told her I had solved the problem by cutting the top button off but that I was just letting her know that we had had an upset over photos. I am quite proud of myself and didn't even feel bad about holding the line up

You are right Sally44 I think we do need to talk. Dd3's inflexibility is causing alot of trouble at the moment and we are struggling. Part of the problem is that when we decided to ask for her to be assessed I think we were both expecting too much. I actually thought we were going to get some help. We have struggled through this kind of controlling behaviour with Dd1 and I am not sure if we can do it again without completely wrecking our relationship. We went away at half term for a break, Dd3 is usually much easier away from home but she is currently obssessed with the key for the new car which has a button to press and then there was a swipe key for the swimming pool at the holiday place, which she imediately became possessive over. Two key obsessions at the same time didn't make for a very restful break and with work commitments and school panics OH and I don't seem to have had a conversation for ages. Sorry to go on but I have no one to talk to because when I try to explain that a key obsession nearly ruined our holiday, family and friends look at me as if I have lost it. Mind you they could be right

Your daughter sounds similar to mine except for the physical contact. Her school are in denial that there are any issues at all. I think I will print the link and give it to them. And may be to my partner and some other members of my family too.

Hope this doesn't sound tooo much like a moan but...at the weekend we went out for the day with all 3 girls and granddaughter. The outing involved an asault course which Dd3 has done many times, there was a queue on one obstacle so we suggested that we skip it and go back later !!! I realised straight away that Dd3 was not going to be able to do that because it would mean tackling the asault course out of sequence, she started to make a fuss you know the sort of thing jumping up and down and flapping and saying no I want to do this one. Any way My OH was sooo cross with her and said she had too leave it, which of course didn't help. I stepped in and took her to wait in the queue. Then I felt bad because I had undermind him. I just don't see why it was a problem for him if she wanted to stand in the queue so that she could do the obstacles in order. Does anyone else have these kind of problems or do you think I was too soft with her and should have made a stand. I thought OH had started to understand why some things are sooo difficult for her but clearly I was mistaken. This kind of thing is beginning to damage our relationship.

I think I can understand your Ds's difficulties with girls, they are so completley different to boys, I have 3 girls but 2 of them and I have had a lot of trouble understanding other girls. They change friendship groups with the wind and whisper in corners, you just don't know where you are with them. With boys if you can kick a ball or name all the dinosaurs, you're in. But girls are so much more complicated. I am sure your son knows he can't shoot all the girls or his teacher, but he is obviously having a hard time coping. Good luck with getting the school to understand him.

Wow, no love lost there then. As poster had been talking about eye tracking problems , which can i am sure occur with or without ASD. I decided to share a very positive experience regarding my Dd2 who is quite definately NT but who could barely read before her tracking problems were identified and corrected. She is now a capable reader who is about to embark on 8 GCSE courses somethig which would not be possible if she were still struggling with her reading. I care not a jot who helped her and what methods they used, only that they did help and she was spared the agony of continuing to struggle at school.

I agree these statistics are shocking, but somehow not surprising, I am really fed up at the moment because our paed just will not make a desision about Dd3. I wish she would do a bit of reading around the subject of girls with AS . The salt was far more knowledgable but last time we saw the paed she hadn't even read the salt report AAAAGGGHHH !!!

I had a lot of these kind of issues with my mum and sister when Dd1 was younger. They used to think I was making up her difficulties in fact it has only been the last couple of years since Dd1 left home and had a baby that they have finally acknowledged that she has difficulties. My mum used to say things like " its cos she's bright" or " shes never any trouble for me" not very helpful!!!