winston

you could be exceptionally gorgeous to them how does it make you feel when others look at you? Do you feel you have to protect yourself? Does it make you feel annoyed or frightened? Maybe people misunderstand your facial expressions, my son always looks sad and often has people say "cheer up" sometimes people think he looks angry when he looks that way, but in fact he is just feeling like 'him' and people are making an assumption based on his facial expression.

they are good, I like the idea. i found the retro shaped ones that your description brought to mind! http://www.amazon.co.uk/Kitsch-Red-Tomato-...8532&sr=8-1

think about what you are finding confusing. Do you have trouble remembering the instructions or do you have difficulty understanding what is meant by them? If you cannot easily remember them, perhaps ask for them to be repeated and say them back point by point so you are sure you have remembered them correctly. The same for understanding, ask for them to be explained again, differently perhaps, repeat back so if you have misunderstood it gives the person giving the instructions a chance to help you understand better. dont be afraid to ask these things, it will help you and you will feel more in control which will in turn make it easier.

we buy Heinz reduced salt and sugar tomato ketchup, they havent noticed the difference. problem is its in a squeezy bottle and the valve is difficult to master, even for this adult.

great idea, I can see us doing this for ours when they are older, at the moment we sauce their dinners for them, all except the eldest who is very capable, too many accidents with sauce up the walls and floor...a little ramekin for each sauce type would be ideal.

Annross, it does read as though your son is 'playing' you here with your husband. children know how to work parents in order to get what they want, AS or NT they all develop methods to manipulate a situation to meet their needs. the fact that your husband says he is fine when you are not there suggests to me that your son has figured out how to put you two against each other quite successfully, especially when coupled with the fact that you are putting the emphasis on your husband needing to change. My own children seem to have a few major goals in life, and one is to divide the authoritive figures and undermine any control, thereby transferring it to them! Sometimes I feel we (parents and children) have got into a scrum where the power is in the middle thrown about the strongest pushers will win. This is when we (parents) have to make an effort to take a step back, voice our differences (away from the children) , attempt to understand the other persons views and so come to a compromise, then get back to being a united parenting force which gives the children consistency, security and makes our lives so much easier. Looking at your son through your husbands eyes may be difficult, but this is what you are asking him to do for you, your husband may be feeling that his opinion doesnt count, that you feel you know best and he knows nothing, which will only alienate him, he will fear the children will not respect nor trust his views and opinions, and to be honest they probably wont if you are always arguing them. talk talk talk and when you think youre done, talk some more, you are both intelligent adults and between you , with some give and take ,you can work out a strategy to make your son/husband relationship a better one.

Hi, I have read your posts before and wanted to say a big hello to you! It appears that everyone on the spectrum is very different in the ways that it affects them, there is no 'typical' just a lot of unique people dealing with a number of issues with a common denominator. i have never been diagnosed with anything other than severe anxiety, never even thought about asd, but looking into it because of my sons, I have realised I have loads of aspie traits. One of the things you have mentioned is acting younger, and this is something I remember well from my youth, my parents would get really frustrated that I was still playing like a child well into my late teens, they would tell me I needed to 'grow up' and I was forced into being more of a typical teenager rather than just doing what I wanted to do, playing starwars , building airfix models and collecting cars! ( being a girl this was considered 'wrong' especially when I spent my first wages on airfix and matchbox cars- not make up and clothes) Sorry to hear you had such a tough time at school, I also found making friends really difficult, still do, never had friends at school and even now I only have one good friend but dont feel the need to do any of the social things that everyone else seems to thrive on. People dont gernerally 'take' to me, Ive been described as standoffish, odd, difficult, emotionally retarded, shy, and freakish. thats just what they have told me, god only knows what they say when Im not around! But whatever, after 39 years I am happy to be me and wouldnt want to be anything less.

voted parent of someone with asd, although not formerly diagnosed, health prof, GP , us and school all agree. Have huge amount of asd traits myself, so does my father, and nephew was diagnosed asd last year.

Dont be so hard on yourself, I too have often felt overwhelmed by ds and the issues we deal with day to day, questioning whether it is us to blame for all this, our parenting style, not enough discipline, too much discipline, maybe I did something wrong while I was carrying him, maybe we shouldnt have let him have his vaccines, maybe I passed down a faulty gene etc etc. its endless. I have even got to the point of telling mr w that I cant cope one more day and ds would have to go live with family...at the time, thats how I felt. Parenting children isnt easy and we all learn as we go, parenting ASD children is even tougher and we make mistakes, we learn, thats life, children dont come with instructions. We came here hoping to get information too, to help us understand and help our sons, while we wait for the proffesionals, (and somehow I think the advice we read here will be worth alot more than that we will get from them!) You havent failed him, you have sought help and advice so that you can find better ways to parent him, instead of ignoring the issues and allowing it to carry on, that would be failing.

Hi, sounds like you live in my house. I have a soon-to-be 9 year old with the same issues regarding temper, and his interpretation of others and their intentions. The 'switch' is a very good description, and it is very hard on the rest of the family, especially when the anger turns to violence against everyone. we have had some success with visual prompts, rules on the wall regarding outbursts. I also found a book called " a volcano in my tummy" bought off amazon. It is written for NT children but nonetheless had some good suggestions of how to change the way children deal with anger. Some of the suggestions were practical such as ripping up the recycling card and papers to vent anger, drawing a picture or scribbling on paper to release the anger, going into the garden and kicking a ball, anything energetic with impacts etc. The theory of its ok to be angry, but not ok to hurt yourself or others, nor damage property. All helpful, but I do know that it is easier in theory than in practise to get a child to channel their anger, especially children with alternative ways of thinking, my son is in true red mist when he rages, and doesnt retain information about rules of behaviour so a constant reminder is needed, both at home and at school. It may also help to do a diary of behaviour and events, sometimes the triggers are not what we have assumed them to be and in fact a series of events have brought the frustration to a head. The school are currently doing a behaviour diary for ds, with incidents and explanations. after school we review it, talk about what happened, why things happened, and the correct choices he could have made. talk about good things that have happened, praise the good choices he made, so he then gets home with all the school issues dealt with so to speak. It has all helped, not a magic wand by any means, but we have noticed change, more good days than bad which I thought would never happen.

Hi, thank you both for your replies, I did post an intro in the top forum about our son, and his younger brother. we have always known they were 'different' to our other children and ds1 went through physicals tests when younger as he was delayed growth, unresponsive, lethargic and svere anxiety. However he alwasy got the all clear. We took ds1 to the GP after problem with his anxiety, increasing agressiveness, self harming, amongst other things and the GP we saw then referred him to CAHMS. Saying they have a multi disciplinary team that deals with asd. We hadnt considered asd, but looking into it alot of it fits with both boys. He is on school action at school, and has been all his school life, for social skills, mainly before juniors this was for talking out when he shouldnt be. Now we have problems mostly with fighting at break times, talking out, being pedantic and group work. Your suggestions are very helpful, I will look at the link provided, and ask about school action plus as school action doesnt seem to have made any difference. He doesnt have an IEP as far as I know, we only founf out he was attending a group session when it was about to finish and then found that there was nothing to replace it, plus it was a self esteem group...which, yes, he does have issues with, but it hasnt helped them. He hasnt had any speech problems, I dont remember if he was slow to start but he is clear and has good use of words, he has a reading age of 10, top group for maths, but his writing and written work is extremely messy and he cant use a ruler, or wont. We are now getting all detentions in writing...need a new file for them to take to the CAHMS appointment, which Ive been told, should be in 3-4 weeks. We had a great week, very busy doing things, days out, then today (first day back to school after hols) was a nightmare, fighting again, talking out, and after school we went into town to get pet food, got scared by a dog in the shop and then he totally lost it and started shouting,kicking and pushing me because of a very trivial thing between me and his brother. So he has spent the afternoon between his room and the stairs ( he gets extremely distressed and panicky if he is shut in his room, so we leave the door open, but then he wanders) with a very upset mother downstairs...hopefully tomorrow will be better.

our son (8) has been having some behaviour problems at school over the past school year. This has kind of come to a head after a series of double detentions that we were not told of, plus the finishing of the group he was attending for self esteem and us not being notified. We wrote to the school after trying, unsuccessfully, to speak to his form teacher and now have been asked to a meeting with the headteacher and head of year to discuss his behaviour. Ds is waiting an assesment by CAHMS which seems to be getting further and further away, while his troubles seem to be getting greater and greater. We asked the school for better communication after several incidents, and were met with a stony silence, then dept head covering his rear saying he had tried to contact us. He clearly hadnt. Anyway, the communication has improved, but it shows how complex ds's behaviour problem is, since we have been having notes back about behaviour that has been 'addressed' it seems a huge mix, and some worrying trends. The final week before half term for instance ds was given a detention for fighting with a yr4 boy in the playground (he is yr3) followed the next day by a telling off for trying to hug year 5 girls, then later that day he was 'being disruptive' in class. which transpires as, he was working on an art project jointly with the rest of his table , he placed a part onto the picture, another child painted over it and ds wasnt happy as it was no longer 'right'. he removed the part and then argued that it shouldnt have been painted on, the project was ruined etc. He was put out of class and forgotten about. an hour and a half he sat outside until the teacher came out and told him she had forgotten him and it was home time. Mostly he is getting detention for fighting at break times, he then loses his break time the following day, and has to sit in a class room for the whole lunch hour doing nothing. He is currently on school action for self esteem, social skills, but other than the group he used to attend,(self esteem group, the folder came back with half the tasks not completed) which has now finished and not to be replaced, he has no extra 'help' and certainly no understanding it would appear. I spoke to the SENCO recently about getting him help and she offered to put him forward for any suitable group work should it come up in the future. to which i agreed, but it seems very vague. we are not sure what the headteacher has in mind for this meeting, and we have no idea what to push for. We want him to get more help, he has real trouble with group work, moving in line, organisation and neatness (his work is messy and rarely uses a ruler), he said the other day he finds it hard when other people suggest games at breaktime as he doesnt know the rules and they make it up it makes no sense, which makes him anxious, and when he gets anxious he becomes quite volatile, something we work on at home, making the right choices about anger, getting help from an adult if a situation becomes too much but I dont believe he is getting this at school. He had a panic attack at school last month, went to first aid, was sent to the office who told him he was being silly go and play. What can we ask the achool to do, can we ask them for an ed psych assesment? should we tread water until we have seen CAHMS?

I remember the pressures of having to dress a certain way when I was young, and it caused me huge anxiety, to which I rebelled against quite defiantly! I have never been comfortable wearing shorts, I wore jeans shorts one summer, never again. I hated my legs, i hated my arms and used to wear a jacket even in scorching heat. Its definately a comfort thing, and thats the trouble, if you feel uncomfortable then its just a miserable experience. Alot of girls are wearing leggings with dresses now, and leggings with long tops, that can look very smart, and makes a change from trousers. Would your daughter look through some online stores for clothes, perhaps favourite things and try them on at home if you can get easy returns? I much prefer this way of shopping for clothes, and hate going to real shops to find clothing as I can never find anything I have in my mind.,I dont feel so self concious trying on clothes at home and have time to let the clothes sink in before buying.

What medication, travel sickness or antihistamines have you been given? The problem is with some of these medications that it can have the reverse effect and stimulate rather than sedate in some people, so the more you take./give the more the brain is simulated into action. Personally I have never seen a 5 year old that could sit still for 3 mins! I think they must in the moniority!

propranolol is a beta blocker, so works to stop the symptoms of anxiety rather than change the mood to prevent the anxiety. If you are having panic attacks these can be good to reduce your symptoms, but would not decrease any general anxiety.

Hi, I have been reading the forum for a few weeks now and thought Id better say a proper hello. Came here looking for information really as our 8 year old son has earlier this year been referred to CAMHS for a whole number of issues, mainly anxiety and behavioual problems. The GP made refernce to ASD asking if any family members where on the spectrum, it was not something we had thought of, although we do have a nephew who is diagnosed with aspergers. The main issues we went to the GP with were his increasing anxiety, he is change resistant, even changing the route we take out somewhere he gets obviously upset. has awful sleep issues relating to anxiety- wont sleep alone, sits half up to go to sleep, needs lights/torch radio, others in the room. wont be in a room in the house alone, including going to the toilet. He seems to have a lot of 'nervous engergy' and makes funny noises he says he knows nothing of, he makes them when he is in deep thought, eating, playing games, upset, and he also snaps his fingers and taps with his feet. Then there is the agression, snaps at the slightest provocation, inflicting physical harm on siblings, us, throwing things. Has even threatened me with a knife. He also has very low self esteem, cannot take critisism, and self harms in the form of pinching, hitting himself when told off. He is a very bright boy, top group in maths, reading age a year ahead, but his organisation of work, tidiness, and handwritting are appalling, along with his spelling! We also have a son of 6 who has speach issues, his teacher described it as immature speach, he has had speech therapy for the past 3 years, firstly from the speach and language dept at the clinic and then from the school. He also exhibits some strange behaviours, which we have always accepted as just 'him' but after reading up Im wondering if we should perhaps consider speaking to someone about them. for example he is very animated when happy, excited or scared, jumping up and down, flapping his arms, holding his head, and more recently he will jump up and down and slap his leg. His teacher made a point of mentioning at the last parent.teacher meeting, and we just smiled and said it was cute, not thinking that it could be anything 'different' as such. It was quite nice to hear her talking in a positive way about him as his previous teacher had called him 'contrary' as he tends to 'zone out' when he knows he has done something wrong or doesnt understand something. He also plays very different to his twin, he doesnt play with 'toys', he is computer mad, obsessed with mario, wii and nintendo, football and solo basketball. He likes to be on his own and just lives in his own little world. He doesnt have the anger issues of our older son, but will explode in an emotional mess if he is told off and go off to talk to himself at great length through his tears. He hates labels in his clothes except 'silky' ones in his trousers or pants,which he has to have and in his pjs or they 'dont feel right'...thats because he likes to rub them and will seek them out to the point of twisting all his clothes up to get to them. He is also a very bright boy, he has amazing maths skills for a 6 year old, can add 2 and 3 digit numbers quicker than I can, knows many of his times tables, and is generally very obsessed with numbers and lining things up, even in his game world. Both boys are very pedantic, and often correct us, their siblings, or other people...much to our embarrassment sometimes. We have always thought something wasnt quite right with our older boy, he was a very quiet baby and toddler, very nervous, he got a lot of attention due to his huge eyes and long eyelashes but never responded to other people, looked at them blank faced, even now he always looks sad. anyway, this is going on a bit like a life history, so Ill end here, hopefully we will be seen by CAHMS soon, some days are really hard, and we often think how are we going to get through another day like this, but we are hoping once we get some idea of what is causing the issues, we may feel more in control, and be able to find ways of coping/dealing with them.

I was really hoping to read something more positive from you today, firstly because I read your earlier post and hoped you would get somewhere with this, secondly because we are waiting for a CAHMS appointment ourselves for ds and really dont know what to excpect. Hopefully you will hear soon about an appointment with the paed.

hi, its quite normal to have a heightened sense of fear at night I think. I certainly have experienced this. Have you tried any distraction techniques, having a radio on with people talking/music to occupy that empty noise space? the problem with fear is, that the more you worry about things happening the more fearful of them you become. A good habit to get into is to reason with yourself why these things arent going to happen. Tell yourself you are safe, that the noises are outside and cant hurt you, reason that they are just cats climbing fences, or jolly drunks returning home, something harmless. Find reasons WHY you are safe rather than why not, ...the doors are locked, your parents would hear if someone came into the house, you live in a good neighbourhood, etc etc you may find this hard at first but persevere, it gets easier. Then distract yourself, read a book, sing along to a song, tap out a tune on your leg/chair/bedframe. do something that requires attention. the more you reason and distract, the less fearful you will become, the more times you do this, the less your brain will connect with the fears.