Glock

I crashed with depression last year and was off of work for 4 months - things at home all too much. My 13 year old AS also suffered with depression and then my husband - oh joy!! Its been a really tough year - at one stage we were all on AD's. Thankfully I am now feeling much better and more able to cope and some of that has been from talking to a counsellor and doing 'cognitive behaviour therapy'. Sounds a bit bizarre and at the beginning I really couldn't see what differance it would make but it really has worked. We cannot directly change our circumstances with the children (and husbands!) we have been blessed with but we can change the way we view the situation which in turn makes us stronger and makes us more able to cope. I have felt over the years it has been me that has to be strong and cope with all that life throws at us and somehow in the middle of it I have got lost and I'm sure it is the same for all of us parents. I actually felt guilty talking about myself and kept harping on about hubbie,children even the pets! Its important to remember that you also need time, space, the opportunity to recharge your batteries. Hope it goes well for you - just remember these things take time but you will come out the other end of it. <'>

My 14 year old has finally been given a statement for 15 hours a week. It was advised by Ed Psych and NAST that he needs a 'PA' who will check in with him throughout the day, make sure he knows about homework, changes in class etc. I'm sure you all know the needs!! Also there were ongoing discipline issues which resulted in him being removed/exluded on a daily basis which when unpicked were mainly due to a lack of understanding of his condition. However, school are saying they will provide an LSA to sit with him for the 15 hours and that is it?? No terribly helpful when my son is so desperate not to stand out and cannot cope with someone sitting with him, looking over his shoulder etc. The school are going to have to be 'creative' with how they use the hours in cojunction with the other children they are supporting. I was just wondering has anybody else has this sort of need identified and if so how did you tackle it. Apparently they are legally obliged to be 'flexible' or they can be accused of discriminating (so I have been informed today). I have spoken to the Ed Psych who commented that if she thought it was not a reasonable request that she would not have suggested it. Amazing isn't it - you think you have cracked it actually getting the statement and then it throws up a whole lot of new issues to battle with the school about!!

My 14 year old has been through a very similar experience and has now been withdrawn from school until September. Our LEA has put in a bid to the NAST team who are going to see him at home/school in September to help to boost his self esteem and encourage him back into school. From what I understand they work in 6 week blocks with your child as necessary and then it can be ongoing if need be. Its all very daunting isn't it?!? Hang in there!

one of the hardest things that I have had to come to terms with is that our kids, generally, are quite happy not to have to socialise. I have gone through hell by trying to arrange things for my 14 year old son which I think 14 year olds should do - he has actually said to me that I am trying to push him into a mould that he does not fit. Isn't that hard? My dream was of my kids with heaps of friends, a constant flow of people through the house, kids always out and about etc. and when it doesn't happen it can take time to accept. I have found that I keep having to accept as we move onto the next stage when other kids are doing things that ours have absolutely no intention of joining in or finding fun. Its your daughters birthday - if she wants to go to the cinema with you and your husband - go for it! have a really nice time knowing you are doing exactly what she wants to do. In previous years when I have asked my son what he would like to do its been having my parents over for a curry and birthday cake! It is so difficult when your kids so desperately want to get on with their life like their peers but are unable to do so - especially at this age when life is a drama enough without any added complications. I know its heartbreaking but you will get through this <'> All the best x

I don't know if we can mention names but I am going to anyway! My 13 year old AS son desperately wanted to go to Alton Towers for his birthday and to take his close friend - however the thought of crowds/queing (is that spelt right?!?) prevents him from going anywhere. I read on this forum that allowances can be made for children with these difficulties but could not remember the details. I contacted guest services at the park - oh wow! if you take an official letter that confirms your childs diagnosis they will give them a red band and 3 people with them can have a blue band. This magically means that any ride you want to go on, you GO IN THE EXIT!!!!! The staff were absolutely fantastic - the next carriage/seats that came along you are put on straight away (much to the disgust of those who had been waiting up to 1 and a half hours!). If you want another go - just hang around the exit and then go on again. You even take priority over the priory ticket holders. We did not have to wait for anything. We went on 11 rides and it was absolutely brilliant - my son thrives on the sensation of being upside down/thrown around etc. and it doesn't affect him (I won't go into the gory details of the ride where I had my head between my knees and my husband saying 'don't you dare be sick! oh boy I felt rough!!). I thnk it is a fantastic scheme that enables our kids to enjoy the experience of a great park without the stress of crowds and having to queue. My son said he felt a bit bad about it but as I explained in many ways AS has made life quite difficult for him - why should he not be privilaged for a day and made top priority!! Apparently a lot of the theme parks etc. have this scheme - I would highly recommend it. There is no cost involved (good job as the entry fee was horrendous and then they charged ?4.00 to park!!!). Worth ringing to check. xx

My 13 year old AS son is continually eating - it doesn't matter what is is he just clears all the cupboards and the fridge out. We have now resorted to a locked cupboard where we store all the 'goodies' and other items like razors, matches etc.), crisps are kept in our wardrobe but the big issue now is the fridge and freezer. If I buy cold meats, cheeses etc. for packed lunches he just eats it all the first day it is in the fridge. I have tried directly saying please do not eat this, that etc. but to no avail. I have tried freezing cheese etc (yum!) but he defrosts it and eats it. It may not sound a major issue but it is now really getting to me - we never have anything left in the house for the other 2 children or ourselves! Shopping is a nightmare because I am trying to find 'healthy' foods that are easily disguisable! I have looked on the internet for a fridge and freezer door lock but there doesn't seem to be anything. He is obsessed with locks and so far has successfully picked 2 that we put on the cupboard. He hardly leaves the house at the moment (not at school which is another issue!) so it is a constant battle. Night time eating is another problem. Has anyone else got this problem - any hints?

My 13 year old is can be extremely aggressive and extremely lovely. A couple of nights ago he went absolutely beserk at me and ended up with a carving knife in his hand threatening to do himself damage if I didn't listen to him and let him do what he wanted. He accused us all of belonging to Satan and continued with a tirade of abuse for approx. 2 hours. My 12 year old daughter was so distressed I had to take her to my mums to stay for the night to get her out of the way and fortunately my youngest just slept through it - how I do not know. At they get older and bigger it can be quite frightening and also I worry about the affect on my two other children - already my 4 year old is beginning to copy what his brother does. When my son eventually calmed down, having cut all up his arms and smashing a tray across his head, he burst into tears and kept apologising saying he should never have got like that but just couldn't stop himself. In a bizarre way I was really pleased that he actually apologised (this is a first) but I am also quite scared if he kicks off again. I felt the most important thing on this evening was not to give in - we had said no and that was it. The easy option was just to say 'oh forget it and we'll sort it out another time' but what would he have done next time to put his point across?! Like all kids he needs to know boundaries. Sorry can't offer any advice except try and keep your cool and if all else fails I find that wine helps you to relax!!

oh boy! its just the best time of day (oh yeah right!!). I usually end up at the bottom of the garden with a cup of coffee while all hell breaks loose in the house. I am assured that its all part of AS - my 13 year old just needs to plug into either his computer or PS2 and be left alone - once he has cooled down he is fine but if he doesn't get that uninterupted time he is horrendous. He picks fight with his 2 siblings who then kick off as well because they are tired, had enough .... . Its hard because you know that it is their difficult time and you try to be supportive but it has such a knock on effect with the rest of the family.

In the past I have always shied away from 'groups', but I think that we all come to a point when we need to speak to someone who does not look horrified and say 'I know' but really haven't got a clue how stressful life can be with our special kids. I am just about to join a group - my AS son is 13 years old and is just dropping out of main stream school so we are struggling big time. We tend to be quite isolated as he does not do 'social' so we don't have a lot of contact with other parents. We all have such differant experiences of 'the system' and it would be good if we can share and encourage others who are just going into it - I really want to be able to support other people as well as hopefully receive support. All credit to you for organising a new group - I really do hope that is successfull.

My 13 year old AS son has been diagnosed with depression by our GP and prescribed Cipralex (anti depressants). At the moment he struggles to leave the house and we have not been able to get him to school for over a month. While I would agree with the GP's diagnosis its a bit daunting. He has a lot of professional support and I will ask their advice but I just wondered if anybody else has teenage children with similar tendancies?

Have just had a major bluey with my 13 year old son which has ended with him screaming at me that I should go and rot in hell as its the best place for me?!? my 4 year old then piped up 'I love you mum'. And the reason? he has not been at school for the last week and a half due to stress (self harming etc.) and is due to go back in the morning to mock SATS. He has had a severe ear infection which he says is so painful he should not go back but he has been plugged into his heavy metal music for the last few days without any difficulty. Apparently I don't care because I am not doing anything about it. Its so difficult - I know why he is behaving the way he is but sometimes it is so difficult to take the verbal onslaught at full pelt. I just want to give him a hug and talk it through but I know I can't do that - will have to give it a while and go in for round 2! My husband has just commented - why should we have to put up with this, is this all part of living with a child with AS - I said yes - mixed in with the teenage hormones (a true 'kev'). I just hang onto the lovely times over the last week that we have had together - because he has been so chilled he is brilliant company with a wacky personality and we get on really well. Sorry, getting back to the poll (got sidetracked) definately YES!!!!!!!! Once our 'treasure' is actually in school tomorrow he will be the model child then its home time! All the best to everyone who has got the monday morning school battle tomorrow! <'>

Do people witha.s. find it difficult to forgive and forget, and think the world is out to get them(I appreciate it probably is sometimes ) I would say definately yes! my sons new maths teacher visited the class before he started on a full time basis - he stood right behind S and watched him working. S was extremely angry with him (can't bear people close to him and especially behind him) and never forgave him. The poor teacher went through 6 months of hell with S before they eventually had to move him out of the class. It took ages to find out what the initial trigger was and he would not forgive and forget.. He is constantly convinced that everyone is against him and no amount of talking/explaining will change his mind. Have to say, I have the memory of a goldfish so cannot remember if someone upset me 10 minutes ago!

what a day Thank you so much for all the advice. i will definately try and get hold of the book suggested. It is just so encouraging when you are really struggling, post on the forum and then it just feels as if everyone rallies around to support. Just when someone else says 'I know' it makes such a differance. Thank you <'> I think the idea of siblings having a chance to talk to others is brilliant - I will certainly mention it to my daughter this evening.

I came home from shopping this morning and have discovered that my daughter did not go to school this morning saying that she had been threatened at the bus stop and had run all the way home. After more questioning and cuddles I have now discovered that she spent 2 hours in the shed with a dog blanket around her and didn't even get to the bus stop . She was feezing cold and very upset. Its so hard to get the balance - how much is just playing up because she wants to stay at home and how much is reprocussion of having an older brother that has such an impact on family life. Thank you for the advice Simon - I had sort of planned to take my daughter to the cinema later this week which I hope she will enjoy. I guess I will now have to contact her school and explain what has happened

Morning! I have had to withdraw my 13 year old son from school for a week, on professional advice, as his stress levels are at such a point that he cannot cope with anything, anymore. My 12 year old daughter has a huge problem with this and I am struggling to help her understand. She said that she wished she had AS and then she would get some attention ?!? She feels that we are just giving in to her brothers bad behaviour and giving him what he wants ..... Yesterday I tried to explain why, today I have tried to turn it around to how lucky she is that she has a 'normal' life, she does not find everyday things a stress - trying really to turn all the negatives into positives. I am now going on the guilt trip of not spending enough time with the other children etc ...... I am sure you know what I mean. Has anybody else had these sort of conversations with their other children? if so how did you tackle it?