amberzak

I'm desperately trying to do my essay for my masters. It's due on Tuesday. I live with my husband and his parents. My husband's brother decided to turn up with his wife and kid. They are so loud, chatting away. But that's not even the worst of it. At one point my laptop screen stopped working. I got really concerned it might be broken. I got very stressed as my husband tried to fix it. Fearing a melt down coming on, as I am very stressed, I took myself off to my room as I didn't want to do it in front of my nephew, who is only 3 and has down syndrome. You'd have thought, them having a son who is disabled, they would understand. But when I had calmed down, I came back down to over hear my husband talking to his brother. His brother was having a moan about me, and my husband was trying to defend me. His brother was saying I was attention seeking. If I were attention seeking, I would have stayed in the room. I knew I couldn't control myself and was embarrassed, that's why I left. Anyone else have problems with family just not getting it?

I like aspie. I'm an aspie girl.

I have my teacher training to do. I don't have time or energy to be neurotic about this. I sense a rough year coming.

Hi I like small universities, because you get more support from your lecturers. I did my degree at the university of Chichester, and even though I was undiagnosed at the time, I got loads of support. But because its a small university you may find they don't do the course you want.

I am training to be a teacher, and I have been told I need to work on remembering names. It's so hard.

So I have finally got the first step towards a diagnoses. It's a fantastic woman, by the way, on a website called actionforaspergers.co.uk. Problem is, well it's not really a problem and I am so happy that I finally have a diagnoses. It's just I feel a bit weird too. I am higher on the spectrum that I first thought. I scored 42 on the test thing she did out of 50, and she said she hadn't seen someone that high for a long time. She also said that the aspergers doesn't get better, I just improve on my coping mechanisms (I might have slightly misquoted her, she said it in a really supportive way). Anyway, I don't know why I am feeling so down. I hoped getting a diagnoses would mean I would accept myself more. I'm sure I will come to that acceptance, and certainly I don't feel frustrated any more, like I used to. But I'm going to be like this forever. No matter how normal I can make myself appear (and I am not very good at that) I will always feel like this. I am training to be a teacher, and I am not doing too badly. Except that I was in University yesterday and apparently I talk too much to people in the staffroom and can't tell when they are busy. Back in January, when I started a course which led to the teacher training, I was told I appear to be unfriendly and my tutor wanted me to try and talk to people. Seems I can't get the balance right. But why can't people just say 'can't talk now, I'm busy'. What is wrong with saying that to me? I am now scared of going back to school because I thought I was doing okay. My mentor, and my university tutor know about the aspergers, and a copy of the letter about my diagnoses has just gone on my file, therefore they cannot use this as grounds for failing me as long as my teaching is okay. According to my university tutor, who I trust explicitly and he is amazing, I am on track, making the mistakes every student teacher makes, and so doing perfectly fine. He has no concerns. Anyway, sorry, I think I just needed to voice some of how I am feeling. Has anyone else gone through something similar post diagnoses?

They are charging £1200 I can't afford that. I want to cry. I really do

Hi. I'm 29 and have undiagnosed Asperger's. I'm very lucky in that I have a very lovely doctor who is very supportive. He referred me to the only place that does adult diagnoses in the area (the next county over and about 2 hours drive away). But the problem is that we needed the primary care trust to pay for it, and they turned down funding. The doctor said I could be self funded. I can't find out how much it's going to cost me though. Can anyone advise? Also, can anyone tell me if they know of any charities etc who might be able to help with the funding. I'm training to be a teacher, and was advised diagnoses is crucial, but I don't get much money training. Anyone else had any similar experiences?

As warriors, where are you from? I have always wanted to make a documentary and write a book on what it's actually like to live with aspergers. A lot of these books teachers have to read aren't even written by those who live with it. I think we could write quite well together. With your optimism, and my frustrations, we could get both views across.

Being told by my teacher that I'll have to redo my work because I missed something as a through away comment because he hasn't realised I spent 5 days on it, hand written. I went to the toilet and physically started banging my head against the wall.

I feel like I've gone back like 10 steps. I'd just started to get the courage to join everyone for lunch rather than sitting in the classroom all lunch (everyone sits in the canteen all around one big table and I find that hard). After today, I feel that tomorrow I am just going to stay in the classroom again at lunch and not go down for lunch.

I feel at times like it is a gift. I remind myself that I probably wouldn't be married to my wonderful man, or have such close friends as i have (I am really good friends with my old head teacher from when I was a kid) and I wouldn't be training to be a maths teacher. But then there are other times, usually when it comes to the social side of things, where I hate my aspergers. I am having one of those days today. I do hope that your positive outlook does continue and I hope to pick up on it.

I'm doing an intensive Maths course, which will lead to Teacher Training. As usual, being in a social group, I am really struggling. I am so sick of people saying things like 'there is nothing wrong with you.' If that were the case, then why do over half the class laugh at me, talk about me behind my back and make comments about how weird I am. I'm so desperate to fit in. I know I shouldn't be, but I can't help it. I found this in a website, and it totally sums up how I feel most of the time: 'One might wonder why some with Asperger want so much to "fit in". It is so that a person with Asperger is seen by most normal people as "different", even though many of those normal people will violently deny this when confronted ("There's nothing wrong with you!"). And some normal people naturally follow the line, "This person is different from what I am used to/This person therefore annoys me/Therefore I have to make this person suffer/As hard as I can/As long as I can/And I get away with it easily as this person cannot defend oneself/Otherwise I would not dare bully this person as I am an extreme coward and cry for my female parent while defecating in my trousers whenever someone so much as points a finger at me in response to my bullying". As a result, persons with Asperger tend to be the target of extreme continuous torture in almost every social environment they are or become part of. They are the natural focus of the inferior's hatred. Yes, it says "torture", and not "abuse" or even "teasing", as one sometimes sees, as those disgusting euphemisms do not even begin to describe reality. It is in the light of this life-long suffering that one must see the attempts of some misguided Aspergers to "fit in". They think the torture will end if they learn to act normal. But it will not and they can not.' If you want to read more, the website is this: http://www.paulcooijmans.com/asperger/straight_talk_about_asperger.html It really hit the nail on the head for me. I'm just really finding things hard at the moment.

He he - I loved the adding thing. Made me laugh. Being someone who has Aspergers, I can't stand it when things aren't made clear in the work I set. And being someone who is training to be a teacher, I always try to make sure I make it clear. Unfortunately, many teachers haven't a clue what it's like to have Aspergers. While some really good teachers try to understand, and do their best, many don't see it as their problem. One person on my course, when we were discussing special needs (she doesn't know I have aspergers) announced to the class that in her opinion, Aspergers people just need to learn social skills and need to listen more. It's people like her that just don't get it. I think that you need to mention it at parents evening. Just say that you are keen for your son to do his best in homework, but he needs to be clear on what's required. Any teacher who actually cares about teaching should do their best. But as Lancs pointed out, for many teachers it's more on an afterthought. The geography cover page is a prime example. It's a case of they have to set something, they can't be bothered with the marking, so it's easy. Another idea is when your son is at homework club, ask if a TA can go through that weeks homework just to make sure he is clear (and they can usually tell if it's clear by checking). I really do feel for you. It's very frustrating. All the best.

Great topic. Ditto on those none aspergers who think they understand People who when I try and explain what it's like say things like 'Oh but I do that' and 'but I feel like that sometimes'. SOMETIMES!!! - I FEEL LIKE IT ALL THE TIME. People sitting on the underground with a newspaper open that tickles my skin. People in class talking when the tutor is talking (I'm in post graduate course and there are people who still do this) People who are fake - they smile at you and say everything is alright, then talk about you behind your back. If you have a problem with me, say it to my face. Sticky hands. I hate being sticky.

Hey. I do the same thing. Thing is, my friends know that about me, and accept it. Like, they had a party the other month and I was nervous about going. When I got there, I saw a friend who is also an Aspie, and without thinking, I blurted out 'oh great, you're here. Intellectual conversation.' But they know me and they know I didn't mean it. In fact, in the past I have offended people, but I think it's a case of them getting to know I don't mean it. I learn by my mistakes. I tell people to let me know if I offend them, or upset them, or if I talk to much etc. I point out that I can't tell body language or hints. My friends are all really helpful and supportive in this.

I got a feedback today. I got the top mark in the class. I am perfectly okay with criticism. It's something I was taught on my first degree, and actually I crave good criticism. I struggle when note taking. And sometimes the teacher will say things like 'you don't need to write this down because I have it as a work sheet' and I still feel the need to write it down.

Do you find that people don't really understand your work ethos at times? I am doing a masters course at University, that will lead to teacher training. I was in school last week and had notes that I need to submit. I'm now sitting here rewriting these notes up neat, and my husband is questioning why, especially with the amount of work I have to do. He is saying that they won't expect my work to be neat. And I and trying to explain to him that that doesn't matter. It has to be neat for me. I will redo an entire piece of work just for one error. People at Uni don't really understand this ethos either. It's almost OCD. And I can't stand it when a teacher said 'just get this down quickly, you don't have to be neat'. If it's in my book, it has to be neat (or as neat as I can make it, anyway). Does any one have similar ideals about their work?

I'm married to a wonderful man. He is NT, and I'm Aspie. He is the most patient, considerate person ever. He might not understand why I have to sit in the same place all the time, or why I often say the wrong things at the wrong times, but he tries to. He is amazing. Sure, we argue. There have even been times when we have come close to splitting up, but we have been through the worst of it, and I feel like we are in it for the long haul.

My councillor said to stop taking it because he has seen it have terrible effects on people with AS. Just after not taking it for one day and I already feel better. I'm working at my normal obsessive nature, not the compulsive obsessive nature of my working thus far. I actually managed to have a coffee with my husband after University today without feeling the burning need to get my maths work out, and while I am still feeling quite anxious about my work, it's not as bad as it was. LancsLad, I do understand what you are saying. I would say, though, that we are quite different in a lot of ways. I have always been someone who gets joy out of working, and so I am happy to be working most of the day. It's just recently it's gone way beyond my enjoyment level with the compulsive need to continue to work causing me to lose track of entire days, and to not be able to take a break, even when my usual obsession would allow me to. The course isn't your normal post graduate course. It is a course which will lead to teacher training. Because my degree is in English, but I want to teach Maths, I have a compulsory course to do first. Doing well in this course will get me placed in a good school. If I show myself to be an organised, keen person who does the work, I will get a supportive and friendly mentor at my school, something that I feel with my condition I need. I lack confidence. But also, these assignments are designed to later be used as teaching resources. So there is a lot of reasons why they should be the best I can do. I am happy with my usual OCD. It's the extreme OCD I have been experiencing that has been causing problems. And the anxiety from the work load. It is an intensive course by the way. As in, far more intensive than any normal post grad. But it is also structured, which is good.

Thanks guys I am just feeling so anxious and frustrated all the time since being on these tablets, but the last lot of tablets they gave me I was allergic to. I've been ill for so long...

I'm suffering with Trigeminal Neuralgia and the doctors has put me on Amitriptilin (sp). For those who don't know, I am an adult female with Aspergers. Does anyone know if Amitriptilin can make apergers traits worse? I have found, since being on it, I don't sleep, my obsessions (Maths and Filming) have completely taken over - well, the maths anyway. To the Point where I feel compelled to study my maths constantly none stop all day every day. Someone at Uni commented on my dedication, and I tried to explain to him that it's not dedication, it is obsessive compulsive. I am doing all the work set, even the optional extra stuff, which we have been told no one could possibly do all the work, but so far I have been attempting it. And then I worry when I don't keep up. I'm doing more work that anyone in the class, and I'm top of the class, but I'm still highly anxious about keeping up and doing the work. I have a hospital tomorrow so will be late into class and I'm really anxious about this, even though the teacher knows. And the anxiety levels are going ever higher. My husband took me out today to help me get away from the compulsion to work, and it felt good, but now I feel guilty. My husband says that my aspergers seems to have regressed since being put onto these tablets, and as I said, I am not sleeping at all. I haven't slept properly for about 4 weeks now. Any know what this could be? The course is a post graduate course by the way. And yes, I was obsessive with my degree, and I have had other obsessions, but nothing like this.

Also, I don't want people at work knowing. The problem is my friends, who already know. But I don;t want work to know. I'm ashamed to say that I am embarrassed by the condition.

I have been feeling quite down recently. Just started a new job, and the emphasis is high on socialising. I never quite fit in. And whenever something good happens to me I usually do or say something that ruins it. I never mean to, but I usually say things or do things that I shouldn't. So I have been feeling down, wishing I was normal and wishing the aspergers away. And of course my friends are trying to make me feel better by telling me that they would have me no other way etc. So I tried to explain exactly what it's like to have aspergers. They didn't really get it. I tried to point out that I have absolutely no idea of body language, and tried to say it would be like me giving them something to read in a language they don't understand. I tried to explain how I never know what to say or things like that. I said about going out, they do a lot of going down the pub. And one of the girls said 'then just go'. How do I explain that quiet lunch at the pub with friends is completely different that evening crowded pub with work colleagues (who may as well be strangers to me). And how do I explain the sensory overload issue with them. When I tried to explain that I don't get the jokes or whatever, they just say 'I do that sometimes too' so then I try to point out that I am like it ALL the time. My friends are all a bit different, and one of them she was in a job where she didn't fit in, so she gets that bit, but how do I explain to her what it's like for me? She's the one who said to just go to the pub. She also said 'you need to ask how they are' and things like that. I do, when I remember, but there is just so much to remember. They sit and talk around the table at lunchtime (we can only eat in the staffroom and all have lunch at the same time. I dread lunchtimes). They all chat, and it's hard enough for me to keep track of what's being said, work out what they really mean (people never say what they mean), decide if what I have to say is appropriate, make sure my comment is still relevant, and know when I can actually speak. She totally doesn't get that those little bits in conversation are all a conscious effort for me. And while it may appear easy when I am around my friends, that's because with them I have learnt their little nuances, and I still even get it wrong with them, but the know me so accept it. Then she said that no one makes friends in the first week. I replied that I don't want to make friends with them. I'm not interested in friends at work. I just want to not offend or upset people. I just want to not mess up. But I still think my friends don't actually understand me. Because they just kept saying 'it's their problem, not yours.' but it is my problem, if I'm the one not fitting it. I'm not sure how to explain to them everything that I feel and how difficult things are, because every time I said anything, they were like 'I feel that sometimes too' and I tried to explain that I feel like it ALL the time. How do you make people realise? Because they were just saying how they wouldn't want me to change, and they love my strange ways, and I was trying to get them to see what it's like to actually live with it. They seem to be able to adapt their personalities to different environment, and I can't.

Hi Smiley. I totally get where you are coming from. I don't have the problem of people close to me thinking I want sympathy (my best friend won't even entertain the idea that have as Aspergers because he can't cope with it) but those that extra circle out do. They don't get a lot of things about me. When I meet people I usually make a comment about the fact that I can't tell when they are bored do if they are getting bored of me they need to be blunt and say so. I guess what I'm saying is that it might be the way you say things? Like with me I turn it into a bit of a joke. My mum frustrates me sometimes because she always seems to have to add in my Aspergers all the time when I do something. Like, when I got my degree (a good level degree for anyone) my mum told everyone about it because she was so proud, but she couldn't just leave it at the fact I have a degree. She had to add 'it's so great, especially considering her problems'. I totally get where you're coming from. *hugs*