Lyndalou

All the best to you for your venture in 2013 - may you accomplish what you set out to do! Sorry to see you go

Hi Sherbet It sounds like you've trusted your instincts and made life as safe as you felt was right for your little boy. It's great that you now have definitive answers that you didn't have before and it's good that you can get the support you need for your son at such a crucial stage in his development. The teens are a very difficult time for kids with ASD - you are right, when hormones come into the mix it can get hairy. Some kids will channel their anger inwards and others outwards. Both can cause major problems if left unchecked. What I would suggest is try to find out how ASD (which often includes sensory issues as part of the package) and ADD affect your son specifically. Every person with ASD is different, although there are common problems associated with the condition, anxiety being one of if not the most common additional problem. Anxiety can be associated with negotiating conversation, learning differently and having different/opposing viewpoints to peers. It can be connected to having to contend with noises, smells, visual stimuli and problems with touch daily that may not bother the majority of people in their day-to-day lives. Kids can quite often feel their parents don't 'get' them and I think this may be magnified for those on the spectrum. You might have to consider a two-pronged approach with regards to your son's anger; you probably need to start recognising the signs that your son is reaching a point where he can't cope anymore (probably long before you think that is) as he likely won't recognise those signs for himself and then his 'threshold' anxiety levels may not be so high and secondly, there has to be an understanding that lashing out is not acceptable behaviour. Understandable yes but not the positive way to channel frustration. I know this is easier said than done because I myself can get frustrated and angry and shout and cry and slam doors even at my age and it is very much anxiety-related. However, it doesn't make it 'right' even though at the time I feel justified, as will he. It is a very important skill to be able to start recognising 'triggers' and to then find ways to de-escalate emotions but your son will probably need you to help him to do this. I would expect anyone else who is involved in supporting your son to help him do this too. Good Luck Lynda

Like your new tag line AS and well done you and Jeanne. We'll be expecting great things from you !

You've both got my vote

Hi' and just a short answer (or comment) right now. Have you been in touch with ASAN at all? (Autistic Self Advocacy Network) They appear to be getting taken seriously and gaining support and Ari Ne'erman their president seems to talk a lot of sense. Go online and you'll find various articles etc. They put out a statement very shortly after the recent school shooting to dispel any connection between autism and violence as the American media appeared to be suggesting a connection. As far as I know, they were the first autism group to do this very publicly and so strongly.

Today, I've felt a profound sadness for most of the day and I believe the feeling to be that of empathy. I found out today that a local woman jumped in front of a train on Boxing Day leaving a devastated family behind. One of my neighbours was a good friend and had visited her for a gossip just before Christmas. Of course, she and no-one else either had had any idea of the torment she must have been feeling before she committed suicide. To believe that being hit by a train is the only way out....what desperation is that?

This I totally agree with and this was the general sense I had upon reading the response written by SBC. Having read a number of other articles about 'supposed' lack of empathy (I will agree that I don't feel it in a 'typical' way although in the past I would have said 'the way I should' ), I absolutely know that I DO have empathy. I may not feel that bothered if someone has done something to themselves, leading to them being upset if it's something that they and/or everyone else saw coming a mile away. I would probably think more along the lines of 'well you made your bed now lie in it' although I would express some concern about how they were feeling. However, when it comes to people being flooded out of their homes or dying of malnourishment at 3 months old then I find this very upsetting and my heart reaches out to those people. I had a conversation once with 2 NT friends. It was in the context of the TV series 'The Pacific' about the World War 2 war in that area and about how upsetting and graphic some of the depictions of the war were. One friend said that it was terrible that 'our boys' had to go through that and that in order to avoid all this unnecessary bloodshed it was a pity they had not invented the atomic bomb at the start of the war. Then it could simply have been dropped on Japan before they (the bad guys) had the chance to kill our boys. Now to me, apart from it being skewed logic, a complete misunderstanding of history and disregard of the value of other societies and cultures in comparison to our own, I also think it shows an absolute lack of empathy. I see a similar lack of empathy shown towards my son by people who have very little interest in knowing what living with autism is actually about. So, what exactly is empathy? Simon Baron-Cohen is Sasha Baron-Cohen's cousin. I do agree he is an intelligent man but I also think he's quite wide of the mark with some of the conclusions he draws from his science.

To be frank, all those people on X-Factor are 'amateur' and that's not the word I would actually use for many and they do very well at getting recording contracts. If you play to an accomplished level could you not just produce a recording to tout around? Perhaps I'm just being naive but I've known of plenty 'artists' who with a bit of blag and self-belief became well known and well paid and often they were not the ones with the true talent in my opinion.

Sorry to hear it's been so difficult to find anything. Thinking out of the box a bit, there's no way you kind sign up with someone who provides music for recordings...you know, the type of people who provide backing vocalists or session musicians? Maybe a really stupid idea but you never know!! Might be a way of meeting people.

I expected Baron-Cohen's writing to come over as more arrogant but perhaps arrogance (or scientific arrogance) can be disguised in writing? Some of his explanation made no real sense to me. I found some of the responses to be very intelligent and well thought through. I enjoy reading Rachel Cohen-Rottenberg's work. I think it's a terrible shame she has stopped writing her blogs and doing her advocacy work.

http://autismblogsdirectory.blogspot.co.uk/2011/09/simon-baron-cohen-replies-to-rachel.html Oh dear! Can't get link to work but go to Autism Blogs Directory and then to Sept 2011 for Simon Baron-Cohen's response to Rachel Cohen-Rottenberg's response to his theory of lack of empathy in Autism.

I think that this time of year can magnify all our problems with socialising. We can have 'evidence' with cards as to the state of our social life and sending them makes us evaluate who our friends actually are. It's very difficult to face these problems when we've maybe not had to face them quite so full on throughout the rest of the year. It's quite telling that it's this time of year that suicide rates go up and (I believe) people go missing. I know some time ago you were looking for a music group to attend. Did you ever find anything? It may be time to cut your losses from the people in your 'old' life if it's too painful to maintain these friendships. I have to say some sound quite tenuous and maybe Christmas cards are the extent of the contact you'll have. It's a tough one but best of luck in making the right decisions.

The day went not too bad all round. We tried to keep it quite calm and quiet. There were no last minute frenzied preparations. However, although my son coped pretty well considering with a few 'time outs', I'm afraid to say I'm the one who lost it at one point, totally p'd off and frustrated trying to build a 'simple' toy that took closer to an hour to make up compared to the 10 minutes I thought it would take! Today, I've done nothing much because I know I need this 'time out' myself!

Apologies David3 if I misunderstood the thrust of your posts as being your experience with women on a personal level rather than general observations about society as a whole. Men and women act and react in particular ways within relationships depending on how they are treated within the present relationship, past relationship experiences and a whole host of other factors including upbringing, I took exception to being lumped in with manipulative and conniving women as I've never considered myself to be one of those.

And adding to what I've said above, if this is the attitude you have towards women I can understand why you are treated in this way. I find it quite offensive.

I think the operative word here is SOME. Some women act this way and you have obviously attracted this type or pursued this type of women. You need to perhaps think about what it is about you that means that this is the type of women you end up with.

Wishing you a lovely Christmas Day yourself Jeanne. As I predicted, my wee boy lasted 3 presents before we put on his new Thomas DVD . The second round will be after the kids are dressed! Happiness and health to you! Lynda

Here's hoping tomorrow is a good day for you with no arguments

Hi Lisa It sounds like you've had a really good think about the direction you would like to go in in the New Year! I had a thought....in January I'm meeting with a Social Worker to get a referral to a club for kids with Special Needs that runs all day Saturday every second Saturday. They do all sorts of activities and an emphasis is placed on learning social skills. It is also supposed to be a means of respite for parents. The age range is 5 to 12 so quite broad (possibly too broad). I'm just wondering if there might be something similar close to you? Lynda

I'm not exactly sure how to put this but a short answer is 'Yes', impatience is commonly an issue associated with ASD. Jack won't really understand the concept of time and that combined with what's called 'low frustration tolerance' is maybe why you are seeing him get upset, seemingly out of proportion to the situation. if he doesn't understand what you mean by 'one minute' and he has asked and has no idea when he will get his drink, he will become frustrated quite easily. What might be helpful is a countdown, maybe from 5 to 1 initially and then expanding on this. If you are very busy this might be tricky but it will possibly help alleviate the 'not knowing' aspect of waiting. Another way might be to do a kind of timetable. I quite often will say something like, we'll do......, then snack-time. Kids with ASD can learn over time to deal with impatience but it never goes away. You wouldn't like to know how impatient I am...

Your little boy is 4 isn't he? Although it states in the form that you cannot apply for mobility component under 5 yrs, I actually filled in the section about mobility although my son was only 4 at the time. I highlighted what you are saying above that the 'danger awareness' issue is a real concern while out and about (he was still prone to run towards the road if he became upset and didn't like his hand held). I went on the principle that although he wasn't eligible for the mobility component, the person dealing with the claim would likely read this and it would only provide more information about day-to-day difficulties. Do you have a Dyslexia Association near you or a Dyslexia Helpline you could phone? I wonder if they could provide you with someone to help you fill the form in?

So sorry to hear that you and Glen are having to go through this. I hope that the assessment shows the way forward for you and that the mental health team can get to the bottom of what is causing all the aggression quickly. It must be very hard for you to know you had no say in it either. Have you thought further about an advocate - it sounds like this might be the right time to get some help for yourself in this situation.