Lyndalou

Are you remembering you posted this already Alex?

Hi and welcome to the forum Liking the blog

Hi there and welcome to the forum. I hope you find it useful and informative as you set out (or continue) on your journey of discovery. I'm self-diagnosed as I've not been successful in gaining an 'official' diagnosis and have a diagnosed 5 yr old with High Functioning Autism and an apparently very non-autistic 2 yr old daughter (who likes shoes, shopping and knows when I'm upset). Hubby has many 'traits' but probably is not on the spectrum. I think we have a number of people on the spectrum in both of our families too!

Roll on Jack getting a formal diagnosis (whatever it turns out to be)...hope you don't have to wait too long to have him properly assessed so these doors open for you

This sounds very like there is an element of Synesthesia where the senses overlap going on

Try not to let it get to you. I know it's easier said than done sometimes but you need your strength to deal with the difficult situations those people are commenting on and Jack needs that too. The problem can be that is that it is so difficult to tell the difference between a child with autism in distress when they are overwhelmed or have sensory overload and a child having a screaming tantrum. YOU know the difference and that is the important thing. Maybe you could get hold of autism alert cards (I think this was mentioned before when you had an incident in the supermarket?) but unforunately for many people they will only be words on a bit of paper. Some people might get it but others will think it's just an excuse. Have you spoken to a social worker yet about any help you could be entitled to? A bit of time out to step back from the day-to-day difficulties you have could make you more able to cope with people being nasty. <'>

The exciting news I got from NAS is that Rudy Simone, the author of "Aspergirls" (and others of course, but I'm reading that one) is coming to Manchester next month. It's at: King’s House Conference Centre King’s Church Sidney Street Manchester M1 7HB United Kingdom Date and time: 7 March 2013 Doors open and Registration from 6pm (18:00) Starts at 6:45pm (18:45) Price per ticket: Standard Delegate Rate £ 21.60 NAS Members / Low income £ 16.80 To book telephone: Janet Matthews 0115 911 3367 More details here http://www.autism.or...nces/rudysimone

You deserve to have a bit of chill time. It must be a great relief to have taken that first step and the anticipation won't have been helping all the stress you've been experiencing. Maybe a little bit of channel surfing or a good book? I've been to a presentation by Rudy Simone and it was very good. It's nice to hear all the things added up together that we ladies on the spectrum can experience have an explanation and she can be quite funny too! The atmosphere at the one I went to had quite a 'cameraderie' feel to it and it was lovely....

I'm really pleased to hear that you've had such a receptive GP and that is such a good starting point! The fact you got some support from your partner to make sure that you were able to express what you wanted to say is also great! Well done you! Do you want the information about the Rudy Simone presentation moved to Resources or anything??

I second what Matzo has said and wish there was some easy solution but unfortunately there isn't. If you are feeling very overwhelmed and emotional at the moment, being signed off sick will give you some head space so I think that's a sensible course of action. What you describe in your previous job is likely to have had quite a negative impact on you and being bullied like this can knock your self-confidence very badly; even though you know that it is not your 'fault', it is like any kind of abuse or bullying when the abuser tries to convince the person they are abusing that it is their own fault. You know that your boss probably had it in for you in your previous job and because you didn't know how to 'play the game' and had integrity he was lacking you unwittingly left yourself wide open for being treated this way. I would warrant a guess that someone without ASD would be just as traumatised by bullying in the workplace as you have been but it is more likely they would know how to avoid getting into this type of situation by not being so 'truthful' etc in the first place - they have more idea of how to 'play the game'. Again, I can empathise with you as I have gone through something similar and I remember the hell it was. Outbursts are embarrassing (and sometimes far reaching) but they are not the same as just having a 'tantrum'. It is when things just get too much for you to handle - emotional and/or sensory overload - and it is an outward sign of inward distress. The day I screamed abuse through my neighbour's letterbox will be a bit of gossip that will likely follow my around for years! Give yourself a break, figuratively speaking and practically speaking

TBH, I wouldn't go down that road in terms of talking about 'degrees' of Aspergers. Tests, especially conducted by professionals not trained in diagnosing AS are simply a guide to decide about further exploration/assessment. Bear in mind that the current tests are firstly more tailored towards males and secondly often towards a 'younger' expression of the condition. I can look back and see exactly where I went 'wrong' when requesting an assessment when I presented myself to the GP. Much further down the road and after the benefit of much self-analysis, I would have gone about it in a completely different way; ie. I wouldn't have given my principal reason for requesting an assessment that I wanted a satisfying job - I am so used to having difficulties in relationships, sensory problems and the rest that it didn't even cross my mind that it wasn't 'normal'. The simple fact is that you believe that you have AS. Any request for assessment should detail the difficulties you have in day-to-day living and the 'differences' you see(or perceive) between yourself and others.

Smiley, I think that most people would react if they were told to 'just grow up'. It's a very strong statement and I think is often said when people want to end a conversation because it is making them upset or angry themselves. The problem is that it is one of those statements that can just enflame things further and someone has to back down if it's not to turn into a huge argument. Maybe the best thing would be to excuse yourself (from the room or the house) to give yourself breathing space if you see the 'signs' that the conversation is going this way. It's not good that anyone is saying this to you but if they don't see it, you have to find a way to not get as upset as you are getting because of this.

Not long to wait - that's great. Hope they are helpful for you Smiley

I do definitely prefer shops when they are not too busy and when there isn't too much in the way of noise and yes, I do really hate musak! The problem for me though is that I am much more affected by 'visual noise' when I go shopping. I like things to be ordered and easy to find and absolutely cannot stand that things like chutney might be in a completely different place to beetroot or pancakes are nowhere near the crumpets (probably designed again so you have to walk up and down aisles more than you want to!!). I avoid places now where things are all out of order. I believe it has possibly changed but I only managed to go into TK Maxx twice years ago but became very stressed and annoyed having to 'rummage' through all the different clothes and I almost gave up on our local BhS before they had a makeover; no signs anywhere, dingy lighting and all the clothes jumbled together - nightmare!! I think the problem is that shopping is all about business (especially supermarkets and bigger retailers) and they are catering for the masses. Recently, there was a thread on here about making shopping precincts more ASD friendly and I think that certain steps could definitely be taken to make shopping a more pleasant and relaxing environment for everyone but even if shops were music free, completely ordered with good signage and accessible (in the physical sense) for all, it still wouldn't meet the needs of absolutely everyone. I agreethough that it would be better for more people than now. I much prefer traffic free predestrian precincts so I think this is definitely a good way forward but then it isn't practical everywhere either.

I'll contact admin Jeni and ask if there might be a reason it's not working

Hi ASD is the umbrella term. There have been different 'names' given to how people present over the years but recently within the DSM 5, which is the diagnostic manual that psychiatrists use in the US, Aspergers has been removed and now comes under Autistic Spectrum Disorder. I believe it is because there is so much crossover between the different 'types' of autism that people have. In this country, although (I think and if I'm wrong someone will correct me) psychiatrists do not use the DSM 5, it still has a lot of influence so many diagnostitians are using the term ASD instead of the previous terms. Aspergers has been the term to denote people on the Autistic Spectrum who have 'normal' speech development but have difficulties across what is known as the 'triad of impairments', High Functioning Autism is not actually a 'real' diagnostic term but is used for children with average to above average intelligence (like Aspergers) but who have speech delays/disorder, PDD NOS is used for people who have many of the traits within the 'triad of impairments' but not enough to denote a diagnosis of Aspergers/HFA. Classic Autism can denote someone who is non-verbal and has difficulties (sometimes more pronounced or 'severe' demonstration) across the 'triad of impairments'. This often can be accompanied by learning difficulties but not always - some children with Classic Autism remain non-verbal but demonstrate average to above average intelligence via non-verbal communication and others can actually move along the autistic continuum to a 'higher functioning' form of autism through gaining verbal skills and reduction in their more 'severe' autistic traits and development of self care skills etc. There are also 'autistic-like' conditions like Fragile X Syndrome. Hope I haven't confused you further....

That might be a sensible idea Noskcaj86 in order to get the proper support. It might be worth reading up a bit on how ADHD/ADD can affect you and steps you can take yourself in order to help yourself if you haven't already done so !

Can't see 2 posts! However, sometimes posting is a bit slow and if you press twice thinking it's not worked then you'll get 2 identical posts

There is a belief (and I agree with it) that stimming is a way to self-regulate the nervous system. Perhaps Jack has had a very busy week and he is finding ways to cope with the build up of stress generated during the week by stimming. I've heard it now described as 'self-regulatory' behaviour and also 'soothing' behaviour and I think this is a better way of understanding what the behaviour is for than using this word. You maybe have to decide which of these behaviours are positive and which are negative. I'd be tempted to say that if they are not self-injurious or put other people, like your other children in danger then the stimming serves a purpose and will keep him more calm and able to cope. Of course, stimming can be positive in some situations and not in others. For instance, if my son spins round in the kitchen when the dinner is on then that is dangerous and also if his sister is about and there is the danger that he may fall on her. However, if I can get him to spin around in another room then it's fine. You might be able to persaude Jack to replace one stim with another if necessary too.

As Matzo says, you will find many adult women out there in similar circumstances to yourself on this and other forums. I myself am one of them so I can completely empathise with your position. I have no formal diagnosis but over the last 2 years I have educated myself about what Aspergers is (and ASD in general) and I have over time become more at ease with finding out that this is what has made me into the person I now am. The author of 'Aspergirls' only received her formal diagnosis around 5 months ago. I believe that initially she found no-one within 500 miles of where she lived who took what she was saying seriously and so she went out and wrote books and went on the 'circuit' raising awareness about female Aspergers instead! It's a difficulat position to be in; knowing you have ASD but not being able to 'prove' it.... I think that the main thing you need to remind yourself is that you are the same person you have always been with all your strengths and weaknesses, problems and talents. Educate yourself as much as you can. If you can find out why you act and react in certain ways in order to make improvements in your life then 'knowing' can be put to constructive use, whether or not ultimatley you can gain a diagnosis or not. Personally speaking, understanding that I have a real problem with certain sounds and types of touch has been very helpful for me. I've obviously known for years that it's better if I sleep with earplugs in and that I need to avoid getting my feet wet and more recently I discovered that I see the saturation of colour in HD TV in a strange 'velvety' fashion (I know...weird!!). However, for example, it only 'clicked' that crying and moaning noises make me stressed and irritable when my second child was around 6 months old. It suddenly made sense that when my eldest wouldn't stop crying when he was a baby that after a period of time I flew into huge rages because I couldn't stand the noise and the unpredictability. Sensory issues can be a very big deal in ASD's. It might be worth your while reading other Rudy Simone books. I've read '22 Things a Woman with Aspergers wants her Partner to know' and I've not read 'Aspergers on the Job' but it might be helpful in your current situation. I've found some very good bloggers like Samantha Craft at www.aspergersgirls.wordpress.com and although she is not blogging anymore Rachel Cohen-Rottenberg who wrote Journeys with Autism. There are others I think that are not so good although their viewpoints are valid. I've found Tony Attwood to have a good understanding of female Aspergers although I feel he can still come over as a bit 'them and us'. I wonder too if you would benefit from looking into Assertiveness training. It might be something you could source independently. I've been in situations where my boss turned things all around on me and it is a very confusing and upsetting place to be; kind of stuck between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea so again, I can empathise truly. Counselling may also be an option? (I've just reread your post and saw you are going down this avenue...) There is a woman who works locally in my area who specialises in working with people on the spectrum and although you are undiagnosed (or seeking diagnosis), this avenue could help you to come to terms with your situation. I suppose it's actually more psychotherapy. This is private and it may not be an option for you at all but it could be a short-term solution while you seek referral; what I've been told is that the (possibly only) session could even be so informal as to meet in a quiet coffee shop. (I'll have a look and pm you the email - she might have contacts in your area, you never know!!) I got referral on the NHS myself in 2011 through the mental health team for OT outpatient therapy which did help me a great deal but this was only after I had a near-total mental breakdown. All the best to you and know that you are not alone <' />

Alex Do you have to see this particular GP or do you think it would be helpful to ask for another GP next time. I can request particular GP's at my surgery as there are certain one's I prefer. I can even ask for certain GP's who I like taking my children to see who are up to speed with their problems and other GP'ds who I like for my own issues. Can you do this? They might have a different attitude to this GP or you might warm to them better. Did they give you any indication of how much longer it will take until the medication takes effect? I know that generally speaking it is 3 weeks so I would expect that you should see some improvement in your mood soon. If not, the dosage may need increased but you would probably have to wait a bit longer until you could get an increase. Lynda

For people living in Scotland using the site, you might be aware that on Wednesday this week the subject of support for people living with Autism in Scotland was brought up in the Scottish Parliament. Mark McDonald, MSP is very involved in raising awareness in the Scottish Parliament as his young son has a diagnosis. He has given me permission to say that he is happy to respond to queries and concerns raised by parents of children with ASD and adults with ASD about support, education, benefits and any other day-to-day issues who live in Scotland and particularly in the North East of Scotland as he is based in the area. Lynda

Have a really fun time!

I've bought that book as you recommended it before that I remember. I haven't started reading it yet though . I'll be very interested to see what it says.... Strangely, I have read that many females in particular with Aspergers actually go into the line of work that is thought to be an unusual choice for people with the condition; namely nursing and other caring professions and advocacy - professions which call for empathy and understanding of feelings and emotions. I myself did a year of nursing training, have worked within the mental health sector and have also worked as an advocate.

Look forward to hearing how it went Jeanne. I'm sure Glen will love to see you both