butterfly73

I'dd like to add, that the autistic traids with Aspergers are very subtle usually.. That might mean a less severe problem*.. The behaviourisms are less noticable.. thus the outside thinks there are hardly any problems.. But if there are, Aspies are used to dealing with things themselves, for their intellect usually compensates and helps.. Until they notice: NOT in everything.. and by that time, they haven't learned to ask for help.. thus struggle and tend to 'drown'.. My first real encounter with that.. Highschool essay for history.. For the asignment has to few 'boundries', wasn't specified, I got stuck.. totally went blank up there! So... it took me ages, and finally I picked something extremely difficult. Even when the teacher tried to help by narrowing stuff down, it was still too big.. I got a D.. I'm not used to D's! (*nope: the fact that it is less noticable is a curse in itself!)

I understand that it is very difficult to have been left out! Maybe she was afraid you'd try to intervene or deny the test.. Which would not be in the best interest of your kid, which is most important to both parents, right?! Be very aware that having Aspergers, diagnosed or not, makes understanding the world and certain interaction even more difficult.. Anxiety and fear are at the basis of most (new or daily) experiences, due to sensory input being slightly distorted or overloaded.. If the school, parents and other people he's in touch with are aware of that ánd make sure he is as comfertable as possible, your son might not even have any difficulty developing.. And him having Aspergers might not even be noticable (except for himself, needing more time to unwind, quiet time..) Be aware that no-stress and structure are most important for any kid, your son is extra suceptible to that.. So if you'd like to discuss this with your ex, make sure that you know what you say, how you say it, and not have any kids present. So you would not add any stress. Nor in her either, he'd pick it up in nó time!! It is very important you, as parents, need to see eye2eye on this.. If both have a different perspective, it will be hell for your boy! I'm very glad you expressed your emotions here.. Hopefully it will lead to first steps in acknowledging and accepting.. and starting helping your boy! What are the key elements they noticed about your boy, which made the psychiatrist acknowledge Aspergers? For some parents.. (and I have met plenty) the caractheristics aren't that special.. they or a sibling were like that themselves as a kid. So even if there would have been a conversation with the psychiatrist, you might not have seen certain signs. (like mentioned above) I had a parent fill in a list on sensory input.. Tactile everything was fine, also oral sensory input.. Though mom added, that her daugther (9yrs) only ate white bread with peanut butter or whole wheat with cheese.. no mixing that either! I ask you.. If I were to just read the list, it would have been a big zero there: no specifics.. I'm glad the mom added the info ;-) That is how difficult things are to notice, even as the concerned parent.. stuff you might have found odd, is now so normal, or less odd.. thus 'normal'.. (I have Aspergers too.. I know that since last year. I would have loved to have known that earlier! Eventhough my 'problems' only started showing in extreem stress, by starting my own practice, which was too much planning for an Aspie to oversee.. Being smart, you think you should be able to handle it, and wonder why everybody else seems to just..flów with it, while you struggle..and struggle again. That was sth I had already learned in secondary school! Not very good for buiding ones self esteem, might I add!!) Love, B'fly

It was just a remark from my part.. not a judgement.. ;-)

I'm not even gonna ask.. I'm blantantly relying on the Avatar resemblance ;-) He posted his own video's..

He might be sleeping the hours, or more (like me.. but more severe..) Sleep has several levels. He does sleep the hours, but probably not getting deep enough sleep, thus not getting the rest he needs, thus increasing the hours. This definitly sounds like a sleepdisorder.. I presume narcolepsy, a part is known as Excessive Daytime Sleepiness (EDS). Hasn't anyone mentioned such before? I think it's advisable to do a sleeping test.. http://www.narcolepsy.org.uk/AboutNarcolepsy/Whatisnarcolepsy/ExcessiveDaytimeSleepinessEDS.aspx

I did get a Trojan a few weeks ago..and several PUPP's.. Eventhough I like animals.. I don't like bugs! AVG didn't recognize and kept telling me that everything was a-ok! In the mean time it had never done any inventory on how old their info was (about a year.. which is aeons in computer term, I think) I'm used to Norton which does these things automatically.. So it's also a bit my fault for not checking.. But hey, AVG says I'm "protected"! Luckily being an Aspie and online, also means having on hand friends, who actually work at helpdesks Thus with their advise.. my computer is doing well again! Though they don't see eye2eye when for Avast, AVG, etc etc..

Apparently his sensory system doesn't feel/register that he needs to go.. and then it is too late.. Poor kid, he would love to 'comply' but his body is not working with him.. poor you too.. Have you been to a SI therapist yet?! Hopefully one from a multidisciplinairy team. How are the eating/drinking habits.. Does he sense/feel a need to eat/drink?! I know that my niece (adopted at 8 and thus with a lot of emotional scars and bagage..) wet her bed daily for years.. She got a special pare of undies, which would 'beep' when a bit wet. It might be useful to time him.. Usually kids are very structured.. Than you know when you can expect him 'to have a need to go'. Time it on his watch/mobile.. Make it a custom, before leaving the house.. go to the toilet. it might be useful to also look up other fora: with SI-kids, like ADHD etc, to encouter simular problems and creative/loving parents Love, B'fly

From my perspective.. as a SALT.. More awareness for the underlying sensory problems, instead of teacher stumbling over the mere diagnosis.. I for one, don't see a difference when there is a kid with HS or ASD.. Though highly sensitive kids are seen as amiracle.. and kids with ASD or ADHD (let alone a combination) are seen as a nussance and a lot of extra work the do not wish to do.. A change in mindset will work miracles for these kids!! Regular and proper education and support of the teachers by SI-therapists is very advisable! If you only add to the stress, the problem will only increase! That day, for the parents at home.. and with the years.. Indeed.. better preperations to new schooling systems! Apart from that.. I would love it, if people would just look more at the pérson.. and not too much/only the behaviourisms ;-) For any kid/person: Ask for the right behaviour (specify!!) in a certain situation, before you stumble and address the wrong behaviourisms if they are inappropriate. (and even worse: telling them they are wrong/bad.. instead of addressing the real problem: the behaviour isn't what most people would like..) ** Instead of "cycle in an orderly fashion when we go on to the gym" specify: 2 by 2, A and B up front.. stay behind the people in front of you unless I ask you to change, no talking during the trip (unless there is an emergency); if there are changes you will hear them from <teacher>.. It is necessary for most kids: it's plain and simple.. It's also a matter of putting trust in them.. If they do not behave, that means that trips are of the menu: They can't handle it!These instructions might sound harsh.. but works wonders, even with adolecent kids.. ;-) With the trust, and of course a compliment, the self esteem will grow grtjes B'fly

Hi BloodcoveredPrincess, Welcome!! And sorry for overloading you.. it's in my nature to wanna help :/ It is very useful to find out the following (tip: use a diary for a week) * Sleeping: At what time did he go to bed; how long does it take to fall asleep? What did he do the hour(s) before sleeping (usully computer/TV, which is not adviceable for a good nights rest) Does he sleep during the day (or even at school).. How often and how long? * How are his eating habits? And when does he eat.. Regular schedule or just when he feels like it.. * How healthy is the food he eats.. Enough greens/fruit, and little fat * how is the daily routine overall.. Structure is good for everybody, especially people with ASD and/or trouble sleeping. * Another thing which is important: exercise.. On a daily basis, what time is spend on sports/walks/cycling/... * How often is your kid outdoors and how long.. (melatonine deficiency is rather common in western society!) If you read my text.. I learned in august that certain weird muscle lapses, which progressed very slowly over the years and suddenly progressed quicker, that I have a sleeping disorder. So I do know how important good sleep is. I do sleep the hours.. more sometimes, but quantity isn't the same as quality! I sometimes wake up between 5-7 times.. I wake up during REM.. That is exhausting after a while.. I thought I had burn out because of starting my own firm.. It only added to the mix. NB: For everyone on the Spectrum it is necessary to know what gives you energy.. and what drains your energy. It's only logical to put energy in what gives you energy ;-) Eventhought that means straining yourself and do work out (cycle/walk/swim/...) It als clears your head.. worrying and going round in circles drains your energy too! It helps me to write stuff down, to clear my head also.. (and meditation, started out with a tape though to learn some focus in that.. meditation is not easy! Though highly useful, I've noticed ) What drains energy? * toxines, not only on or in food, but also pollution of noice, light, radiation from cell phone, microwave) or certain fillings (containing mercury) in your tooth.. * unhealthy eating: it slows your digestion.. (which in itself is a vicious cycle..) thus you get less energy, vitamis, minerals etc from your food.. combine that for instance with not getting enough physical exercise.. the bowls, muscles aren't stimulated.. (when you move.. certain parts can get cut off for a little while, then the blood rushes by extra fast.. clearing away stuff that shouldn't have been left behind..like toxines..) ** more specific.. No refined sugars, no caffeine, no refined grains for they are detriment for a healthy sugar level and for the balance in good/bad bacteria in your bowls.. For a lot of sensitive people.. dairy products are not very good for your intestines either... Thus so many lactose intolerant people! * Being succeptible for infections: When you are sick more often..that takes a lot of energy to heal.. If you don't help out your metabolism by adding extra vitamins and minerals.. you drain your body..) * Daytime is for work and play (production of cortison)! Nighttime is for sleep (production of melatonine).. Don not disrupt your rythm and with that your metabolism.. * Stress is also adding to the vicious cycle.. stress intervenes with good sleep.. not enough sleep adds to stress.. It also disrupts your hormonal system.. * emotional bagage or blocks (for which professional help is adviced) * yóu know what you can handle and what not.. how your motor runs and when it's in need of a time out to recuperate.. Listen to yourself and your body! Do not combat yourself on internal issues what you should do according to others: that is even more draining.. Draw the line and adhere.. * It might sound weird.. but bad mouthcare is a mayor energy drainer!! Even the first signs, as gingivitus, red swollen gums can make one tired. Let alone if it progresses into parodontisis.. Apart from that..infections cause germs to enter the bloodstream.. * Be very aware that we process more info in one day compared to people in the Middle ages!! We are constantly bombarded with sensory input: TV, radio, collegues, road signs, adds, cell phone, internet.. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing.. Plug out and get some down time, in a quiet surrounding.. Recreation is meant to re-create yourself! Get a massage, read a book, listen to soothing and soft music.. * aging takes it toll too.. Keep young by keeping fit and by adhering tto what you've just learned above! Be aware what works for you, and avoid the thins that drain your energy (or make sure you can recuperate asap!!) * For the ones who have pets: do not allow them to enter the bedroom! It will influence your sleep.. Also interesting: http://www.wikihow.com/Sleep-Better Love, B'fly

LOL! It doesn't matter who or what you like.. When you are in a relationship: trust each other and open up, so both know what you do or do not like.. Besides that.. It's very important not only to be loving towards others.. but also towards yourself (if y'like you take that very literally.. but that is not what I meant ) Eventhough introverted, loads of aspies tend to give too much.. in order not to loose the other. That is a sure way of loosing yourself somewhere down the line.. and getting disappointed in relationships -period- I know loads of Aspie's who've chosen not to get involved no more.. it is not worth the hasle.. In my eyes: actually saying.."I'm not worth..." AAUCH! Loads of religions have guidelines like "treat others like you treat yourself.." I guess for Aspies it would be good to learn to "be as nice to themselves as to others" Btw.. being loving towards yourself doesn't mean pampering only.. also a gentle though firm kick in the butt when you need it to get a move on.. (See yourself as your own lil'kid if you like.. needing guidance and loving support) Love B'fly btw Aspie Chat1: Y'shirt.. is in the same parallel universe where all the socks end up :-) I'm so curious how NT folk will interpret this.. Do they recognize the Aspie traits or,, do they just see a bunch of chatty guys, thus they can't have Aspergers..

you're totally welcome! That is just a matter of not-being-used-to or questioning if it be ok.. if you feel like it, just do it (if it is somenone you know..) The more you dare to be yourself and do what your heart tells you.. the more you can loosen up an become yourself ;-) Maybe a confronting question: Why isn't the youngest coming.. did you discuss that with him/her?! All humans need closure.. At that age, they're rather aware, I wouldn't shut them out, I'd let them make the choice.. (My niece is very aware of life and nééds to know! She lost her grandfather a month ago..) Reading books from the library might help, if they have questions: what does 'dead' mean?! Overall it works better to be honest, than to make something up. Though them becoming a star watching over them, that is something I find rather endearing.. But I'm not you.. and I don't know how you see education and parenting.. and they are not my kids ;-) Best wishes and loads of strength in this period and especially on the day of the funeral! love, B'fly

Hi Daniel, My condolances to you and your wife. I can totally understand this is a difficult situation for the both of you. Being there for her, supporting her.. that varies with every individual: so indeed it will be wise to say you'd like to be there for her. And you'd like to know if there is anything that you can do for her. Remember: That isn't an odd question at all (NT-men usually don't know either ;-) ) If she'd like to be left alone, or need a hug. Indeed it is important that you Y'might suggest going for a walk, to clear her head a bit, instead of staying indoors.. break the habit a bit. If you can and would like to, you could do sth extra nice for her: cook diner (or order something if y'can't cook ;-) ) You could ask a friend of hers to help, if these aren't thing that you are comfertable with.. That friend won't mind. Friends just want your wife to be happy, thus will help in anything if she feels this sad. That friend might also have good idea's, for they know her.. (and we do not!). If talking is something that frightens you somehow: write down what you'd like to say (extra special: on a loving card). -------- If you feel that she's this sad for far too long.. I'might wanna adress a friend and verify if it is still normal. I wish you all there very best! <<hug>> Marleen

Hi Coradia! I hope you don't mind me asking: Are you just venting, which obviously was needed.. ..or do you also have a question or something? Love, B'fly

Welcome My advice.. Make sure y'find somebody specialized in diagnozing women with.. There are so many misdiagnosis, which won't work in your advantage when the bottom line is (sensory problems causing behaviour, which in shrink language means:) autistic spectrum.. btw, LOVE your avatar

Hi, your daughter still has a great need to get to know the world in this way.. the above mentioned ideas fit that need very well! identifying stuff is a necessary means and proces.. the mouth/tongue is very sensitive and can create a 3d image.. her hands are still learning that.. when they 'know'enough, the mouth is no longer needed.. It might be useful to help her along in this proces, by seeking help from a therapist who knows a lot about sensory input. mouth: might I ask how things go with eating/drinking and brushing teeth? hands: how is she with drawing, handling scissors, putting on clothes and other (smaller) motor skills?

All the best to you all for 2012 and beyond

what you refer to as unconscious.. I always call auto-pilote..

hi & welcome! I am a SALT, so know both.. people with dyslexia and AS.. sometimes I see simularities.. You might wanna look into the book of Olga Bogdashina. In my eyes.. both have to do with sensory input being somewhat different dyslexia is know for not being able to make certain rules your own no matter how hard you try or repeat; well so is AS right, just in a different field/area? greetings B'fly

Hi and thnx for opening this grand topic I generally avoid certain shops or roads.. **I wait till it is a more quiet time of day (real early or dinnertime, esp for thse who have small kids..) in those shops **that also leaves me room to unwind after work.. thus I have sóme elasticity if it were more busy.. **taking food/water with me helps me to avoid being cranky **taking someone else along helps: divert focus or, if they don't mind.. you can step outside for some fresh are, while they wait in line and deal with the cassier (make sure you do pay you share though ;-) otherwise you loose that friend in no-time). Buses.. I'm not that fused.. Sit where you wanna sit, if a new person wants to sit next to you, you could stand up to let them pass thru to the window seat... some people might have a strong odour.. even from way across the bus s.o. with a very keen nose will notice that. Make sure you have sth nice and strong smelling with you Hygiene.. My friend is overly good with that, loves Dettol!! She doens't go to any public toilets, unless she knows they're properly cleaned. She takes wipes along too. Though.. take in account that being overly sterile.. will not benevite you if there are certain germs around, for you haven't build up any antidote ;-) good luck

interesting

A strong conscience.. yep, thus not being able to lie (though not uttering the whole truth is possible) or keeping secrets or surprises very well.. also having difficulty with others telling social lies (" I'm doing fine"); in some difficulty in understanding religions, for most basic of rules have been and are violated.. In others: difficulty to trust others.. for they tell social lies so easily.. when do yhey speak the truth?

Hi Rannoch,Overal it's about all kind of traits on any human.. :-) What am I good at/what not.. To better know yourself and your reactions to wards others.. A certain collegue annoys me, for she has no order.. (nor do I actually, but I do my best) so she is my 'allergy' It annoyed me a lot less, seeing that actually we are rather simular, only I handle the organizing kinda better ;-) It also helps me see what to avoid and whatt to strife for / keep stimulating Does that shine a better light on it? http://www.tenhaaf.info/personal_eng/visie%20en%20missie/kernkwadrant/kernkwadrant_frame.htm

veggies!

greens

I second that!! I hope these days are going well for you all, however you might perceive that