badonkadonk

Ah man, tricky situation! Viper I know you probably already know this but I would try not to take it too personally that she called you horrible. It's most likely a combination of disappointment and frustration. In most situations you get your birthday present on your birthday so she was always going to be disappointed, she shouldn't be calling you names but she's a kid and she's probably told all her mates that she is getting her nano on such and such day, she'll come around and I'm sure things will be ok again.....Thinking back to when I was a teenager, the days seemed much longer then, I bet ten days feels forever for her right now. (This isn't a guilt trip btw, I don't think you've done anything wrong but be a victim of small print ) Have you explained fully why it's not getting here on time? Have you said that you've searched various websites with no luck and made an honest mistake with Amazon? If not perhaps if she understands that you have tried and that pink nanos aren't that easy to find (I know they're one of the uncommon ones) she might be a bit more ok with the situation. If I (wrongly) thought that my mum hadn't put very much effort into getting me a birthday present as a kid I might be upset as well so maybe it's a miscommunication between you both and this is how she is feeling? It might just be worth having a sit down and a chat and being totally honest with one another. I know you said your husband has got your daughter a pendant as a little gift to open, but as an added bonus what about letting your daughter pick one new song to download from Itunes each day in the run up to the Ipod arriving? I think songs are like 75p each so the maximum it will cost is �7.50. Alternatively you could give her the choice of a song a day or a one off full album (I think most are little more than �7.50-�8.00). You might have already put something like this place but it's just an idea and would give her something to look forward to each day before she gets her nano. Either way I wouldn't worry too much about it, I'm sure as kids we've all had a birthday where things don't always go according to plan. She'll come around, things will get back to normal and she'll be fine once her present arrives so don't go beating yourself about it! My birthday is on December 28th and practically every year it would be my mum's fault that McDonalds wasn't open for a birthday party that day, or the swimming baths, or that it was impratical to hire a bouncy castle in winter or that heavy snow meant we couldn't actually go out anywhere at all. Bless my mum she tried so hard and now despairs because I never really want to do anything I just re-read the last bit of your post again, the bit about it always being your daughter that misses out, maybe you could suggest a girly day out sometime (if you can somehow manage to wrangle it) so she gets some extra one on one time with mum? Hope things get back to normal soon Emily xxx

Hehehehe Mel that bloomin lateral thigh trainer advert gets me hooked every time. I keep thinking, look! Look how much weight those hired actors who were digitally photoshopped to look thinner members of the public lost! Brenda, or Barbara or whoever the flippin heck she is with her silly pouffy hair and man-abs shouldn't be allowed on telly because 1) she makes it look really easy when we know that, really, lateral thigh trainer equals can't sit down properly for weeks and 2) she makes me want to eat more biscuits I remember once, a couple of years ago, when I was living at home a delivery driver knocked on the door and asked if I would look after a package for next door. Sure thing, righto, so I hauls the thing in the house (thanks oh helpful delivery man) start being nosy and looking at the delivery note (what?) and realise it is in fact a lateral thigh trainer. If I wasn't an Aspie and incapable of stealing without confessing I would have nicked it, and probably never used it The veggie chopper thing always looks amazing but as my mother proved, is virtually impossible for most peeps to work. She got one when she went to the NEC for the good food show or whatever it was and promptly came home and insisted we had a big salad for dinner so she could test it out. Half a carrot later and all we had was a few shredded orange bits and a nasty cut on my mums finger. Doing an onion wasn't much better with both my dad and my sister having a go before giving in. I refused to have a go on the grounds that if my mum managed to cut her finger with it I would probably end up killing myself. The advert I'm currently badly resisting is the ones for the bare minerals foundation, the foundation that's a powder but not it's magical minerals but also a foundation, but not really and *head explodes* If I hear those women telling me to remember to 'swirl and tap' when 'loading my applicator brush' one more time I will....probably end up buying some Emily xxx

Hi Pearl, I know you've had a great experience with your council and I'm really pleased for JP that things are working out I did say that I wasn't accusing all councils of being the same, I really don't want people to think I'm a council basher either [it seems I really can't get through a post without offending somebody ] your experience has been good, mine bad, swings and roundabouts. I wasn't saying all councils are bad, rather I was saying that I've found, in my experience, that people who should have more awareness [like schools and LEAs...who all come under the local council] often have more negative assumptions about Aspergers because they are misinformed or have a particular stereotype in mind, rather than just unaware. Hope that has cleared things up a bit Emily xxx

Oh lawdy I'm hoping Neil doesn't discover this thread, we were obsessed with those channels for a while!! It wasn't just the cleaning stuff though, we mainly guffawed our heads off watching them trying to sell appalling clothing or fantastically overpriced jewellery. Our favourite channels were the ones where they drop the prices and when they are sold out everyone pays the lowest price for them. The bumpf they come up with to sell the products is amazing [though I am always tempted by that flipping hoover that gets stains out!]. I love the way they will pretend to sell an �800 necklace for the bargain price of �160 as if the necklace was ever worth �800 in the first place. Oh they stand there and say, go to a jewellers, get it checked out I guarantee you this is worth well over �600! Once they've purchased though I guess it doesn't really matter if the jewellers turns around and goes, actually, it's worth �155 Me and Neil are both clean freaks by nature though, Neil is more consistent, he will do the washing up right after dinner, whereas I like to recover from stuffing my face first before I'll attempt it....at least that's what I pretend because I know if I say I need to let me dinner settle he'll have got up and done it....not really! Honest sometimes I actually miss washing up because he's always there doing it first, ggrrrrrrr I'm more picky when it comes to cleaning though, everything has to be immaculately cleaned and I dust in places Neil didn't even think existed, hehehehe. I was always Little Miss Mop though, I insisted on helping my mum to do the washing from a young age and was her little helper on a sunday morning to clean the house top to bottom. My brother is the eldest and my sister is two and a bit years younger than me so I guess it was natural for me to help the most, plus my mum was trying to raise three kids who were really close in age (13 months between me and my brother) keep the house tidy for my dad who was off travelling around the country on business and attend university to get an art degree and qualify as a teacher. How she did it I don't know, but every little thing I could do to help I did. While it's good to have a kid who will quite happily clean all day long dangers can lie ahead if you're not careful. I was taken advantage of greatly by my brother and sister when we got older. The washing up and living room/kitchen tidied had to be done by the time my parents got in each night when we were at high school and I can count on both hands the number of times my brother and sister actually bothered to attempt to help during those five or six years. Because my mum and dad knew they could rely on me it slowly became worse and worse until you could have just called me Cinderella. Because I appreciated the fact that my mum and dad went to work all day I at one point started to have a cup of coffee ready for them when they got in from work. The first time I didn't do it though and all I got was attitude from my dad, he had started to expect me to do it! I blamed them immensley for letting such a big gulf emerge between what I did and what my brother and sister didn't do and it caused massive rows. I still hold them partially to blame but I also think it's human nature. If we know something is going to be taken care of where is the motivation to do it? Since I've moved out all I've heard of my mum and dad is them saying how much they now appreciate what I used to do for them, how they didn't realise just what I did each Friday to make sure the house was clean ready for the weekend. My sister, 22, still struggles to work out how to put her plate in the dishwasher and I don't think she's ever cleaned the family bathroom in the ten years we have lived in this house! I'm not parent bashing by the way, just saying how things can get out of hand slightly if there are siblings involved. I think it's great that Superman wants to help out, and I wasn't assuming for a second that you would take him for granted, just sharing my experiences Emily xxx Oh and talking about remembering advertising word for word, Neil insists on calling John Rocha clothing Rocha John Rocha because that's how they are advertised

I kind of agree with Mumble and Neil. I don't want any job opportunity offered to me just because I'm Aspergers. I want to be good enough to be offered the job because of who I am, not because somebody has to employ a certain number of Aspies. It's the same with the disabled box on application forms. Granted for some who are disabled ticking this box makes all the difference and I wholeheartedly understand the reasons and need for this. The majority of the time though I don't tick that box because I don't want the uncertaintainty that comes with it. Am I just being asked for interview because I meet the minimum criteria? Am I being asked just to make up the numbers and prove they are considering disabled applicants? For me it is more disheartening to tick the box, attend the interview and still not get the job because you do wonder why you were invited to interview in the first place....were they ever really considering me for the job? I would never want someone to employ me reluctantly and without good reason. Yes I agree that there is this trend for all jobs requiring 'good communication skills' but you just have to work around it. For the most part, in a work setting, I don't see why Aspies wouldn't have the communication skills necessary to fulfil the job role. Aren't we by nature formal and polite? How many people have you worked with who are not Aspies but have appalling communication skills? The only way an interviewer can assess your communication skills is through interview and based on references. As far as I'm aware in most professions you really need to be able to communication one to one with people in order for business to work? Even those who work in solitary professions have to talk to people sometimes! Take Neil for example, he's a computer programmer and he spends half of his day firing emails back and forth to people, talking to his boss and other internal and external customers. I think people panic when they read 'good communication skills' and it becomes a frightening concept because no one really knows what it means. I ignore this job requirement and apply for the job anyway if I want to as I don't consider myself to have bad communication skills. Yes sometimes I take things literally, I don't get many jokes and I don't really enjoy small talk. But that doesn't mean that I can't communicate effectively. Not to name names or accuse all councils of being the same but I've faced the most discriminination when applying for jobs working for the council or local education authority. The people who are supposed to be more aware seem to be more frightened of hiring me than private sector employers. I personally think the reason for this is because they are more aware of Aspergers. This sounds mental I know but because they think they know what Aspergers means they assume that I must fit the stereotypical model of Autism/Aspergers and so must not be able to communicate or add 2 and 2 together. I mean look at the information out there about Aspergers, the majority of the time it is referred to as being a communication disorder, by the people who should supposedly know better! Is it any wonder those who are more informed are more weary? The NAS, when explaining Aspergers, constantly refer to what we can't do and never really focus on the many, many positives. The only stories that get into the newspaper are sensational or shocking and usually represent the most extreme attitudes towards Autism/Aspergers. The parent who wants to cure their sick child, the Aspie who hates the world and thinks everyone is out to get them. Then there's good old Crimewatch who says we just love to brick people to death! Is it any wonder that those who have actually heard of Aspergers are frightened of employing me? I went for a job that had nothing to do with the council or education and the topic of Aspergers came up. The one guy did ask 'so how long have you had it then?' and I explained, briefly, that it wasn't something I had [in my opinion] and gave him the positives of Aspergers. The other guy asked if it affected my ability to do the job. No, I said, I might just need a little bit more time than usual to get to grips with using the phone. A day or two more at the most, but on the upside I will learn everything else that little bit quicker and will work very, very hard. Ok he said, personally I couldn't give a stuff if you are Aspergers or not. I prefer quirky, normal is boring. So when I had given him the right information about Aspergers and how it affected me, because he didn't have any preconceptions about Aspergers he was totally fine with it. And this I think is the real issue. It's not about creating more specific AS jobs in the public sector. Viper you're right it's about raising awareness in employers, but, only if it is done in the right way. What I worry about in campaigning for more awareness is that they'll ask the very people who are running around telling everyone what we can't do, telling people that we can't communicate that will do the awareness raising. If this was to be the case then I fear it would do far, far more damage than employers having a total lack of awareness. Instead, what I prefer to do and what I'm going to continue doing is raising awareness in the people that I meet as to what Aspergers is and how Aspergers shapes who I am. I would reject any offer of outside support being brought in because I am unsure as to what they could do for me that I can't already do myself. I can tailor how I approach situations to take into account NTs approaches to things and mine. I can try to manage my meltdowns and if a meltdown does occur take sensible steps to minimise the meltdown and make sure that I am completely honest with my employer about what happened so that they have a better chance to understand. I won't get this right all of the time and even with my best intentions some people just won't understand but it's the way I'm choosing to go about things. I know I'm rambling now but I do think it is important for other Aspies and NTs to understand that not all of us are the same. Canopus I know that you focus on the technical job roles and think that Aspies are good in these areas and in some cases that's probably true, but not mine. I am useless at science and technology and couldn't programme a computer if my life depended on it. What about if more specialised jobs were created for those who are AS, what about if the stereotypes made about Aspies were believed when doing this and so only jobs came up where you were working in a technical capacity? I would never ever find a job! My take on my situation is this, first and foremost I am Emily. Yes I am Aspergers and this shapes my personality, my approaches to life, my thoughts and feelings. But I do not belong to a community of Aspies. Yeah I refer to those who are Aspergers as being Aspies and sometimes I talk about NTs being NTs but mainly this is for ease of purpose. I don't see the world as me vs them, I don't see my parents and family and friends as Aliens. I see them as different, sure, but they are still human, still think, feel, laugh and cry. Despite all the little things that make us different we also share many obvious things in common. I wouldn't sign a petition for jobs for more females, more Aspies, more jobs for people of certain cultures, for more gay people and maybe not even for more disabled people [given the proceedures they have in place for this already] because I refuse to be classified firstly by anything other than my name and who I am. Firstly I am Emily and the skills I have for the job are what I want to be judged on. Take into account I'm female and Aspergers by all means, but don't judge me based on these things. By asking for specific Asperger roles you are asking to be judged first on being Aspergers and this isn't how I want to be judged. I'm not some faceless Aspie, I'm not a stereotype or a list of traits. I'm me. Anyway that's my take on the situation, I'm not saying you are wrong to do the petition and I'm not saying it's a ###### idea and all that malarky, I just have a different take on things. Emily xxx

Ah, no worries! I asked Neil when he came home for his lunch and he said it should work with the Wii, told you he was smarter I did think, once I'd posted, that you would probably play the Wii standing up anyway (not me though, I've played Wii Sports and ended up nearly punching myself in the face playing the boxing/baseball...don't play that one much anymore) but for less energetic Wii games like Legend of Zelda I imagined the addition of kick bum sound would make the game that little bit more special Anyway, all's sorted now, hopefully it will be good if you decide to get it Emily xxx

From the looks of it these gaming chairs are actually quite useful, especially as they seem to enhance the gaming environment, immersing the gamer into the game more. For me, Lego is no more useful than this chair As for the chairs, not used one myself (I'm waiting until they bring ones out with arms on them....I hate chairs with no arms on them!!) but they seem to be all about providing a more surround sound experience for the gamer. A bit like how surround sound is supposed to get you into the film more. They also seem to be capable of acting as speakers for MP3 players which is pretty cool. The only negative I can see with the one you have provided the link too is the recline factor of the chair. Now bear with me because this might not make a lot of sense If you look in the picture the kid, when sitting on the chair, ends up playing the games in a fairly laid back reclined position. Nowt wrong with that, I'm not bothered about effect on posture or all that malarky but Superman could find this thing quite hard to sit on depending on how he plays games. If he does slouch back when playing games, or chills out on his bed then go for it, the chair should mimic his 'playing style' and he shouldn't have a problem. If Superman is like me and he plays sat upright or even leans forward to concentrate more then I think he might have problems getting comfy while sat on the chair. If you look the chair seems to be able to rock back and forth and I just imagined how I would sit on it...I'd end up sitting perched on the front lip of it I think and I can imagine that might be quite difficult to do in that chair, I think it might try to rock back into the slouch position all the time or tip forward and send me head over heels!!! I'm hoping this is translating from my weirdy brain and is making sense I'm also worried that the positioning of the chair could give you a bad neck depending on where the tv is in relation to the chair. If the tv is up slightly higher I don't think it would be a problem but if it was level too or slightly lower I can imagine that would force you to sit with your chin more towards your chest and I'm thinking my neck might be a bit sore after a while of this. Anyway, from the link you provided there is another link at the bottom of the page to the adult version of the chair. This chair is more upright and might be more useful for the more upright gamer The only downside is, is that it's about �10 more but another plus is that this one seems to fold away for easier storage. This might be the better option but I would try and sneak a peak at how Superman plays his games first before you make a decision. The only other thing I couldn't see was whether it was compatible with the Nintendo Wii or not. I don't know whether your son has a Nintendo Wii but I had a hunt on the internet and couldn't find anything to say whether they were compatible or not. Apparently they are compatible with any device which has RCA connectivity or adaptability, whatever the heck that means. I have a Nintendo Wii and I still don't know whether it has the RCA malarky or not I shall ask Neil sometime today because, well, he's much smarter than I am Hope all this nonsense makes a little bit of sense! Emily xxx

I grind my teeth really bad I also have very small teeth for an adult so it's not like I have a lot to grind I have tried a nightguard for my teeth but unknowing to myself kept pushing it out of my mouth at night. After waking up to find it on my hair (arraagghh big no, no for me!) or freaking my then boyfriend out by him waking up with it right next to his face I decided to stop using it. I think when I have the money to do it again I will as I keep waking Neil up at night and suffer terribly the next day with tension headaches. I too have sensory issues with brushing my teeth. I hate the taste of toothpastes and refused to use one for years, only brushing with warm water instead. I've learnt the hard way to accept that I must use toothpaste and now use one particular brand and type only. I hate the noise I and others make when brushing teeth and can sometimes feel so overwhelmed by the noise/sensation that it's almost like I have to release whatever is in my mouth at the time. It's very bizarre, I'm not being sick and I'm not spitting it out either, it just comes out I can't control it. Very embarrassing when it goes all down my nightie or on the floor! And it freaks Neil out I also tense my jaw throughout the day whenever I'm slightly stressed or anxious, most of the flipping time in fact and it's not until I get jaw lock that I realise I'm doing it. I'm the same with clenching fists or sitting in a tense state. My body doesn't understand the word relaxed and I've had lots of trouble over the years whenever I've had to relax for anything (like at the doctors etc) as I think I'm doing it but I'm actually not. I had to have an ECG earlier in the year and the nurse was like 'and now I just need you to relax....relax Emily....no you need to not tense....RELAX!' In the end my mum had to hold my hands as it was the only way they could stop my hands going into fists. Emily xxx

Hiya Maisies Mum, I am unfortunately no longer a child (booo) and I wasn't diagnosed Aspergers until I was 22 (24 now) but from my own memories and chatting extensively to my parents/grandparents over the years I know quite a bit about my differences in childhood. I was a very early starter, walking and reading particularly early. I talked early but I didn't actually say proper words, in fact I had my own language that my mum became expert in. I have a particular memory of when I was around four, every evening I would sit in my dad's armchair and read the newspaper front to back. I had no real understanding of what I was reading but I could read and recount the story (if that makes any sense). I would sit there and read it and then sit in the windowsill with my face virtually pressed against the glass until my dad came home from work. Then he would have to sit in his armchair and I would perch on his lap and tell him all about my day. If he tried to look at my brother and sister or talk to my mum I would literally grab his face and turn it back round to me and carry on telling him my adventures. Trouble is I did this at 100mph and didn't talk in sentences (that make sense?) I only ever drew breath when I was about to pass out Reading wise I was known as Matilda as I had a big thirst for books, mainly fiction books (a great whopping adventure story was the best) and I read the BFG aged 5. I used to read out loud as it never occurred to me to 'read in my head' and it wasn't until my mum introduced me to this strange new way of reading that she finally got some peace and quiet!! I didn't have the MMR either. I was however a very sickly baby, I was ill all the time and had Measles, German Measles, Mumps, Laryngitis, Chicken Pox (twice no less) and viral Meningitis just to name a few. I had tonselitis (forgive the spelling) every month from age 3-5 when they finally got round to removing them. Even now I am still prone to severe sore throats. I wasn't just ill as a baby though, it seems I have a bit of a rubbish immune system. My mum is a primary school teacher and I used to go in to help out and what not whenever my school had a teacher training day and I didn't want to stay with my grandparents like my brother and sister. The trouble with that is that I always used to get ill over the next few days. The same thing happens if I fly anywhere or go on long train journeys, I always get flu like symptoms a few days after either trip. Any bug that is going around I will get and sometimes I'll get double dosings just for good measure. I've also had some weird illnesses over the years, mostly unexplainable viruses and strange skin reactions. I even managed to contract a rare African skin bug once which made horrible lumpy scabs pop up all over my arms and chest. Social skills wise I perhaps fell into the over friendly category, I would talk to anyone and I would talk to each person exactly the same as anyone else. I.e. the woman in the bus stop got talked to just like my dad did, it seems that I didn't recognise the distinction between the two. Even now I struggle to get the tone right with people, particularly when applying for job interviews or meeting new people. Whereas most Aspies seem to be very formal and polite I struggle with not being formal and 'stiff upper lip' enough. Routines wise when I was little, god forbid if my mum didn't have my food ready at exactly the same time each day. Apparently I was like an alarm clock, I would sit by my high chair a few minutes before food was due and kick off big time if I wasn't sat in the chair at exactly such and such time (despite not being old enough to be able to tell the time or be aware of what time of day it was). I also had and still have food fads and wouldn't eat solids for ages. When I did get around to eating solids the different foods on my plate couldn't touch each other (mucho fun for my mum in restaurants) and woe betide anyone who put gravy on my dinner! I still can't deal with gravy, not because I don't like it but because it's messy and makes all my food into one lumpy mess. I can have my food touching now but I still pretty much eat my meal by food group. I always leave my meat till last and this was one thing me and Neil (my boyfriend and fellow Aspie) found particularly amusing when we first got together. We would have moments in restaurants when we looked at each other and burst out laughing because we had each eaten our veg first and were left with nothing but the meat, with both of us believing that we wouldn't meet anyone else who did this kind of thing He's also the only other person I know who eats frozen peas and chips! I have always struggled with showering, I love love love being in the water but I find the whole process quite painful if I know I have to carry on getting ready to go out straight after. In fact I really struggle getting ready to go out, I don't know why. It's always been the same though, I had some quite major meltdowns at high school if I had washed my hair and styled it the night before, got up in the morning and it was sticking out or didn't sit just right. I can't explain it but if it wasn't perfect I sometimes wasn't even able to go to school, sometimes not even out of my room. Even now I have trouble with my hair and often feel it is too greasy for me to go out with even though everyone else is saying it looks fine and doesn't feel greasy. Attitude wise....it's the one aspect of my self that I hate and would change if I could. I have this unnatural ability to deliver the ultimate final blow in arguments. I can say things in such a way as to cause maximum impact and upset. I don't realise I'm doing this and have tried and tried over the years to stop myself from saying things but it's like a whole other person takes over. Part of the problem is that I've always been able to think really quickly and so I'm very annoying in arguments because I've always got an answer and can pick faults quicker than others. Combine that with my way with words and I'm a fairly terrifying prospect. This isn't big headedness by the way, I would take it away in an instance. I have the dirtiest of dirty looks and could be so vile when I was younger. I had a fairly traumatic few years from Year 6 until I went to college to do my A Levels. High School was particularly bad as I struggled with making friends, getting in with the wrong group, being under-stimulated at school and finding all the work too easy. I was naive and gullable and prone to getting bullied both inside and outside of school and it was as if I had vulnerable tattooed to my head at times. However, through the years because I've experienced so much I've learnt far more. For an Aspie (no disrespect to other Aspies on here) I am quite street savvy and can handle myself quite well in situations. I don't deal with BS at all and stick up for myself whenever I need to. I'm not confrontational, in fact I hate fighting and negativity because of what happened when I was younger, but vary rarely will anyone get to take me 'for a ride' anymore. I know now how to change some of the way I interact with others in order to get a better response out of people, I've realised the value of smiling and forcing myself to make eye contact even though I loathe doing either. It's not all doom and gloom is what I'm trying to say and I think the most important thing to remember with your AS/ASD kids is that they are children first and foremost. Just because they can't/don't like doing something as a child doesn't mean that it will be like this forever. I was awful with food when I was younger and now I'm getting there, in fact I have quite a good relationship with food at the moment. I still have food fads and have to plan my meals around whatever I'm obsessed with currently but because I know about my obsessions I make it work. Anyway, there are lots more examples I could give but I've rambled on enough! Emily xxx P.S. in terms of food intolerances....anything citric used to make me hyper as a child, orange squash was lethal. Now it gives me a bad tummy and nasty headaches. Same goes for Aspartame/Monosodium Glutamate (sorry for the spelling!).

Bad-tempered??? Old??? Me thinks somebody needs to come down off of cloud nine and stop being a big silly! Sheesh, anybody who knows you knows that you are really very bad-tempered and very very old!!! Emily xxx P.S. Still love you though

Just had a typical Aspie moment So I read this and thought 'I didn't know you could put forks in the microwave!' I envisaged sticking a fork into a sweet potato, wrapping the whole thing in kitchen towel (which I also read as meaning a tea-towel to begin with ) and sticking the lot in the microwave!! It's no wonder I'm not allowed anywhere near the kitchen! Emily xxx

Hi, I would first try not to think that it's somehow related to just your partner, can you think of times it happens with other people as well? The reason I say this is because I'm extremely jumpy as well and my reactions when I jump are really strong, I literally jump, usually scream and can be so jolted and shocked by it that it can sometimes make me cry. I don't know why this happens but I have an inkling it's all down to sensory processing/spatial awareness in some way. When I used to work as a chambermaid I was especially affected because you would work in a hotel bedroom on your own with the door open. Other members of staff would often pop in and out while you were working to check if you were ok, to ask for something or to fill you in if more rooms became available. If I was working by the door or working facing the door I was ok, but if I was hoovering with my back to the door or just working with my back to the door (i.e. if I was working in the en-suite bathroom) whenever someone came into the room (or sometimes even just walked past) I would jump and be startled. Other members of staff were worried for me to begin with and we used to laugh it off and they would say things like 'I've never known anyone as jumpy as you!' and whatnot but it was really embarrassing if it happened to be a guest that startled me (often the case if I was bending down at the trolley in the corrider and they walked behind me). I also hate sitting with my back to doors and prefer to sit in a particular place in rooms where I can see the whole room and know who is coming in and out. At home it's quite open plan which is working better for me and where I sit on the settee I can see the front door, into the kitchen and dining room. However when I'm in the study (and this used to happen when I lived with my parents also because they had a similar set-up in their study) I can spend a lot of the time when I'm on the computer whipping my head around to see if anything/anyone is behind me. Both doors are locked, so are all the windows and I don't necessarily have to hear a noise for it to happen but every 30 seconds or so I have to look behind me. This is also true in restaurants, when I was at university in lecture theatres, on trains/buses etc. I prefer to sit against the wall in restaurants and absolutely hate it if people sit behind me, I can't explain it but it just feels so uncomfortable and unbearable. At university I always sat at the back (which always sent out the wrong message) but I hated it if people were sat behind me. Trains, buses, aeroplanes, I can't cope with an aisle seat and have to sit by the window. I can cope with the middle seat for an hour or so but then have to switch back. I would try not to worry about it, like Lya said, print this off and show him it's nothing personal against him and that's just how we seem to be wired differently in this area (an interesting point though I'm pretty sure that Neil (my boyf and fellow Aspie) doesn't have this jumpy thing going on...I never seem to have startled him anyway). I think if you let yourself become overly aware that you are doing it you can almost make it happen more, that make sense? I know if I start to think about the possibility of someone coming into a room behind me etc then I start to panic more about it (this thread really isn't helping ) but you just have to push the thoughts to one side and try to laugh off the jumpy moments when they happen. One thing that does help with Neil is that he shouts 'hello' whenever he comes into the house or when he comes downstairs and I'm already down here or upstairs when I'm already up there. Perhaps you could to come up with something like this for your partner so that you know where he is in the house as much as poss. Me and Neil tend to inform each other of whatever we are doing anyway so we both know where each of us are at any given time, even if we are just chilling out doing our own thing we'll usually be like 'oh I'm going to do this and this now in here,', 'ok, I'm doing that and that in there,' which in a way is typical Aspie to plan everything, even chilling out time but that's just us and it works so Anyway, rambling as usual! Emily xxx

I think that you shouldn't change with people who already know you because you're right, the fact that they know you means that they probably don't find you threatening. They might notice, might not, regardless it doesn't really matter you are already in contact with these people so they will have an understanding of you and what to expect from you in social situations. I think it depends entirely on the situation and person you are with. If you have 'bumped' into someone in the morning and gone through the 'alright?', 'alright?' bit and you are only passing each other again in the afternoon a simple smile and a bit of eye contact might do. If you are meeting up with them to spend time with them again it depends on the person. You might want to ask how their morning went, you might just end up talking about something else. I would wait and see if the person initiated the 'alright?', 'alright?' thing again in the afternoon and respond accordingly if they do so. If they don't do it don't worry about it, I'm sure if they felt unsure about the situation they would ask some kind of question that would enable them to understand how you are feeling. There is no definitive guide, this is the problem and it's pointless really trying to figure out the correct response for each situation. You can only try and learn from experience and in time you might build up a knowledge of what to say in what situations and when, having gone through trial and error. Regards Oxford street and walking up mountains I think you are confusing being out in public as a social situation. If you are ambling down Oxford street (or desperately trying to weave your way through crowds to get away from all the people) you're not really there to initiate social contact are you? I know you are intelligent and logical enough to know this, I think you are thinking about it too much and as a result questioning yourself to the point where you convince yourself that you don't know anything. You go to Oxford street to shop or talk to the people you are already with. You assume that others are there to do the same and so they aren't a threat to what you are doing. Think about the people who do approach you to make contact, the ones who are usually doing surveys on things, these people are loathed by shoppers because they are a threat that could disrupt the shoppers activities. On a mountain it is different, it is common practice to acknowledge others as you pass I assume because it acknowledges that you share something in common in that you are both walking around mountains. It's a kind of 'I acknowledge you exist,', 'I acknowledge you exist,' type thing. It is also though to rest assure the other person that you are not a threat. Being on the mountain means you are away from society and many forms of aid and assistance and so you have every right to feel more exposed, more at risk. Passing another stranger while walking up/across/around a mountain is pretty much like passing another stranger down a deserted street at night. It's an isolated environment and feelings are heightened. Passing on information about the weather or any trouble ahead while you are out walking on the mountain is also common courtesy and again reinforcing that common bond that you share both being out there. It's also a developed method of reinforcing that you are not a threat and providing some kind of aid and assistance that you are lacking out there. It's people saying look I'm acknowledging you and telling you about any dangers because we should look out for each other up here because we all know the risks, are frightened of them, and would want others to tell us this vital information. When I worked as a chambermaid I found it really weird that the guests would say hello to me in a morning. I assumed that being low ranking staff I would be ignored, guests don't generally want to be made aware that their hotel room isn't actually theirs, they don't like to think about the fact that others have stayed in that room before them which is why they go bonkers if there is any evidence left behind that this has happened (like a stray hair in the sink). The more it happened the more I began to realise that they weren't acknowledging my existence as such but being self-protective. They were saying 'hello, I know you are going in my room, please don't steal anything or do anything bad, I'm ensuring this doesn't happen by saying hello and acknowledging your existence so that you can put a smiley face to the people staying in your room and you might feel more inclined to do a better job or steal less then.' It blows my mind to think that all this is conveyed in sometimes just a smile and nod of the head but the reality is that it is. It is no wonder that we struggle to understand conventional social communications because each nano-second of communicating is absolutely loaded with additional information. That being said you are going to drive yourself insane trying to figure it all out! By all means analyse and think about it but don't let it get to the point where it disables you from communicating at all if you end up so worried that you will make a mistake. Just because NTs seemingly have the natural instinct to do this kind of thing it doesn't mean they get it right all the time as I'm sure a lot of NTs on here will testify to. Not really, you're not doing anything wrong in thinking this either so please don't think I'm telling you off. Because this is the thing you are thinking about at the minute you are thinking about things from a personal perspective which is to be expected but you need to step back and look at things from a non-personal perspective to get a better understanding. It's not even about NTs and Aspies in this respect. That whole threat thing applies to everyone, it's nothing personal. It is about glossing over what is going on in your life so as to present a non-threatening response to the question asker. Again they are not really asking if you are ok, they are assessing the situation. Most of the time these greetings take place with no intention from either party of carrying on the conversation. They're not even conversations really, just gestures to say to certain people in certain situations 'hello I recognise you, I'm not a threat are you?'. Neighbours do this, people you work with do this, family members do this or people who know other members of your family who recognise you. You sometimes do this when buying something in a shop because it acts as a precursor to purchasing the product. The greeting ensures that the employee knows you are just going to pay and get on with it (and not argue with them or shout) and it ensures that the customer knows that the employee is going to serve them and get on with it. This is why negative situations can often occur in customer service because the customer might be fed up of waiting and give off a negative attitude to the staff or the staff might be fed up of serving and give off a negative attitude to the customer. When the greeting isn't put in place either party can feel offended because they take it as a personal insult that the other person hasn't acknowledged them and dismissed them as a threat. Don't take it personally that these people don't necessarily want to get to know you, those who do will ask further questions and initiate a conversation. Not everyone wants to stop and get to know every single person that they acknowledge, like you said it would lead to some very sore throats so I think you should go with the greeting bit and if they initiate further conversation go with it and if they don't move on. I understand the problem occurs when they initiate conversation and you don't want to talk to them at that time but then you just use one of a thousand excuses to move yourself on from the conversation 'sorry I can't stay and chat, got to get back to the car before the ticket runs out,' those kind of 'white' lies. Practice, practice, trial and error that's all you can do What's most important is to be yourself. If you need to get something out of the encounter then employ the NT communicating methods if you want to. It might lead to a more positive encounter. If you don't want to be part of the encounter but find yourself caught up in it, use a white lie to move on from the conversation. I understand the fear of making a mistake and fear that you are being watched in a conversation thing so I would just try to rely on that Aspie instinct and not try to over-think things because ultimately it doesn't seem to have any positive impact and only stresses you out more. Relax, chill out and try not to let these kind of things become all consuming. Ultimately, even if you understand these kind of conventions and can put some practices into place you cannot control, predict or create a solid set of rules for each encounter so it is more important to try to expect unpredictability and anticipate that each situation will be different. If you try and remember just some of the things that can help you might get better at assessing what method you could use for each situation while it's happening but it's something that will only come with time and practice. Maybe you should try and distract yourself from thinking about this for a while and give your brain a rest, maybe come back to it in a few days and see if things seem any clearer. Try a few body language books if you think they will help, but more importantly give yourself a break! You are never, ever going to fully understand how these things work but it doesn't mean that just because there is a chance of making mistakes that you should withdraw and not try altogether. I could hide under my bed all day long and never communicate with people again and be somewhat happy. But then I wouldn't have much of a productive life and I would miss out on an awful lot of things. Plus the more I hid under the bed the harder I would find it each time I came out. It's about balance. I suggest you start thinking about chocolate and other lovely stuff for a couple of hours, far more fun! Emily xxx

I think you've hit the nail on the head here I too have struggled with small talk and greetings in the past and have had to really force myself to learn to not get upset at the person in question for forcing me to do these illogical greeting rituals, but to try and remember that most of the time they have no idea why they're doing it either and that it all comes down to us being animals really. If you approach these greetings in an animal instinct sense, dog versus dog and all that malarky it actually begins to make a lot more sense. I think the fact that we are an advanced species is all to blame for us finding it hard to figure these greetings out because if we had just one set of greetings things might be easier. Anyway, from what I've read it all stems down to protecting ourselves and the way in which our natural instincts kick in to do this. Therefore when we ask 'alright?', 'how are you?' etc it isn't really about the question at all, less about the answer, in fact doesn't it seem funny now to think that a lot of the times when you go through this ritual it seems as if you could say anything you want in response to the person asking the question? 'Are you alright?', 'Oh yes I mean I lost my right leg yesterday and an alien moved into the house next door but overall...', 'great, great, good to hear.' That's because they are not asking the question to find out if you are ok or not, most of the time we couldn't care less, but that question is an important step in determining if the person we are speaking to is threatening in anyway (even if it assessing the threat that they might bore us to death with conversation). So when we ask 'how are you?' what we are really asking is 'do you pose a threat to me? Is there anything I need to know? Is this situation ok?' It seems strange that 'alright?' can mean all these things but apparently it does. People respond in a bland a way as possible and cover up anything overly negative/positive that is happening in their lives to make it clear to the other person that they are indeed no threat. Misunderstandings take place and feelings get hurt when people don't just say 'fine thanks' because if people go on to explain what is happening in their lives, even though it seems as if this is what the other person has asked for, really they haven't. Similarly if you don't ask 'alright?' or 'how are you?' back people can get a bit bristled that you don't want to dismiss them as a threat also. In their subconscious somewhere they are probably thinking 'why don't you care? Don't you want to rule me out as being threatening? Acknowledge me as being neutral and passive, I don't want to be thought of as a possible threat!' Most people couldn't tell you they were thinking this, I don't think we know it's happening but apparently it is. Now as you rightly pointed out, why threatening? Why do people assume that if I don't respond I'm a threat? I personally think threatening is not the ideal word to describe how it makes us feel but it is the best word for encompassing the range of emotions we could feel, that make any sense? We don't necessarily feel threatened in an 'are you going to stab me?' sense, but rather threatened in an 'I don't have a full understanding of the situation, let me know we are ok' sense. So when trying to understand try to think less that they are considering whether you are threatening or not but more that they are trying to assess the situation and find out where everyone stands. Asking 'alright?' and getting the response 'alright?' means that both sides know that the situation is fine, there is nothing to worry about and each person involved in the conversation has been acknowledged so everyone is crystal clear on the situation. Again, it's maddening that all this subcontext applies to a two second greeting but sometimes us Aspies (and fellow non-understanding NTs) have just got to accept that ol' 'because' answer because even if people can identify how we do something and the reasons behind it, it still doesn't explain why that has to happen. So why don't us Aspies do it too? I think, in terms of communicating, this is where a lot of us are wired differently. Again I understand that some people do have difficulties in literally speaking, being verbal and forming sentences etc but I'm not really knowledgeable about that side of the spectrum at all and daren't even have an opinion really because I honestly wouldn't know what I'm on about, so vast I think the differences are between Autism and Aspergers. From an Aspergers sense, and again I know I'm no expert, but more often than not I meet/come into contact with online, other Aspies who seem to be able to communicate just fine. We can string sentences together and we can be verbal, sometimes we can get involved in really lengthy conversations, be funny and engaging. Amazing I know I think where we are different is that we don't have, for whatever reason, that natural instinct that a lot of NTs seem to have. We don't necessarily feel threatened by someone if they walk past us in the street and don't ask us if we are alright. Whether we just assume they are a threat regardless, unless we know them, I don't know but it doesn't seem to be something we need to do in order to assess that kind of situation. It could just be down to the fact that we aren't social beings and therefore don't need to assess all social situations because we don't actively seek to get involved in them. People who go out in social groups and do that chit-chat thing alot rely on these greeting cues to get a handle on these situations because they are in these situations a lot and it's a good indicator of how the encounter will go. Because we are not interested we are not threatened, hope this is making sense still!! So where does it leave us in the long run? Should we try to mimick NT practices? Should we expect people to come around to our way of thinking? It's a personal thing I guess, but my take just to wrap things up. I think, ultimately, we cannot expect an NT society to understand from the get go, even if people have an understanding of Autism it must be hard to subdue the natural instinct that they must experience, whether they want to or not alot still might feel a bit bristled that the conversation doesn't occur how their instinct tells them it should even though they know we are unlikely to follow these expected conventions. How do you control your instinct? Your subconscious? Since figuring this out (through reading lots of body language books btw, great tools for this kind of thing) I have learnt to make my peace with NTs and their silly greeting rituals For me, even though it feels alien to me and I dislike having to speak to strangers, I am beginning to understand the positive impact it can have on me to take part in these greetings. It is assumed far less than I'm a miserable old moose, people seem to be more comfortable around me and I get less odd stares etc. Yes I force myself to do it in part to allay the NTs fears, but I mostly do it to stop them taking any negatives from the situation. For too long people seemed to read me the wrong way, think of me in a negative way and I was constantly told I came across as unapproachable, moody and uninterested. All true incididentally but in order for me to get along in society and to have a more positive experience I am trying to rectify this, despite the 'grrrrrr' factor of having to do it. It's all about what kind of response you want from people I guess, want people to leave you alone? Don't want to have less problematic encounters in society? Then fair enough don't engage. But sometimes I just want to go into a shop and buy somtehing without being aware of this unexplainable atmosphere that always seems to happen. I want to meet a bunch of strangers and not have them go away afterwards muttering how odd I am. As much as NT society rejects me because I'm Aspergers and as much as I could sit and grumble for days about how illogical they all are and how stupid a lot of that whole socialising is (in my opinion). I have ultimately come to recognose that NT society isn't going to change anytime soon and if I want to do something in this life, like work and have a family I've got to be the one who figures out how I can have more positive experiences with society. Yes it means integrating better, yes to a certain extent it means pretending to be someone I'm not if that's how you choose to think about things. For me it's learning new skills to help myself to get what I want better. When I have a family I'm going to need help from services, nurses, doctors and the like and if I want to get the best out of that situation I've got to learn how to make positive contact with people. There is no answer to this situation, NTs can't help having this animal instinct and we Aspies can't help not having it. The fact that we humans are so advanced at this communicating stuff (compared to other animals I might add) it is hard for us Aspies to get a grip with it, especially as English Language isn't something you can put neatly in a box, categorise into sections and have steadfast rules apply. I before E drives me absolutely flipping bonkers but there isn't anything I can do about it Anyway, hope this has helped a little bit, probably hasn't but you know me, I like to ramble Emily xxx

Hiya Tally, I don't envy you the task of having to organise your life around other people, I understand how stressful these kind of situations can be. Can you chat to your dad about it or someone who will have had experience of having these kind of people around before? They might be able to advise how long these things might take and the best order in which to do them. Thinking off the top of my head I would suggest the electrician first because then if he has to start making holes in walls and what not he won't be ruining any of the newly decorated room/s. Could you have an ask about at work, with someone whose opinion you trust like your boss or something? Again they might have hired people like this before and have advice about how long you might need to have off (if needs be) and then would also be aware that you would be asking for this time off in the near future. Again I don't know how it works so this is just my brain whirring (dangerous I know) but I would suggest that you pick a week that is good for you to have a bunch of strangers come and wreak havoc in your house (what do you mean there is no good week?? ). Then I would do some research into local firms that might be able to do what you are after, give them a ring, ask them how long these things might take and compare the answers (so you can see who is ripping you off). Once you've shortlisted a few companies I would ring around and ask them if they are available during the week that you had in mind. If no one is available then obviously the week will have to change, but if you have your top choice electrician available and your second choice plasterer/decorater then you can go ahead and book them for that week. Like Sue said it might be that you can get a decorater that can suggest an electrician and then they might be able to decide who does what in which order Because you work nights and because this kind of work tends to get noisy and messy and disruptive I would go for taking some holiday time to get this done. It doesn't mean you have to stay in all day and supervise still if you trust them to work in your house without you there but it does mean you don't have to cope with all change while still working. I think you can prepare yourself in advance for a week of chaos and feeling out of kilter and make sure that you do things in that week to address the balance and make you feel chilled out and relaxed, whatever this might be. Trying to combine the change in routine while still working could be difficult and even if manageable might end up being a week of un-necessary stress and upset. As for the cats/parents/friends situation...what about waving the cats off to your parents for the week so it's one less thing to worry about, then you don't have to worry about paying for a cattery. Because you would have booked time off work you don't have to worry so much about sleeping but you could still stay at your friends in the evening if you found living in the house while it's all turned upside stressful, because the cats would be at your mum and dads you wouldn't have to worry about them. If you didn't want to stay at your friends another option is to ask your friend if you could take yourself off to their house each day for an hour or so, so as to escape the noise and mess and leave the workmen a key if needs be or just leave the house when you know they won't be wanting to leave their job (i.e. during the morning/early afternoon). Try not to worry about getting it wrong, we usually get things wrong the first time we do things which is why I think that having someone like your dad or a friend with experience onboard might help. It would be someone to talk to if things were stressing you out and someone to bounce ideas off. I'm not saying you shouldn't use us on the forum but you might find it easier to discuss things in more detail with someone you can get together face-to-face with to sort things out/at the very least on the phone. You can still come on here and ask us lot what we all think if dad/friend prooves useless I very rarely do big things (like re-decorating, buying things like wahsing machines, getting my car serviced etc etc) without asking my parents for their ideas first and I can't see this ever changing Emily xxx

Hiya Juney, I think it is like Sue mentioned, finding a balance is a good start. While I'm the first to say that you shouldn't try to force your kids to interact and feel bad for them (or negatively towards them) fo not wanting to go outside and make friends becomming a complete hermit, ultimately, can have negative effects. If you think about it logically so too can going out all the time and being contstantly, socially active. It's about balance. I find it very difficult to want to go outisde, I much prefer to stay in the comfort of my own home doing what I want to do and engaging in my obsessions/spending time with my boyfriend. But, being 24 I also know that I have to go outside to do certain things (go for job interviews and ultimately go to work, complete tasks and errands at banks and post offices, do the weekly shopping etc) and I know that often although I dread the weekly shop, getting outside for a bit can be a nice break at times. While I think it is important to recognise that your children might be unhappy in certain social situations (going into people's houses to chit-chat, going to family functions etc) and I encourage giving children the option in this instant, I do also think that you need to not let them get into a routine of saying no to going out all the time. Don't drag them on every shopping trip and every time you run errands, but take them with you a few times. We can cope and sometimes even enjoy being outside and doing things in public as it's not always about what we are doing but what the external influences are when we are doing something. Being at home is best because there are few external influences. Out and about it's less predictable, more noisy and far more overwhelming. But with good understanding (you and your children) and some effective coping mechanisms (such as verbalising when they are feeling distressed, using strategies for coping with sensory overloading, giving your children a task to give them focus) there is no reason why your kids can't go out and about with you sometimes. The reason I say this, and I know it might seem surprising coming from a self-confessed hermit Aspie, is that if it is allowed to happen that children shun doing things they don't want to do then those behaviours become learned and ingrained and hard to break. By including them in some errand runs etc they are not only exposing themselves to change (and experiencing dealing with it) but they are also learning valuable things which they will need to know to be an independant adult. Leave them at home for the social chit-chat events by all means, if you can't leave them at home leave them in the car with their favourite book to read/game to play on (plan in advance or keep an activity in the car for them to do). Whenever my mum went visiting family and friends I would always prefer to stay in the car because that kind of situation is horrendous for me. I think sometimes the worries about asd kids getting independence when they grow up is focussed on the wrong area. A lot of the time people worry about their inability to make friends and yet they don't need friends to be independent. What they do need is life skills and the ability to communicate to get done what they need to do and to give others the information they might need in order to do this. They need to know how to apply for driving licences, how to send an item from the post office, how to pay money into a bank account, how to do the weekly shopping etc etc. All this stuff is really important and yet I get the impression a lot of the time that it is this stuff that the kids are excused from and the more social stuff they are 'dragged' along to. Now you might be saying but my child hates doing this stuff and doesn't understand why he has to do it...I get it, I hated it to but it's part and parcel of being a flipping kid and learning that in life you have to do things that you might not like to do. I used to get very frustrated with my parents because often they would tell me we had to do things (errands) and when I questioned why I had to do them if it was things they had to do I would get told 'because'. It didn't occur to my parents to stick the brakes on a minute and explain to me why we had to do these things, how long it might take and in what order we were going to do them. I don't know what they thought, perhaps they assumed I wasn't old enough to understand, perhaps they thought they didn't have enough time to explain it to me. I wish they had told me what we were doing and why, even if it is just 'we have to do so and so because these are the dull things we have to do in life.' Adding to that I wish they had gotten me involved in the duties because I could have probably organised things a bit better and enjoyed being out a bit more. If I had to take an asd child out and about to run errands I would put them in charge of making a list of what we had to do, organising what we were going to do first (while giving them the information they need to work this out) I might draw them a map of where we were going in town and allow them to plan a route that way. I would ask them to create the shopping list while shouting out items that I need, I would then ask them to be in charge of this instore. I would show them how we paid money into a bank account and if needs be give them the paying in slip/book and let them hand it to the cashier so that they are involved and active and don't have time to become aware of things that might lead to a sensory overload. I know it means spending extra time sorting things out in advance and I know it means taking extra time to explain the situation to kids who might not get it and who might still say 'so what' but it's worth a go if it means you can get your jobs done somehow and they learn valuable life skills. I can't say this will work, I've never tried it, but as an adult Aspie this is my take on the situation and what I would have wanted when I was younger. I'm glad in a way I was exposed to wedding and birthday parties because at least I know what to expect at these things. Doesn't mean I enjoy them but at least I don't have such a big fear of the unknown because I have some information about them. Again though there is a balance to address, I wish I had been dragged to less social occassions so it's half of one half the other (or whatever the saying is). Me and my boyfriend Neil are perfect examples in a way of growing up in opposite extremes. We are both Aspies but our social abilities are at the opposite ends of the scale. Neil was brought up in quite a small family with not much in the way of an extended family. Because of certain circumstances and because of where he was from and the differing attitudes to how things are done he was very much taught how to cope, survive and exist. He didn't do much socialising, playing and family things as a kid because that's just how Neil grew up and as a result Neil is able to work full time, deal with running errands and making things work and it shows because he is successful in his career, has his own house and is 'coping'. I on the other hand was very much sheltered from doing adult things like running errands and figuring out how to do things and instead i grew up in a big family with a big extended family. I was constantly thrown into situations where I had to socialise, be with others and we did lots of playing and being kids and lots of family together time. Because of this I am able to cope with social situations a lot better and sometimes even enjoy it because I've had enough experience of it now to get out of it what I want. I'm still fairly rubbish at meeting new people and would much prefer to be by myself but I can cope and it's not always an entirely horrible experience. I'm rubbish at being assertive and confident though when it comes to dealing with people and getting things done. I hate using the phone, hate having to go to the bank or anywhere like that because I never quite know what I'm doing and worry constantly about getting it wrong (that whole Aspie perfectionist thing). Similarly Neil is really awkward in most social sitiuations, is unaware of how to get the best out of these situations and often finds them quite painful and hardwork. Even though he is working full time and is able to earn a wage he finds it hard to stick up for himself at work and instead burys his head, copes and survives, blotting out his needs and how it is affecting his happiness etc. He has had periods of his life when he has become completely cut off socially and he is only just beginning to get to grips with doing out of the ordinary things that might make him happy, instead of just focussing on what needs doing and what he is used to doing. Since getting together Neil has experienced a carwash for the first time, eats wholegrain mustard and jumped headfirst into decorating for the first time being allowed to do it himself and make mistakes if needs be. He's 33, he should be confident to explore and take risks and pursue happiness and feel ok with exposing himself to new things. Slowly we are working on this and he is making big progress We are also working on me getting better at being independent, at not burying my head with the mundane tasks that need doing (getting to the doctors before my prescription runs out, sounds stupidly simple and yet before I would dread it so much I would run out, succumb to stress and anxiety and miserableness and eventually get a repeat prescription. Now I am organised and make a doctors appointment well in time to get more tablets before I run out.) I'm also establishing good routines (getting up at the same time each morning and going to bed at similar times each night is having a massive, positive impact on my ability to sleep.) eating healthily and putting effort into planning ahead meal wise so that I don't become despondent about making a decision of what to eat (something I struggle with) and then I don't get stupidly hungry and binge on something quick like chocolate or crisps. I'm taking steps to get back into work and using the phone and communicating with people to do this. I'm also getting there, slowly I realise that this has gone off into a bit of a tangent about me and my boyfriend but I just wanted to give you this information as just hearing other people's experiences can often help and lead to you developing your own ideas and things to do. Sorry for the ramble, Emily xxx

Just to echo the above replies, it does seem to be fairly common. I've always had sleep issues myself and had myself down as an insomniac for life. I used to find it very hard to switch off my brain (that's the only way I can describe it) and so if I was worrying about something/anxious even if it was a minor problem (like will I get up in time in the morning) then I would find it impossible to sleep. One thing that has helped me sleep is putting the fan on at night. It sounds utterly random but it works. Because I'm sensitive to noise I would often be kept awake by my dad snoring or noises outside. For me I am unable to block these noises out like most people and in fact once I latch on to a particular noise it seems to amplify in my head and drive me insane. So even though the fan is a noise I don't find it irritable and it is constant enough noise to block out other noises/stop me from latching on to them. It could be stranger I suppose, apparently Wayne Rooney has to sleep with the hairdryer on when he is in hotel rooms (that's probably not true, just another delightful tabloid lie!) Anyway that was then, now I sleep most nights. The only thing I've done, apart from using a fan, is to move in with my boyfriend. I don't know what's different here than at home (well I can't hear my dad snoring anymore) but I drop off no trouble most nights. You would think I would struggle more here as, as well as noises and worrying, the other major thing that keeps me awake is fear that someone is going to come into the house at night and attack me (I'm not insane I promise). Back home we had an alarm installed and I was essentially more protected because there was more people at home. Here it is just me and my boyfriend, no alarm and two guinea pigs to guard the back door (yeah right, they would probably just meep at an intruder asking for some green beans!!). Maybe I'm less anxious/stressed now I'm living with Neil, maybe it's because I'm in a better routine...who knows I know however that these aren't the problems your son might have and he sounds a lot like Neil (also AS, crazy world we live in). It doesn't really matter what time Neil goes to bed as soon as it hits a certain time in a morning, PING! He's awake. If his routine is messed about then he can sleep longer etc but once he's in a routine he's like his own personal alarm clock. My mum also has a couple of students at school who are AS/ASD and don't do the whole sleep for 7 hours thing and there parents too have raised concerns but as long as your son is happy day to day, coping at college and not having any negative fall out from not sleeping as much then I wouldn't worry about it. I definately wouldn't try to make him go to bed earlier etc as this could upset the routine that he has and could make things worse. I know it seems weird and its expected that people should get 7 hours sleep a night but us Aspies like to do things a lil' different Emily xxx

Hi Louisa, I'll leave it up to the other mums and dads on here who have far more experience of the education system than me to give advice regarding schooling and what should/shouldn't be available. I can echo other's comments though, the school should be providing support if your daughter is not coping, regardless of whether she has a diagnosis of AS or not. Leaving SEN aside most schools should have a behaviour policy in place (not that your daughter is behaving badly) that should include protecting vulnerable or disaffected students. Whether your daughter is enjoying learning or not she is, it seems, disaffected with school (she doesn't want to go because she isn't coping) so they should be taking steps to work with you to get your daughter back into school not just leaving it up to you. Perhaps you could get a copy of the schools policies? They should be publicly available and most schools with websites have them online to download, if not you could perhaps ask the school reception to send you a copy. As someone else said, you have to shout very loud to get people to hear you. I know you shouldn't have to put yourself in the school's position but if you think about all the other things they deal with on a day to day basis you can see how you and your daughters needs might get lost in the crowd. They might be dealing with pupils with very severe problems at home, bullying going on at school, students who aren't progressing in their education studies as expected, students with a range of complex learning needs. I'm not saying these people deserve more help than your daughter but the way in which these people need help might be more obvious to staff and the fact that they need help at all is probably crystal clear. With everything else going on, let alone trying to teach, if they see that your daughter (apparently) doesn't like going to certain lessons and behaves oddly (but not badly) at lunchtimes then they might be more tempted to dismiss the problem especially if she isn't having any learning difficulties or behaving badly. As the school and teachers aren't going to change by themselves (or so it seems) then it is up to you and your daughter to shout loudest and try to get their attention turned onto your daughter's needs. I have been in similar situations where I have needed help from people and it hasn't been acknowledged that I need help in the first place and the way I got around the problem was to approach these people as if they had no knowledge of me whatsoever (instead of just expecting them to understand my situation, not saying you are doing this but it's what I did). I was completely, brutally, honest with them and explained all the things I was struggling with, no matter how small, and gave them a thorough understanding of who I was as a person. I think this is what you need to do with your daughter. Again as others have said, keep dates and records of all the things you have tried to do. If your daughter isn't attending school is she receiving any kind of education at home? If not you could put this into place so that it would prove to the school that it isn't specific lessons she is dodging (as she is studying them at home) and rather the specific environment that she finds it hard to cope with. If hiring tutors and the like is too much you could invest in some computer programmes (there are some great maths and english ones), you could buy workbooks that your daughter could go through (I know they do revision books etc to deal with GCSE subjects, I don't know if there are ones for SATS). The BBC has a good website for learning and there are other resources out there. Teachit has free English resources to download which your daughter could work through. These ideas aren't brilliant, I'm sorry, but like I said I don't really know a lot about this stuff. The other thing you could do, if you haven't already done so, is to get your daughter involved in understanding Aspergers Syndrome. Introduce her to this forum (there are a few Aspies on this board, me included) and give her the chance to find out who she really is. Often people ask me what they can do to help me, is there anything they can do to make life easier for me (especially in the workplace etc) and all I ever say is just try and understand, just be aware that I'm a bit different. Understanding is key, it is basically my mantra in life and all I ever say on this forum (other people will be like, oh not that again) but it's true! As long as you try and approach AS positively there are great steps forward to be made. Be aware of the different information that is out there, there are a few scary sites on the internet who will try and tell you that your daughter needs curing and all this malarky. I won't tell you how you should feel about this, it's not up to me to say how you should view AS. But this is my take... Asperger Syndrome doesn't exist as something whole. Hans Asperger was the first person to compile a list of traits/characteristics that might not be found in the majority of the population but might be found in some people. Therefore those who are recognised as exhibiting most of these traits are classed as 'having' Asperger Syndrome. I don't personally believe I 'have' anything as for me, Aspergers is just another part of who I am. I don't have an Aspergers tumor that needs taking out, there is nothing wrong with me. There is nothing wrong with my mental health because I'm Aspergers and I don't consider myself to have any kind of syndrome. I believe I was born Aspergers and that I am just wired differently to other people. Therefore when I understand Aspergers it is not about looking at the list of traits and leaving it at that because a lot of people who give information out about AS (mainly The National Autistic Society) just focus on the negatives and hammer home how AS is some kind of communication disorder. Some who are AS can have major problems communicating but some can have very few and, like me, only struggle with taking things literally and not understanding jokes/some sarcasm. It's swings and roundabouts and the biggest thing to remember is that even though us Aspies share a common thread in that we can all be classed as AS we are first and foremost individuals and so our Aspergicness (for want of a much better word) is different for each person. Even though I don't have many issues with communication I can have problems with my senses more than others who are AS. What's important is to figure out how your daughter's Aspie traits have shaped her. Does she have communication issues? Does she understand social cues/rules? Can she experience sensory overloading in certain situations? By figuring out these things, and I would suggest that this is something you and your daughter do together, you can figure out what help she needs (at school, college, university, in the workplace etc etc), what you can do to help at home/when she goes outside and what she can do to minimise the chances of meltdowns occuring. People think that there must be these big things that you have to do in order to put effective coping mechanisms in place so that the whole family can have the chance at a happier, positive life but sometimes it's the little things that count. Getting your daughter to understand who she is and getting her into some kind of daily routine (for getting up, getting ready, doing some learning and getting a good bedtime routine into place) should be things that will help immediately so that even if it is 5 months down the line to a diagnosis at least you have already put things into motion. I do believe that a diagnosis can be a positive label and I would encourage you to continue fighting for this (I know it costs money but if you want a diagnosis quicker you could opt for a private referral? It shouldn't take 5 months to diagnose AS, it's not like they have to test for anything!) but ultimately all a diagnosis will do is give you ammunition to get support for your daughter at school and give others an understanding. It will not help your daughter live a happier life and they won't tell you what you can do to make it all better. It's essentially just a piece of paper that will help you fight. So getting to grips with Aspergers, especially getting your daughter to get to grips with it, is the real issue, the real diagnosis. The fact that you are on this forum means that you are taking these steps so Emily xxx

I think it would be a shame if this thread turned into an argument about whether to use medicine in helping your child or not based on a throwaway comment by Neil (I assume this is what you are all responding to). I can't speak for him and tell you exactly what he meant, I don't know, he's downstairs hoovering at the moment so I can't ask him either But I can say that I'm fairly sure he didn't mean that to use prescription medicine to help lessen your child's negative behaviour instantly makes you a bad person. Having just spoken to Neil (he's now hoovering the bedroom hehehehe) I understand what he meant, and his issue was that, other than seeking to place Luke in a specialist school, using medicine to improve Luke's behaviour seems to be the only other major thing she has done and instead of just using medication she should have perhaps looked at understanding and coping mechanisms aswell (mainly for Aspergers). She might well have done these things but that doesn't come across in the article, especially in the language that she uses. I know some of the parents and a couple of other people who are ASD on this forum do feel like their children or themselves have 'missed out' on the chance for a happier, less problematic, childhood/adulthood by not being NT and fair enough, I don't want to get into all that. But even for people who do believe this I find it difficult to believe that they would agree that words like 'blighted' are appropriate ways in which to describe their children or themselves. I think Neil is going to post and clarify what he meant so hopefully this should clear some things up. I personally don't have a problem with prescriptive medication, I've used anti-depressants in the past and while they didn't work for me I wouldn't begrudge anyone else who used them because if it helps then fair enough. My own personal take on the situation, especially as the ADs didn't work for me, is that ADs should be used in conjunction with something else. Talking to a psychologist, CBT or just the person who is taking the tablets looking at their life and assesing why they are needing to take the tablets in the first place. When we feel sad enough to seek help from others it makes sense that we need to make changes, even if the only change we make is to make ourselves feel better. Often ADs provide the boost that people need to get into a positive head space/make positive changes around them and that doesn't bother me in the slightest. If I did have any concerns about ADs it would be if they became a long term source of help (I'm talking 1/2 years + not weeks) because then I probably wouldn't be able to help but wonder if the real issues were being addressed. My parents investigated ADHD as a possibility for me when I was a child because at times I used to become incredibly hyper and animated, I can say for certain that if I had been at risk to others and myself and they found that other strategies hadn't worked by themselves then they would have looked into medication for me. As it turns out it wasn't ADHD, just that me and citric substances don't mix, the doctors thought it was E-numbers initially but I'm the same with normal orange juice. I'm not hyper as much now, it just makes me poorly so I avoid juice and oranges, lemons etc etc where possible. I'm keen for the assumption not to be made that us Aspies on the board are parent bashers. I can't speak for everyone but I know I'm not a parent hater and if anything I'm always saying how kick-ass I think it is that you guys care enough to come onto forums like this and at least find out more information/consider other people's opinions. Too many people worry about being bad parents so much that it affects their ability to parent effectively. I think most people know that there isn't a definite manual for this kind of thing, especially when your child doesn't turn out to be the stereotypical child and I do understand the whole loss/mourning thing. I sometimes yearn for a social life, I think 'I'm missing out, look at all the fun I could be having' because this is what society is telling me I should be doing and then I go out and try to do these things and I absolutely hate it, tell myself off for being such a big silly and go back to my jigsaw puzzles and nights in watching DVDs because that is what I love best. I also understand the whole 'but sometimes my child is a monster' thing and I don't think that it is wrong to describe your children in this way in those kind of circumstances. But the article wasn't this woman saying 'sometimes Luke can be a right little sh*t, as all children can be' it was 'my son is a monster with Autism'. Autistic or not I bet he can be a pain at times, but just because he is Autistic doesn't make him a monster, especially as his negative behaviours are not entirely attributable to Autism (given the ADHD thing), are probably as a result of Luke not understanding who he is properly (which is to be somewhat expected given that he is a teenager with raging hormones and a differently wired up brain to most, though it certainly isn't helped by his mother calling him blighted) and yes, sometimes, as a result of him being Autistic (if he sensory overloaded/got overly frustrated and didn't know how to channel his frustrations into less explosive behaviour) but with everything else going on we can hardly blame Luke and call him a monster! Can we? Is it really that bad to think negatively about the mother in this respect? I can understand how sometimes there might be a divide because the parents are more likely to sympathise with the parent while the Aspies/Auties are more likely to feel frustrated and upset for person who is ASD (and Bid to feel like she is being torn in half by belonging to both camps) but I would never defend the ASD person 100% and be blinded in my opinion and I would hate for someone to think for a second this would be true. I do consider both sides of the story, I do understand how you as parents must feel (even though I'm not one myself) and I do think that this woman is not all that bad because at least she is trying to raise awareness about Aspergers not being mild Autism (and I acknowledged this in my original post) but her descriptions of her son as a monster and blighted are to me offensive enough for me to have an opinion about and criticise her for. I know no one has criticised me personally, so I'm kinda defending myself for no reason but I just desperately don't want the parents on here to think that some of us are anti-parents because it isn't true. Yes we are often critical of media articles, and yes this often includes criticising the parents but that's because most articles are negative/misrepresentative about Autism and most articles include the opinions of parents whose children are ASD because we who are ASD seemingly don't exist to the media, especially us adults. One last thing, I know I'm rambling as usual, I'm not always Little Miss Positive and I too can recognise that being AS isn't always daisys and roses. I would never change who I am (though would change how I am perceived by society if I could) but sometimes I get frustrated with myself and use negative language about myself too. The other day when I was visiting my parents we were loading mine and Neil's cars up with things to take home (namely trying to figure out how on earth we were going to fit a table and four chairs into two small hatchbacks after an impulse buy) and I ended up having to go inside the house in floods of tears. Why? Because some kids were playing down the end of the street and were shouting as they had fun. Nothing against the kids and I would never ask them to stop but it hurt my ears so bad and made me so irritable that I ended up sobbing in the kitchen unable to employ any coping mechanisms to make me react less. Sometimes I just can't do anything. At these times I get angry at myself and wish my ears weren't so bad, I say to others 'I'm so useless, I hate my ears' and have myself a pity party. When this happened a few days ago my Mum, Dad and Neil were the ones who were encouraging me to go inside (I wanted to fight it and try to not let it bother me) and they were the ones who gave me a hug and told me I wasn't useless and that neither I, or the kids, could help the situation. Turn the clock back five years and my dad would have probably called me stupid and accuse me of over-reacting. I would have not known why I was getting irritable and would have probably have started getting angry with people and snapping at them. My negative behaviour would have escalated and my dad would have probably called me a monster three hundred times over. The difference is that now I am diagnosed with AS and now I, and my parents, have a (I think) good understanding of AS. They recognise that my upset isn't intentional, they don't take it personally if I do become irritable and upset and they instead encourage me to do what I need to do to make the situation positive again. This is why I am frustrated by the woman in the article because she chooses to call her son blighted rather than look past the negative behaviour and see where it is coming from. Hope this makes a bit of sense, I'm not sure it does so apologies in advance if I'm off offending peeps as usual Emily xxx See, I ramble on for so long Neil has finished the hoovering and posted himself before I've even finished

Mumble don't be apologising to Neil for being literal!! He is the most frustrating man alive to have a conversation with sometimes because if you're not careful he will interpret something you've said a totally different way in which you meant it and all of a sudden you realise he's having a whole other conversation with you!!! Kinda like what's just happened above, there's a reason us Aspies aren't supposed to talk to each other y'know You are most certainly fighting back now and getting to a really positive place yourself, I 100% get how utterly frustrating it is to do all this work yourself (working on how you see things/understand things) and finally feel like 'ok, I get it now, I'm ready to move forward,' only to be met with the brick wall of other people's ignorance. It's something we face everyday and we just have to keep chipping away at the understanding/opinions of the people we do come into contact with so that the real information about AS gets out there slowly but surely. I had a job interview a couple of weeks ago and when I mentioned AS the first question I got asked was 'so how long have you had it?' it just makes you want to retreat and curl up and give in! And while that might seem the most appealing option essentially you can only retreat, hide and hate the world for as long as you don't want to make positive process. The woman in the article, as I think Neil was trying to say, is not ready to take positive steps forward (and I'm not sure she ever will be, so ingrained she seems to be in the negatives) and it is these people that you just want to give a good shake and say 'get over it and get on with it!' I'm fairly sure that I might have been my usual tactless self and said this to you a couple of times in the past, but I only said it because, ultimately, change only occurs when we make it happen. I know you get this now and embrace it with gusto and I really admire the way you're sticking it to those who try to bring you down (not meant in the least bit patronising, just in case I'm putting my foot it in as per usual). I wouldn't say it to you now (and neither would Neil cos I'd punch him if he did) unless you were getting overly bogged down in the negatives and it was affecting your happiness. I've said it to Neil plenty a time before we got together (especially when he used to come on here and moan, moan, moan ) and I get it said to me the minute I begin fretting about money/jobs/weight issues. Nobody is perfect and the majority of people go through these cycles of positivity and negativity because that's just life I guess, the danger is when we get stuck in one particular cycle. The negatives who nest in blame and can't move forward, and the positives who gloss over everything and never take stock. The fact that the Daily Mail seem drawn to the negatives is no shock really, just as frustrating as usual. Emily xxx Cat I added a comment yesterday morning as well and there is no sign of it, again not a shocker just annoying!! I totally agree that the mum's description of Luke was demonising, at times it seemed to be screaming 'just look how disgusting my child is, look how awful he is!!' and as much as that attitude gets me riled more than anything I just feel desperately sad for Luke

I know where the water goes, where the tyre is (couldn't change one though) and even how to check the oil now (though what I would do if it was below the minimum level I don't know!) but my dad still pays for my AA road cover because he insists on me having the most comprehensive one and I could never afford it It's not my dad being over-protective or splashing the cash for his 'little girl' either. It all stems from when I borrowed my mum's car to go to the Leeds Carling music festival with my ex. Why on earth I thought going to stay in a field with however many thousand people was a good idea I don't know, but I was undiagnosed then and into bands big time. I hated it of course, was claustrophobic when people set their tents up virtually touching ours, slept in the car both nights and spent most of the festival having panic attacks, fretting about using the toilets and getting annoyed at all the noise It rained and all the fields turned into big mud slides so my mum's car sat there for two days getting cold and damp and covered in mud. Driving it back down the motorway at some stupid mile an hour (I wanted to be as far away from the smelly horrible people as possible) I noticed a rather strange noise coming from the engine. My ex was fast asleep so I pulled off at the next services, parked up and grabbed my phone. I then rang my dad, at like 2.00am, and said 'listen to this, what's wrong with the car?' and held the phone over the bonnet of the car. First he was angry, then he laughed so much I thought he might hyper-ventalilate, then he got onto the AA. Turned out nothing was wrong and the car just needed a good run after sitting in a cold field for two days. The next time the AA got in touch to renew my membership my dad took over but at least he knows that I'm safe now and at least I know that I have a phone number to ring whenever my car makes funny noises Emily xxx

Lucas I kinda agree While the article isn't as negative as usual, and at least points out that sometimes it can be harder to get people to understand because we are different in invisible ways, on a whole it was full of things that annoyed me. The title for a start, I would argue that the majority of Luke's negative behaviour isn't down to being Aspergers and yet the headline would lead you to believe that. Also since when has being different been so bad? Why are we 'wired wrongly'??? She seems like an intelligent woman and yet so incredibly stupid at the same time! I guess people will believe whatever makes them feel better and for her believing that her son is damaged gives her an escape route on which to blame all which Luke struggles with, his different behaviour and the consequences Luke being Luke has on her life. What really got me was the description of Asperger Syndrome as a 'communication disorder', I could just scream and punch my computer sometimes!!! Yes, yes I get it, I know, I'm not the blueprint for Aspergers so don't be shouting at me telling me that some people do have communication difficulties, I understand that. But AS is not a communication disorder. It can be one of the characteristics sure but what about sensory issues? Thinking differently? Good moral values and standards? Average or above average intelligence? Lifelong interests (that aren't soap operas or DIY because apparently they don't count cos normal people do them and they aren't retarded)...I know a lot of you on here know what I'm trying to say and a lot of you think 'oh shut up' but I just get frustrated. I've got a job interview in a hour and a half and what about if one of the interviewers has read the Daily Mail this morning? For once, because I'm desperate, I ticked the disability box and so I presume I've only been offered an interview because I met the minimum criteria so they had to invite me. If they have read about AS supposedly being a communication disorder what chance do I stand when every bl**dy firm insists on bleating on about good communication skills???? My communication skills are just fine thanks, I just don't like talking about the weather and will raise an issue with you if I think it could improve the way I work/benefit the company, even if it means it will be unfortunately highlighting someone else's weaknesses. Why is that such a frightening concept? Honesty? Oooohhh don't say it! Anyway, I'm ranting cos I'm stressed and I have a Word and Excel test when I get there and I don't know what the questions will be so I've got the whole fear of the unknown thing going on. I'm trying to take my own lame advice and stay calm, I'm not hiding under the desk yet so Rant over Emily xxx

Hiya, I'm a big fan of Florida and theme parks despite the fact that they can potentially look like the last place to go for someone on the spectrum My mum is a teacher and the two times we went to Florida as a family we had to go in the summer hols as well. I would suggest that you go as late as possible and get everything sorted for the kids going back to school (and any work you have to do) as soon as school breaks up in July. Therefore you could possibly get back perhaps 2 or 3 days before term starts again and only have a mountain of washing to deal with The reason for going as late as possible is that I'm pretty sure American schools re-start a couple of weeks before British schools so the parks get a little bit quieter. (Incididentally anyone thinking of going to Florida who doesn't have these restrictions I would head for September 5th onwards as the prices shoot down, it's still warm weather and the parks are so much quieter!! The only downside is that the parks start shutting earlier and you don't get the same energy in the shows that you would at the beginning of the season.) My other advice for going to Florida is try to wait until your kids are old enough to cope, unless you are willing to put up with very tired and grouchy kiddies for two weeks (which is usually what most parents are resigned to ). I know the worry is that they won't find it as magical but trust me I went for the first time when I was 14 and it was amazing! I went on all the kiddie rides that I was allowed on and totally embraced my childhood again. This happened the next time I went (I was 17) and the next time (22 hehehehehe). That's what is so magical about Disney...it doesn't matter what age you are. Also Universal and Busch Gardens tend to be more targeted to older children, teenagers and adults anyway. Waiting for kids to be the right age (or the right height) has a couple of benefits as first they can go on all the rides and you don't have to deal with hugely disappointed kids, second they can cope with all that flipping walking! The parks are way bigger than Alton Towers and walking round and round theme parks for two weeks is knackering for anyone. Definately don't even consider this type of holiday if you are looking to get away and have a rest. Also the older the kids, generally speaking, the less baggage they require so you won't be heaving round bags of essentials to take care of little ones or dealing with pushchairs etc. The heat can be an issue, it's hot there is no getting around it but the good thing about the good old USA is that they love air-conditioning so most of the restaurants, cafes and shops around the parks are icey cold. Alot of the rides, if you queue indoors, are air-conned to and most of the queues that are outside are under cover and have fans dotted all around the queues to keep you cool. You can also buy spray water bottles that have fans attached to them so you can spritz yourself with water and then keep yourself cool with the fan. These can be over-priced in the theme parks (of course) so it's worth taking a trip to one of the outlet malls and picking some up there. The other thing to expect is for it to rain. It's perfectly normal in July/August/September and you can expect showers most days. The weird thing is though is that it still stays hot! The rain comes unexpectedly and can absolutely belt it down at times so it's always worth investing in those ever-so-fashionable ponchos. (I have Seaworld ones myself and have to don one on every water ride because I get a reaction to the water in America) It doesn't affect going round the parks too bad as long as you accept the fact that it will probably keep happening and they don't tend to last long. In fact some times in can be a nice relief when it does rain If you have reluctant kiddies that are unsure about going to America I would get them online looking at the Disney theme parks (and Universal/Busch Gardens....this usually get the animal lovers/boys more interested). There is also the UK Disney site which offers a link to get a free planning DVD which will help you get a handle on what to do, where to go, how to do it (especially useful I think if you've not been before). Disney UK You can also visit alot of the theme parks' websites and view videos and information about the rides, the last time I went there was a few new rides and it made me even more excited being able to view videos about them online. I think visiting Florida is all about being realistic. It's going to be impossible to keep everyone happy, tempers and emotions can run high, especially with all that adrenaline kicking around. Plan, plan plan as much as you can! You should sketch things out in advance so you don't waste time on a morning deciding when and where you're going to go. You also have to give yourselves plenty of time to do the parks...if you are planning on taking in the parks and going on most rides then most parks will take up an entire day. It is possible to do Animal Kingdom and Epcot in one day but resign yourself to it being a long one! The best thing to do is to head to Animal Kingdom as early as possible because it is the least sheltered theme park (aside from Busch gardens) and the animals don't tend to stick around for long once it gets too hot. Head over to Epcot after a spot of lunch and spend the afternoon and evening around there and head down to the around the world section in the evening. Definately book ahead if you want to eat in one of the restaurants and settle down to watch the best fireworks display! (Another top tip, if you don't want to eat in the Worlds section and think the kiddies won't handle how busy it can get around there for the fireworks then make sure you are back north of the lake before the fireworks start. I'm fairly sure there are benches dotted around, we snagged one of these last time and had a fantastic view of the fireworks and we were able to leg it out of the park before the crowds starting heading en masse for the exit.) Busch Gardens is definately an all dayer given that it takes roughly 1hr 30min to 2hrs to get there from Orlando (easy peasy drive though, you just go straight!) and if you want to take in all of Busch Gardens and know that the kids will want to tackle the HUGE rollercoasters again (the best park by far for the scary rides) then I would go twice. Universal and Islands you can easily do each in a day, perfect for the days when you don't want to be up at 7am. Also you can set aside a third day for revisiting these two parks to go back on your favourite rides/do the ones you missed out on. Given that they are on the same site you can flit between the two fairly easily and there are lots of nice restaurants if you stick around in the evening (the Hard Rock cafe is aces). *Racks one brain cell for other useless advice* Oh theme park tickets, I would definately suggest the Disney 14 day Ultimate ticket and for the other theme parks the 5 park Orlando Flex ticket (covering Universal, Universal Studios, Seaworld, Busch Gardens and Wet and Wild) if you're going for two weeks. There is a good site actually which seems to offer the tickets a little cheaper (sometimes it's only 50p cheaper but every little helps or something) though I would try to resist actually booking a holiday with this company as while the transport and hotel deals are fine, the flight (and in particular the state of the planes) were not great. Anyway here's a link thing I'm not advertising for them...honest! Oooo one more tidbit...Disney Quest is ace (it's at Downtown Disney) it's indoors and is all about playing games and interactivity. They have the usual arcade type floors, advanced games floors....3D canon firing, design your own rollercoaster etc etc and retro game floors. It's brilliant anyway and I think included in the Ultimate ticket. Ok I'm going to shut up now, can you tell I'm a little bit obsessed with Disney and Florida??? I realise that all this advice is useless as I haven't helped you solve the dilemma of whether to take your child or not. It's for you (and him!) to decide ultimately, it's a long way and a lot of money to spend if he's going to hate it and even if he would prefer to stop at his grandparents you are still going to feel guilty. If that's what he prefers to do though then try to brush those feelings aside and go and have a great time with your other kids, you're not letting him down or leaving him out...just spoil him rotten with all the stuff he likes (new video games or books etc) so he has just as fun a holiday doing what he wants to do. It feels strange I know, like when your kids don't want to leave the house either, like they should be outside having fun. But just because they are inside doesn't mean they aren't having fun or living a happy life. I'm 24 and I still hate leaving the house. I'm not missing out and I'm not miserable trapped inside these four walls, I'm much happier and contented than if I try to force myself to do things like go for a walk around town. I know it must seem difficult when they are young and you can feel somewhat trapped yourself but as soon as they are old enough to be left alone I would say do it and take your others kids out and about. Make sure you treat the one that stays at home so that he gets the same money spent on him etc but don't feel guilty, they are probably far happier left playing Simpsons Hit and Run all day than being dragged around shops or taken to a place of interest to visit. Hope some of this ramble has helped, if anyone else is heading to Disney and thinks I might be able to answer any questions then fire them my way if you want, I don't mind helping! Emily xxx

I'm kind of the same with this situation. The problem for me is people hearing me go to the toilet, I hate it!! Also the whole cleanliness thing. I hate thought of all those strangers' bums sitting on the loo seat, yuk! So I usually have to wait until someone puts the hand-dryer on or flushes the toilet and even then I can sometimes just not be able to go. It's also a another fear of the unknown thing in new places and I especially hate cramped toilets. One particular set of toilets in the Bull Ring in Birmingham are horrendous, if you are anything other than a size 6 there is barely room to get into the loo and you practically end up straddling the loo just to be able to shut the door! I'm also unable to go in the middle cubicles, I'd rather wait until an end cubicle becomes free, or one around the corner if it's a big set of toilets....basically the one furthest from the door which would have the least amount of traffic outside it. I'm always frightened that a child will stick their head under the partition as well if I can hear them in the loo next to me even though I apparently used to do this myself when I was younger!! I usually can't even entertain the idea of doing a number two anywhere other than in my own home. Really struggle at my brother's house if I go to stay and I've never been to my grandparents toilet even though they've lived in their new house for 5 or 6 years I can't go to the loo in family and friends houses either unless I know that it is upstairs or way away from where everyone else is in the house. The only time I will go to the loo properly out in public is when I'm absolutely desperate and even this is only something I've learned recently. The first two times we went to Florida and visited the theme parks my dad had to take me back to the house to use the toilet if I needed a number two....America and Canada are far worse than British toilets because the doors on the loos usually aren't very big i.e. you can see people's feet and their heads when they stand up and because a lot of the doors don't fit flush to the door frame as there always seems to be a half a centimetre gap inbetween where you can see out and others can see in!! AAARRRAAGGHHH!!! However when I last went to Florida with my ex we didn't have the luxury of being able to hop in the car and pop back to the hotel because we didn't rent a car (big mistake!) so I ended up in Tampa, two hours away from the hotel, in the middle of Busch Gardens faced with a very big dillema hehehehehe Even now, at home, I have to put the tap on when I go to the toilet and I make Neil put the tv on or radio on or something so he can't hear me. When we first got together I made him go upstairs or for a walk to the shop I knew he must be telling the truth when he said he loved me because he never moaned just said 'whatever we need to do it's ok!' He's aces. So I stick the tap on (or if I'm out and about and have someone with me get them to put the tap on/hand dryer) and, for the whole cleanliness thing, make sure I've always got tissues in my bag and if possible use the toilet seat sanitizer spray that some facilities provide Emily xxx Who apparently can even ramble on about using the loo

41. A Conductor's baton for Handy Andy if he ever decides to forge a career in music 42. Tiny wallpaper scraper 43. Emergency fetch stick for playing with dogs (ever so slightly dangerous) 44. Shoe horn 45. Slug/worm/anything manky that you don't want to touch flick-er-away-er 46. Pretend microphone/indicator for who has the floor to talk at a heated (and possibly violent considering the number of tools they will be carrying) builders' convention. 47. Using the thick or thin end (depending on how talented a trainer you are) a balancing roller for tiny Sealions 48. Bogey picker 49. Head scratcher 50. Crown jewels scratcher for men 51. Bum scratcher Alright, alright I ran out of ideas........Ok, I admit it, I didn't have any in the first place Ooo oooo 52. Burger flipper 53. Life saving wedge upright in Crocodile's mouth so it can't bite you tool for when you are in Australia (Crikey!) 54. Random people prodder when on trains or tubes (might also be dangerous) 55. Mint polo or Hula Hoop holder TADAAAAAAAAA!!!! Emily xxx