Mihaela

Thanks for your replies Gold. You write very well too What you say is so very true. For those of you reading this who haven't suffered in this way, you know nothing and are no position to judge. Don't ever forget that one day it may be your turn - or the turn of one of your loved ones. To experience is to understand, and the more experience we gain the more compassionate we generally become towards the underdog, the persecuted, the rejected... most of whom are can't write as I do. (When I speak I can't as easily express what I mean). They desperately need help, and literally have nowhere to turn in this very uncaring country. Neurotypical people cannot see the wood for the trees. At the risk of generalising, this says it all really. It's NT people working in 'caring' or 'protecting' organisations whose actions flagrantly show the system's inherent hypocrisy. I don't condemn poor Charlotte for doing what she did, but I do condemn the system for its lack of humanity and common sense. All who work in this system are expected to jettison any high principles they may have in favour of those espoused by the prevailing ideology. Effectively, their minds have been hi-jacked by the state - and states lack feelings. I could never work for any outfit that as a condition of work insisted that I was mentally shackled to an agenda that has more in common with fascism than with genuine caring, human values. Having lost my workers and my home now, I feel as if I wasted years on the wrong sort of people. I wonder if they sleep easy at night... Yes, I know the feeling well. I feel that solidarity among aspies (who tend to be very loyal) is needed. Support organisations should be run by aspies for aspies. All I wanted was to hang in with people like them, because I "did not have a life" and then they turned on me for trying to get all personal with them. It did not help that I have poor impulse control as it is and started to get argumentative, creepy and obsessive. But they got the ball rolling on that. When they "stole" Joanna and Sara from me then lied, it seemed like they hardly cared about the outcome it would have on me. Your kind of behaviour is common among us. They know that, and they should have treated you gently, compassionately, with honesty and tact. That's the only language we can understand. Instead they use clumsy, tactless and cruel tactics - and are willingly prepared to lie and cover-up their mistakes. My problem is that I try to hang in with them way too quickly right after meeting them, without knowing what they are really like. I had one male worker take advantage of me years ago and pretend he knew this Laura, whom I was quite infatuated with. The problem is, he was a nice guy in person, but behind my back, it was a different story. He sent me emails using an alias. You probably know that from my previous posts. Yes, I read about that. Your 'problem' isn't really a problem. The bigger problem lies in the way you were treated due to your autism, and needs to be handled sensitively. I'm sorry to hear about your sister. Often those of us who suffer most are made to suffer more & more. There's no justice. I don't know where to look for a romantic partner either, but there are a few dating sites for people on the spectrum. It seems like everything we do though is more of a miss than a hit. Luckily for me, I feel no need for this, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate a true friendship. @Stuffed: I partly understand what you mean, but Gold answers this far better than I ever could. If you wish to give advice to someone why your unsure of age, it would be better to say it in an open forum or post information links in an open forum. The whole point of PMs is to discuss matters that we don't want aired in public, or are just to involved for forums. In this case it was to help with a diagnosis. A forum doesn't lend itself to so much personal detail. It's my nature to help people in difficulties whatever their age, colour, gender, culture, sexuality, religion, etc. This is basic humanity - the whole point of being human. As for Samaritans, Gold, I was once one myself, and I'd say most of them are 'fake' - do-gooders who passively listen, but do nothing. To me, that's often not good enough. Only, they tricked me, again. All they do is lie to me. They are very adept at exploiting me at every turn. I believe you. They exploit us because we are so vulnerable - and they know it. I've had it all myself - to the point of complete meltdown. I can't stand people who lack integrity and show no humanity. Such people are in the wrong jobs. This is what hurts me most: "They mess me around, play with my emotions and break my heart again and again". Yes! Proof, as if more were needed, that there's something seriously rotten about the system. ...thanks for the poem, WB. So true. We need to organise and protect one another against this onslaught of lies, harassment and persecution.

I choose this thread title carefully. I know of many people on the spectrum who have been involved in minor 'offences'. At least they are offences according to rigid legal standards, but not necessarily according to moral standards. Instead of being treated in ways which take account of their condition, these vulnerable and good-living people are literally persecuted and hounded - sometimes throughout their lives. I am one of those people. (I've personally known two who have literally been driven to suicide). My 'offences' when looked at objectively, are utterly trivial and banal, and particularly common among Aspies. They are inextricably linked to our autistic worldview and way of thinking - in my case particularly my executive dysfunction and coping strategies. I have harmed nobody in my entire life (even a judge once said that to me), nor have I stolen, defrauded, taken drugs, or anything else - I wouldn't even drop litter. I abhor violence, cruelty, dishonesty, exploitation, etc. and I live a far more ethical life that most neurotypical people. I obsessively rescue snails, slugs, beetles, etc. from paths. I don't even tread on daisies on lawns. I give money away. I'm deeply spiritual, a committed pacifist and a strict vegetarian. I always side with the underdogs. My altruism is well-known and so are my endless sacrifices. The death of my parents, who supported and protected me, has affected every aspect of my life. Parents need to make very sure that, after they've gone, their autistic children will be safe and receive the support that they need. A 'problem' with me is my high intellectual ability, which masks my very low emotional age. They're completely out of step - quite normal for many Aspies. Emotionally at my best I'm only about 15, but when under great stress I talk, act and feel like a three or four year old. Several people on this forum have sent me PMs, asking for advice which I freely give. It's something I seem to be good at, and I've done it for years. (I was once a Samaritan too). Some of them have ended up talking to me live over the internet. A while ago one of these members sent me a PM, asking for advice. I wasn't sure of her age at first, except that I knew she was 'young', however, it would be wrong to ever refuse advice on grounds of age. I do it purely to help make peoples' lives easier and happier than my own - whoever they are. After my diagnosis, I took up the offer of seeing a psychologist, Charlotte Cox of Mersey Care - naturally expecting help (with my anxiety and executive dysfunction - my biggest difficulties). She seemed pleasant enough and gave me much hope, but instead my life has been cruelly turned upside-down. I innocently told her that I helped people over the internet, including a 12yo girl who had self-diagnosed - and who was getting no help from her parents, but rather a lot of added stress. It seemed as if they were wanting to disbelieve that she was autistic, maybe out of fear or not understanding. She clearly is on the spectrum. I even suggested that her parents, who were fully aware of our converastions, could ring or meet me. The psychologist rang me out of the blue demanding to know the child's name for she had read a previous psychiatric report which included some comments sent by the police (inaccurate in several respects). 'Procedures' had kicked in, which ended up in a train of yet more traumatic events in my already very difficult life. I didn't know her full name, and being loyal and protective, I wouldn't have given it anyway. Take this as a warning that those who are paid to protect us and support our health needs can never be trusted. They turn their backs upon us and close ranks when we're most in need. They betray us without the slightest justification, simply because 'procedures' must be blindly followed. In many, many cases, such procedures can damage lives irreparably, but ultimately all 'professionals' care about is protecting their jobs - rather than vulnerable people (of whatever age) - who come second. I now worry for this poor girl's reaction to this bureaucratic act of brainless insanity and gross insensitivity. Fortunately, she's highly intelligent, and I hope will see through their false reassurances, exaggerations, fearmongering and duplicity ('qualities' endemic in all state institutions from the Prime Minister down). I will never understand the neurotypical world - with its hypocrisy, greed, cruelty, ruthlessness, dishonesty, power, vanity - and all the rest. I'm proud that it is not, and never will be, my world. I'm proud of who I am, and that I've survived this long. Meanwhile, I've been officially deprived of my support worker (through no fault of hers of mine), and as a direct result my mental health is deteriorating in many ways. What a wonderful, caring country this is! PS - I'm writing this in early morning while my thinking is clear - but most of the time it isn't. I'm starting a blog and I'll post the link in this thread.

It's perfectly natural to look for signs. Any parent would - or at least should. I had to look for my own signs, as until then no psychiatrist or doctor had bothered to put two and two together, for their training in autism was minimal. I was amazed at just how many signs there were. I wouldn't worry about his story-making abilities, for that alone can suggest autism. Parents can often sense a difference in their children when other cannot. It's very interesting that you see a resemblance between Malakai and your cousin's daughter. Can you trace a possible hereditary link on that side of the family? Don't forget that earlier generations may never have diagnosed. I traced a clear line back to my grandmother - six blood relatives all on my mother's side of the family. No, it's not a bad thing at all. The only bad thing is how the neurotypical world will treat him throughout his life. In my own case, due to a very late diagnosis (a direct result of the deaths of my parents) I've been treated shockingly by people and organisations who should have known better. Now that I have it, maybe, just maybe, things will improve. My life has been difficult beyond belief - and all because I was born 'different'. So please take this as a warning. Even today, with wide knowledge of autism I know of many children and adults who are being treated badly. There's still an enormous need for better awareness and training.

Hello Steve and welcome back! It's good to hear that all's going well in your life. I shre your views on Wrong Planet. I join forums and then often forget my user names or passwords and even sometime forget I ever joined

Welcome to the forum, Michael. I'm sure you'll learn a lot here. I know I have done

The signs they look out for are poor eye contact (they seem to make a big issue out of that), special interests, voice and intonation. ability to read and express emotions, etc. Does he have a particular sensory issues - bright lights, lous/sudden noises, touch, taste, smell, crowded places? The ADOS assessment is suitable for any age, and not difficult. There are noright answers. He'll be asked a few questions, asked to pick a few objects from a little bag and to make a story out of them, and also try to explain what's happening in a picture book about flying frogs! I messed that up due to the stress of getting there (busy, noisy roads, etc.). I think there was another little test too, but I can't remember it now.

Yes there's a correlation between autism and fibromyalgia - meaning that fibromyalgia is significantly more common among people with autism than among the general population. Read this: http://epiphanyasd.blogspot.co.uk/2014/01/fibromyalgia-and-perhaps-what-happened.html

"Maybe this giant spider uses knitting needles and sticky wool to make its webs and nets." What do you mean 'maybe'? Of course it does! Labyrinth

I'm sorry to hear all that. My brother was almost certainly on the spectrum. We were both 'misfits' and unusual - although in very different ways. He also suffered from fibromyalgia which was often very debilitating. Since learning about autism, I've discovered that there's a significant correlation between Asperger's and fibromyalgia.

No, I do mean IQ. I have a very high IQ, but it's uneven - there are blind spots which cause severe executive dysfunction. This makes ordinary life impossible without support. My ED includes a varying sense of time; confusion over dates, clock changes, timetables; inability to plan ahead; dyscalculia; forgetfulness, dyspraxia (left-right, hand co-ordination...), etc. I also have a fear of money, forms, bills, banks, solicitors, etc. In fact, my fear extends to the entire neurotypical world. As well as all this, I have very acute sensory processing sensitivity and can burst into tears very easily, such as when I see a 'missing cat' notice, a horrific news story, etc. (I don't follow the news). My SPS also includes high sensitivity to light, noises, sticky fingers, change (even eating a meal that isn't part of my routine) - which I've had all my life. It extends to aesthetics - I can't abide the ugliness of modern life (towns, roads, cars, violence, greed, hypocrisy, materialism, etc.) and it all makes me uneasy and desperate to escape. I often have panic attacks in noisy places, supermarkets, etc. . I'd manage perfectly well as a hermit living in a forest, and would feel quite content with occasional human contact. My intellectual and spiritual drive is much stronger than any social drive.

I agree with you, Gold. Self-help groups with no NT presence would be my choice. They can never fully understand us, however much they claim to..

So very true, Ettina. Baron-Cohen seems to be sticking to an outmoded agenda. The intense-world theory of autism is far more accurate than the 'extreme-male-brain' theory. You've explained the two types of empathy perfectly. There's a third type of empathy - compassionate empathy where we both understand and feel - but are also moved to help. These people can be found with the so-called 'female' AS presentation. The intense-world theory allows for high emotional empathic sensitivity, sometimes so high that it appears as mirror-touch synaesthesia.

Hello Julie! I agree. Life for us high-functioning types can be very, very difficult. Most people don't understand why we can't manage better, and many don't want to know. Life has taught me to be very wary of NTs, for so many make use of us. Doyou find you get on better with your Aspie friends? Yes, Confused, we can act pretty well, but that can work against us. If we pass as virtually 'normal', people (NTs) assume that we are like them, and don't need support. They don't realise how sensitive we really are.

Welcome aboard, Terri! There's no need to feel anxious about having a diagnosis, but I've often heard this. I had a very late diagnosis, after working out that I was on the spectrum after reading up on it. It solved a big problem in my life, and also enables me to get the support I need. I see it as a positive step. Just because you have a diagnosis, don't let that make you worry about how to keep friendships. You're no different now than you were before you got the diagnosis. You're just the same person Have you ever though of making friends with other aspies? Given the choice I'd always choose another Aspie as a friend rather than an NT person. In my experience I find Aspies much easier to get on with, and far less threatening.

Welcome SF91! I often hear Aspies saying they want to be normal. I think I did when I was younger, but I certainly don't now. We have a lot going for us, and our talents need to be encouraged. Like you, I've been mothered a lot often by older women but also by much younger girls. In turn I tend to mother anyone who's more vulnerable than myself - usually animals! When I was younger I too was a bit monotone, eye contact was poor and my body language was a little unusual too. It took many years of learning before it became relatively normal. Maybe you could try getting back into football, or having another hobby altogether, so you can improve on your social skills. Good luck, anyway!

It may well have been deliberate if those involved were that way inclined. They know it would be impossible for you to prove it. On the other hand, it could have been a genuine mistake, however, such organisations shouldn't be making mistakes that damage the lives of their service users. Experience has taught me to trust nobody in 'authority'. You need the support of friends with autism. NTs will never fully understand us, but we tend to understand each other better. I'm not sure what I'd have done in your circumstances. I hope you're feeling a bit better now, and sorry for reply so late.

I have a very high IQ, but I also have a learning disability due to that combined with my autism. I have executive dysfunction, mild dyspraxia and dyscalculia. There are certain things I've just never been able to learn, and my high IQ and poor concentration in those areas doesn't help at all. Many people with much lower IQs can live independently, but I need support.

I'm just not sure how to proceed as serveral hundred thousand at some point, would a rental property with tennant management agent give me a reasonable income? Yes, I'm doing that with a house. It's my only income. The agent only charges 10%. I'm not keen on stock market investments as I see it as gambling with fees and loss of capital. Nor me. My principles come first. The stock market represents everything I am not. I see it as grossly unethical, a symptom of a dysfunctional NT world. I'm still feeling a journey into unknown, I'm not really sure what income I have... Same here, and nor do I care - as long as I have enough to live off, and that's where my support worker comes in. Like you I fear the unknown - and I'm very wary of people. My family seem to see this as a positive situation, but as adverse to change- I'm not so sure. They would, but they need to see it from your point of view. I stick to my routines and live exactly as I did before my mother died. It makes me feel safe and secure.

Alex P. Latz and MonicaH, I have quite a lot say (as usual!) but haven't the time to say it right now. Just letting you know that I'm not ignoring you and I'll reply soon. Most of what you both say sounds very familiar to me, and I'm as annoyed and frustrated as you are about the way we are treated. Something needs to be done about it.

I'm not absolutely sure about this. Meltdowns are ways of coping with our high sensitivity to stress, so the aim of parents should always be leave us be, and to identify the cause of the stress and eliminate it - if at all possible. They take various forms which range from physical violence to catatonia. I remember when I hit puberty they involved a lot of non-physical anger, rolling up into a ball, uncontrollable sobbing, running away from unbearable situations (panic attacks), catatonia and severe regression. They've continued unchanged throughout my life. Also OCD, depression, severe tics and lack of appetite can become very prominent in my life during stressful situations. All my stress has been due to the NT world either being unable or unwilling to understand me, and this often took the form of bullying, victimisation, insults and exploitation - often by individuals or organisations who should have known better. This treatment has caused me to lose my respect for 'authority' and the NT world in general - for it actively encourages so many undesirable traits - greed, ruthlessness, power, vanity, hypocrisy, irrationality, etc... So, in answer to your question, I was a placid, somewhat withdrawn, well-behaved child, but it was only the stresses of school life (and later adult life) that caused my meltdowns. I am still emotionally the same as I was at 12ish. This pattern isn't at all uncommon among Aspies.

Diagnosis has been a great positive thing for me, things make more sense, - much confusion resolved. Same here! If only I'd had it decades earlier I worked out, by a process of elimination, that I had AS - having dismissed it for years for I'd only known of the classic male presentation which didn't seem to fit my traits. The sudden death of my mother in 2012, and my desperate need of support, started this journey of discovery.

You make some good points, Monicah... and you give some good advice, Confused. I agree with you completely. I was a 'gifted' child and have suffered all my life due to a lack of autism diagnosis - which at last, I now have. Not having an early diagnosis is my biggest regret. My life would have been so much easier with appropriate support and understanding. To me, understanding is just as important as support, for it gives us legal protection against exploitation and discrimination - at least in theory. It's up to us all to ensure that this happens in practice by raising awareness of our condition. Is Ada happy at school? You say that she is rather advanced academically. By this I suspect she could well be a gifted child - and crucially, this is not merely the same as having a high IQ. I'll go as far as to say that all gifted children are on on the spectrum, however, many remain undiagnosed (especially girls) due the fact that their very 'giftedness' detracts from, and disguises, the AS. As we grow up we are good at copying others and can generally 'pass' as neurotypical, but this does not mean that we don't all have our particular AS-related vulnerabilities (mine are executive dysfunction, sensory processing sensitivities, extreme emotional sensitivity and proneness to panic attacks). Life won't be easy for her, especially when she reaches adolescence and adulthood; unless she has a diagnosis. (I've known many gifted children due to my early involvement with the home education movement). I have a close friend, a 12-year old child, who was officially recognised as being 'gifted' at quite an early age. Her life is far from easy, and due to her difficulties in dealing with the NT world, she suspected that she had Asperger's, read up on it and insisted she got a referral for diagnosis. She has an appointment with the autism team later this month. Having discussed our traits, I'm 100% convinced that she is on the spectrum; we share so many key traits in common. She reminds me of myself at her age. Meeting her has led me to research into the nature of 'giftedness' in children and its very close links with HF autism. It also explains why I am the person I am today. Of course, without knowing more, I may be wrong in assuming that Ada is a gifted child. ...the school overreacted and exacerbated her peculiarities to the point where I can say the portrait they created of her is plain ridiculous. I'm concerned by this overreaction and I wonder how much risk comes with an official diagnosis and how does it weigh against the possible benefits. In my opinion, a diagnosis overrides any risk, if only because it can be used against them. I've learnt to be very wary of schools - and 'the system' in general, for it's largely run by NT's for NT's and embodies many undesirable NT traits - such as dishonesty, hypocrisy, power, etc. To them, it's all about fitting us into neat little boxes, a belief that never properly succeeds, for we are all individuals - and Aspies (especially the gifted-female variety) are a lot more individual than neurotypical people, Schools do tend to overreact, and especially at primary level. They get things wrong far too often, simply due to lack of autism awareness training - and often lack of awareness of giftedness in a child - for gifted children are quite rare. Many such children find that school holds them back intellectually and causes them stress (mainly socially) and parents may opt to home educate them. They teach ourselves far more effectively than being taught by teachers. All they need is a little guidance. As you probably know, autism is often inherited. If you suspect you're on the spectrum - as I did, after doing the usual online tests, etc. then you probably are, and I advise you seek a diagnosis too, if only to confirm your suspicions and give peace of mind. If you need support in any area of life (say, by your parents - as I did), a diagnosis could be very useful at any time in the future. If you have any more questions or worries, please let us know. As 'experts through experience' we're here to help.

I understand your anger - due to quite reasonable frustration at being treated in a grossly unfair way. (Please don't scare your dog. Your boss if the one who needs scaring!) I've gone through all this myself several times in my life. He is a bully, and as with many who have control over us, he probably has a psychopathic personality. Does he know you are on the spectrum? If so, the company have a legal duty to make 'reasonable adjustments'. It doesn't seem as if they're taking your condition into account at all, so they are breaking the law - and so far getting away with it. I suggest you make an official complaint through the normal channels (it should be explained in your contract of employment), making sure that you mention their legal duty towards you. Give them 14 days to reply. If they don't apologise and comply, take them to an employment tribunal. If you feel overwhelmed by all this get yourself a mental-health advocate to support you. This is your legal right. You are being victimised and discriminated against simply because of your condition and vulnerability. Please keep us updated.

Hello Thomas. I haven't much time at the moment, but you must make sure you see a psychiatrist who specialises in autism. A general psychiatrist may know very little about it. It's important that you don't get misdiagnosed. Your anxiety, stress and sensory issues are most likely to be due to Asperger's. A diagnosis of anxiety or depression would be insufficient.

Hello Twix. For some reason I've only just noticed your post. I've no time to answer at the moment, but I will so soon. In the meantime I hope someone else here will be able to help you.